• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ
  • PD Moderators: Esperighanto | JackARoe | Cheshire_Kat

Psychedelic Honesty between life partners?

*Love*Lite*

*Love*Lite*

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 30, 2007
Messages
1,723
Location
Earth
Hey swirlies <3 Im wondering how you all are regarding being honest and open with your partners about your psychedelic drug use. Do you trip with your partners? Are they understanding? Do you feel the need to hide certain drugs from them and not others? Would you trip in their presence and not tell them? Have drugs caused you to fight? Any other thoughts on psychedelics and how it could effect loving relationships?



I am very honest with my partner about my drug use, we trip together and have a splendid time. He is very understanding about my psychedelic use that has declined rapidly since last summer. Ive only ever felt the need to hide opiate use from him, but I end up telling him after all is said and done. I would never trip around him without letting him know first. And recently yes, psychedelics have caused us to fight due to dishonesty, not use. I just feel that if someone I live with and love is going to be consuming psychedelics in our home and Im going to be around him that day that its silly not to be honest with me about it.
Thank-ya'll in advance for responses, im just curious to see what other people have going on out there <3
 
^ It's the only way IMO, I've never believed in hiding my drug use & even if I tried I'd be useless at it

Do I trip with my partner - yes. I always make a point of letting her know what I've done unless, I'm that fuckered I've forgotton, which doesn't happen very often.

Drugs have caused fighting due to a variety of reasons - primarily psychotic breaks, but also over control and dosage at times - i reckon I know best see ;)
 
Awwww hey there you ^^ <3 I agree that hiding drug use from someone you love will backfire and that your partner will probably find out any way. So why not just tell them upfront?

Re dosage control, I reckon you usually do know best :D *hugsss*
 
Ta Karma <3 ( I do like the old fashioned name) i never understood why people would be so secretive - for me were I to try to be so I'd feel guilty & it'd ruin my day until I told - maybe I'll start confessing to crimes I haven't committed soon who can tell :D.
Sometimes people are wired differently and feel more secure in secrecy so I've learnt anyway, re the dosing thing yeah you're right I did know best - except when it came to me. :\
 
Last edited:
I've actually had some trouble with this. My fiance enjoys rolling, but any mention of wanting to do shrooms or acid, he shuts down and says absolutely not. I have recently moved out-of-state so he can pursue medical school and we can start a life together, and knowing that I wouldn't get a chance anytime soon, I tried shrooms and acid for the first time the month before I left. It was the most amazing experience and I think it would be doubly amazing to spend it with him. I never told him about it. I spent the time with my best friend. (Who I miss like crazy!) We had such awesome nights hanging out together. I have never been able to bring myself to tell him that I've tried these things. A lot of his feelings come from a misunderstanding, or a misconception, about the drugs. I do agree that it is better to be straightforward and honest, but he feels so adamantly about it that I could never do it.

<3
 
Well as you probably know since I have posted about it a lot over the years, I used to be very dishonest with my partner about my psychedelic and other drug use. This was because she flat out thought it was foolish and would never have been okay with it. Why was I with her then you may ask? Well, aside from that she was perfect for me and I wasn't willing to give up the relationship since we made each other very happy and were best friends, and I also wasn't willing to give up my drug use as I didn't think she had the right to stifle me like that. So I hid it. I'm not proud of it but I don;t think I'd change it if I went back because my experiences were important to me. And plus, since then they have impacted her and her understanding and the state of our relationship.

Now, as you know, she is much more understanding and respects the fact that I like to trip and that it's important to me. She has still only done it once. Until recently I majorly hid my opiate use from her. This caused issues as well because, well, honesty really is the best policy. It's still something I have to work on... old habits die hard I guess, and mainly I just really like to trip a lot more often than she does and more often than she thinks is appropriate sometimes. So it's a work in progress.

I know that when I am dishonest about it, it's either because I am ashamed of myself and I don't want to make that feeling quite so real by having someone else, the person I'm closest to in the world, ashamed of me too (this was exactly the case with the hiding of the opiate use). Either that or it's because I'm sitting around all day with nothing to do and a little psych dose would make me feel more fulfilled that day, and I feel like I don't want to worry her with what she might consider inappropriate use or using the psychedelic as a band-aid. When I think about it, this also goes back to not wanting to really acknowledge the feelings inside myself about how that might not be an appropriate use. This is a conflict for me because I feel both ways - I feel like using low dose psychs is a perfectly legitimate use for them, even just to feel a little more fulfillment in the day. How is it any different from using marijuana or caffeine in this way, really? They're all just chemicals. And then on the other hand, inside I do feel a bit like it's not quite right.

I think I know something about your man, and I can say with a good degree of confidence that he doesn't do any of this maliciously or because he doesn't care about you or your needs... he probably does it for reasons similar to what I mentioned. And that's no excuse, because it's always best to be honest, especially since it sounds like you're saying you wouldn't even care as long as you knew - it just makes you feel weird that it's secretive, right? So it's no excuse but it should at least make you feel a little better about it. I'm guessing it's the result of his own feelings, and you should try to see it as that, rather than as an intentional disrespect or a sign of him caring less about you.

:)
 
I also wanted to mention that in 2005 I moved across the country with my wife when she went to school... I didn't know anyone there and while she had her school to meet people and stuff, I had no job and no school and sat around at home feeling lonely and overwhelmed. I'm so glad I did it and it would have been worth it to stay together even if it didn't end up working out so well, but it was really intense, and that's when I started really hiding my use, because psychedelics almost became my companions and my way of dealing with the loneliness. Even when she made friends and we hung out together with then, it took quite a while to not feel like I was just tagging along with her and HER friends. So there may be some of that going on... I really don't know but just guessing. <3

All I know is it was tough for me for a while and pretty overwhelming. I moved her for and it was 100% her idea even though I supported it and was excited. It all worked out beautifully in the end but it was quite an adjustment! :)
 
^^ so obviously our friend xorkoth has a bit more insight into the reason that i asked this question than others may.

Thank-you for your response, seriously it makes more sense to me now after your analysis of psychedelic use past. I think that many of the reasons that you hit upon could be reasons for dishonesty now. I simply desire honesty regarding drug use for a couple health and safety related reasons. The moving thing was a very good point, he may be killing boredom with psychedelics. But I really just want honesty and to not feel as tho im being lied to intentionally :( And wouldnt a fellow swirly mod be one of the easier people in the world to tell, "hey im gona take some (insert alphabet concoction here) today."
 
Keep in mind that what seems like cut-and-dry "lying by omission" in retrospect, might have at the time actually been more like "well its not that big of a deal, and it might somehow be awkward to explicitly say 'I'm on [drug____]', so I'll just chill out and act like everything is normal because it basically is."

LOL, pardon my lack of eloquence this morn, but does that make any sense?

I try to be as honest as possible with my girlfriend, and we've been together a long time, but it still feels strange to be like "hey I'm on 2c-t-7 right now, just letting you know."

Especially if she's in a really sober and/or busy phase of her life, it feels weird to be like "well I'm just randomly gunna go on a mind vacation to weirdsville, don't mind me...", it feels like the act of saying that puts us on a completely different plane. Whereas if I just act normally, everything is cool and it just seems like the mood is a bit sparklier than normal. And especially with a head full of psychedelics, its much easier to just flow down that non-confrontational path.

Don't get me wrong, honesty really is vitally important in a relationship. But its a two-way thing, if one partner isn't being honest its usually the fault of both parties to some degree, for not working to cultivate an atmosphere where there is no resistance to complete honesty. <3
 
There've been times where my partner has taken a psychedelic and told me part way into the trip that he was on something, which really didn't bother me...

It wasn't until he bought some ketamine without telling me, and was doing it consistantly over a bunch of days without my knowledge...we went to bed one night, and I noticed he was all shakey and sweaty and just generally seemed odd, and that's when he told me he'd been doing K for the last few days after I went to work in the morning.

He felt super bad about it, and it hasn't happened again. We ended up doing the rest of the ketamine together, and it was grand. But sneakiness in a relationship is *not* good, openness and complete honesty is KEY! Especially since I'm into psychedelics, there's just no need for secrets.
 
That is so true Roger... good point. :)

Just calling it like I see it Lite Lover. :) Like I said it's still not right.

And also I wanted to clarify that I don't have any idea what exactly he's doing... but clearly something is going on similar to what went on with me and Mrs. Xorkoth and I'm observant. :) So don't feel like I'm being specially confided in or something... I could see why that could make you feel like this (:(), but there's no reason to from that standpoint. :) Just trying to help with my own third-party assessment of the situation.

You know, I think it comes down to sneakiness versus just "lying by omission". Because I do that sometimes, for the reasons Roger said. Sometimes it's weird to talk about it if it's not part of the shared situation. Hell, sometimes you might find me in a social situation having taken, oh, say, DOC in the morning, and I never told anyone I'm hanging out with about it because what would it accomplish? It would be weird and offputting. But I don't consider that sneaky so much as tactful.

But deliberately sneaking around, even if it's for the good intentions I discussed, isn't a good thing in a relationship and is something to be worked on.
 
And it occurs to me that this might be a little personal for a public thread... I can remove that stuff out if you want. I had something to say I thought would be helpful but I didn't really think about that part before posting :)
 
I prefer to trip with my partner, 99% of the time we do. I've no reason to be dishonest to her as I don't like being a liar...not to mention she is cool and understanding of psychedelics.
It's kind of a silly question because dishonesty = relationship based upon lies = fake, fake, fake.

So the question in an of itself doesn't make sense because if you are hiding drug use from your partner, then your relationship is fake/non existent.
 
I think it's a very complex subject. Not all relationships are the same and some people (because of their upbringing or other factors) really have a "thing" against drugs in general and are not that open to debating it.

Thankfully, I don't have to hide any use from my girlfriend because she is perfectly understanding of the fact that it's a big part of my life. She has tripped with me a couple times and she rolls with me about 3 times a year and she has enjoyed her experiences but it's clearly not as much of an interest to her.

That being said, I understand completely what Roger says about omitting. It just avoids uncomfortable discussion and inquiries. A better idea is to disclose "in retrospect". My girlfriend has no problem with that. Although if I'm tripping and she's not and I'm around her, she can tell often, so I usually just disclose then and there. But as Roger mentioned, it all depends on the specific situation. If she's busy doing tasks or working on stuff, I won't just come up to her and be like "Hey babe, just gonna take some LSD and K and hang out in the sun today, I'll see you later..."

It's just.... unnatural to say somehow.
 
MGS, i prefer to trip with my partner (the OP of this thread) aswell.

I know its easy to pass judgement when you dont know the situation completely.
But i dont feel our relationship is fake or based on lies.

I withheld the fact that i was testing a low dose of a psychedelic (t21 for those interested) for reasons i wont disclose here.
But i assure you our relationship is not based on lies and its not fake.

but witholding the fact that i triped (barely), does not make this a relationship based on lies nor is it fake.

I think judgement like that should perhaps be saved untill you know the situation a little better. Because the way it reads to me is insulting.

I also with held the fact that my ketamine use became abuse became somewhat of a problem.
Because things like this are embarrasing to admit and like a scared puppy, i didnt want to deal with the consequences, so i kept it to myself.
Was i right? NO
Is my relationship fake because of it? NO, it only got stronger.
 
morninggloryseed said:
I prefer to trip with my partner, 99% of the time we do. I've no reason to be dishonest to her as I don't like being a liar...not to mention she is cool and understanding of psychedelics.
It's kind of a silly question because dishonesty = relationship based upon lies = fake, fake, fake.

So the question in an of itself doesn't make sense because if you are hiding drug use from your partner, then your relationship is fake/non existent.
Click to expand...

I think this is way oversimplifying. To say that someone's relationship is fake because there is an aspect of it where there is dishonesty is silly. I mean, if your relationship truly doesn't contain any dishonesty, then more power to you and I'm glad for you, but I would venture to say that almost every relationship contains some dishonest moments or aspects. And I'd caution you to really think about whether there's really and truly nothing you don't try to hide from your partner. And like I said, if there really honestly isn't then good for you. But I doubt it.
 
The person I'm with has never tripped in her life, and probably never will (due to medication conflicts and other reasons) but is open to my experiences and is often present and helpful.
 
^^Very, very well said, Xorkoth.

I think everyone has a secret garden. If for some odd reason you don't, you are a strange exception. There is a difference between lying, not being "fully honest", and "not disclosing every single thing you" (I fall in the last category)

If one time, say, you masturbated with stolen cheese, would you be fully honest with your partner about it? Would you disclose all the details?

I think not, because it is strange. It is strange and you are ashamed somewhat. You fear judgement and rejection and the truth is it would just be completely awkward to even begin to think about how to reveal something like that. Also, you have dignity and want to preserve it. Basically, nothing positive would come out of it.

That does not make your relationship "fake" or "based on lies"
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top