What should I do with my pain med addiction?

[freedom_alast]

I have post this message on drug.com but have not gotten answer back yet, so I decided to post here after someone referred me here.

I have been clean for a total of 5 days, I found 3 suboxone to assist me through my withdraw pain (ended up only having to take only half of one in two days and the worst was over). Before I quit I had realized I spent over $2,000 on my addiction that started last october. My money is nearly all gone and I don't have a job (I am 21, this was all the money I saved since I was 15 yrs old). This is my second time quitting which started with only having a hard limit of one or two oxy 30's a day the first time I quit (I have pretty good control over myself), this second time around I started with 2 a day and within this last month I bumped up to 4 to 5 a day (after my live at home grandmother died and it really hurt me psychologically) and realized I needed to stop. The first time I quit cold turkey after having a revelation, after quitting I immediately felt great, like I had a new life. I had no depression and just immediately after quitting I was feeling great with no depression. This time around I just randomly quit, for no reason or revelation (other than the money factor). This time around I feel depressed, very suicidal (don't worry I would never kill myself - im not that kind of selfish guy).

A very important point of my addiction is how I used it. As I said above, it started with doing two a day then bumped to four or five a day. I used the oxy a very special way, when I first woke up I immediately would bump (snort) half a pill to give me energy for the morning and throughout the day I would take bumps off of the remaining stash I had, so I would take bumps about 6 times a day.

Now, to the question, after giving as much background info as I can give you. I was wondering, a kind of experiment (I know this usually gets you back on it but I have a pretty good control over myself). I was wondering if I could dose myself one a week, I would take one 30mg oxy a week, on the same day every week. I have no intentions to getting addicted again. I know a lot of you will disagree with this idea but idk. I still have 1 and a half suboxone if it doesn't work, gave my friend one and a half to help his addiction. Also I believe this would change my mentality toward my addiction to a lighter thing then after feeling comfortable without feeling I am a straight up drug abuser, I would stop. This is exactly how I started with my pain addiction, every Thursday I would go over my friends and buy one 30mg from him and enjoy relaxation for that week and have nothing beyond that. I just want to train myself away from addiction.

The whole point of the experiment is to untrain my addiction and my usage. I want to untrain my morning bumps and bumps overall and only take one 30mg midday. To help me with this experiment I will not hold any myself, rather I will have a friend hold it for me and tell him to give it to me a specific day and time.

I want to know if anyone thinks this is a smart plan and will it do anything towards removing an addiction.

 

[Violenza666]

It really depends on you... In my opinion you'd still be "addicted".. I haven't touched coke in years but I am still "addicted"...

 

[danny.zee81]

This isn't a smart plan, no offense, but doing drugs in general isn't smart. However, I did something similar to that too. I was really bad with opiates, and I ended up trying to do that after a few weeks of being clean but that only got me back into a habit However, the second time after 9-12 months clean, I was able to limit mine to occasional weekend use. Everyone handle drugs differently though, yours could possibly be better or worse than mine.

If you're still getting cravings I would strongly recommend waiting longer. I think once those cravings are gone, then you might be able to do that 1x a week thing. It's risky though because what could happen is your 1x a week thing could be going good for a while, and then you have a bad day and bump, and then another day at a party, and the whole cycle starts again. So, you really gotta know yourself and what your limitations are. This can be done, but it is going to be very hard and ultimately you should probably

How long you been clean?

 

[freedom_alast]

Thank you for your responses. I have been clean since Sunday, I started a quarter dose of Suboxone on Monday, the rest will last me til Wednesday, which I believe will be enough time. At the time I was writing this, I was slipping. As I look at it now it sounds clever but its not worth risking it. I wasn't planning to start this experiment now but after a week (after all the withdrawal was done. However, I am not going to do it.
I know myself as a strong person, I have really good control, I handled that one or two a day constantly until my live-at-home grandmother died, after that night the random dosage occurred. I believe I am strong again, but as I said I am not planning on doing my plan anymore. I would however like to know about your relapse and your handle on what you are doing with your weekly habit.
I will tell you how I started back up and relapsed so you get a feel how strong/weak I am. I am writing a journal about my past with pain meds and my day by day account of withdrawal process. Here is an part of it on how I started back up:
I have quit for over 3 months, over these few months, I felt so good, I had no thoughts of going back on it, I could even watch someone use it and still not even want it. One day, my neighbor Charlie talked me into driving him to pick up some roxies, which I ended up getting one. I, however, did not completely relapse. A few days passed and I bought a bunch for when I was going to go wakeboard. Next thing I know I am back on it. My addiction wasn't immediate but slowly creeped on until I was doing one or two daily.
Based upon what you know about me, how deep am I?

 

[dokomo]

Here is the problem with opioids, they're kind of a hack on our most basic survival/positive association/learning system that controls approach/avoidance behavior.

Your first post looks like the brain working overtime to convince itself that just one will be fine, that you're strong enough to do it, etc etc. The systems you use to approach and avoid things are the very ones you're training to LOVE opioids and do most anything to get them. When you get opioids and get high, the feeling, the action, everything is HIGHLY rewarded and reinforced by the brain, because the brain uses endogenous endorphins to do the same thing.

Addiction sucks, you really need to completely avoid them and try to start breaking the reinforcement cycle.

 

[DustnRoses]

I wouldn't say that doing any drug isn't smart like the previous person said, although there certainly isn't anything to gain from them (except getting high) but I would definitely say doing the drug class that you've been addicted to isn't smart. Opiate/Opiod addiction is a tough beast to tame, and many believe that you never fully recover. I've known many people who have had "plans" exactly like yours, and they never ended well. In reality, you wanna get high, and you are only going to go so long with this once a week shit. I guarantee you that you will fail horribly and fall right back into addiction if you try to limit your use. It's all or nothing with opiates, IMO.

 

[dokomo]

I wouldn't say that doing any drug isn't smart like the previous person said, although there certainly isn't anything to gain from them (except getting high) but I would definitely say doing the drug class that you've been addicted to isn't smart. Opiate/Opiod addiction is a tough beast to tame, and many believe that you never fully recover. I've known many people who have had "plans" exactly like yours, and they never ended well. In reality, you wanna get high, and you are only going to go so long with this once a week shit. I guarantee you that you will fail horribly and fall right back into addiction if you try to limit your use. It's all or nothing with opiates, IMO.

What I said above is pretty specific to opioids, because like you said they tend to be so hard to recover from. This is in part because the brain is so good at remembering reinforced behaviors, so even if all physical addiction is gone, activating that reward pathway with opioids will always be an attractive option to the brain. That's why the once in a while thing doesn't work, it reinforces each time making the next use more likely to occur.

 

[DustnRoses]

This isn't a smart plan, no offense, but doing drugs in general isn't smart. However, I did something similar to that too. I was really bad with opiates, and I ended up trying to do that after a few weeks of being clean but that only got me back into a habit However, the second time after 9-12 months clean, I was able to limit mine to occasional weekend use. Everyone handle drugs differently though, yours could possibly be better or worse than mine.

If you're still getting cravings I would strongly recommend waiting longer. I think once those cravings are gone, then you might be able to do that 1x a week thing. It's risky though because what could happen is your 1x a week thing could be going good for a while, and then you have a bad day and bump, and then another day at a party, and the whole cycle starts again. So, you really gotta know yourself and what your limitations are. This can be done, but it is going to be very hard and ultimately you should probably

How long you been clean?

this is the post i was referring to. Specifically the first part.