a few theories of a first timer

[The_Winner]

Hey!

I just took ~2grams of psilocybe cubensis yesterday for the first time and it was also the first time I ever tripped on a psychedelic drug (besides thc and some synthetic cannabinoids (spice mixes)).

The trip was quite intense and interesting. I originally planned to be on my own at my gf's place in a dark room, laying on the bed, with music on from the headphones, but that plan changed as soon as I started peaking. I got up quickly and went to my gf, who was in the other room watching tv.
The reason behind all this is simply that I got scared of what might happen inside my head, if I just stayed there alone with my thoughts. I was scared of losing touch with this "reality".
This also has it's own reason - I have had two super scary, but interesting trips on those spice mix stuffs (which should be mostly different synthetic cannabinoids) in which I kind of get to this state of mind, where I believe I could be seeing the true nature of existence and it scares the shit out of me, which in turn gets my heart rate very high and I believe my body could die any moment.
So there I was with this fear of experiencing something similar on the shrooms trying desperately to hang on to this reality. I think this might be the reason why the trip wasn't as profound as I hoped for it to be - I was scared of letting go, scared of seeing the true nature of existence again, scared of the consequences.

I think one other reason I was afraid of letting go is that I believe I could be incapacitated forever, if I do so, since I believe I have some negative symptoms of schizophrenia and it's a known fact people with schizophrenia should avoid psychedelics if they want to preserve the little contact they have with this "human reality".

Still the trip had positive effects. I think the most important part of it was how I it let me become anything at a much deeper level than normally and see stuff from different & objective perspectives. Just one example of many, I could become the homeless drunk trying to sleep outside in the cold not having much care for his life or anything else (I could see all the logic in it and feel how they could feel).
Also I could see how deep negativism and positivism really go in our lives etc. Most of you are probably very familiar with this anyways. : )

After I had come down I was at total peace with everything, I had zero worries. I tend to worry too much in my everyday state of mind. And I was much more compassionate than usually, which unfortunately seems to be diminishing somewhat.

Also I got why everyone says you should trip in nature on mushrooms. I totally agree and hope I get to do this in some beautiful scenery in the future. At the moment it's just mad cold here to do that.


The reason I'm writing is that I want to share my experience & need opinions of other more experienced people on the theories I described earlier.

Do you think, it could be possible I won't be functioning or even more, get to this terrifying state of mind for a longer period of time, if I totally let go of this reality on a mushroom trip, since I have negative symptoms of schizophrenia?
My analytical mind says no to this question, but it still scares me as an option.


Thanks for reading. ^^

 

[underground_troll]

Are you saying that you're already exhibiting signs of schizophrenia?? If this is so, then I strongly recommend you steer clear of drugs, and seek help from professionals...

 

[cosmic charlie]

Good Report

What types of negative symptoms of schizophrenia do you exhibit ?

 

[The_Winner]

Are you saying that you're already exhibiting signs of schizophrenia?? If this is so, then I strongly recommend you steer clear of drugs, and seek help from professionals...

There are different types of schizophrenia. I have negative symptoms of schizophrenia, which aren't all that serious compared to the positive symptoms imho and are just a consequence of my experiences & situation in life. This is actually what got me to psychedelics after a long research of how to change/improve my usual state of mind.
I don't really want to sound like a dick, but this answer of yours sounds really inadequate, cause if you actually had read what I wrote and if you actually knew what are the negative symptoms of schizophrenia you should have figured out I already knew this "don't do drugs with schizo, seek for professional help" babble.
I believe it goes much more for positive symptoms, which relate a lot more to psychedelics.

 

[underground_troll]

Sorry dude, I absolutely respect your right to alter your consciousness with whatever you wish, and wasn't meaning to be confrontational in any way. And you're right: I wasn't aware of the two different types of schizophrenia. I thought you were trying to say you had symptoms of schizophrenia, and they were impacting you negatively. Sorry for the misunderstanding . I actually think it's awesome hearing about folks using psychedelics to positively change their thinking patterns! I'm very glad you got so much from your first experience.

Difficult times with tripping (or life in general) usually lead to the most growth and learning. That "fear reaction" you had, not wanting to let go of this reality, is very natural, and as you become more comfortable with that state, it'll become easier to let go. It's key to remember that the trip WILL end, and the effects of the psychedelics will end also.

Good luck in all your endeavors!

 

[RedRum OG]

letting go of reality takes a lot of balls... its just not in human nature to be ready for it. chances are you dont have any mental health issues, youre just not quite ready for psychedelics.

but seeing as this is harm reduction.... stay away from high doses. good luck

 

[The_Winner]

Good Report

What types of negative symptoms of schizophrenia do you exhibit ?

Thanks.

Quoting from wikipedia:

Common negative symptoms include flat or blunted affect and emotion, poverty of speech (alogia), inability to experience pleasure (anhedonia), lack of desire to form relationships (asociality), and lack of motivation (avolition).

All of the above at different degrees.

 

[RhythmSpring]

When you let go of reality, make sure you're not actively rejecting it. All you need to do is remain aware, conscious, present and accepting. That's it. You won't go crazy if you do just that.

Something ancient shamans do is "ground" the spiritual traveler in this reality with something as he or she travels to the reaches of time. Usually it's singing, or a drum beat, or both. Perhaps some incense. Have something to ground you.

 

[The_Winner]

Thanks underground_troll, RhythmSpring

Something ancient shamans do is "ground" the spiritual traveler in this reality with something as he or she travels to the reaches of time. Usually it's singing, or a drum beat, or both. Perhaps some incense. Have something to ground you.

This is the reason I ran to my gf, when I started peaking & got scared. She was what connected me to this reality. I even asked her to come to the bathroom with me and when she had to go, I went with her. Like a little kid afraid of staying alone. ^__^

letting go of reality takes a lot of balls... its just not in human nature to be ready for it.
chances are you dont have any mental health issues, youre just not quite ready for psychedelics.

I do not agree about me not being ready for psychedelics and will explain why. I should have explained it in my first post in more detail anyways.

I have smoked spice mixes for 4 times, which supposedly consist of different synthetic cannabinoids, two of them being JWH-018 & CP 47,497, which both are considered psychedelics according to this article.

My first trip on it was mellow... much like a normal thc trip. Was quite drunk when smoked it, so it probably neutralized its effects.
The second trip next morning after my first trip was really deep & scary. Nothing like I had ever experienced on thc. (smoked too much and was pretty sober also)
So about a week or two later had my 3rd trip on it. Smoked only 1 hit & drank some beer, was mellow as thc again and I concluded I probably just smoked too much on my second trip.
Again a week or so passes and I have my 4th trip on it. Had 3 hits I think and again I got stuck in this scary place, which I described in my first post - believing I might be seeing the true nature of existence, which is super hard to describe in words, but it made me feel very scared. It probably made me feel, how insignificant my life here in this body is or something like that. I really don't like to describe it, cause the experience is really hard or maybe impossible to put into words and I don't want anyone to get a wrong impression of it.

I regret a bit having this 4th trip, since after having the 3rd one, I kinda relaxed about it and probably didn't have half the fear of letting go on a mushroom trip as I did have.

Despite all this I believe I can get over the fear and let go of this reality once I get more used to the mushroom trip.

Anyways, now I've explained it quite clear, I think. : )

 

[Solipsis]

Even with only negative symptoms you might wanna be careful with derealization. Altered states of consciousness are often notoriously hard to integrate, in your case this may be even more so.

If I were you I wouldn't experiment too much with increasingly higher dosages but with meditating on doses that are normal for you now. Meditation in this way includes utilizing your trip to dissociate from your ego, surroundings and sense of reality. It can be done sober, but on a psychedelic it is much much easier for people.
Shooting yourself into states you don't actually understand yet can be confusing and disorienting so learning how to navigate them is quite important. That means willing yourself slowly into as well as out of them. In a way gaining the control to lose control, however paradoxical that may sound.

 

[The_Winner]

Yes Solipsis, I totally get what you mean and I agree with you. And I wasn't planning on increasing my dosage of shrooms for future trips. If anything, then lowering. : )
I have actually practiced meditation and the whole point of my psychedelic journey was and is to deconstruct/get rid of my big twisted ego to an extent, which would improve my quality of life. (less worrying of future/past, more awareness of the present moment)

 

[Solipsis]

Good to know I'm not completely mad.
Take good care of yourself.