Smoked a cigarette earlier, and spilled my guts beside the car about halfway through.
Just smoked another on my front porch.
Being in the dark outside was scary, even with the front porch lit up.
I don't know why the dark seems scary when what I fear is some sort of powerful cosmic being doing me harm or trying to teach me an unpleasant lesson for my own good.
I just feel safer in a well lit room.
I should have waited longer before tripping after that amazing, terrifying experience I had on ketamine the other night.
To think, I've been wishing I had more ketamine. Why would I want to go back there so badly?
I hope death isn't the end and that the next life will be better than this one. I hope we can live in a world without suffering, or at least with a lot less than we have on this world. Still, it could be worse. I have seen and experienced a hellish reality. It may or may not be real. I don't know. It sure felt real enough. That is supposedly why this and the other universes(multiverse) exists, so we can escape from that place. But maybe the place I visited wasn't as bad as I interpreted it as being. It might even have been a good place and I was just too scared to see it. Maybe that is one reason I'd want to go back, to find if that could be the case. Maybe I want to see if I can somehow find out if it is real. I don't think that would be possible. Nothing I can conceive of could prove whether there was any truth to the experience or if it was nothing more than hallucinations, delusions, and an out of body experience caused only by a drug, at least during this life. If there is a next life, maybe I'll find out.