• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!

Depersonalization from MDMA?

G

Gzus

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
24
Hello all. I have posted a different post, but I figured I'd start this one for more specifics on the topic of depersonalization syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization). I used 375mg pure MDMA (four weeks ago today) in one sitting and the ensuing weeks I've been experiencing this phenomenon. The first three weeks it gave me mad anxiety as I thought I was losing my mind! It wasn't until two days ago that I even came across this syndrome on the web. Though I'm slowly feeling myself with the passing of each day (horray!) I'd like to hear some people's experiences with this. Also when I smoked pot it intensified these feelings immensely so as of two Friday's ago (little over a week now) I've been clean from three years of habitual ganj use.

So for this discussion, anyone experience depersonalization after MDMA? If so after what what dose, what was it like, how did you deal with it and how long did it take until you returned to yourself? Also, as I've never been 'depressed' before, is there a connection b/w the two? or is depersonalization and
depression their own entities? I guess that might just depend on one's own interpretations, but especially a week after my MDMA use I didn't feel that I was me in my own mirror reflection, I felt so distant and detached from everything and even my own voice sounded foriegn. It was scary shit!

The best advice I've received is to just go with the flow because that's all you can do; its helped tons as anxiety only worsens any experience. Eating right, excercising, being sober and time has all helped me as well. Thanks!
 
Last edited:
I would only say that it may be time to consider saying goodbye to MDMA as your experience with this may get worse if you use again.

"once you get the message, hang up the phone" as they say.
 
Hehe, I'd say you're probably right. As of right now my feeling toward MDMA is that I won't be doing it ever again, at least for several several months, and if I do ever do it again it'll be at a much much lower dose. Thanks for your imput :)
 
Ok, this is a myth. Your personality will NOT change as a result of using MDMA. The personality changes will only be temporary, for the moment that you are rolling, and the post de pression that may follow thereafter. Nothing permanent.


Don't take these lies fed by the media/friends.

They don't know what they are talking about.
 
You just took a very abnormally high dose of MDMA and your experiencing the negative side effects. Although i don't really like 5-htp, try taking 1 50-100mg tablet a day at around noon until you feel better, or you could make a kava brew, either way they stimulate better mood.
 
Onoe said:
Ok, this is a myth. Your personality will NOT change as a result of using MDMA. The personality changes will only be temporary, for the moment that you are rolling, and the post de pression that may follow thereafter. Nothing permanent.


Don't take these lies fed by the media/friends.

They don't know what they are talking about.
Click to expand...

Um?

Depersonalization hasn't got anything to do with "changing personality" 8)

It's a feeling of one being disconnected from their own body and in a distant, almost dream like state. It's not made up and it's quite common in a lot of people, even non drug users and it's usually not that big of a problem unless it is severe.

It's a lot like being dissociated.

depersonalization is a bullshit disorder they made up so they can create new drugs for something.
Click to expand...

From what I know on the subject, drugs usually aren't given out to people with Depersonalization... Unless it is coupled with anxiety/depression in which case things will be prescribed (Which they would have anyway without the D/P). So it is usually Anti-Depressants or Anti-Anxiety drugs, which are given out like candy anyway =\. There are no "Depersonalization" drugs.
 
wtf, depersonalisation is not changing your personality, but its a very scary feeling, i got it before, it seems to come when you feel depressed or anxious, it did go away here
as mdma could cause depression, it could also cause this
 
It's hardly unusual for powerful drug experiences to change people's personalities a bit, and heavy use of any drug can alter you a bit. (For instance, consider how even caffeine affects personality, making people more cheerful and motivated when they have it and sluggish and uninterested when they don't.)

Yes, a very large dose (or frequent use) of MDMA can cause depersonalization. In time, all should return to normal; in the meanwhile, try not to worry about it (think of it something similar to a strained muscle; a bit disabling, but not permanent or catastrophic) and avoid drug use.

MDMA makes your brain tolerant (less sensitive) to the natural neurotransmitters that control mood (among many other things), so it's hardly surprising that it can cause anxiety (very common), depression (less common) or even things like depersonalization (uncommon) after very large or frequent doses have been taken.

Moderation! If there's one lesson every drug user needs to know, it's simply moderation. Don't use huge dosages, and give yourself plenty of recovery time between uses. (In the case of MDMA, I regard 1 month between use as a MINIMUM break period for long term use, and two months would be better yet. People's brains do vary; some people seem to get away with weekly use with little negative consequences, but most will get a bit screwed up eventually if they do that.) If problems seem to be appearing, take a long (3-6 month) break. There will always be more drugs and more parties.
 
i got the same thing OP got, with about the same dose. Hes right when it says it does it get bette over time but god damn its the worst feeling in the world.
 
i got it recently from taking anti depressants. those are long quitted now.

it is a terrible feeling. even from mirtazapine, like all anti-d's, it is almost like taking low dose mdma every day. it leads to a very good feeling that is almost constant, but you forget who you even are, feel like a ghost in a machine. its fucking sick
 
I had a really bad bout of it last year that I'm still recovering from. I'm sure my MDMA abuse contributed, though I don't think it was the sole perpetrator. I think depersonalization is closely linked with anxiety, and my case was sparked as a combination of my brain being under heavy strain from drug use (regular MDMA and meth on the weekends, fair bit of weed through the week, and absurd quantities of caffeine on a daily basis) and then triggered by some emotionally heavy RL stuff that was going on.

7 months later and I'm still experiencing symptoms, though it's far improved and much more intermitted. Some days I feel perfectly normal and I'm usually fine to go outside and can interact with people more or less ok, whereas last november I could barely step outside the house without breaking down and trying to go in public was a nightmare. It's a very hard experience to shake off because it really makes you question your thoughts and your mind, even when you're not actually dissociated I constantly question things now that I didn't before, those DP/DR thought patterns linger for a long time and sometimes the panic over the thought of getting another episode is enough to cause one in itself, or a panic attack. it does seem to be healing with time though, albeit slower than I'd like.
 
Crankinit said:
I had a really bad bout of it last year that I'm still recovering from. I'm sure my MDMA abuse contributed, though I don't think it was the sole perpetrator. I think depersonalization is closely linked with anxiety, and my case was sparked as a combination of my brain being under heavy strain from drug use (regular MDMA and meth on the weekends, fair bit of weed through the week, and absurd quantities of caffeine on a daily basis) and then triggered by some emotionally heavy RL stuff that was going on.

7 months later and I'm still experiencing symptoms, though it's far improved and much more intermitted. Some days I feel perfectly normal and I'm usually fine to go outside and can interact with people more or less ok, whereas last november I could barely step outside the house without breaking down and trying to go in public was a nightmare. It's a very hard experience to shake off because it really makes you question your thoughts and your mind, even when you're not actually dissociated I constantly question things now that I didn't before, those DP/DR thought patterns linger for a long time and sometimes the panic over the thought of getting another episode is enough to cause one in itself, or a panic attack. it does seem to be healing with time though, albeit slower than I'd like.
Click to expand...

wow, 7 months is a long time. i've also had depersonalisation after taking too much mdxx. it went away after less than a week.
i've also had panic attacks after mdma use precipitated by something other than mdma, but it surely had a part in that. the panic attacks were much nastier than the depersonalisation and it took 2 months to get over it.
 
Black said:
wow, 7 months is a long time. i've also had depersonalisation after taking too much mdxx. it went away after less than a week.
i've also had panic attacks after mdma use precipitated by something other than mdma, but it surely had a part in that. the panic attacks were much nastier than the depersonalisation and it took 2 months to get over it.
Click to expand...

Yeah it is, though it hasn't been consistant for that period. It started early october, was really bad through till january or so with only a few patches where it let up, but ever since the amount of 'normal time' has been increasing steadily. Also less frequancy of panic attacks, much less depression, etc. Though it all fluctuates.

I think it was in a large part perpetuated by my life condition at the time. I was going through a bit of a change when it hit (quitting my job, breaking up with a girl, distancing myself a bit from the old crowd, getting ready to go back to my studies and just all around going through a huge emotional transition), and about two weeks into it I came down with a horrible case of glandular fever, which later developed into post-viral fatigue and left me almost bedridden. Often weeks at a time would go by when I'd sleep 14 hours a day and only leave my room to shower or eat. I didn't cut my hair, I rarely shaved, a pretty much just physically and psychologically shut down. I was depressed/dissociated/anxious, then I became sick, which trapped me at home, which compounded my negative emotional state, which made me want to get outside even less, and so forth.

Probably also didn't help that a week after the depersonalization started I went out and had a massive night out (5 very strong pills, some weed, and some meth which thank god turned out to be fake shards. I hate to think where my emotional state would have gone if that 200mg or so I'd smoked while crashing out had been real gear).

I imagine things would have progressed much easier if I hadn't come down with the glandular fever and maintained my physical health. I would have been able to get back into my life much sooner, sort myself out and progress towards a healthy emotional state that much earlier. Because I was going through that transition phase I didn't really have much of a support network (no job, single, very few close friends), which was compounded by the illness, which lead to that whole negative cycle.

The worst is definately over though. I'm actually at the point where I can crave MDMA again, which is when I know the worst is over. Back when I used to drop coming down was always hard for me, and for a week or so I wouldn't even think about the drug because I would instantly get that sinking feeling, I just associated the experience with the hell that is an MDMA comedown too much. Definately going to hold off on actually consuming any for quite some time though. Probably another 3 - 4 months at the least.
 
its normal you will feel somewhat disturbed, look, if you are thinking about doing MDMA you should know what the risks would be, having sutch a good roll comes with a price, and yes you can feel somewhat detached from the things you once liked or loved but it comes back, like everything else, dont do it for a while.
 
Those of you who have not experienced depersonalization are lucky. You are probably the same people who think it's bs.

For the longest time I would just be irritable and more prone to depression after a few rolls.

But one day I woke up and it happened. It wasn't a detached feeling, it was more like waking up to a world that you don't recognize. Your room looks so alien and you go through the day with no direction or drive.

It's definitely scary.
 
nautilus said:
Those of you who have not experienced depersonalization are lucky. You are probably the same people who think it's bs.

For the longest time I would just be irritable and more prone to depression after a few rolls.

But one day I woke up and it happened. It wasn't a detached feeling, it was more like waking up to a world that you don't recognize. Your room looks so alien and you go through the day with no direction or drive.

It's definitely scary.
Click to expand...

Yeah it's a really hard experience to articulate, to anyone who hasn't been through it it just sounds like feeling down or detached, when in reality it's almost a completely altered state of consciousness, like you're on a drug or something. And once you come out of it, it's hard to remember exactly what it felt like, there's just no solid frame of reference for that state of existance.

The best comparison I can come to is when you take a hit of nitrous and that feeling about 20 seconds in when you zoom back into reality but everything is bizarre and alien. You look around yourself and the room and the walls and the windows just seem so bizarre, and it makes no sense how it came to be, and how you came to be there, like your entire existential framework has just caved in. You feel hollow inside like you've lost all context to your own identity. Except unlike nitrous it can drag on, and on, and on, and on. I seriously thought I was going insane at one point, that I'd developed schizophrenia and was one step away from tin foil hats and a straightjacket.

It's definately not an experience I would ever recommend.
 
Crankinit said:
Yeah it's a really hard experience to articulate, to anyone who hasn't been through it it just sounds like feeling down or detached, when in reality it's almost a completely altered state of consciousness, like you're on a drug or something. And once you come out of it, it's hard to remember exactly what it felt like, there's just no solid frame of reference for that state of existance.

The best comparison I can come to is when you take a hit of nitrous and that feeling about 20 seconds in when you zoom back into reality but everything is bizarre and alien. You look around yourself and the room and the walls and the windows just seem so bizarre, and it makes no sense how it came to be, and how you came to be there, like your entire existential framework has just caved in. You feel hollow inside like you've lost all context to your own identity. Except unlike nitrous it can drag on, and on, and on, and on. I seriously thought I was going insane at one point, that I'd developed schizophrenia and was one step away from tin foil hats and a straightjacket.

It's definately not an experience I would ever recommend.
Click to expand...

so you were able to recover from it with no problems?
 
Give it a few days and you'll be back to normal. Positive thinking is crucial.

When it happens, it's a definite reminder to do e in moderation. It's very unpleasant, like that Claritin commercial where people are living life with a film over it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top