• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

:|
 
Big People Words


A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery.


The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher

insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always

reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.
She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.

You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

'I read a book' he replied.
That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

'What book did you read?'

Alex thought real hard about it,

then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the SHIT'.

8)
 
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the
bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did
the splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said.

"S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl! I'll go across the road and get Cobber (his mate)."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way, we can't do it," Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B."
"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?" "I'll go home and get my
hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play
with her nipples." "Play with her nipples?," Cobber said, "Not exactly a
good time for that mate!"

"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive"
 
There's a black fella, a jew and a pakistani all sat in a nightclub having a drink.

They had a right nice time.
 
That's almost the premise for La Haine :D.

Replace the pakistani with an arab and you've just made french social commentary! Your joke could've somewhat been a double entendre but the moment's passed.

Ignore my shit jokes i've just woken up.
 
There's two homosexuals having sex in the back of a van.

They were over 21 what's wrong with that?
 
There's two nuns riding bicycles down a cobbled street. One says "Oooh, I've never come this way before" the other says "i'm not surprised we're on a diversion around roadworks".
 
A man walks into a bar alone and orders 4 pints, drinks them and then leaves.

The following day he does the same, orders 4 pints drinks them all and leaves. On the third day when he does the same thing again the bartender decides to ask

'Hope you don't mind me inquiring why is it you keep coming in here and ordering 4 pints at once'

'Not at all', replies the man, 'Me and my three brothers lived in this city for years and always had a pint together after work. Now they have moved away and I don't see them anymore I like to have a pint for each of them, we all do the same every evening'

'Fair enough' says the barman, and leaves the man to finish his pints.


The next day the man walks into the bar and only orders 3 pints as opposed to 4.

'Oh' says the barman as he pours the pints, 'I'm sorry, has one of your brothers passed away?'

'No' the man says, 'I've just given up drinking'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NSFW:
What breaks when you stick your penis in it?

NSFW:
A baby's pelvis
 
Did you hear that gary lineker tried to marry a King Edward's potato?

The king wouldn't let him, cos he's only a common 'tater.

;)
 
Why are people posting funny jokes in this thread?Isn't it supposed to be all about SHIT jokes that are 0% funny?Maybe another thread could be started called UNSHIT jokes.;)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top