Mr. Blonde - Thank you for your words of wisdom, and of course I know you are right, but I am at a point where I just don't fucking care, have no money for therapy, and damn well am gonna get high if I can because I have nothing better to do or nothing better that will help my life. In a couple months, hopefully my job situation will fix and I will get my life straightened out - believe me. I have never been a long time addict for anything and have ridiculously high will power and can stop when I actually need to. That's just it - I DON'T need to stop right now, i have no reason not to get high. However, in not too long, I will HAVE to stop to get a good job and get my life straightened out which is much more important to me. I am just filling the void right now.