That’s for sure but what I’m wondering when I decide to get some NMDA antagonist if going for some more potent and/or longer lasting K relative and therefore using tens instead hundred milligrams per session or few milligrams instead tens of milligrams is a relatively certain way to prevent balder damage or I should be seriously worried if some potent arylciklohexylamines could do same damage with let’s say 1g over few months as much bigger amount of K.
Exactly one of reasons why MXE was created so that it keeps most/all/more of good sides that K has while requiring a significantly lower dose.
And as much as I like idea that more potent (less waste metabolites, usually less work for liver etc) means safer drugs in general (disregarding higher chance of OD if used stupidly), reality is that all the way from nanogram to multi gram range we find examples of very toxic/otherwise dangerous drugs and very safe/beneficial drugs and medicine. And sometimes even smilingly similar drugs, be it in action or design give vastly different results upon tweaking them to make them more/less potent by weight for whatever reason.
And in a RC world, with some substances we wont really find out what’s true. I like example of 2c-b that I hardly consider an RC; we can only broadly assume is it bk-2c-b (less potent than parent compound) or is 2c-b-fly (more potent than parent compound) safer/less safe/same as 2c-b. And further we go in either direction it’s even harder to speculate what’s safer/better as tiny variations can result in vastly more toxic/safer compound and in other cases big changes don’t really affect therapeutic index and other parameters of interest for people using substances in question.
I am so on the same page. While I’ll never stop pining for MXE as it was nearly a totally new substance for how amazingly inexpensive, available, effective, clean, light & minimally damaging, in comparison to ketamine, it truly was. And K availability has been very sporadic & occasional for some 15y or since the complete disappearance of MXE. What a tragedy! I learned so much from it.
When MXE appeared, I was a seasoned addict that was many years beyond the thought of glamorizing IV usage by thinking it’s always the most effective method. I knew better than to waste most oral/other pharmaceuticals because I’d initially tried with anything. At first I was mesmerized by it. Well, at least once I’d dealt with my own self-imposed ethical dilemma that said to never touch anything “junkie-associated”. I had to find self-acceptance despite society’s stigma of an addict that uses needles. My idea of a junkie inevitably involved images of crime scenes with body chalk outlines where a victim of OD lay. I imagine a large % of us face that same milestone & due to similar feelings. At 16, I’d been able to get Ecstasy when it was still an unregulated club drug. I had that unique & enviable high school network that enabled access to everything. Plus I was always in search of labels on pill bottles flagged with colored labels to indicate that contents may cause drowsiness or any indication that it contained something that might alter one’s base reality. Eventually I was in pursuit of any med ending in “Pam”. Around then I made a conscious decision that while some saved up for assets or for literal vacations, I’d opted for any alternate reality or change in perception. I was happy with the idea of regular, mental vacations. I was enthralled by it, studied it & became well-versed in medical terminology & pill ID. It was so fascinating to me (which therein lies a huge character flaw).
Rather than collecting photographs I opted to collect memories of partying or to obliterate memory altogether. I felt like the tools required were available & it was that year that I’m pretty sure, “I Want a New Drug” was on the Billboard’s Top 40. Of course that’s remained as a sort of credo that echoes through my mind, even especially by now. Yet I recall it was relevant when it was released. It’s especially true now bc largely things aren’t pleasant anymore. I was told once that eventually drugs would stop working & I couldn’t have possibly understood what that meant. Yet I’ve lived it now. Anywho.
The emergence of RCs was like a dream come true. It was like this sudden buffet of hundreds of new drugs that weren’t even yet scheduled. It was an amazing time. I felt so late to the party when I found that eBay showcased car window cleaner, plant sprays & bath salts as camouflage for all kinds of Cannabis derivatives (k2) & mephedrone. What an amazing time! What a powerful learning experience. Plus my opiate addiction became pods from AZ & also my dried floral biz. Re: opiates, pods were, by far, the best option & remained so for nearly a decade. They still are but that whole venture was shutdown in the US. The farm was burned, the equipment RICOd which I imagine bankrupted them although they escaped any prosecution. I see the ads now that (some of then & now) advertise papaver somniferum. Yet I learned that ppl can falsely advertise without issue. I know that none are really being sold that are true opium pods. Maybe occasionally something slips past but they police that heavily now. And the vendors know this. The reason they actually often still seem effective is bc any poppy pod except the orange witch hat California pods have some of the alkaloids in them, but only what’s been deemed an acceptable level. The ones with high morphine, codeine & a total of like 48 alkaloids both positive & negative are guarded with signs threatening deadly force in (I forget which country) the US medicinal poppy supplies. There are gorgeous photos of these militarily guarded papaver somniferum fields with razor wire & signs threatening death posted everywhere for anyone that tries to mess with them. And on TV we see the war on drugs in effect in countries like Turkey & Afghanistan among many others with soldiers systematically destroying crops of poor farmers.
With MXE, I found a huge positive aside from the removal of negative side effects & enhancement of the most sought out results. I learned to back off of IV usage. I found it pretty much in the midst of long-term heavy usage. I recall getting 7g once & feeling like I was set for life plus it had cost me all of $7 each. It could totally negate the comedown from nasty gut wrenching cravings because of the psychological need to redose with stimulants- even after a binge (some worse than others). That alone was incredible. But I learned, I guess by accident, about the need for a micro mg scale plus developed a so out-of-character desire to insufflate it. Bc I had no idea what it even was & I had little hope for it due to its classification as a disassociative - i tested a tiny bump. I found instantly how much waste is baked into rerock or glass. I couldn’t believe how little was required for an extremely positive effect. It wasn’t said to be addictive though I learned that’s not exactly true depending on how that’s defined. Mentally I’ll never stop hoping for it as it was basically the solution to stimulant addiction, TR depression, occasionally sedating, other times very energetic but always highly positive. I declared - so I’d be able to recall why it was so special - that if I was on a deserted island & had to select only one substance for the rest of my life, it’d be MXE. Well, in short time I began oscillating on the idea that “come on…couldn’t I take some benzos as well?” as I found that to be the only downside (at times). Mostly it didn’t sedate & it definitely induced anxiety which is like my lifelong kryptonite.
Exploring it was such an adventure because then came the thoughts about how experience shows that different ROAs create very different effects usually. I can’t think of a substance that this isn’t true about other than how wasteful some ROAs are depending on the substance. When IM was attempted, I’d never seen anything act even remotely like it. It seemed to “come back” every time. Like after drawing it up - it looked like it left not filler but the same thing that you started with. I still don’t get how that was possible but it was really like the stoner’s proverbial never ending joint or the everlasting gob stopper. Like what couldn’t MXE do?! While that was an interesting experimental evening that did have some noticeable differences, it wasn’t terribly desirable. That stuff was absolutely perfect for insufflation, IMO & whether just a morning wake up minimally or repeatedly dosing small amounts throughout the day, I learned so much. One huge thing was that tolerance wasn’t seemingly an issue. Opiates can literally triple in a 2-day period & are such a trick which only requires a weekend to start an endless cycle of the physical pain of the proverbial monkey, I still believed blindly that I’d trade that to regain the control of my mind from stimulants which were so relentless. Life was completely unmanageable as after a short time, underlying every thought or word spoken was a chant of desire to leave immediately to stop the incessant cravings which it never did. Once the big 3 became the monsters, life was never the same. That’s when the realization eventually hit that the term “partying” was the furthest from what I was calling that. It wasn’t a party! It was a private, secret, stingy, nasty thing that always eventually seemed so inescapable that I’d die that way, caught in the grips.
I’d watched Drugs, Inc. on K in Canada & what I’d seen was something so averse to what my experience was yet to me, if complete “soma coma-type disconnect” was the effect/goal of the people shown, then nothing looked less attractive. I didn’t even have a curiosity of how that might feel. While barbiturate & alcohol blackouts at one time were thrilling just to think of having zero memory of sometimes hours lost when the animal brain was driving the car, seeing the images of ppl fiending for K then dosing to become eyes-wide-open non responsive & often drooling just looked horrible. And, so many were quickly dying off of bladder cancer. They said in literally 2y ppl were dead bc bladder toxicity was undoubtedly a real effect of that type of usage. I read so many reports here from those that had once tried the 100% bioavailable method & all said don’t do it. All I read said it’s a direct route to overwhelming holing.
The M-hole was interesting & frankly, it was magical but never was I just instantly thrust into it. It often would occur just seemingly randomly due to redosing perhaps too quickly or too often or eyeballing a tiny amount that appeared copacetic. I was almost always totally surprised when it kicked in & often it was say when I was waiting in the running vehicle for my passenger to get back in. Seldomly did I intend to go there but when I did, it was fantastical even if inopportune. Like once when I was in the car waiting I decided to redose quickly & normally yet maybe in the haste of being in public & waiting I’d hastily not paid very close attention of perhaps put the straw in the vial thinking I was gathering a tiny bit. Within moments I climbed to the passenger seat. My occupant was confused but I wave them to the wheel. They get in & bc this was not something I’d ever do with that person, I said I can’t drive, I see so many lights it’s gorgeous & I’m with God. I was! It was so beautiful but luckily I’ve never been a scared person or else I’d have had bad trips many times but that fearlessness & knowing it wouldn’t be too long before it’d be like it never even occured eased my mind always.
Others weren’t often so lucky which was a massive bonus. Like that person then wanted to try it so I said sure. That person basically ran out into the night in a state of panic. They announced they never again wanted anything to do with it which that’s such a blessing when you have yours that others don’t want at all & they hv theirs which theoretically you could try then MXE was the literal antidote but generally, it allowed me to quickly have zero desire for any of the old stuff. The things that seemed to have a death grip were rendered harmless. Awesome! Yet there were others that tried it once then were so enamored they’d steal anything they could find then disappear. I’d always think it was a small inconvenience but what would they do when they depleted their haul? They had no idea of the vendors I so prized that it’d taken time to find reliability, fair & ppl that became distant friends.
One of those was a vendor of MXE & AVP mainly. I never understood it but his DOC was AVP. He ended up in prison when they raided him once the analog act in an instant made any RC a schedule 1. Luckily the crime labs didn’t yet have any experience with them. I knew the analog act had been passed & ended up on probation. When the results came back they showed no elicit substances found so it was dropped although I wasn’t refunded any of the fines or otherwise that I’d endured.
I always so wanted to try one of the many flurobrozepam variants that I was researching because they sounded so perfect yet possibly unrealistic like perhaps trying them would reveal unforeseen effects. For instance, l suffered - like on many RCs that I tried, some unintended effects. They really weren’t unintended bc the MDSSs that also came were so acccurate that I learned to not doubt any of it. Like if it said initial dose duration was 16h - that was absolutely what lay ahead even without diminishing returns. If it said redosing was counterproductive, it meant it. Many of the stimulant analogs I tried like 2F or 4a were so unpleasant. On paper they sounded good yet that’s what I mean about realizing what the MDSSs says then what that actually means to you based on your experience. One was at least 16h of peeping & geeking to the point of knots from staying frozen in an uncomfortable position yet apparently unable to break away. While it was a derivative of speed, it accentuated an actual unpleasantry. Redosing was useless or would tack on another 16h. It was one that was eliminated as a recreational option. I found the same type of conclusions with things like MDAI. The variants I tried weren’t the old MDMA of 1986. One experience induced serotonin syndrome. I’ve only had it that once but it was bad. I searched for what might mitigate it & there wasn’t a fix other than toughing it out for the duration which I think was 12h which was rough. I should’ve searched for possible contraindications.
Mainly what I wanted to address is pharmaceutical K. Unfortunately the insufflation isn’t a viable or good ROA (for me anyway)... Not in its current state which I believe to be pure. Still, I’ve had stronger effects when I’ve made it from vials in the past. So I’m confused by it but one thing is sure, I don’t ever really want to try to find enjoyment through that route again. Well, others keep saying IV is the way which after refreshing my memory that is the 100% bioavailable method with IM a close 2nd. I’m at a crux bc the idea I recall from watching the Canadian epidemic isn’t attractive. I’d rather not even test those waters. The chart on bioavailability is staggering in effectiveness. I doubt quite seriously I could even find a vein if I really tried. I’d say 99% of attempts are often wasted with other things of necessity even by my age & after damage. If I ever even see red I’m ecstatic bc I know at the least I won’t be ill much earlier than is manageable although the continuing damage I’m causing is unacceptable. That’s a whole problem in itself. With regard to K, though, I really would like to hear any thoughts & ideas keeping harm reduction in mind. I’d so appreciate thoughts.
Thanks for letting me get lost in reverie. It was enjoyable.
