🤝 Cultural 🤝 Does anyone plan to do tons of drugs instead of try and survie if they get a diagnosis like cancer?

[Dr. John Thackery]

i was prescribed quetiapine and something else at night and i was knocked out. don't know which one was causing me to pass out... would not recommend... not gonna be like opiates. i just hate feeling down in any way at this point in my life unless it's falling asleep naturally.

EDIT: the only reason why i would recommend AP's is if someone had persistent hallucinations they didn't like or really couldn't stay in touch with reality and then ime i would say risperdal would help... i'd recommend some other type of med for sleeping.

even trazadone feels dirty to me and isn’t all that great at knocking me out. it’s serotonin receptor antagonost amongst a bunch of other action if i recall.

feels dirty. i start twitching, i get RLS, i feel a dirty stimulating energy. but drowsy in a way too; but it certainly doesn’t make it all that much easier to sleep imo.

and im not wanting a drug that will let me sleep if i go to bed.

the stuff i like would make me pass out sitting up right at a rock concert or even while standing

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

never taken opioids, I'm saving them for end of life, need to figure out the best timing for them, I want to enjoy them and not let them ruin my life but they're very much a bucket list item for me. The nearer I get to the end the more I suspect I'll be drawn to the holy trinity....

they aren’t really all that impressive or enjoyable imo. with the exception of IV use.

they really are more about escaping misery and pain than running towards pleasure or fun.

an “off” switch for feeling and existing. if pll
do them that aren’t suffering immensely they are usually like “that’s it?”

very wise choice to be this cautious about them.

 

[BK38]

To OP

there was a time when i did all drugs in massive quantities. as expected this kicks your ass and you eventually calm down and temper your drug use to just weed or outright quit when you get older.


but i still have it in the back of my mind that when i find out im going to die soon; i’ll just kill myself with drugs and go on a run for the ages doing it. even if its not a terminal diagnoses like cancer, if it’s something that’s enough to destroy quality of life i fantasize about this; but then im aware of ppl with some very severe disabilities or chronic diseases that try to survive as best they can and don’t kill themselves via a drug binge. so i wonder if i would truly follow through in either scenario

anyone else have this plan?

Sort of. I'd want to go out with a bang and not a whimper. There's not much off an in-between with me. I'd like to go out sober and peacefully or like a fucking Rockstar joining the "27 club" a bit late...in an ideal world.

I'd want my wake to be a party that a combo of Freddy Mercury and Hunter S Thompson would throw. As in utter madness. I want 50% of attendees forget the whole night just because of the excess and have to ask others what happened.

Project X is kinder shit. Shoot me out of a cannon like HST or at least mix my ashes with an ounce of pure blow and everyone gets a piece of me (please check your local pharmacy or pubmed for the bioavailability of BK38).

Fuck it, boof me if you didn't like me on this mortal plane!

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

To OP

Sort of. I'd want to go out with a bang and not a whimper. There's not much off an in-between with me. I'd like to go out sober and peacefully or like a fucking Rockstar joining the "27 club" a bit late...in an ideal world.

I'd want my wake to be a party that a combo of Freddy Mercury and Hunter S Thompson would throw. As in utter madness. I want 50% of attendees forget the whole night just because of the excess and have to ask others what happened.

Project X is kinder shit. Shoot me out of a cannon like HST or at least mix my ashes with an ounce of pure blow and everyone gets a piece of me (please check your local pharmacy or pubmed for the bioavailability of BK38).

Fuck it, boof me if you didn't like me on this mortal plane!

i don’t understand funerals really with respect to myself.

i’m dead why would i care? i physically can’t

desecrate by body, have sex with it…i don’t care.

my body is being donated to medical schools for students to dissect.

otherwise just throw me in the dumpster after i don’t care about this meat prison im finally done serving my sentence in it.

as far as a funeral? i get why the family might need them.

 

[BK38]

i don’t understand funerals really with respect to myself.

i’m dead why would i care? i physically can’t

desecrate by body, have sex with it…i don’t care.

my body is being donated to medical schools for students to dissect.

otherwise just throw me in the dumpster after i don’t care about this meat prison im finally done serving my sentence in it.

as far as a funeral? i get why the family might need them.

Yes, I'm 100% with you, but I want my wake to truly be a celebration of life - however long or fleeting it may be in the end. I want a fucking RAGER for my wake. I want my death to remind people that every second is precious and that life can and should be, fucking crazy!

To cut it short; I want my death to be a confirmation of how wonderful life can be!

As for my body, I'd take a page out of the Rolling Stones manual and request that everyone snort my ass post-mortem (mixed with high quality blow but of course).

 

[N0ph0n0]

Fuck yeah, i would completely change my drug use, im gonna start using opiates and smoke crack on the regular. Fuck it im even gonna buy 1000 indian cigarettes and dip them in PCP and vape a mix of DMT and bath salts.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Yes, I'm 100% with you, but I want my wake to truly be a celebration of life - however long or fleeting it may be in the end. I want a fucking RAGER for my wake. I want my death to remind people that every second is precious and that life can and should be, fucking crazy!

To cut it short; I want my death to be a confirmation of how wonderful life can be!

but you’re dead you can’t even have the ability to care what happens after that point?

if it’s cancer and a slow death i want footage played of me dying and rottingfrom
cancer, bleeding out every oriffice and writhing in catastrohic pain, choking on my own blood.

if it’s a car accident i want the images on a projector showing my mutilated body and me bleeding out twitching and screaming in pain.

that’s what life is. a body is a meat prison that eventually inflicts torture on itself.

really wonderful huh?

all the hugs and parties during are just an attempt to cope the disgusting reality of what biology is. it’s a cancer in and of itself.

ppl need to stop lying to themselves about creating and living life being worth it. the hide like cowards by chasing thrills and relationships. they avoid nursing homes, hospitals, homeless streets littered with neglected ppl rotting on sidewalks with open wounds ignored by ppl, trafficked women being raped dozens of times per day till they bleed out the and vagina , battle fields littered with men with limbs blown off, care facilities with mentally disabled kids and ppl that cant feed themselves and shit all over themselves …..ppl hide from all of this because they whodthen have t o acknowledge what a tragic institution life is. and they would have to face the reality that some form of this hell is waiting for them also eventually - so they hide in the present with their “fun” that is itself a need that needs to be constantly filled to avoid amd distract from reality that there is hell to pay when the time comes and the fact tha ppl celebrate life and continue to propagate this sick ponzi scheme where the start is profit and the end is ruin ….when there was zero reason need or longing for it to be initiated in the first place, is a very sick evil amd violent cycle to continue to replicate and”celebrate”

 

[N0ph0n0]

but you’re dead you can’t even have the ability to care what happens after that point?

if it’s cancer and a slow death i want footage played of me dying and rottingfrom
cancer, bleeding out every oriffice and writhing in catastrohic pain, choking on my own blood.

if it’s a car accident i want the images on a projector showing my mutilated body and me bleeding out twitching and screaming in pain.

that’s what life is. a body is a meat prison that eventually inflicts torture on itself.

really wonderful huh?

all the hugs and parties during are just an attempt to cope the disgusting reality of what biology is. it’s a cancer in and of itself.

ppl need to stop lying to themselves about creating and living life being worth it. the hide like cowards by chasing thrills and relationships. they avoid nursing homes, hospitals, homeless streets littered with neglected ppl rotting on sidewalks with open wounds ignored by ppl, trafficked women being raped dozens of times per day till they bleed out the and vagina , battle fields littered with men with limbs blown off, care facilities with mentally disabled kids and ppl that cant feed themselves and shit all over themselves …..ppl hide from all of this because they whodthen have t o acknowledge what a tragic institution life is. and they would have to face the reality that some form of this hell is waiting for them also eventually - so they hide in the present with their “fun” that is itself a need that needs to be constantly filled to avoid amd distract from reality that there is hell to pay when the time comes and the fact tha ppl celebrate life and continue to propagate this sick ponzi scheme where the start is profit and the end is ruin ….when there was zero reason need or longing for it to be initiated in the first place, is a very sick evil amd violent cycle to continue to replicate and”celebrate”

Awesome
Personally if i die idc how i just want my corpse to be crucified in the woods so that nature can feast on my corpse.

 

[N0ph0n0]

yeah. i've taken plenty of opiates, and anti-psychotics are kind of different.

Just wondering, i saw your post in the gangstalking thread and i was wondering if you are schizophrenic?

 

[foodcrisis]

Just wondering, i saw your post in the gangstalking thread and i was wondering if you are schizophrenic?

i am dignosed with schizophrenia.. i definitely have it, but i actually do believe i had childhood schizophrenia and i was in some type of MK ultra experiment where they trained me to get positive hallucinations and enjoy having the illness. i'm really not sure. i believe the experiment was to show me certain musical tunings and paintings so i would be able to do them as an adult and remember how they conditioned me to get positive hallucinations. my parents say it never happened, but i believe they are gaslighting me. i like to write about it on the internet cause i believe some people have probably heard about similar stuff and also because i believe the CIA is probably documenting it. i believe my parents were instructed to gas light me and say i was never a part of the experiment.... the CIA does some pretty weird shit if you read about MK ultra and project sun streak and a bunch of other shit.. what i'm saying really isn't that crazy if you get into some of that stuff.

i forget what i was talking about in the gang stalking thread. i think i was saying i believe the police actually target some people, letting some people off or harassing people and ruining their lives... i really don't know. i don't really hold a lot of stock in it.. i'm one of the only people that seems to get fun schizophrenic hallucinations.... i might just feel like i'm being gangstalked cause i do weird stuff in public a lot, and people call the cops on me, and then the cops roll by to check on me and are just like "That dude, no harm..." my good friend is a cop too.. idk. i have a whole thread about how i think the police let me do illegal stuff as long as i don't do anything bad.. i think i am being like positive gang stalked or something... lol. what i say is "i don't really hold a lot of stock in that thought" cause i'm not really sure if it's reality.

 

[Kellsee]

well don’t blame yourself too much of it every happens

even the additictiom to substances and sugar itself; we are born how we are. we didn’t ask or choose to have these sensitive and fragile minds that predisposed us to falling into additiction

we didn’t ask to be born into dysfunctional families with bad genetics regarding mental illness, addition or sensitivity to disease.

we were born the way we are and without the tools or make up to avoid our addiction. that wasn’t our choice, that was our parents fault. we suffered eve before or without drugs because that is who we are at the core and that is the fault of the ppl that brought us into a world full of pain and suffering and rolled the dice with a child’s life.

disclaimer: we do have free will to make positive or negative decisions for ourselves; but different ppl start at different points, not everyone has a equal and for some ppl like us we were born disadvantaged in where our starting point was with regards to resilience and mental health and predisposition to addiction.

so blame your parents that brought your guaranteed to get sick and die meat prison for your soul into this meat grinder of a world - when they knew what the world and its risks entailed and they knew that you were safe from all that harm in the pre born , pre conceived, quiet, safe and peaceful state of non existence. they brought you into this world full of danger when you were safe in the void of non existence before for eternity going backwards in time. and now they brought you here and you have to weather the storm of life.

don’t blame yourself….if anyone is to blame it’s your parents.

I get what your saying and know you mean well.

It’s just that I sorta like my mom and dad lol

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

I get what your saying and know you mean well.

It’s just that I sorta like my mom and dad lol

that’s nice that you can see it tha way.

my parents weren’t bad on paper while raising me. i didn’t get much guidance about how to navigate life but i did get material support and cared for. i used to like them until i started realizing what the world and life is about and WHY they decided to have me.

i see them conceiving me and birthing me into this world full of hurt and pain (while knowing they had garbage genetics and while being on narcotics while pregnant with me) - as the worst act of violence anyone could possibly have done to me in my existence. and i don’t think ill ever forgive that act of violence on me.

all of the pain and suffering and emotional pain i’ve been through. the sentence to wage slavery and my eventual dying of cancer or whatever horrible end i die by….they sentenced me to that 100% certain fate that every human goes through, just to entertain themselves with a child.

if they wanted a child they could have adopted one of the millions that is desperate for parents. but in an act of vile selfishness they had to reproduce their own garbage genetics. and now i serve the sentence of life and of dying because of their decision.

 

[placebonaut]

they aren’t really all that impressive or enjoyable imo. with the exception of IV use.

they really are more about escaping misery and pain than running towards pleasure or fun.

an “off” switch for feeling and existing. if pll
do them that aren’t suffering immensely they are usually like “that’s it?”

very wise choice to be this cautious about them.

interesting point, I've read a lot and know about it be a bit underwhelming, i guess the danger of it stops me doing it, but with that restriction gone then there's no reason not to.

I'd really like to work my way through the best combos of all time, holy trinity, brompton, classic speedball.

If I'm going out I'm going out partying!

 

[Allylbenzene]

Well, as someone who was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia late last year, it's kind of had the opposite effect on me.

It sounds like you opted for the imo more sensible and arguably wiser route. Besides, if someone is resolute on doing "tons of drugs" then they might as well explore the various substances which many people report as being able to resolve cancer. Then again, a doctor will probably say something like "it's impossible so don't even try, take my medications instead".

 

[chippermonk]

Awesome
Personally if i die idc how i just want my corpse to be crucified in the woods so that nature can feast on my corpse.

I kinda like the idea of a sky burial: tie my corpse to the roof for the vultures and crows, but those stupid neighbors of mine are always complaining about stuff, smh

 

[chippermonk]

To OP:
I get you about the idea of going all out with drugs if I have a fatal diagnosis, I've certainly thought about that option. Likewise for suicide whatever the reason.
But here is what I personally have decided would be a problem ( aside from the big one of would I even be able to aquire the proper drugs)
I am afraid that if I knew I were dying or if I just wanted to die, the absolute negativity of that would be a major buzz kill. Yes, I could get so obliterated on drugs that I wouldn't feel the mental pain, but at that point I think I might be too numb to feel anything pleasurable either.
Certainly knocking yourself dead with one good big dose could do the job, a hot shot, but go day after day of getting high, coming down ( inevitable), getting high again... doesn't sound that good. Hard for me to imagine really forgetting about that mental anguish.

 

[chippermonk]

@Dr. John Thackery
...anyhow, I'm sorry to hear this pain in what you are writing. It goes beyond just anticipating a painful end of life to be avoided ( I really get that, I worry about it too). Your parents seem like maybe they weren't the best parents, but it's unfortunate that we ALL are imperfect in our ways. Living life without a good owner's manual. Massive horrible suffering across the globe.
But life is amazingly resilient at continuing to survive. It has beauty, and it has pleasure, and I hope you can figure out how to feel more content in life. I have that struggle, too

 

[Shinji Ikari]

I watched my mum die of stage 4 there's no way I'd go through that sober and I'd probably elect to check out on my own terms before it got taken out of my hands.

The things cancer can do to you are really only limited by your imagination it's terrifying.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I watched my mum die of stage 4 there's no way I'd go through that sober and I'd probably elect to check out on my own terms before it got taken out of my hands.

The things cancer can do to you are really only limited by your imagination it's terrifying.

Very true and I feel similarly

Some people die reasonably peacefully from cancer though too, but many don't

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

But you never really know until it happens...

i hope your treatment is as easy as it can be.


but as to your quoted point that’s really what i’m wondering here; it’s easy to say before something happens what you would do, but these major life events have a way of changing us and you might actually behave differently when faced with it