Venting I just hate being sober

[Mushoku_Sensei]

If sobriety is what you want -- it has to be what you truly want. That is about all I got there. (never been there lol)

If that's the case then I'm pretty much doomed , and lots of us (on here) as well I fear


Edit: sitting at the PC for once I had to take the opportunity to use one of those bl-custom emojis...

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

'doomed' is a gloomy way to look at having the ability to hit your brains reward center and experience euphoria at will.

I look at the sobers with pity and they look at us as pathetic --- hence THE DRUG WAR. which I think we are winning despite having the largest incarcerated population per Capita and about half of them in for non violent drug offenses.

Doomed to spend a bit more money and perhaps take a risk or two now and than. I still swear Harm reduction/Users should have a union.

If everyone that got busted for possession took it to court they would not have the resources and have to prosecute other things. Part of the union dues is taking it to court unless your fictional union boss agrees in your situation a plea is the only way.

The dues should (Partially) go into a giant pool for lawyers so you can 'tow the line' so to speak. ----- Im tryin to come with solutions lol

 

[Uden]

Perfectly understood. Just trying to tell you I'm thinking of you and really wishing you the best

And for that, I am glad, and eternally grateful. Good people are worth more than anything else in the universe, in any amount. No amount of diamonds, gold, wealth of any kind, even comes close to the value of a good person. Period.

 

[Uden]

Yeaa I have been a pot head from 13 to 37 but it didin't deteriorate my body. Alcohol a bit, opi's some, benzos there was a run I was so deep into I had bad circulation -- The body is very good at bouncing back from things and not all drugs are all that hard on the body ---

When you say had a view of the 'other side' do you mean sobriety and decided it was for you or do you mean getting fckd up and deciding it was for you?

If the latter are you in some forced sobriety period? I had to be a bad influence but you know what is worse for you than drugs -- depression leading to that one thing we don't talk about. This is the place to be if you wanna get high and have your body deteriorate the minimum amount -- just research heavily and ask questions.

If sobriety is what you want -- it has to be what you truly want. That is about all I got there. (never been there lol)

Oh the pot isn't what deteriorated my body, a lack of a will to exist is what did that. I shouldn't have let it get that bad. I miss the forest.

And by "other side" I mean I tried to commit suicide in my twenties and saw things when I lost consciousness. I firmly believe it was not chemical hallucinations, or brain death, or whatever else. It was far too real, far too removed from anything I've ever thought or experienced. It was another place.

I am in forced sobriety because the only people I know now, are thieves and liars and I'm tired of giving my money away so they can go get high and hand me garbage. I don't have any good connects left, they either quit, died, or... turned into shit bags. Some of them are in prison too. Fucking hate the system. Just hurts people. Doesn't help very many.

And yeah I know quitting has to be something you really genuinely desire in order for it to be successful 99.999999% of the time. I just don't have a choice any more. I don't know any good ways of meeting new connects. Can't go to the local drug hangout and find any new plugs... if there is a local drug hangout I have no idea where it's at lol.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

'doomed' is a gloomy way to look at having the ability to hit your brains reward center and experience euphoria at will.

Doomed here referred to the inability to stop feeding on drugs at will. Once you're addicted, you have a hard time enjoying anything without the crutches you're used to now. Much like the ability to walk on our own two feet... Which would be the capability to live happily even without any psychotropic chemicals involved. Did I manage to explain that?

I look at the sobers with pity and they look at us as pathetic --- hence THE DRUG WAR. which I think we are winning despite having the largest incarcerated population per Capita and about half of them in for non violent drug offenses.

That's the dynamic of seeing others as different and irritating. While everyone has the right to stay sober. Getting high is usually banned and therefore most of us are offenders to those who cherish the rules
If you change the rules, thetr won't be an offense in the firt place, though ppl might still look down on some substances and roas. I don't pity anyone who's doing fine without drugs. Rather the opposite...

Doomed to spend a bit more money and perhaps take a risk or two now and than. I still swear Harm reduction/Users should have a union.

That money can be a lot and causes soo much trouble to have to get it from somewhere and fast... And risks can be deadly at times... Harm reduction is a great cause... Though it won't possibly be 100% safe , ever..

If everyone that got busted for possession took it to court they would not have the resources and have to prosecute other things. Part of the union dues is taking it to court unless your fictional union boss agrees in your situation a plea is the only way.

The dues should (Partially) go into a giant pool for lawyers so you can 'tow the line' so to speak. ----- Im tryin to come with solutions lol

Good luck with that. Legal OTC pharma quality opis would be a major game changer, though I don't see that coming all too soon

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

"I don't pity anyone who's doing fine without drugs. Rather the opposite..." -- I agree but have not met that person yet. Even the sobers are usually on a ton of caffeine and have to spout off about it to the point of "Thou protesteth too much".

I agree about looking at people differently and almost went a sentence further and said 'they have heard too many stories *propaganda* and simply don't understand -- so naturally fear and contempt is the end result.

I can't say it goes the other way (We all have been sober for a bit)

The money can be alot -- or very little depending on everything. THE RISK IS SUBSTANTIAL you got me there. (Luckily I am in a MJ legal state) --- anything past that is a substantial risk. Well other than the benzo and sub script, which makes it pretty easy to only jump on 0 risk situations.

obviously a "User Union" is a silly novel concept -- Canada has over the counter codeine? France I hear has a handful of opiate/oids over the counter. Netherlands and lots of EU has heroin clinics. Even in the US of A you can get 7 oh at just about any gas station.

If OTC opiods was what ya meant l I would say good luck stopping it! Demand = Supply. The legality is what gets it all twisted up, puts us at risk and inflates prices.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

"I don't pity anyone who's doing fine without drugs. Rather the opposite..." -- I agree but have not met that person yet. Even the sobers are usually on a ton of caffeine and have to spout off about it to the point of "Thou protesteth too much".

There are lots who use the legal drugs plenty and draw a sharp line between them and - "us". What I meant were those people who can be satisfied with their lives without or a rare buzz once in a while. As this is what I mean by "normal". And they exist, trust me. Ofc if you mean always happy and never sad or in pain, then you won't find a single person on earth like that. Life is always suffering, just to very different degrees. Did you know that one of the crucial criteria for mental health is the "ability to suffer", as it's called literally translated? That means the ability to deal with pain within ones own psyche and not feeling the need to escape. - though in reality that only works if you don't have the escape right at hand. Our mind tends to flow along the easiest path. And if you read or watch any good novel/movies, you're always coming across someone having to deal with substantial suffering/difficulty. I mean imagine Brave Heart had never chosen to fight but go and smoke a few bowls of opium instead...

The money can be alot -- or very little depending on everything. THE RISK IS SUBSTANTIAL you got me there. (Luckily I am in a MJ legal state) --- anything past that is a substantial risk. Well other than the benzo and sub script, which makes it pretty easy to only jump on 0 risk situations.

That's a good position indeed

obviously a "User Union" is a silly novel concept -- Canada has over the counter codeine? France I hear has a handful of opiate/oids over the counter. Netherlands and lots of EU has heroin clinics. Even in the US of A you can get 7 oh at just about any gas station.

@Uden : can you get 7-oh where you're at?!?
And just FYI in Germany you get nothing opioid like legally. Not codein, and not in combination either, even Kratom banned here...

If OTC opiods was what ya meant l I would say good luck stopping it! Demand = Supply. The legality is what gets it all twisted up, puts us at risk and inflates prices.

Hmm. As I said, nothing OTC here, not going to see that anytime soon or likely not in this lifetime...

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

It is those that draw the sharp line between us and them of which I speak. Met A LOT of ppl that can (I did not mean to italicize srry) be happy in their lives with a rare buzz once and awhile. Or are happy and don't consider alcohol or chocolate or whatever a drug they are prescribed --- I honestly have not met anyone who never has or would use anything pyschoactive ever that is happy -- IME those ppl have chips on their shoulder (against us often) and yell at the NFL and shite like that. ---most of em on some 'born again shit' use to be your dealer now they offended if you spark a j lol

I do not know a lot of people though I will give you that. Pretty sure I live in a fairly miserable part of the US too -- so in all fairness you prolly know more and a wider spectrum of people than me.

I agree everyone suffers and it would be a serious mental problem if you were "always happy" --- Frankly I wonder how smart 'happy' ppl are looking at the world. My position has always been 'I am not depressed, it is a depressing world and I have a healthy distrust -- I argue if you look at this world and see sunshine and rainbows you may need more help than me.

-- Yea it is a good position but not a common one or an easy point to get to so I conceed I used myself to largely sidestep that question. I also feel like anyone who has the will there is a way (legally). Spent many many many years taking the risks and it was flat stupid/not worth the payoff --- but the only way

Shoot yea you can get 7 oh here -- Dang Germany may be one of the exceptions to the rule?! Is the demand there --- excuse this joke but I believe if anyone could live happily sober it would be a German. (really its more of a compliment. Sparse efficient folk

 

[lost weekend]

Now I totally feel like a junkie, kratom junkie,
Honestly I don't mind too much, I KNOW deep down in my heart that I can be kratom free because I was in the past and I've been kratom free for months and weeks during the last years, but the thing is, I feel BETTER while on kratom, mainly because my adhd and my diabetes type 1 it's such a weight on my well being, I get worse both in adhd (emotional disregulation) and my sugar levels tend to be less easy and less predictable when off kratom (specially during the withdrawals, which is terrible for cravings..)
I'm a junkie? yep but honestly, I've always been some sort of a junkie, drinking alcohol since 13 and smoking marihuana since 15 specially prone to be high during my college years. Self medication ? probably
Marihuana completely DESTROYED my chances of being a philosophy teacher in college, I know I'm very intelligent and capable to do it, even with my discipline issues because of adhd, but I could have done it, the thing is that I prefered to be high as much as possible, reading books (philosophy, originals) which made me more knowledgeable in terms of really knowing authors and their thoughts but... that means actually nothing as entering a department in a College has little to do with your knowledge and it's more about discipline and working on things you don't give a fuck about..
So well, for one reason or another I feel I NEED something to cope with my diseases and atm I didn't find anything better than kratom, it's not something that doesn't change you, it affects a lot of stuff, subtly, I would say... but I prefer that to being baked and useless or feeling like shit with alcohol, let alone the physical destruction of stims or the horrible effects of hardcore opioids,

I do also feel that being totally sober it's boring, I feel myself as a psychonaut, not actually a junkie overall, I just have that kratom dependency but my interest in drugs it's seeing how they can affect my mind, my thoughts, my emotion how can I evolve with them, specially psychedelics and ethnobotanicals, so at the end of it it's something that benefits my life more than it drains me, I think.

I missed my monthly kratom order cos we had guests staying and I like to keep up appearances that I'm not a raging user.had 100 dhc 30mg thought that would take the edge off ,it never .I've never taken H but withdrawl from kratom can't be far off it ,any one who says it's not is never been dependent on it .hopefully 500 grams will arrive in next 5 days .that first dose will be like walking on the moon .I was foolish I should have made tea instead of toss and wash ,I normally collect what's left in the t and freeze it and it staves off withdrawl .I feel your pain

 

[Neuroborean]

I missed my monthly kratom order cos we had guests staying and I like to keep up appearances that I'm not a raging user.had 100 dhc 30mg thought that would take the edge off ,it never .I've never taken H but withdrawl from kratom can't be far off it ,any one who says it's not is never been dependent on it .hopefully 500 grams will arrive in next 5 days .that first dose will be like walking on the moon .I was foolish I should have made tea instead of toss and wash ,I normally collect what's left in the t and freeze it and it staves off withdrawl .I feel your pain

Yeah, a similar thing is happening to me, they called me from another "state" (not really state, but to make me understood) where I need to see a psychiatrist for an ADHD appointment, they took months to give me the appointment and it's now with only 1 week to prepare and it's like almost 400euros to reach there now in summer (holiday place..) then I ran off of kratom at the same time and I will go there in withdrawals I think, I doubt my 500g will reach tomorrow morning... hopefully they will, but probably they won't so wont' have them till wednesday night when I reach back where I'm living, life is harsh sometimes. I barely slept tonight, even with 10mg diazepam...

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

It is those that draw the sharp line between us and them of which I speak. Met A LOT of ppl that can (I did not mean to italicize srry) be happy in their lives with a rare buzz once and awhile. Or are happy and don't consider alcohol or chocolate or whatever a drug they are prescribed --- I honestly have not met anyone who never has or would use anything pyschoactive ever that is happy -- IME those ppl have chips on their shoulder (against us often) and yell at the NFL and shite like that. ---most of em on some 'born again shit' use to be your dealer now they offended if you spark a j lol

Born again yeah, fits with the saying that the most militant non-smokers are ex-smokers...

I do not know a lot of people though I will give you that. Pretty sure I live in a fairly miserable part of the US too -- so in all fairness you prolly know more and a wider spectrum of people than me.

Not sure if I really do... Superficially probably yes. I can't see through people, but as far as I can tell there are lots who can do with very little alcohol - but those are mainly not youngsters.

Shoot yea you can get 7 oh here -- Dang Germany may be one of the exceptions to the rule?! Is the demand there --- excuse this joke but I believe if anyone could live happily sober it would be a German. (really its more of a compliment. Sparse efficient folk

... Well... Some are... Though happiness is not necessarily what I would consider typically German, rather some sort of self- contentment. The demand would definitely be there, but there are simply no legal ways for anything beyond MJ and even that is only half- legal (and even that they want to take back), so the sharp line is drawn by the government very strictly. No RCs. Nothing. (It's probably true that we're a bit easier to rule than others. It takes an awful lot to spark serious protest...)

 

[lost weekend]

Yeah, a similar thing is happening to me, they called me from another "state" (not really state, but to make me understood) where I need to see a psychiatrist for an ADHD appointment, they took months to give me the appointment and it's now with only 1 week to prepare and it's like almost 400euros to reach there now in summer (holiday place..) then I ran off of kratom at the same time and I will go there in withdrawals I think, I doubt my 500g will reach tomorrow morning... hopefully they will, but probably they won't so wont' have them till wednesday night when I reach back where I'm living, life is harsh sometimes. I barely slept tonight, even with 10mg diazepam...

Diazapam helps somewhat with sleep but it's not great especially with a tolerance.you would think it would lift your mood but it dosnt .worst withdrawl is in your gut ,and absolutely no motivation, hope it's not to bad for you

 

[Neuroborean]

Diazapam helps somewhat with sleep but it's not great especially with a tolerance.you would think it would lift your mood but it dosnt .worst withdrawl is in your gut ,and absolutely no motivation, hope it's not to bad for you

in my case the worst of withdrawals is insomnia, motivation/lethargy and also feeling like a constant knot in my solar plexus (upper stomach), basically anxiety.

 

[lost weekend]

Diazapam helps somewhat with sleep but it's not great especially with a tolerance.you would think it would lift your mood but it dosnt .worst withdrawl is in your gut ,and absolutely no motivation, hope it's not to bad for you

This might help.iv never made poppy seed tea but just bought 400 grams from a well known supermarket, simply used a cocktail shaker about half a litre of water cos the seeds absorb it ,shook it for 1 minute transfered to coffee filter and poured out the water ,I am opiate naive but I do feel a warm buzz and my rls is gone,my mood has lifted .others On forum will prob laugh but it's helped.just ordered 3 kg of unwashed seeds on Internet be here tomorrow.

 

[Neuroborean]

Did you know that one of the crucial criteria for mental health is the "ability to suffer", as it's called literally translated? That means the ability to deal with pain within ones own psyche and not feeling the need to escape. - though in reality that only works if you don't have the escape right at hand.

Yeah ok, but look at this: how many of the people who are not "escaping" to pain, or hiding or putting under the rug all the suffering through mental disorder coping mechanism or addictions of sorts have REALLY suffered a lot during their lives specially their childhoods? I would almost call "a saint" someone whose childhood has been hard and also their youth/adult years and has learned how to cope healthily without issue or any type of external coping mechanism.... Not many of those. It's like we have a "limit" on which we could "fall" into chaos.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I just love being intoxicated.

OK and that i function and feel better is a nice extra.

Diazapam helps somewhat with sleep but it's not great especially with a tolerance.you would think it would lift your mood but it dosnt .worst withdrawl is in your gut ,and absolutely no motivation, hope it's not to bad for you

Agreed it doesn t lift mood, it more like a everlasting no creative, dull high.
Akin to THC, but then striped from everything what makes THC so nice.

But 80 mg Diazepam on a naive person was overkill imo, 40 mg sufficient.
Make you wet your bed and sleeping the day s away still in WD agony.
But 5 day s on it in de-escalating doses, 80-40-30-20-10.
Cured 2 year s of life crippling insomnia, and reset-ed my sleep architecture.

No prove off course that this is universal, but it saved my life.
And was not even Benzo naieve. I took RC benzo s from time to time.
But never got dependant, the Diazepam was for Alcohol WD,
for which it barely does shit. Alcohol dependence is a monster.
So no way i am risking a Benzo addiction,
but i think used wise they are useful, they saved my ass.

So hail short term Diazepam use in monster doses.

 

[lost weekend]

I just love being intoxicated.

OK and that i function and feel better is a nice extra.

Agreed it doesn t lift mood, it more like a everlasting no creative, dull high.
Akin to THC, but then striped from everything what makes THC so nice.

But 80 mg Diazepam on a naive person was overkill imo, 40 mg sufficient.
Make you wet your bed and sleeping the day s away still in WD agony.
But 5 day s on it in de-escalating doses, 80-40-30-20-10.
Cured 2 year s of life crippling insomnia, and reset-ed my sleep architecture.

No prove off course that this is universal, but it saved my life.
And was not even Benzo naieve. I took RC benzo s from time to time.
But never got dependant, the Diazepam was for Alcohol WD,
for which it barely does shit. Alcohol dependence is a monster.
So no way i am risking a Benzo addiction,
but i think used wise they are useful, they saved my ass.

So hail short term Diazepam use in monster doses.

I just love being intoxicated.

OK and that i function and feel better is a nice extra.

Agreed it doesn t lift mood, it more like a everlasting no creative, dull high.
Akin to THC, but then striped from everything what makes THC so nice.

But 80 mg Diazepam on a naive person was overkill imo, 40 mg sufficient.
Make you wet your bed and sleeping the day s away still in WD agony.
But 5 day s on it in de-escalating doses, 80-40-30-20-10.
Cured 2 year s of life crippling insomnia, and reset-ed my sleep architecture.

No prove off course that this is universal, but it saved my life.
And was not even Benzo naieve. I took RC benzo s from time to time.
But never got dependant, the Diazepam was for Alcohol WD,
for which it barely does shit. Alcohol dependence is a monster.
So no way i am risking a Benzo addiction,
but i think used wise they are useful, they saved my ass.

So hail short term Diazepam use in monster doses.

That's wise not to risk messing with benzos ,there is no real recreational value to benzos just a confidence boost .

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I missed my monthly kratom order cos we had guests staying and I like to keep up appearances that I'm not a raging user.had 100 dhc 30mg thought that would take the edge off ,it never .I've never taken H but withdrawl from kratom can't be far off it ,any one who says it's not is never been dependent on it .hopefully 500 grams will arrive in next 5 days .that first dose will be like walking on the moon .I was foolish I should have made tea instead of toss and wash ,I normally collect what's left in the t and freeze it and it staves off withdrawl .I feel your pain

Missed my last Kratom order for year s, direct supply from the source.
And all the online or Smartshop Kratom, is near half as strong.
So quality drop, but price a increase that far out-cedes it.

Sad as it was so benign easy to WD from, like GHB/ GBL.
Never had any troubles regarding addiction with those.
The WD-s are for me so mild i functional, and smart enough,
not to go to deep.

Now i am left the choice of 3 super addicting replacement s.
Which you can roulette, but its a thinner line between nice and disaster.
The 3 Alcohol, Benzodiazepinen and o-DSMT. All 3 equally dangerous.

But that s free choice, just never make a bad one, i did with Booze, 3 x !
So i treated the 'Three Times" rule.

So i may never get physically addicted again.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

That's wise not to risk messing with benzos ,there is no real recreational value to benzos just a confidence boost .

Insomnia, or in case needed for supressing Alcohol cravings.
For which i d use Pyrazolam which next to Clobazam is the least addicting Benzo.
Imo.

My over-confidence, which often mean s being faced with impossibility s.
Needs no increase, got Weed and D-Amphetamine, they have that effect.
Don t really need it i feel, its more overkill. Maybe the Speed tempers it ?
Must be i have ADHD they say.

Bassically after 2 years insomnia and as result 5 seizures,
i am glad RC benzos are still legal. Always brag i have no anxiety.
Lie, scared to death after 2 day s not sleeping "is it happening again"

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Yeah ok, but look at this: how many of the people who are not "escaping" to pain, or hiding or putting under the rug all the suffering through mental disorder coping mechanism or addictions of sorts have REALLY suffered a lot during their lives specially their childhoods? I would almost call "a saint" someone whose childhood has been hard and also their youth/adult years and has learned how to cope healthily without issue or any type of external coping mechanism.... Not many of those. It's like we have a "limit" on which we could "fall" into chaos.

I agree here mostly. Saints are saints because among other criteria they stand out considerably in an amazing and good way. I also agree that conditions are there for everyone without their choice and the earlier a serious issue dates back., the harder it is to deal with. There was a discussion somewhere else that mentioned the "rat park" experiment. It basically proves that rats who have an interesting snd healthy environment are not likely to abuse drugs massively when offered. Whereas those who were kept under stressful conditions were VERY likely to abuse them to the point of starvation even...