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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Stimulants Started abusing my prescription (methylphenidate) 10 months ago. How can I return to regular use?

Do you have someone responsible in your life who could help you take the right dose at the right time?

Seconded. This is my go-to suggestion for people trying to reclaim their out of control prescriptions.

I would recommend taking at least two weeks off from the medication, ideally an entire month. During this time, I would seriously encourage you to seek out help for these compulsive/addictive behaviors. I'm not saying you're a street-level junkie, but you're displaying characteristics of addiction for a reason. You really need to figure out what's going on with your head that made you start down this path. Having the medication secured is one thing, but if you don't sort out the psychological component of this, then your prescription is going to be like a ticking time bomb following you around through life.

After the month of abstinence and work on your mental health, you can then attempt to resume the prescription by having it divvied out to you by someone you can trust. This would have to be an every day thing to start otherwise it won't mean much good. After you feel you have some control you can then upgrade to every other day, then weekly and so on.

The only way you have a chance of ever using stimulants responsibly, in a way that is truly positive to your life, is by going at this with a solid plan in place. I'm not saying you have to give up control forever, but you're not likely to succeed with this unless you take some of the control out of your hands while you fix things.
 
Taper down slowly replace with exercise . Eating 5-7 meals if you get super serious Bout exercise aka bodybuilding
 
Taper down slowly replace with exercise . Eating 5-7 meals if you get super serious Bout exercise aka bodybuilding
Yeah but, I mean…ADHD is a real condition, you know? Sure, it's super healthy to work out at least 30 min a day. I try to get in four weight-lifting days per week as well, and this certainly boosts my mood and my endogenous hormones, but at the same time, this is not a panacea to all maladies. People who are bipolar need Lithium or something similar. Diabetics need insulin. People with ADHD function much more reliably and efficiently with their meds, like everyone who needs their meds, and there's no amount of exercise that can change this.
 
Yeah but, I mean…ADHD is a real condition, you know? Sure, it's super healthy to work out at least 30 min a day. I try to get in four weight-lifting days per week as well, and this certainly boosts my mood and my endogenous hormones, but at the same time, this is not a panacea to all maladies. People who are bipolar need Lithium or something similar. Diabetics need insulin. People with ADHD function much more reliably and efficiently with their meds, like everyone who needs their meds, and there's no amount of exercise that can change this.

Isnt Adhd is from low levels of norepinephrine ?

When you resistance exercise intensely, pushing the limits, these low levels raise. A cold shower helps. These raise levels that would not be there if one didnty do these activites. It does help after these exercises; although pushing your body on hack squats, or lets say an all out set of leg extensions, one would be exhausted for hours afterwards, it raises them. Slowly, over time, neuroplasticity occurs.

The only way one knows if they have adhd is a brain scan to see exactly what brain chemicals in exactly what ratio's or percentile of each neurotransmitters. Furthermore, follow up tests to see what happens to these neurotransmitters.
 
Isnt Adhd is from low levels of norepinephrine
No.
The only way one knows if they have adhd is a brain scan to see exactly what brain chemicals in exactly what ratio's or percentile of each neurotransmitters. Furthermore, follow up tests to see what happens to these neurotransmitters
Also no.
 
I agree that there are folks who truly have a net-positive experience regarding chronic, prescribed stimulants. There is a big problem with stimulants though, especially when prescribed for ADHD and similar stuff. The problem is that stimulants will generally benefit the majority of people at prescription-level dosages and in an acute setting. For instance, if your job is to rake lawns, you are likely going to mow the lawns more quickly. If you're a dishwasher, you're probably going to wash the dishes faster.

This causes problems. Anybody who takes 20mg-40mg Amphetamine is pretty likely to say that the Amphetamines made them "better" at what they were doing. That same person, for the same reason is likely to say something like "there is something wrong with how I think normally, because look at how well I was thinking on the Amphetamine.

My point is, it's going to be extremely difficult, almost impossible to truly separate those with a true cognitive disorder from the people who just want Amphetamines. But why am I saying all of this here? Well, I think that people with stimulant prescriptions need to be extremely mindful regarding their relationship(s) with the drug. It's philosophically no different than an Opiate prescription - the only way to maintain long-term benefit is through extreme diligence and vigilance. The dose needs to be as low as possible.

I take medication myself for ADHD. I'm prescribed Lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse) 50mg per day. I was a "gifted student" until middle school when organization and self-motivation became a big part of school. I could never get my shit organize no matter how hard I tried, no matter how scared I was of my parents. I could not make it through more than 10 minutes maximum of a class before my brain completely shut down and I daydreamed until I heard the bell.

This all changed when I did my first year of college at a community college. I was able to pick what I wanted to learn about. I was surprised to find out that I was able to learn very well whenever it was a subject I was truly interested in. That was how I came to be involved with Bluelight. Drugs interested me for obvioius reasons and all of th information I absorbed, I get to regurgitate for you all.

I'm an addict. I take Methadone and I use Cannabis and trip when the mood strikes. If I were to drink Alcohol or do some Cocaine, I would be completely derailed in a matter of moments, completely out of control and consuming intoxicants until I can no longer stay awake. So, it's pretty wild to me that I have a prescription for Amphetamines in my room, yet I take them as prescribed. This has been going on for a while now, yet it still surprises me.

My thoughts are usually a vortex of everything all at once. Thoughts, emotions, memories and everything just swirling around like a tornado. Trying to maintain a train of thought was like trying to reach into that tornado at the right time, grab it and hold it tight so it doesn't get sucked right back in. When I take Amphetamine at these normal dosages, it's like those thoughts become blocks, one right after the other. It's like discovering decimalization for the first time, when you realize how easy it is and it clicks in your brain, it's like a-ha!

I would never have expected that I could handle this level of responsibility. The crazy thing is that taking the medication actually reduces my cravings for other drugs greatly. It makes me less impulsive in general. It really has changed my life quite a bit. When I first started, I knew it was beneficial, but I knew it wasn't going to last forever. It's been a long time now. I still have control of the medication. It seems to still be effective for me to this day.

Like I was saying, I try to be constantly mindful of how I'm reacting to the drug. Being mindful of my feelings was part of how I was able to get clean in the first place.

If you are taking medication with addictive potential, as an addict, the only way for it to work is for you to be 100% on top of your shit. There can't be cheating, extra pills... ever. As soon as you're willing to concede an inch with your addiction, then you are willing to concede everything

If you are able to get back to a place of responsible usage, then the only way that you can keep the medication in your life is to do it perfectly. There are a lot of things in life that can't truly be done perfectly. However, this is something that can be done perfectly; you either take the medicine as prescribed or you don't.

I know I wouldn't want to be preached at. I just want to say, a program is extremely important. I only know of the 12 steps. They worked for me because they were everywhere. If you know of something similar, in which you're able to discuss your addiction openly with other people, every day, then I say go for it. AA is not perfect, but it is there, 24/7, globally and it is completely free.
 
No.

Also no.
It's not dopamine
No.

Also no.

Who makes you an expert?

You're Asian correct?

I know you think you have a higher IQ in general than other races and they generally is true but with chemistry and specific drugs, it all comes from Europe. Why don't you do more research or since you're the expert on it what exactly causes it what neurotransmitters are involved?

I used to think dopamine and Noradrenaline but far the research just says Nordrenaline

Maybe get under some heavy weights for you I'm really push it, and see if that doesn't improve your focus. Just like the novelty seeking gene I find training intensely greatly helps that
 
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It's not dopamine


Who makes you an expert?

You're Asian correct?

I know you think you have a higher IQ in general than other races and they generally is true but with chemistry and specific drugs, it all comes from Europe. Why don't you do more research or since you're the expert on it what exactly causes it what neurotransmitters are involved?

I used to think dopamine and Noradrenaline but far the research just says Nordrenaline

Maybe get under some heavy weights for you I'm really push it, and see if that doesn't improve your focus. Just like the novelty seeking gene I find training intensely greatly helps that
What planet are you on?
 
What planet are you on?
If you think that a psychiatrist or psychologist diagnosing you is correct your incorrect. Rain scans are available for measuring these neurotransmitters. Many people do not have access to them but they will be surprised as the brain does adapt and change over time via neuroplasticity.
 
There is a big problem with stimulants though, especially when prescribed for ADHD and similar stuff.
As opposed to when they're prescribed for narcolepsy? In the past they were prescribed to treat obesity and as anti-depressants, but now that would be off-label and a liability from the malpractice insurance perspective.

The problem is that stimulants will generally benefit the majority of people at prescription-level dosages and in an acute setting. For instance, if your job is to rake lawns, you are likely going to mow the lawns more quickly.
Yeah but if your job is to rake lawns, it begs the question: whyTF are you mowing them? Lol. I'm just messing with ya…;)

Anybody who takes 20mg-40mg Amphetamine is pretty likely to say that the Amphetamines made them "better" at what they were doing. That same person, for the same reason is likely to say something like "there is something wrong with how I think normally, because look at how well I was thinking on the Amphetamine.
That's an assumption. Not everyone responds well to everything. I've noticed, for example, that many times people tend to prefer a stimulant that acts as a reuptake inhibitora la cocaine, Ritalin (methylphenidate), cathinones, pyrovalerones – while others prefer CNS stimulants that function as releasing agents – amphetamines, entactogens. Here, I'm mostly referring to dopamine and norepinephrine, but also serotonin as well, especially with certain stims (one key difference b/t methamphetamine and amphetamine is the elevated serotonergic effects of meth, which is some 10 - 15x more potent).

I think that people with stimulant prescriptions need to be extremely mindful regarding their relationship(s) with the drug.
Agreed. Self-discipline goes a long way, but it's important to note that it's easier for some people than for others. Regardless, it isn't an excuse to abuse drugs. Even when taken recreationally, people need to observe best practices for harm reduction, take tolerance breaks, and generally use responsibly. Avoid drug abuse.

I'm an addict.
Such a loaded term. The World Health Organization made it up circa 1958 to express that the person is "spoken for"; hence why it shares etymological roots with "diction" and "dictionary". They tried to retract it, but the word was popular. It conflates the concepts of tolerance and dependency w/compulsivity. This is just my opinion, but I think the words we use to describe ourselves matter more than most ppl realize. Personally, I question how healthy it is to declare oneself an "addict", but I know it's a huge component to the 12-step program which helps some people (~15% success rate), and it's useful shorthand, if you will, most times at least.

I suggest checking out SMART instead. It seems to be more effective, especially for atheists, agnostics, and those who dislike—or were traumatized by—religion.

Also, forgive me if it seems like I'm challenging your recovery. What works for you, works, obviously; I just wanted to offer some alternative philosophies. And kudos to you for getting a handle on the issue in your life. It's inspire and I admire those qualities in a person 🤘

If I were to drink Alcohol or do some Cocaine, I would be completely derailed in a matter of moments, completely out of control and consuming intoxicants until I can no longer stay awake.
In a neurolinguistic sense, declaring alcohol and cocaine would "derail" you preps your nervous system to respond that way like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm not advising you drink or do cocaine; I don't even care for either substance personally. But should you find yourself in a situation where you've consumed either one, just know: it is not a guarantee that you'll go into a deep binge. I hope you don't face that dilemma, but if you ever do, don't despair. You know: you might fall off the wagon, but you don't have to plunge into the canyon either, so to speak. "Rock bottom" is a moving platform not worthy of visiting.

And the definition of crazy is not "repeating the same action expecting different results." How else do you explain a coin toss? Or how about the expression: "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again"? It's the reason most of us walk ☞ we don't give up on teaching toddlers how to walk despite their repeated failure at said activity.

So, it's pretty wild to me that I have a prescription for Amphetamines in my room, yet I take them as prescribed. This has been going on for a while now, yet it still surprises me.
Let's not discount the fact that getting older tends to make most people less impulsive. People change w/time and it's normal. Our priorities change. And I'm an old fuck for saying that, but just bc something's trite doesn't mean it's untrue.

When I take Amphetamine at these normal dosages, it's like those thoughts become blocks, one right after the other.
"Blocks" = interesting word choice. Metaphorically this can mean something limiting – or blocking – us, but I think you meant it more as is: the jumble of ideas become less abstract in your mind's view of them, and you can start to make concrete sense of your thoughts. I get that.

The thing is: no one is perfect. We should aim for that measure, but I also believe in acceptance and not beating yourself up too much after we make mistakes.
 
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Isnt Adhd is from low levels of norepinephrine ?
It is much more complex than this notion which is reductionist at best.

The only way one knows if they have adhd is a brain scan to see exactly what brain chemicals in exactly what ratio's or percentile of each neurotransmitters.
Who is giving you this information? Jesus Chirst, man. Start with the wikipedia article on it, please, and read up: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder

Check it:
ADHD arises from maldevelopment in brain regions such as the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia and anterior cingulate cortex, which regulate the executive functions necessary for human self-regulation.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterised by executive dysfunction occasioning symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity and emotional dysregulation that are excessive and pervasive, impairing in multiple contexts, and developmentally-inappropriate.

ADHD symptoms arise from executive dysfunction, and emotional dysregulation is often considered a core symptom. Difficulties in self-regulation such as time management, inhibition and sustained attention may cause poor professional performance, relationship difficulties and numerous health risks, collectively predisposing to a diminished quality of life and a direct average reduction in life expectancy of 13 years. ADHD is associated with other neurodevelopmental and mental disorders as well as non-psychiatric disorders, which can cause additional impairment.

Who makes you an expert?
You're Asian correct?
I know you think you have a higher IQ in general than other races and they generally is true but with chemistry and specific drugs, it all comes from Europe. Why don't you do more research or since you're the expert on it what exactly causes it what neurotransmitters are involved?
I used to think dopamine and Noradrenaline but far the research just says Nordrenaline
Maybe get under some heavy weights for you I'm really push it, and see if that doesn't improve your focus. Just like the novelty seeking gene I find training intensely greatly helps that
Dude… this is not okay. That racial nonsense has no place here. I would request to please not insult my fellow Bluelighter like that. Poor form, man, and anyway the only "race" is the human race, which is why we are all capable of having children with one another. The concept of racial purity is just inbreeding anyway, and if you don't believe me just look at how and why so many of the royals have hemophilia. Get off that noise, drop the uncool bigoted spirit, eschew the Asian hate bullshit, and appreciate your fellow human beings. After all, you are all of them, as am I, because we're all the same Godhead soul, we're just experiencing ourselves subjectively, like Bill Hicks told us. And now here's Tom with the weather.

Srslty tho… there's no reason to be so agro. Time to cycle down and then get some good PCT (avoid that TRT, bro). We're all friends here. You can do what you want, but this is primarily an Australian discussion forum, you know. You're not gonna find much love for anti-Asian sentiment, and you might owe @Shinji Ikari an apology for coming across a certain way that I suspect you did not intend. It was a little disrespectful, and let's please avoid stereotyping. That's what Reddit's for 🤣

J/k, but srsly, thx for hearing me out. One love.
 
I feel like absolute shit. I want advice on how to return to my regular use.
Someone mentioned having someone hold on to your meds for you. And someone else seconded that. And I'll third it. A couple years ago I did this with Adderall when I felt things were getting out of hand. And that REALLY helped me get out of a dark period and back on track. Today I am using it far more responsibly (compared to then anyway) and I no longer require it being held for me. But like I said, it was a great "getting back on track" approach for me. It doesn't have to necessarily be a long-term approach if your goal is to regain some control.

I'll also add that, in a therapeutic way, I think it's a great way to hold yourself accountable. To tell another human being exactly why you're asking them to hold it. It can be scary but after the fact it can feel surprisingly good.

I know you said that's not an option for you. But, be sure you're being honest with yourself about that. You don't have one single person you could trust with this?

The other thing I wanted to say is that it's a good sign that you're here and inquiring! You're asking for help, which means you're not lying to yourself about how you could "quit if you want". Sometimes just saying something out loud, or admitting something out loud, even to strangers on a website, can get the wheels turning in a positive way. It's real now. You've said it out loud. And just addressing it can sometimes lead to motivation.

A while back I was complaining to a friend about procrastination and how I was avoiding a certain something. And then a few days later I noticed I started working on the thing I'd been avoiding! What was the big breakthrough? It's not like he gave me any advice. He just mostly listened. But there was just something about admitting it and talking about it out loud that seemed to spark me.

I am a believer in this because I've seen it work in other people too. If you're struggling and frustrated then at the very least keep talking about it. To someone close to you. Or come here and post more.
 
Who makes you an expert
Nobody made me an expert and I would never claim to be one but I do have ADHD and have been diagnosed with it for almost my entire life.
If you think that a psychiatrist or psychologist diagnosing you is correct your incorrect
Perhaps so, but I was 3 when I was first diagnosed. I kept regular psychiatric appointments through the remainder of my childhood and teens, was assessed again in my 20s and once again in my 30s and all have agreed without reservation that I meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD. As you say, it is possible that all of these people are wrong.

Whether they're right or wrong though this does mean that ADHD has been on my radar for my entire conscious life and in that time through dialogue with my clinicians, peers who share the same diagnosis and my own research I have learned a lot about what ADHD is how it presents what the likely root causes behind the symptoms are what treatments work and do not work.

That is to say, I may not be an expert but I do know enough to be able to call out your claims as incorrect. You're either acting in bad faith, or more likely uncritically regurgitating material that was incorrect to begin with or that you have failed to understand. Hard to say which because you haven't shared the sources from which you're drawing your claims instead telling me that I need to do more research on the condition that I've been living with and actively researching for decades.

You're Asian correct?
Much like the rest of your claims this is incorrect, not that my ethnicity is of any relevance to the issue at hand.
 
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That is tho say, I may not be an expert but I do know enough to be able to call out your claims as incorrect. You're either acting in bad faith, or more likely uncritically regurgitating material that was incorrect to begin with or that you have failed to understand. Hard to say which because you haven't shared the sources from which you're drawing your claims instead telling me that I need to do more research on the condition that I've been living with and actively researching for decades.

How do you know your claims are valid or invalid as the information I've came across ?

Did the "inventor" of adhd on his death bed tell someone he made it all up?
 
Which seems to be that you're a willfully ignorant buffoon
Pause, please. (Jesus Christ, I should just become a moderator already).

Name-calling is not okay, and it does not help. Let's not forget: those who want respect, give respect. And it works both ways. It's ok to let someone off the hook once in a while, you know. @Innerpeace has contributed meaningfully in the past; this is not his best thinking, let's just say. But it's alright; we all make mistakes. What's important is that we learn from them and avoid those mistakes in the future.

@Innerpeace – you are unequivocally wrong on this topic. ADHD is not just a simple matter of needing to lift weights. You had bad intel and should learn to evaluate the intel you receive before passing it on. Do not double down on a losing bet. Take the L, and move on to greener pastures, as it were. And vet the ideas that your work-out buddies pass around before putting it out there. Reputation matters in this world. Protect it. My $0.02 anyway FWIW.
 
Pause, please.
Valid. I allowed myself to become irritated and was being petty. I'll remove my last post.
I should just become a moderator already)
Edit: You should apply. The MDMA forum is hurting for a moderator but I don't have the patience for it, as I just demonstrated.
 
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^I know this wasn't written for me per se, but I'd like to take it on board all the same. With a text based forum and the harm reduction angle particularly it's so easy to allow everything you read to be distilled down into facts, figures, truths and mistruths, information to either be corroborated or challenged for posterity.

With that, it's so easy to forget that we are not simply dealing with raw information, but people, and carelessly chosen words written with the best of intentions can end up hurting people. I'll try to remember that even if it's somebody I don't agree with, or rather, especially if it's somebody I don't agree with.
 
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