Recovery Just wanted to say I haven’t got high in 7 days. Doing well.

[Juicewrldfan]

It hasn’t been all easy but I’m just really happy that I’ve stayed clear of getting Hugh on stimulants for a week. That’s rare for me. Usually when I relapse I don’t stop until everything crumbles.

And just yesterday I was at my suboxone appointment and he asked me how my said meds were going. I proceeded to tell him for the 4th time that I abused my meds, well 4 times between him and another provider i sometimes see there and he cut me off and said we will give you vyvanse next appointment and walked out the room. Like WTH…

So now I have to keep fighting cravings because I now know that I have vyvanse waiting for me in two weeks.

It’s a huge risk knowing all I have to do is stop in on the 1st and will get amphetamines. I don’t have street dealers so that’s the only way I get real amphetamines (not that garbage Benzedrex).

So I told my wife about the risk and told her I’d give her all my debit/credit and healthcare spending card so I can’t go get them easily. I’d have to hustle up 50nucka (30 for he appointment and 20 for the meds) which isn’t terribly hard but it’s one more barricade I can put up.

Even without having an appointment they do same day appointments so that doesn’t really play into it.

Trying to move my care completely. I already moved my testosterone and my bipolar treatment. Have an appointment with a new psychiatrist that can do suboxone though and is the clinical director of the inpatient treatment center I completed last year but can’t get in until the 3rd. My current psychiatrist isn’t certified so can’t prescribe it I take it. He said he doesn’t prescribe it but can ask around.

I know it’s easily to find a suboxone doctor but I’m looking for one that isn’t just about the money. They are making me do two therapy sessions a week here with garbage therapists that I bet are just cdcas. Talk about their problems most the time. And I have a therapist I’ve been and still see for over 7 years weekly so it’s really unnecessary. My doctor in the past just let me have her write a letter stating I see her and whatnot.

I’d be willing to put up with one unnecessary session a week but two is just racking up the costs of ky medical care and I can’t afford it in between jobs.

I have some interviews lined up but I can’t count my chickens before they hatch.

Anyway, any suggestions to prepare for this risk coming up regarding my adhd would be greatly appreciated.

I think puttying it out in the open with my wife has taken some of its power away from me and I am and have been going to recovery support meetings (aa).

Thanks all.

 

[someguyontheinternet]

Have you ever tried straterra or wellbutrin for ADHD?

 

[PtahTek]

Anyway, any suggestions to prepare for this risk coming up regarding my adhd would be greatly appreciated

A little confused of the question: What are the risks (as you see them) ? The two weeks with no meds and what to expect?
Sorry, man, I just don't know how to respond but congrats on the week of no drugs; is this by choice or because of the doctor that walked out on your session?

 

[chippermonk]

That all sounds really hard, and a lot of those barriers you are trying to to put up sound like barriers that you have tried to use before
But congratulations on going the week without, that's good, and I think it's a good idea involving your wife.
What does your therapist of the past 7 years suggest? Or any of the other people you have seen. Because imho, either they are total hacks or you aren't really listening to them. Well, or the problem is that you have some issues that need a fresh pair of eyes and a fresh approach, because you keep repeating this stuff. And yeah, dunno about that doctor of yours. Maybe you need to figure a more effective way to communicate with him to get him address your issue.
Anyhow, good luck

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Have you ever tried straterra or wellbutrin for ADHD?

Yeah. Strattera is extremely hard on the liver so I can’t take it history of hep c and NAFLD.

Wellbutrin just wasn’t effective and well I attempted suicide with it and ended up seizing and waking up in the ICU with a midzolam pump and I believe it’s called an EEG attached to my head. Sucked.

So they say you shouldn’t take meds that you attempted suicide with before and it wasn’t effective.

I think there’s another snri they use tho too that I don’t think I e tried tho idk if I’m a fan of snri meds because the norepinephrine but I guess that point is moot if the other option is stimulants.

Now my wife is telling me to go ahead and get the vyvanse but she will keep them all at work and I don’t pick them up from the pharmacy she does and she said that she will only have one dose in the house on any given day.

I think where I messed up last time is I gave her all the pills to keep at work aside
From a weeks supply so I was still able to abuse them and then that sent me searching the house and for some odd reason she brought the entire 80 remaining pills home and left them here while she went to work just sitting in a drawer. I don’t think she understood the gravity of it.

Yet maybe I’m just letting myself be talked into something by her and now myself. Idk.

I mean I am doing recovery meetings frequently now but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s safe just less likely. Yeah idk man.

I still had 30 pulls I had given her to help her out but she got her script filled (she isn’t an addict tho and follows the prescription) so
I had a big interview for a job that pays significantly more than I’ve ever made so after I had posted this she did offer me my prescribed dose of Ritalin. And I took it orally.

So I still don’t get high even though I wasn’t trying to. Just saying that idk. Maybe that would work. I’m not off chasing a high or anything. Had the interview and went to the store together, just sitting here watching her play the game I got her on my ps5.

Idk what to do at this point. I was going to avoid the script but now she is telling me to go ahead and get them and like I said she will pick them up and she will only bring my daily dose home. Skip weekends when I don’t really need it.

There’s a lot on the line tho so idk. I mean this is my life I’m talking about here. Maybe I’m blowing it up out of proportion idk.

@Lil'LinaptkSix thanks as always man. I was saying I have two weeks to make a plan about the vyvanse he just offered me yesterday. I’m not sure what to do now

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Idk probably a bad idea I just don’t know so maybe I should play it safe.

Edit: It is a bad idea without a doubt. I’m going to pass on another script like I planned on doing to begin with. I’m cool on opening that door back up

 

[kiely]

Idk probably a bad idea I just don’t know so maybe I should play it safe.

Edit: It is a bad idea without a doubt. I’m going to pass on another script like I planned on doing to begin with. I’m cool on opening that door back up

It sounds like well . . .
Maybe you could try to stick to a routine and also something that you feel comfortable with to be part of your daily habits.

Find the right meds for you and don't take too many all together. You can't just quit all of a sudden with medication. You will have to

gradually cut back until you can adjust to something that can help you.

But yes, you can always find a way to change your habits and find a better more comfortable way of doing things. Better days ahead.

All you have to do is keep trying. Find a way to make it feel better without abusing medication to do it. I really feel you went in the

best direction with going to therapy. You just have to keep going and do this. You can get through this because you have a lot of

backup and support. Just make sure everyone else will be comfortable with the routine by being aware of life skills and try to keep

them functioning at the optimum.

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

Just sayin hi. Hi.

You sound like you are doing alright but that you just have a lot going on all at once.

Keep at it. Everything will be fine.


Do you have pets ? Can you go out to the park or on long walks or workouts at a cool gym with sauna's and the whirlpools.

Relaxation and Recreation can feel so good !!! It's like dope. Walking Running Swimming Biking.

Do you and your wife have pets and can you go on little hikes or walking around outdoors by lakes or go out fishing and boating

Maybe canoeing. It's fun to go outside and get some air and it gets oxygen in the brain and the heart pumping

and it enhances.

Find a sport like water aerobics or bullfrog hunting. Golfing would be cool. Something for you both to get out and do

something to do to just relax and have fun and laugh together for a while. To take a break from thinking about

it all for a while.

Anyway, try going on walks together for a couple of months while it is still Summer. It is nice to get outside and breath

some different air for a while. Then maybe you can find another sport that you both can do for a while. Maybe fishing

or just watch the different sunsets every night and try to fill up the space by distracting your old habits.


Anyway it is so good to hear from you. I haven't been around and posting much but I see that you are making some

posts and staying current as possible. You sound like you are alright.

So yeah just keep staying awesome and being JWF.


Sorry that I had called you JuiceWorld. I had a bad 'foggy' spell. But can I call you Juice too ? lolol

You're good !! k

Glad you are here.

 

[Jnowhere]

It hasn’t been all easy but I’m just really happy that I’ve stayed clear of getting Hugh on stimulants for a week. That’s rare for me. Usually when I relapse I don’t stop until everything crumbles.

And just yesterday I was at my suboxone appointment and he asked me how my said meds were going. I proceeded to tell him for the 4th time that I abused my meds, well 4 times between him and another provider i sometimes see there and he cut me off and said we will give you vyvanse next appointment and walked out the room. Like WTH…

So now I have to keep fighting cravings because I now know that I have vyvanse waiting for me in two weeks.

It’s a huge risk knowing all I have to do is stop in on the 1st and will get amphetamines. I don’t have street dealers so that’s the only way I get real amphetamines (not that garbage Benzedrex).

So I told my wife about the risk and told her I’d give her all my debit/credit and healthcare spending card so I can’t go get them easily. I’d have to hustle up 50nucka (30 for he appointment and 20 for the meds) which isn’t terribly hard but it’s one more barricade I can put up.

Even without having an appointment they do same day appointments so that doesn’t really play into it.

Trying to move my care completely. I already moved my testosterone and my bipolar treatment. Have an appointment with a new psychiatrist that can do suboxone though and is the clinical director of the inpatient treatment center I completed last year but can’t get in until the 3rd. My current psychiatrist isn’t certified so can’t prescribe it I take it. He said he doesn’t prescribe it but can ask around.

I know it’s easily to find a suboxone doctor but I’m looking for one that isn’t just about the money. They are making me do two therapy sessions a week here with garbage therapists that I bet are just cdcas. Talk about their problems most the time. And I have a therapist I’ve been and still see for over 7 years weekly so it’s really unnecessary. My doctor in the past just let me have her write a letter stating I see her and whatnot.

I’d be willing to put up with one unnecessary session a week but two is just racking up the costs of ky medical care and I can’t afford it in between jobs.

I have some interviews lined up but I can’t count my chickens before they hatch.

Anyway, any suggestions to prepare for this risk coming up regarding my adhd would be greatly appreciated.

I think puttying it out in the open with my wife has taken some of its power away from me and I am and have been going to recovery support meetings (aa).

Thanks all.

Check the internet, The feds made changes that loosen up suboxone regulations. Seriously look into it. I believe you are being lied too, very possibly. The federal government loosened the laws on prescribing it. I think they don't want to deal with it.
Check the internet, and if they are lying throw in their faces and possibly sue them. Seriously look up about the federal government loosing suboxone prescribing laws.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

It sounds like well . . .
Maybe you could try to stick to a routine and also something that you feel comfortable with to be part of your daily habits.

Find the right meds for you and don't take too many all together. You can't just quit all of a sudden with medication. You will have to

gradually cut back until you can adjust to something that can help you.

But yes, you can always find a way to change your habits and find a better more comfortable way of doing things. Better days ahead.

All you have to do is keep trying. Find a way to make it feel better without abusing medication to do it. I really feel you went in the

best direction with going to therapy. You just have to keep going and do this. You can get through this because you have a lot of

backup and support. Just make sure everyone else will be comfortable with the routine by being aware of life skills and try to keep

them functioning at the optimum.

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

Just sayin hi. Hi.

You sound like you are doing alright but that you just have a lot going on all at once.

Keep at it. Everything will be fine.


Do you have pets ? Can you go out to the park or on long walks or workouts at a cool gym with sauna's and the whirlpools.

Relaxation and Recreation can feel so good !!! It's like dope. Walking Running Swimming Biking.

Do you and your wife have pets and can you go on little hikes or walking around outdoors by lakes or go out fishing and boating

Maybe canoeing. It's fun to go outside and get some air and it gets oxygen in the brain and the heart pumping

and it enhances.

Find a sport like water aerobics or bullfrog hunting. Golfing would be cool. Something for you both to get out and do

something to do to just relax and have fun and laugh together for a while. To take a break from thinking about

it all for a while.

Anyway, try going on walks together for a couple of months while it is still Summer. It is nice to get outside and breath

some different air for a while. Then maybe you can find another sport that you both can do for a while. Maybe fishing

or just watch the different sunsets every night and try to fill up the space by distracting your old habits.


Anyway it is so good to hear from you. I haven't been around and posting much but I see that you are making some

posts and staying current as possible. You sound like you are alright.

So yeah just keep staying awesome and being JWF.


Sorry that I had called you JuiceWorld. I had a bad 'foggy' spell. But can I call you Juice too ? lolol

You're good !! k

Glad you are here.

It’s okay Kiely. I don’t mind the Knick name. It’s an honor and remembrance of the real Juice.

Thanks for all the suggestions!

 

[Juicewrldfan]

So I decided today I’d rather risk suboxone withdrawal than keep giving this place my money. I canceked all future appointments today. And I know it’s wrong but I deliberately left owing them a balance so I won’t just impulsively schedule an ashd appointment one day. And I told my wife no more even therapeutic doses because even at standard doses I feel it exacerbates my bipolar disorder and I just don’t need it.

I have about ten strips of 8mg of a films left and am going to taper myself.

Think I’ll drop to 4mg my next dose but I’m skipping a day at least in between because really I don’t need to take it everyday. Then I’ll drop to 2mg and if the withdrawl comes on hard I’ll increase by 2mg. Think I’ll try it this way. Opioids aren’t really a risk for me because I used to IV H up until 2013 and I don’t like fentanyl. Doesn’t have a high really imo. So in no way does it tempt me.

 

[PtahTek]

I’m going to pass on another script like I planned on doing

That's some powerful strong sh*t, right there.
It works from experience.
Loving the plan of action and what seems to me a resolute state of mind.
Yeah, I would pass on script ya can always go back but moving forward is maybe not always easy but gained ground is just that... gained ground. Work on one battle at a time and choose the battle at hand with mindfullness.
I truly hope the best on this, juice.
Peace

 

[Delmonte421]

I feel for you brother. I am about to go on subs from oxy and am playing the waiting game right now. I was fortunate enough to have the weekend to accomplish this goal but personally I am scared to hop on subxonone cause I feel it cages me from getting high off opiates. I love taking opiates but my tolerance is gotten too high. I wish you all the luck brother

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Well done on the week, that's great to hear

Why don't you put it into writing for your healthcare provider that you do not want to be offered stimulant medication under any circumstances? Insist that this is recorded on your medical records. Then, they would not dare to offer to offer you any for fear of being taken to court.

Soemthing does not add up to me regarding your healthcare provider. How about giving the above a go?

EDIT also you should not be seeing two therapists at the same time. It's unethical and dangerous. Anyone suggesting or forcing you to do that has no clue what they are on about.

And, wtf does your 7-year therapist do with you mate? You need to be looking away from drugs to treat your adhd, getting yourself a specifically trained therapist for adhd could be a good move.

Also - you have already tried the wife-take-care-of-meds- scenario and it was a massive failure. You gotta start to hold yourself accountable, only you nobody else, or you'll just carry on creating scenarios where you have access to stimulants even if subconsciously

You really, really need to get it fully into your awareness that you-cannot-use-stimulants

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Well done on the week, that's great to hear

Why don't you put it into writing for your healthcare provider that you do not want to be offered stimulant medication under any circumstances? Insist that this is recorded on your medical records. Then, they would not dare to offer to offer you any for fear of being taken to court.

Soemthing does not add up to me regarding your healthcare provider. How about giving the above a go?

EDIT also you should not be seeing two therapists at the same time. It's unethical and dangerous. Anyone suggesting or forcing you to do that has no clue what they are on about.

And, wtf does your 7-year therapist do with you mate? You need to be looking away from drugs to treat your adhd, getting yourself a specifically trained therapist for adhd could be a good move.

Also - you have already tried the wife-take-care-of-meds- scenario and it was a massive failure. You gotta start to hold yourself accountable, only you nobody else, or you'll just carry on creating scenarios where you have access to stimulants even if subconsciously

You really, really need to get it fully into your awareness that you-cannot-use-stimulants

I am there now with the stimulants. I let her yesterday but was just 20mg. Still I feel it exacerbated my bipolar symptoms so I told her that today and to not give me anymore left from that script I gave to her to replace a script I took from her while I was high. (Yeah I know low life shit)

So she has not been keeping them here at all hers or mine since the relapse. She understands now the gravity of it.

That said I know I mentioned maybe trying that again but I quickly came back to my senses. I cut ties completely already with that clinic and I’m not going back under any circumstances. If for some reason the taper isn’t successful I’ll just have to check into a detox for a few days but I doubt it will come to that. Subs don’t have a psychiatric hold
On me as I’ve been on and off them for years. They do not get me high. Really no good reason for me to stay on them. Fentanyl isn’t a risk because I don’t like the so called high. Just isn’t recreational imo. And the dosing window is too narrow. No safe way to use it. Just not a risk for me.

The only risk is that I go back to kratom but that hasn’t had a hold on me either. It doesn’t effect t me like it does ppl with low opioid tolerances. I get a slight mood lift from it that’s about it. No real high.

So I think I made the best decision for me. The risk of relapse on stims is greater than the risk of withdrawing imo. I’d rather deal with withdrawls if it comes to that. I have enough to taper on so I doubt it will.

As far as my therapist- the one for 7 years has been trying to get me clean and stable so we can do trauma work. She has been a good send. It’s the so called therapist at the clinic that are quacks. Making me their therapist essentially asking me for advice and stuff about their problems.

They are trying to make see them for the money.

It’s a reflection on me- not my therapist of 7 years that I kept relapsing or didn’t take my
Meds. Bipolar is my real issue. I don’t need adhd meds. It’s really not bad enough to need them. She has literally saved my life at times when I couldn’t think strait because I was panic or whatnot and insisted I get stabilized like last time when I was having a lot of HI.

As far as something not adding up, maybe I’m not explaining enough details. I am not innocent. There are times I feel as craving and manipulated my symptoms to get scripts. I’m no angel. It’s just that after I abused them I got sober minded and told them I abused them and please don’t prescribe them to me and to out it in my chart. They didn’t do that and then reminded me I was due for them when I came in for my methadone. On any given day they can catch me while I’m hypomanic or strongly craving and it’s a wrap at that point. This has happened three separate times and it always plays out the same way. I tell them I abused them after relapsing and not to write them please and that just goes out the window at my next appointment.

So yeah I cut my ties with them and deliberately left with a 200 dollar ballance e so I can’t just impulsively schedule as my wife holds the money and would have to pay it. Idk I feel like I’m in the right track. I tried getting into another clinic this week and it didn’t work out because insurance or something. Just trying to take care the best I can.

And writing it and giving it as a document is a good idea but I just want to keep ties cut at this point and they upped my therapy requirement to two last week. Just greedy.

 

[someguyontheinternet]

Someone with ADHD being on stimulant medication can prevent cravings for opioids and other dopaminergic drugs, that's one big reason providers give stims to people with ADHD who have a history of drug abuse

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

@Juicewrldfan you're definitely not "low-life shit" friend, just an addict who most definitely did not choose to be one. Many of us here will have done very similar things to what you are beating yourself up for, I know that I have for one. That kind of self-talk will be very unhelpful for you mate - the world will shit on us from a great height over and over again most likely - we don't need to join in too!

Your clinic sounds like it needs razing to the ground., disgraceful behaviour and practice from them - wtf. That kinda shit boils my piss. Very good move to get the hell away from them I agree

If you do manage to change healthcare provider you could do the written request with them too as a pre-emptive move, nomatter how ok they seem to be.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

P

@Juicewrldfan you're definitely not "low-life shit" friend, just an addict who most definitely did not choose to be one. Many of us here will have done very similar things to what you are beating yourself up for, I know that I have for one. That kind of self-talk will be very unhelpful for you mate - the world will shit on us from a great height over and over again most likely - we don't need to join in too!

Your clinic sounds like it needs razing to the ground., disgraceful behaviour and practice from them - wtf. That kinda shit boils my piss. Very good move to get the hell away from them I agree

If you do manage to change healthcare provider you could do the written request with them too as a pre-emptive move, nomatter how ok they seem to be.

Thank you. Yeah I emailed the doctor I have an appointment with the 3rd that I abuse shims ahead of my appointment and my new GP I saw did put it in my chart when I pulled it up online that I have stimulant abuse disorder. It’s just this one place that doesn’t do it. I agree. And there are others on Google reviews that call them drug dealers so I know I’m not the only one. Substance abuse treatment is almost becoming a predatorial system I feel. That’s the single thing I liked about one JFK Jr said. He said those exact words and said it needs revamped but idk that I liked his suggestion for that part.

Thank all of you for your kindness and support. K aa meeting is starting so I gotta run. Thanks again yall be be safe.