So I'm 6 months off in 2 days. An update on things so far...
I stopped going to the gym which I'm really disappointed about I went for 5 days the first week then 1 day the second week. I was frustrated because I lost 1.2kg after the first day of going which I know was probably water weight but then put on weight & got to the heaviest weight I've been. I know I shouldn't have given up so soon & couldn't have expected to see results that soon. I'm frustrated but I'm also really proud of myself for going so early into recovery in the first place which I never imagined I could do & I also went by myself which I didn't think I could do. So atleast I know I can do it & I do plan to go back eventually. I started sleeping in a little later & was feeling less energy to go for some reason usually I feel hardly any energy as it is but I started being more lazy I don't know if it was because I lost motivation but that also stopped me because I wasn't getting up early enough. But I did go on exercise bike at home a few mornings which I was proud of myself for doing. I went on again for the first time in weeks yesterday morning & am proud of myself I also listened to music & listened to a few new songs & found myself almost enjoying them & one of them even gave me a little push to keep going.
I'm still working from home I've been working about 8 or 9 weeks now. I love my job except I get nervous which is kind of affecting me. It's telefundraising which I enjoy because it's for charity & get I paid $210 australian dollars a day (before tax) to call people in the comfort of my own home. I've done pretty well so far it's hard because we have sales targets which aren't always easy to hit but I still do well. It's just a shame because at one point I was confident in how I was doing & even felt like I was going to be able to do this job for a while but the other week I was sent some of my calls to listen to to see where I can improve & didn't realise how much my tone was off. We're given scripts to read which can sometimes be long. I've been sent example calls of other people to listen to & they sound so natural & like they're not even reading from a script but I find it hard to talk like that because I like to sound genuine. They also listen to our calls at work which makes me nervous.
I was a bit annoyed because one of the calls they sent me of my own to listen to for improvement I was talking to an Indian man who was hard to understand & he couldn't understand me properly so it was pointless of them to send me that when there were plenty of other calls they could've sent & I have had good calls. So that made me lose all confidence I had in myself & then for the next week my calls were horrible & it was even upsetting me every day that I was working. I then decided to message my team leader & explain that I didn't want to lose my job but was starting to realise maybe I didn't have what it took & asked her to give me her honest opinion at the end of the week if I should stay. After I sent the message I felt like I wanted to cry & a few tears rolled down my face. Then that night I was watching the final episode of Vampire Diaries & I had been so upset thinking about how I didn't want to lose my job & regretting messaging my team leader. It was the very end of the episode & I was also sad about it being over so I then started having what felt like I almost had a proper emotional cry. Only a few tears rolled down my face but I had a couple of moments where I felt a little emotional.
I ended up having a talk with my team leader the other day & said I didn't want to lose my job & she said she didn't want to see me leave either. She said some nice encouraging things & said I put to much pressure on myself & it was such a relief knowing I was going to be able to keep my job.
I'm still saving up for liposuction I'm getting closer to having enough for the first area my chin which will cost $3,600 for one area. I'm annoyed at myself because I could've probably even had enough by now but I haven't been saving properly I've been spending alot of my money. But at the same time I've really been treating myself & buying lots of things for myself & my cats. I've been having lots of packages come in the mail regularly & even though I don't get the proper excitement because of anhedonia it still feels good to be getting them & looking around my room at the new things for myself & the cool new cat towers/beds/toys etc for my cats.
I also treat myself to menulog most days it's mostly healthy things like chicken avocado salad & coffee but I treat myself once or twice a week to fish & chips or chicken burger & chips. I've been ordering yummy but expensive gluten free/vegan chocolates online because I have intolerances. I still can't completely feel hunger, fullness, satisfaction from food or coffee but it's definitely improved. Unfortunately I can't feel the affects of coffee at all I so wish I could but I do feel enough satisfaction from food again I feel like my tastebuds are back & I do enjoy my menulog orders etc enough & look forward to them so I'm happy it's atleast improved.
I still have extreme anhedonia, but I enjoy working & have little moments where I still can't completely feel something but can imagine feeling it again & have images of memories from before invega that give me hope. It really helps having a job which helps me pass the days it gives me structure, it's easy enough & I get to do it at home plus I'm earning money which is a good feeling.
I'm still gaining weight which is really frustrating & I don't know why I'm still gaining 1-1.5kg a week. I want to give exercising another shot soon but feel like I should've atleast stopped gaining weight by 6 months off? I was going to get my prolactin levels checked again this Monday but my brother has tested positive for covid & I live at home so don't know if I'll be able to do it now & I'm hoping I don't get covid. My levels were at 1182 last time but down from 2171. I'm hoping they've gone down around another 400-500. So hopefully they'll be around 700-800. The doctor said 85-500 is normal range so after another 6 weeks I'm hoping I'll be at 500.
My hair is still horrible but a little better than it was before. It's frustrating because I used to have nice hair & I just want it to go back to the way it was. I forget what it even looked like & have lost hope of it getting better again I just really hope it goes back to normal soon.
I still can't feel tiredness or proper exhaustion I can't take naps. I have dreams almost as vivid as I used to but don't have restful sleep & miss the feeling of waking up feeling rested or atleast feeling like I even had a little energy for the day like I used to or even just happiness to be awake & alive. Or even if I were to wake up feeling proper tiredness & then be able to wake myself up with a coffee like I used to. I wake up feeling no energy & struggle to get up. I wake up feeling achy my muscles feel tense every morning. Atleast though I do get enough sleep I usually got to bed around 11/12 then my alarm wakes me up at 8 but then I always usually fall back to sleep til 9 or 9:30 I was getting up earlier though when I was going to the gym I was getting up at 7:30/8 but now I've found myself sleeping in til 9 or 9:30 which I want to get out of the habit of doing. It's winter here so that also doesn't help.
I've been feeling sore & tense during the day also & lately I've been feeling this kind of need to release it all from my body if that makes sense like with a massage or lymphatic drainage like cupping.
I haven't gotten my period again since the first time it's been 2 months tomorrow since I last got it. I'm disappointed because I was hoping I'd get it again within the month I guess I can't expect it to go back to normal just yet but I thought I would've gotten it again by now. I do think the reason I got my period was because I was taking Cabergoline for a month.
I listen to music on exercise bike & I've listened to music when I was going for walks a few months ago & a couple of times in bed. I used to listen to music pretty much everyday before invega & had such intense feelings when listening to music it used to be such a motivation, emote me & an escape. I get maybe a tiny bit of joy from it but nothing like it used to be.
I can watch tv but still don't feel much like I used to but it is easier to concentrate these days. So far in the last 4 month I've watched 4 different series of shows Gossip Girl, Dawsons Creek, Charmed & Vampire Diaries. I've even had days where I've binge watched them like one day I watched 8 episodes of Charmed & recently I watched maybe 11 episodes of Vampire Diaries. I loved Vampire Diaries I'm sad it's over. It sucks not being able to feel watching tv like I used to but it's bearable & it helps pass the time
I take vitamins like magnesium, biotin, iron, B12 but haven't been taking them regularly lately but I don't think I see a difference with them anyway. I know before invega I would've. I used to take spirulina all the time before invega & used to feel good from it I want to start taking it again everyday & will start taking vitamins again everyday too. I tried ashwaganda but I'm pretty sure it made me feel nauseous the times I took it I took zinc aswell but not sure if it made me feel a little nauseous aswell but want to give it another go I was taking tumeric aswell which I might start taking again but read it interacts with iron & makes it less affective.
Anyway, that's my update
Whilst it is your body and your hard-earned money and you can do whatever you want, I just want to please please please ask you to reconsider getting liposuction on your beautiful young face. There is SO much more that you can better spend your money on in Australia, than on cosmetic surgery, and especially on a procedure that is not going to have permanent results anyway. Your face shape will change multiple times over your lifetime and I am pretty sure you will regret wasting $3,600 on 1 procedure in your 20s. If you had the money to burn then yeah sure go for it!! But if you are actually saving up the money specially for it....pleeeeease reconsider. It's SO not worth it honey!!! Trust me, your face will change by the time you're 30 and you will have wasted the $3,600.