iridescentblack
Bluelighter
This summer I took a trip to a city I used to live in with no expectations.
I woke up one day and knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to go to Bangor.
I suddenly remembered my previous attempt at going up north for this visit and how I almost fell asleep at the wheel, nearly hit a trump supporter on the highway, and had to turn around once I realized I hadn't packed my medication. Fortunately, this time was different. I even packed my toothbrush.
As a matter of fact, I was prepared enough this time that I actually felt secure. But the highlight of my adventure was running into an old pal. He was homeless at the time and was so stoked because he had recently bought a car. We gathered up some scratch tickets and shot the shit; it was awesome! But - though it may be wishful thinking - my favorite part of the journey was knowing in my heart that we had both become shaman prior to running into each other...
I remember seeing him in the square while I was "following a breadcrumb trail", which is basically just a state of mind for me. I ran into him out of the blue and he looked great. I had never seen him in such high spirits. But afterwards I had gotten to thinking so much about my so called spiritual endeavor and I had to take some time to myself to truly explore this fascinating tale called "life".
"Could I really be a shaman?" I've wondered this since the day I found out about the link between schizophrenia and indigenous holy men and women and even Hawaiian natives had transgender shaman. It's important to first ask, "Well, what makes a shaman a shaman?"
To be frank, I don't think anyone knows. It's one of those things, that when you know, you know. When you know your kin is a shaman, she's a shaman. And after some deliberation, I suppose, a schizophrenic is no longer a schizophrenic and goes on to be a shaman. Well how does it work? I honestly just need an audience to consider it with me. When will I ever be a shaman, knowing full well that my life had sunk into ruin the day I had a psychosis so bad that I had pretty much one choice and one choice only: I had to reinvent the wheel and become a shaman on my own.
So I took up spirituality and such, even bought books in order to train myself. During that time I narrowly evaded a logging truck that tried to run me over! It was one of the more iconic moments of my life, because I had to think about it in some way and the only way I could rationalize it was this: "If I am truly, as some suggest 'gone in mind', then why am I able to do the things I do'?" How had I narrowly avoided death? Was it purely survival instinct? Since then I've become proficient in shadow work, plant healing, bonsai art, I've gotten comments from people about how special their dogs reactions to me are compared to anyone else they know!!!, and yet - and I'm sorry for not knowing exactly how to put this, but - when exactly am a shaman... if ever?
What do you think? Like it or not, the truth of the matter is that - since schizophrenia is an atavism - the very first shaman to become a shaman was a schizophrenic at some point. The other sad truth about the matter is understanding himself was key to that inner transformation. Meaning that: being aware of that or those spiritual connections, that spiritual affinity, was essential. I want to read some opinions. What do you think about the concept of reinventing the wheel? To further elaborate and express this; clearly megalithic society is a major upset to this "wishful thinking" of a schizophrenic [without a tutor] becoming a shaman, so what if it were possible through either schizophrenics communing with their own kind (like I did with my friend, years before I ran into him again in a house full of potential shaman) or possibly doing it all by themselves, like most of us are left to do anyway?
I woke up one day and knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to go to Bangor.
I suddenly remembered my previous attempt at going up north for this visit and how I almost fell asleep at the wheel, nearly hit a trump supporter on the highway, and had to turn around once I realized I hadn't packed my medication. Fortunately, this time was different. I even packed my toothbrush.
As a matter of fact, I was prepared enough this time that I actually felt secure. But the highlight of my adventure was running into an old pal. He was homeless at the time and was so stoked because he had recently bought a car. We gathered up some scratch tickets and shot the shit; it was awesome! But - though it may be wishful thinking - my favorite part of the journey was knowing in my heart that we had both become shaman prior to running into each other...
I remember seeing him in the square while I was "following a breadcrumb trail", which is basically just a state of mind for me. I ran into him out of the blue and he looked great. I had never seen him in such high spirits. But afterwards I had gotten to thinking so much about my so called spiritual endeavor and I had to take some time to myself to truly explore this fascinating tale called "life".
"Could I really be a shaman?" I've wondered this since the day I found out about the link between schizophrenia and indigenous holy men and women and even Hawaiian natives had transgender shaman. It's important to first ask, "Well, what makes a shaman a shaman?"
To be frank, I don't think anyone knows. It's one of those things, that when you know, you know. When you know your kin is a shaman, she's a shaman. And after some deliberation, I suppose, a schizophrenic is no longer a schizophrenic and goes on to be a shaman. Well how does it work? I honestly just need an audience to consider it with me. When will I ever be a shaman, knowing full well that my life had sunk into ruin the day I had a psychosis so bad that I had pretty much one choice and one choice only: I had to reinvent the wheel and become a shaman on my own.
So I took up spirituality and such, even bought books in order to train myself. During that time I narrowly evaded a logging truck that tried to run me over! It was one of the more iconic moments of my life, because I had to think about it in some way and the only way I could rationalize it was this: "If I am truly, as some suggest 'gone in mind', then why am I able to do the things I do'?" How had I narrowly avoided death? Was it purely survival instinct? Since then I've become proficient in shadow work, plant healing, bonsai art, I've gotten comments from people about how special their dogs reactions to me are compared to anyone else they know!!!, and yet - and I'm sorry for not knowing exactly how to put this, but - when exactly am a shaman... if ever?
What do you think? Like it or not, the truth of the matter is that - since schizophrenia is an atavism - the very first shaman to become a shaman was a schizophrenic at some point. The other sad truth about the matter is understanding himself was key to that inner transformation. Meaning that: being aware of that or those spiritual connections, that spiritual affinity, was essential. I want to read some opinions. What do you think about the concept of reinventing the wheel? To further elaborate and express this; clearly megalithic society is a major upset to this "wishful thinking" of a schizophrenic [without a tutor] becoming a shaman, so what if it were possible through either schizophrenics communing with their own kind (like I did with my friend, years before I ran into him again in a house full of potential shaman) or possibly doing it all by themselves, like most of us are left to do anyway?
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