• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

I just took 250ug of ALD-52 and I feel so full of love and light. Bless you all! The lysergamides are truly healing sacraments of Light!!! I feel blessed to have a family and to not have made a stupid decision in the last few days. It's been so intense. This has been the real spiritual wake up I've needed for a while now.
 
It's not like this is my first time venturing into such doses. It's just contemplating my family, how much my life is worth, how full of love I am. It's all just come at a beautiful time with such a beautiful compound to ignite it too I've eaten 6 drops out of vials before and become the energy that is the all that is before. I know. I know. I just forget. We all know. We just forget, it's human nature. Evolution means we overcome that, right?

Anyways. I'm gonna go contemplate life on lysergamides, take care BL
 
I need someone to talk to right now, the only reason I haven't overdosed is because my parents pickup my oxycodone and pregabalin prescription not me. I'm defeated, help please <3
 
Oxymuncher said:
I need someone to talk to right now, the only reason I haven't overdosed is because my parents pickup my oxycodone and pregabalin prescription not me. I'm defeated, help please <3
Click to expand...
Your family loves you man! Don’t do anything you will (won’t be able to) regret. People here love/care for you. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but message me if you need to talk I’m good at listening.

there is light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong my friend 💪 ❤️
 
Last edited:
woamotive said:
I’m struggling with overthinking. I told myself when I was a teenager I would never commit suicide - I’m 35 now. It’s hard. I take in everything, and not on purpose. I’m watching, listening, analyzing (psychology) and thinking about intentions and worrying about intuition vs instinct and am I living my life out … right. Even though I know there is no such thing. I’m just sick of it being so hard.

you know ?

fuck.
Click to expand...
I’m pretty much the same age as you and I can relate to what you’ve said. I’m a massive over thinker and I feel like I’m watching life pass me by. I never make any decisions because i never know if it’s the right move. Time is becoming to be of the essence for me (if I want to achieve what I think I want to achieve, whatever that is...).

for me i think I have to make a leap of faith and see how it pans out.

suicide is not an option, though I have contemplated it at points in my life. Life is hard as fuck. Just gotta keep going and trying. I’m thinking of you! Keep plugging away! Every day you/we learn a bit more about yourself/ourselves.
 
I'm not the brightest person it seems either, I'm struggling to get any employment whatsoever. Even with a job interview going on right now (a 48 hour test). I can't write code, I can do physics (what my degree was in) but I CANNOT seem to write code and hence, can't get any jobs. I'm told I'm overqualified for lower skilled jobs and under-qualified for higher end jobs. I feel stuck in the middle, stuck in limbo, every week waiting for my pain meds so I can have a brief break from the hell that is my life. I have SEVERE PTSD and derealisation/panic disorder, the only times I am happy are when I take opioids. All (I really mean all) my friends have left me and not because I have done anything unkind to them, what i actually want to do is become a doctor but can't due to debt right now. They manipulated situations when I was at my lowest and "removed me" from their lives.

I'm so alone and trust me having aspergers and a generally high ability to think this is a dangerous place to be. I don't pretend to be smarter than anyone else, we're all the same in my eyes. I'm a super kind person, I offered to pay for my friends degree if I got this job I'm interviewing for and he told me I was a cunt and blocked me.
 
Oxymuncher said:
I'm not the brightest person it seems either, I'm struggling to get any employment whatsoever. Even with a job interview going on right now (a 48 hour test). I can't write code, I can do physics (what my degree was in) but I CANNOT seem to write code and hence, can't get any jobs. I'm told I'm overqualified for lower skilled jobs and under-qualified for higher end jobs. I feel stuck in the middle, stuck in limbo, every week waiting for my pain meds so I can have a brief break from the hell that is my life. I have SEVERE PTSD and derealisation/panic disorder, the only times I am happy are when I take opioids. All (I really mean all) my friends have left me and not because I have done anything unkind to them, what i actually want to do is become a doctor but can't due to debt right now. They manipulated situations when I was at my lowest and "removed me" from their lives.

I'm so alone and trust me having aspergers and a generally high ability to think this is a dangerous place to be. I don't pretend to be smarter than anyone else, we're all the same in my eyes. I'm a super kind person, I offered to pay for my friends degree if I got this job I'm interviewing for and he told me I was a cunt and blocked me.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment mate. The pandemic has had such a huge impact on employment, try not to take it too personally that you're having difficulty landing a job at the moment. Millions of people all over the world are in the exact same boat as you. I know that doesn't make your situation any easier, but know that it's not YOU who is the problem, it's a worldwide problem right now. And it definitely sounds like you need some new, nicer friends. Those people who have cut you out of their lives don't really sound worth it to be honest.
 
I've started having days where I know that I don't want to be awake. These days aren't particularly different in theory to the days when I used to need to get fucked up, but - without that desire to partake - I just want to skip to the next day. I don't want to be dead, but this shift concerns me. It is a move in the wrong direction. It is worse than needing to get fucked up. At least, back then, there was another way out.
 
birdup.snaildown said:
I've started having days where I know that I don't want to be awake. These days aren't particularly different in theory to the days when I used to need to get fucked up, but - without that desire to partake - I just want to skip to the next day. I don't want to be dead, but this shift concerns me. It is a move in the wrong direction. It is worse than needing to get fucked up. At least, back then, there was another way out.
Click to expand...
Has something changed recently? Drugs you take, a significant event in your life or in the life of a loved one of yours? Anything that could explain what led to this, or do you feel it "just happened somehow"?
 
birdup.snaildown said:
I've started having days where I know that I don't want to be awake. These days aren't particularly different in theory to the days when I used to need to get fucked up, but - without that desire to partake - I just want to skip to the next day. I don't want to be dead, but this shift concerns me. It is a move in the wrong direction. It is worse than needing to get fucked up. At least, back then, there was another way out.
Click to expand...
I have those days too. Best thing to do is just get up and force it, face the day until you start feeling better. It doesn't always work, but then again neither does doing drugs, or just going back to sleep.
 
birdup.snaildown said:
I've started having days where I know that I don't want to be awake. These days aren't particularly different in theory to the days when I used to need to get fucked up, but - without that desire to partake - I just want to skip to the next day. I don't want to be dead, but this shift concerns me. It is a move in the wrong direction. It is worse than needing to get fucked up. At least, back then, there was another way out.
Click to expand...
I have those days too. Best thing to do is just get up and force it, face the day until you start feeling better. It doesn't always work, but then again neither does doing drugs, or just going back to sleep.
 
@deficiT

No, I mean it is hard to exist. I need to be a sleep. I feel overwhelming waves of something beyond depression. It doesn't get better until the next day (hopefully).
 
This is one of the many ways being (relatively) sober isn't easy... I bought a time lock box. Now I have no choice. Until that timer ticks down, I'm stuck to my own devices. This scares me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top