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6years of Active Addiction, should I take my opportunity to get out?

noddedallwayup

noddedallwayup

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2021
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22
what’s up bluelight? long time lurker never really posted though.

I’ve been in this crazy ass place we’ve all had plane tickets to but only some of us leave. Addiction island, might come and visit, might never leave.

after six solid years of everyday drug use (poly, I don’t love one. I love them all in unique ways) i finally have an out of my situation. family member who I’ve met maybe 4 times tops came over and saw me nodded on the porch, xan talking about absolutely nothing.
he‘s about 7-8 years older than me and has his shit pretty well together despite his own previous addiction issues. I’m not sure what possessed him to, but a few days later when I was still underneath the weight of my vodka enhanced Roxie mentality just sat and talked to me.

when I say I don’t know him it’s kind of an understatement.
my mom’s boyfriend‘s son? not sure on the title for it.
however, he managed to do what about three people in my entire addiction managed to. put my bottle down and just go play Xbox with him at his crib. half a bottle isn’t something I just like to leave knowing that hours after my body and brain are going to beg me to have not to.
but i did, and when I ‘woke up’ after having played Xbox and took lines of meth all night, he talked and listened again.

at that point I was 48hr no food or sleep, I really felt like the only thing I needed was to see my $3.91 total at the liquor store.

he broke it down for me, shit started to make sense. get away from my situation and come under his wing so I have some sort of accountability. he even managed to get me setup for a college in the fall using my dad’s gi bill. job application in IT and the whole thing.

today is my 72hr of no sleep, I still haven’t drank even though I want to, but I am about to crush myself with the realization of the whole thing. his only rule is no drugs in the apartment or my scene.
i cant move my single trash bag in with him today knowing that I’m doing it with a pocket full of roxies and half-geeked off my last two lines of go.

im not able to just drop them and live the semi-normal but miserably sober life.
why can’t i keep myself from self-destructing and just do it?
im so close to being able to leave, but my addiction just pushes me right back into the hotel to hell.

someone else understands this shit right.
 
Of course . This is where discipline comes into it.

I hope u find the courage/strength to get out of this addiction.

Are you dependant on alcohol. I figure that if you have been 72 hours with no alcohol your not totally physically dependent on it?

What are roxies btw? Some benzodiazepine?

I was heavily addicted to etizolam daily use and got off it by tapering with first etiz and diclazepam then diazepam.

There is always hope if you want to get off that stuff.

I hope you can find the strength and discipline to stay clean
 
It gets better and life is great straight just as it is bent :)

go for it but you must be prepared to pickup the ball if you drop it and often people drop the ball :)

make sure your "maybe" future step brother is prepared to keep helping if you drop the ball.

the key is to keep on keeping on. we make mistakes its not an easy task but trust me if you have help

it is much easier.

It sounds like there is a plan too build your life too which will probably take away the original suffering you had that lead you to drugs

in the first place.

its a pretty solid plan but it may be a good idea to get a doc on board or a counselor as well as you will probably find that some

demons wake up when your no longer numb.

do not fear being straight fear not trying in the first place.

for there is no fear but fear of fear itself :)

yes many of us understand that's why we are here to find people who understand :)

good luck
 
Last edited:
Bare_head said:
Of course . This is where discipline comes into it.

I hope u find the courage/strength to get out of this addiction.

Are you dependant on alcohol. I figure that if you have been 72 hours with no alcohol your not totally physically dependent on it?

What are roxies btw? Some benzodiazepine?

I was heavily addicted to etizolam daily use and got off it by tapering with first etiz and diclazepam then diazepam.

There is always hope if you want to get off that stuff.

I hope you can find the strength and discipline to stay clean
Click to expand...
Roxies are oxycodone
 
prince_igor said:
It gets better and life is great straight just as it is bent :)

go for it but you must be prepared to pickup the ball if you drop it and often people drop the ball :)

make sure your "maybe" future step brother is prepared to keep helping if you drop the ball.

the key is to keep on keeping on. we make mistakes its not an easy task but trust me if you have help

it is much easier.

It sounds like there is a plan too build your life too which will probably take the original suffering you had that lead you to drugs

in the first place.

its a pretty solid plan but it may be a good idea to get a doc on board or a counselor as well as you will probably find that some

demons wake up when your no longer numb.

do not fear being straight fear not trying in the first place.

for there is no fear but fear of fear itself :)

yes many of us understand that's why we are here to find people who understand :)

good luck
Click to expand...
hopefully it does get easier, shit is hurt up right now
 
withdrawals will resolve much quicker than your brain chemistry will come back to normal.

be prepared it may take some time before you are feeling normal even though the withdrawals are over.

trust me ive done this too and it really does get better.

you are worth it :)

stay here and keep up with the people here with your progress.

there will be times when you will need to talk to someone who is not keeping you from using drugs :)

our sledge hammers can often be a pain in the arse but trust me they mostly have our best interests in heart.

I am glad he has had addictions too as it will make his understanding of the situation much better.
 
ye there mostly kids and have no idea what this is really about.

asking for help is in my book the hardest part.

if you get a sickness like a really bad flue you just sit it out.

its the same with drugs though some people get PAWS and that can take longer to resolve.

the thing is you don't go around hugging people on the train just to get sick again do you.

no you sit the sickness out and get better then get on with your life.

you will be sick you will heal you will get healthy.

the human body is amazing and very very adaptable.

all you have to know is it does get better.

i've used drugs all my life and quit many many times.

drugs are free for me :) like all drugs.

if I use there is no limit.

if I can come back so can you ;)

again see a doctor as you go through this and a psych if you can.

the doc may be able to make the withdrawals easier and your mate that is helping will not go against what a doctor gives you to take

to help you come back to normal.

depending on how much you used it is sometimes best to use medical help so as to prevent PAWS.

anyway some things to think about.

I think its great your friend will sit this out with you.

and also linked to the family too.

imagine what your mother would think when your finally free of this and then that you are getting along with here partners boy.

these opportunities do not come often in life and I think it may be a little more than a simple sledgehammer watching over your withdrawals

you have been offered here.

take it.
 
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