fuck got so baked when i went into my mates car the gear box had SDL going down his gear box backwards it spells LSD and it tripped me out lol then just watched this
riely ried most wholesome trip sitter ever while on 3 tabs?> Never realized how cool she was lol.
Hey bro. Have followed your discussions on mental health.
First, you are TALKING about it. That’s acknowledgement.
So now you are not entertaining being in denial, no interest or hunger left in such a dead Avenue.
These themselves are crucial healing steps. Healing really often starts at the bottom of the ladder, hence the climb seeming loomingly impossible.
I know true long term clinical/chemical depression myself, even in youth before I took my first MDMA.
Obviously that rare and extortionate amount of MDMA/MDA to follow had major impacts on my brain chemistry.
But like my optic nerve injury, it simply changed me, dramatically, but I accepted it and adapted.
I honestly look back today and thank myself for totally deconstructing my brain and consciousness with mostly unreported levels of negligent MDMA abuse.
It was always driven by the powerful sense of spirituality deep inside of me. I’ve always looked directly into the coals, so to speak.
I knew what I was doing. I feel happy with the outcome. I developed remarkably as a person. It was an investment and long term project.
Now, various times, I had periods/years of seeming another “casualty”. I took big hits, my ability to live and socialise normally- a true neurosis I told you of already, out of nowhere amidst that 900 MDMA pill run from Uni academic year Sept 02 to June 03.
I overcame all of this. It does take time. Healing takes years. Sometimes, or more likely, decades.
Lifetimes!
That, alone, is the biggest logical reason not to give up, just as long as you can find a way to keep going.
I know how suffering beyond endurance feels, like there’s no way to keep living such a way unless there’s a dramatic shift. Then, with prolonged suffering or pain, anxiety etc you effectively pick up PTSD in the process.
This for me enhances the mega complex psychosomatic aspects. Lots more anxiety and fear attached to every thought and direction.
But also
@TripSitterNZ I would say really- 2 years off MDMA exclusively, year minimum, then incrementally with time, you’d be surprised how healing and rejuvenation, simple adaption takes place.
You’ve had heavy (anti HR lol) MDMA sessions, within last year I think?
And regular enough 3 to 4 years prior right?
Exactly. Just give that time. Don’t sweat the whole brain damage, chemical imbalance thing etc.
That’s maybe the psychological origin of so many LTC’ers who we shamefully have a secret gaff over at times......like- I saw an E tablet on telly the other day, do you think I’ll be alright again one day, urgent advice needed?? Lol.
I’m typically like....chin up bro, what’s done is done. Just focus on counting your blessings.
Ruminate....NOT!
So sensitive aren’t I?
So give that time. I have zero regret over my MDMA recklessness. It changed me, made me who I am today, always have been deep down.
I’m sure the brain can heal itself gradually, but takes time, 2 yrs for real healing to start, IME then it’s up and onwards.
So
@TripSitterNZ my simple (free, this time lol), (non)professional advice, is simply....
Just hang in there. Keep hanging in there. Don’t overthink it. Practise trust. Remember possibility is there. Fear locks our imagination. Affects our biology. Including brain chemistry. Remember this too.
You really can’t say now, how you will feel after just two more years have literally zipped by.
Every chance, actually much brighter. Unfortunately we often develop through pain!
I do know of a particular non mainstream mental/emotional health treatment which I so so so strongly believe would help you extraordinarily with exactly where you are and how you feel.
All brain chemistry factors aside, which can be the result of emotions too- fact, it’s those deep seated emotions, buried past traumas, powerful conditionings.
You confess valiantly to this all. It must be addressed. Somehow. Fact, or healing cannot occur, real happiness neither.
I honestly think this particular therapy would not fail to unlock huge emotional blockages, from literally day one of conception not exaggerating.
I’ll share details later on. Pretty wasted just on weed and kava, started fresh course of Homeopathy yesterday.
I actually have Covid- IN my nerves! Not neurological, but effectively localised, IN the nerves.
I’m wondering if this is effectively what “Long Covid” is.
My mum has same. It’s way worse than the purely respiratory Covid I had last Fall.
But still no worse than Coxsackie Viruses, 2 I have of them too.
We were assured also, Covid is only contagious for the first 5 days, in fact.
You know I think that most people who are depressed are depressed because some thing(s) in their life aren't working for them. In this way, depression can be your mind's alert system... if you feel depressed, it's good to realize it and take stock. Find out if something is making you chronically unhappy, frustrated, angry, sad, or stressed. Anxiety is a similar indicator. Chances are, unless you have a mental issue going on with brain chemicals (severe clinical depression affects some people and it is not just situational, it's just there, one of my best friends has been very depressed almost the whole time he's been an adult, has tried everything, and nothing works, it's awful for him. So not saying some people aren't depressed for reasons they can't do anything about)... unless it's that, use it as a sign that you need to identify what is causing you to feel bad all the time. It could be a relationship that has gone bad (friend, family or romantic partner), it could be that your job makes you miserable, it could be that you're not doing something with your life you really want to do... could be that you need to go somewhere else and find a place that suits you better. Could mean you have unresolved trauma that you need to address with therapy, etc. But for most people, there is a reason. So if you start to take steps to fix that situation, whatever it is, you can work to remove the negative influence causing you chronic difficult/sadness/hurt/etc, and get out of depression once you fix it. 
