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Need Love Advice

Shelbel69

Shelbel69

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
200
What does a girl do who is seriously, head over heels, can't live without, deeply in love with with a man who is in a relationship? They live together and I'm basically one of the side chicks. Yes, I know there is more than just me. I simply cannot cut him off, he got me the best job I've ever had at a time when I was near desolate in life. I don't even want to kick it with other men. They all bore me. You see this very special person let's me "do things to him" wink wink. Its almost overwhemling how utterly happy and literally giddy like a schoolgir I am with him. And when without completley lost in thoughts of when I can see him again and reliving the times we've chilled. I seriously have never felt this level of intense yearning for a human being in all my life and I don't know how it's gonna turn out, but I'm so invested at this point there is no going back. My coworker wants to throat punch me the way I gush over this man who is not up to his "standards".
 
I feel so awful for you because you’re gonna be so heartbroken and it’s going to crush you. I hope you have a good support network. I can honestly say I was suicidal over a break up once and it was with a guy who was married.

I was also invested, I loved him, I thought he was my one. I would have done anything for him. My heart sometimes still breaks for him, but in silence.

Get out now is my advice, he won’t stay with you, he’s a player, he uses you. You are of little value to him regardless to what lies he tells you. Give him an ultimatum, I guarantee you he will not choose you.

I am so sorry you’re in this mess. Love is a powerful drug and the withdrawal when it’s taken away is probably the worst I’ve ever went through. It really did nearly kill me.
 
Shelbel69 said:
What does a girl do who is seriously, head over heels, can't live without, deeply in love with with a man who is in a relationship? They live together and I'm basically one of the side chicks. Yes, I know there is more than just me. I simply cannot cut him off, he got me the best job I've ever had at a time when I was near desolate in life. I don't even want to kick it with other men. They all bore me. You see this very special person let's me "do things to him" wink wink. Its almost overwhemling how utterly happy and literally giddy like a schoolgir I am with him. And when without completley lost in thoughts of when I can see him again and reliving the times we've chilled. I seriously have never felt this level of intense yearning for a human being in all my life and I don't know how it's gonna turn out, but I'm so invested at this point there is no going back. My coworker wants to throat punch me the way I gush over this man who is not up to his "standards".
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I hate to say it but love that burns with such intensity is not destined to last... especially if both parties are not as smitten for each other.. I felt this way for a woman once but my addictions lead to the end of our relationship and I can’t say I blame her.. 11 years later and I still feel the same for her although we are worlds apart.. I’ll likely carry this feeling to my grave and although I didn’t ever think I could live without her, I was surprised to find out what I can live without.. many say love with this intensity is mainly a compulsion to breed.. and love is just an expression of familiarity over time.. I don’t believe either is true though.. sometimes the universe sends another soul to complete you and if you’re not ready to receive it you simply miss out.. who knows though maybe in another life it’d be ok.. or maybe I’m just a talking ape with an unhealthy attachment to someone that just wasn’t into me.. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you can find a way to leave this man behind because if he won’t leave his current partner he’s just not that into you.. but who am I to judge.. just remember you may think you can’t live without his love,but you’d be surprised what you can live without. Good luck!
 
I am so sorry. You didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but you will suffer very unfairly from this relationship no matter how partially you may get what you want. I haven't seen a relationship of this type end up happily for the love-afflicted party.
MsDiz said:
Get out now is my advice, he won’t stay with you, he’s a player, he uses you. You are of little value to him regardless to what lies he tells you.
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Sage advice.

He didn't get you an amazing job because you are special to him. He didn't change your life for the better, for your sake. He did it for his own well being, and primarily to draw you into his web. In fact, if he was was anything less than what MsDiz says, he would never have cheated on his partner with you, never would have allowed you to gratify him sexually when he knows he can't reciprocate any of you heartfelt, genuine love you have for him, and would have mercifully cut off any close friendship with you.

At some point, I think you can come to see him as the selfish womanizer he is, and as the low-borne predator that he is. I think you will see that a future with him would be filled with enough neglect and betrayal to counterbalance all of the star struck love you had for him at first. I hope you see yourself as nobody's fool ever again. And I hope you start opening your heart and mind to some of the men that don't seem to measure up to him right now, I can almost guarantee you once you can see this guy clearly as the spoiled child that he is, one or more of these fellas you don't see anything interesting in, will clearly stand out as men when compared to him, and maybe one or two even just as interesting, given a chance.

MsDiz said:
Give him an ultimatum, I guarantee you he will not choose you.
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This is a foregone conclusion, and I hope you try this sooner than later.
 
albertosal said:
Yow. I feel like killing myself over a dude thats leaving me as well but at the moment he's just mine. If I were in your situation I would be fucked completely. Maybe like myself you fall too fast too hard. And guess what? They are all horrible. Even the good ones.
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We ain’t all bad..I promise.. some just make stupid decisions even though they have the best intentions from the start.. however the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
 
Shelbel69 said:
What does a girl do who is seriously, head over heels, can't live without, deeply in love with with a man who is in a relationship? They live together and I'm basically one of the side chicks. Yes, I know there is more than just me. I simply cannot cut him off, he got me the best job I've ever had at a time when I was near desolate in life. I don't even want to kick it with other men. They all bore me. You see this very special person let's me "do things to him" wink wink. Its almost overwhemling how utterly happy and literally giddy like a schoolgir I am with him. And when without completley lost in thoughts of when I can see him again and reliving the times we've chilled. I seriously have never felt this level of intense yearning for a human being in all my life and I don't know how it's gonna turn out, but I'm so invested at this point there is no going back. My coworker wants to throat punch me the way I gush over this man who is not up to his "standards".
Click to expand...
I would cut all ties with this guy. Do you work with him?

Can you find a different man who is single, not a player, and who is into the sex kink or Dominant sex, or whatever it is that you do to him?

Or just hang out with friends provided you all are vaccinated/wear masks, etc. Or contact friends if you cannot see them in person.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I would cut all ties with this guy. Do you work with him?

Can you find a different man who is single, not a player, and who is into the sex kink or Dominant sex, or whatever it is that you do to him?

Or just hang out with friends provided you all are vaccinated/wear masks, etc. Or contact friends if you cannot see them in person.
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No, he doesn't work here anymore. Meeting a guy in Ashtray City? pffftt not happening. And not to sound like a total loser but I have no friends to kick it with.
 
I'm so discouraged right now. I know deep down you are all spot on, I just choose denial because its my norm. I'm also at work with my cunt of a coworker barking at me because I ran 5 minutes over on my lunch. Plus, zero sleep last night.
 
ControlDaddy said:
I am so sorry. You didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but you will suffer very unfairly from this relationship no matter how partially you may get what you want. I haven't seen a relationship of this type end up happily for the love-afflicted party.

Sage advice.

He didn't get you an amazing job because you are special to him. He didn't change your life for the better, for your sake. He did it for his own well being, and primarily to draw you into his web. In fact, if he was was anything less than what MsDiz says, he would never have cheated on his partner with you, never would have allowed you to gratify him sexually when he knows he can't reciprocate any of you heartfelt, genuine love you have for him, and would have mercifully cut off any close friendship with you.

At some point, I think you can come to see him as the selfish womanizer he is, and as the low-borne predator that he is. I think you will see that a future with him would be filled with enough neglect and betrayal to counterbalance all of the star struck love you had for him at first. I hope you see yourself as nobody's fool ever again. And I hope you start opening your heart and mind to some of the men that don't seem to measure up to him right now, I can almost guarantee you once you can see this guy clearly as the spoiled child that he is, one or more of these fellas you don't see anything interesting in, will clearly stand out as men when compared to him, and maybe one or two even just as interesting, given a chance.


This is a foregone conclusion, and I hope you try this sooner than later.
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Reading your words sent chills up my spine.
 
Shelbel69 said:
Reading your words sent chills up my spine.
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Please consider me an authority. I was just like him until I was almost thirty, much to my shame. Our kind can ID our kind without fail, we have to, two players working the same turf turns to real-life bloodshed.

edit: Please don't seize on what I just said, and think he will outgrow it someday and it will all workout. I went through three meth deaths, and survived one death by alcohol as well before I transformed. I am very rare and special in that regard, not many people survive more than one.
 
ControlDaddy said:
Please consider me an authority. I was just like him until I was almost thirty, much to my shame. Our kind can ID our kind without fail, we have to, two players working the same turf turns to real-life bloodshed.

edit: Please don't seize on what I just said, and think he will outgrow it someday and it will all workout. I went through three meth deaths, and survived one death by alcohol as well before I transformed. I am very rare and special in that regard, not many people survive more than one.
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Whoa. I'm ultra curious, what is a meth death? If you dont mind that is.
 
MsDiz said:
It’s obvious isn’t it? In private he’s a total sub and takes it whilst in public he’s got his GF and groupies acting the big dom.
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Dont remember reading any of that here (although i did only skim 🤔)
 
Hi friends. I've decided to pursue a new man. I met him outside the adult bookstore the other night. I couldn't sleep last night, even though I got zero zzzz's on previous night, and it finally hit me. This man that I love with all my heart, soul, and body doesn't feel the same. At all. So, I am letting him go. Sounds funny now because he was never mine. Thanks all for your words of advice. Have a kickass day!
 
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