Mental Health How does one find a good therpist?

[RedRum OG]

I'm having a very hard time finding a therapist that fits my needs, and could use some help. Either recommendations on where/how to look, or doctors themselves.

The vast majority of therapists I've seen over the last 13 or so years are just too standard, or something. I feel their paradigm is to turn mentally Ill people normal, which may be exactly what many are looking for; not me. The best way I can word what I'm looking for is: I'm a confused, burnt out freak, and I want to be a healthy freak, burning hot on all cylinders. My main issues are anxiety based: agoraphobia, social phobias, insomnia, etc, and about 10 years of heavy opiate addiction. I now have a steady job, a good relationship, an apartment, stable finances, I dont abuse my methadone, and I dont really partake in any self destructive behavior. On paper I look good, and most therapists cant get past that. I maintain these things through discipline, they do not reflect my interior. I still have very unhealthy thought patterns that started literally before my memory started to form, so there is quite a lot of work to do. I have been stuck in the methadone purgatory for almost 7 years, and am not ready to get off until I make progress on my emotional issues, so I've been in a blue collar job kinda rut for way too long.

I'm just overwhelmed, and have had a plethora of bad experiences with the medical system in general, ranging from frustrating and repetitive, to almost dying through negligence. I have a hard time calling around town listening to the same spiel over and over, not really getting to the core of the therapists personality or methods. I dont want someone soft who finds self harm and shooting heroin shocking, but I dont want someone so hard they consider me good because I have no legal issues and a job.

I am open to suggestions. I have MN state insurance, and cant afford much out of pocket, but maybe some.

 

[OsamaBinSmokin]

if you haven’t already you can contact your insurance provider and they should give you a list of in network therapist

 

[Jabberwocky]

Anxiety is a specialist field for some psychologists. They focus more on giving you practical tools to managing anxiety - ranging from CBT, to breathing exercises, to exposure therapy. Auch therapists take a very technical approach to your problems compared to the ‘talk therapists’ who take a more psychoanalytical approach and get you to begin with your childhood and move on from there looking for trauma incidents.

Instead of you giving your spiel to potential psychologists, you might be better asking them their specific treatment protocols for anxiety disorders and screening out the ones that rely heavily on talk therapy im favour of the ones who emphasise practical skills and changing how you think and respond to stress events.

 

[Flynnal]

Anxiety is a specialist field for some psychologists. They focus more on giving you practical tools to managing anxiety - ranging from CBT, to breathing exercises, to exposure therapy.

I have anxiety but it is due to a combination of ASD and ADHD and I have tried CBT and while it does work it does not address the neurological cause - most likely ASD but we'll never know until I find someone willing to conduct thorough tests. Breathing helps but it depends on how severe the anxiety is. Mine is both anxiety and irritability and "dark thought patterns".

I am not a doctor though so I cannot offer any professional advice as to what is causing the anxiety.

My main issues are anxiety based: agoraphobia, social phobias, insomnia, etc, and about 10 years of heavy opiate addiction. I now have a steady job, a good relationship, an apartment, stable finances, I dont abuse my methadone, and I dont really partake in any self destructive behavior. On paper I look good, and most therapists cant get past that. I maintain these things through discipline, they do not reflect my interior. I still have very unhealthy thought patterns that started literally before my memory started to form, so there is quite a lot of work to do.

What sort of thought patterns? Are they related to anything traumatic that happened in your past? Or did these thought patterns just come out of the blue with no apparent trigger?

 

[RedRum OG]

if you haven’t already you can contact your insurance provider and they should give you a list of in network therapist

I've tried this and end up getting a very long list of very "standard" docs, which is sort of what got me overwhelmed in the first place, but thank you for the advice. I'm still working through that list

What sort of thought patterns? Are they related to anything traumatic that happened in your past? Or did these thought patterns just come out of the blue with no apparent trigger?

Yes, trauma in the past, I was born more dead than alive, had open heart surgery before I was 2, fractured my skull 3 months later, grew up in a cold, dark family, seriously self harmed, was in relationships abusive both physically and emotionally, was essentially left do die from benzos WD in rehab, and almost did... the list goes on. Not the worst life by any means, but one with layers and layers of tangled mental illness. Basically since day 1, literally, I'm guessing I have learned to cope with things by repressing them/refusing to process because even small things are very overstimulating to me, let alone profound memories/events. And for the last 13 years I have relied almost exclusively on opiates to help me push it all down. Basically, I have a boatload of work to do, which is part of the reason I'm being so picky with docs. I'm definitely a lot more work for a therapist, in terms of quality and quantity, than the average person that seeks help. I have no practice expressing things like this, so thanks to anyone who is trudging through the non linear writing

Partially because of benzo WD induced excitotoxicity, I have a very, very bad memory. Entire years of my life I have a hard time recalling more than a couple specific memories. Combined with my aversion to remembering painful things, it has me in a very detached state, long term. I know a lot of unpleasant stuff happened, and my bad reactions to said stuff lead me to where I am now, but I have a hard time getting more specific than that, and I almost need someone to help me reconstruct my memory

 

[Flynnal]

Well, my anxiety has just come back full circle.

This morning around 5am I had a sudden mild ringing in my right ear, and my hearing in that ear seemed as though it was starting to go. I was so terrified I went into what I thought might have been ventricular tachycardia (heart rate 150BPM+, it didn't feel like a normal beat but rather a fluttering/flopping sensation and a pulling sensation, I felt no pulse, sweating, feeling EXTREMELY ill) and spent about 10 minutes or so coming very close to losing consciousness, it was almost surreal. Honestly, I've never felt so ill in my life. When my pulse came back, it was like 24BPM, which was weird. Then it recovered to 55BPM and it's been around that level since. But I've been feeling not myself since then, I feel weak and unwell. At least my hearing is back to normal or at least it seems normal.

Did I just go into what might have been the beginning of a cardiac arrest?

I never felt so fucking scared in all my life, and not being able to feel my pulse for at least 5 minutes has me worried that there is something more going on that I am not aware of.

 

[Flynnal]

Partially because of benzo WD induced excitotoxicity, I have a very, very bad memory. Entire years of my life I have a hard time recalling more than a couple specific memories. Combined with my aversion to remembering painful things, it has me in a very detached state, long term. I know a lot of unpleasant stuff happened, and my bad reactions to said stuff lead me to where I am now, but I have a hard time getting more specific than that, and I almost need someone to help me reconstruct my memory

I've heard of benzo WD excitotoxicity as well, and apparently it's a major problem and why a lot of psychiatrists will not prescribe benzos like they used to. The problem is, they treat patients such as yourself like children who cannot manage their medications and decide on a whim that "patient A needs to be taken off medication B". It's almost as though they don't care if they ultimately hurt their patient even if it doesn't seem like they do.

 

[Dispatchick17]

So, here's what happened with myself.
I wound up with a different pychologist, and a different business's therapist.
Obviously you don't want to "shop" around for a meds psych (if you do, make sure you document why) but I highly recommend shopping for a therapist! One who understands and is similar to you, whom you feel comfortable with, and doesn't make you feel less of a person.
My two cents - this is what I did.

 

[RedRum OG]

So, here's what happened with myself.
I wound up with a different pychologist, and a different business's therapist.
Obviously you don't want to "shop" around for a meds psych (if you do, make sure you document why) but I highly recommend shopping for a therapist! One who understands and is similar to you, whom you feel comfortable with, and doesn't make you feel less of a person.
My two cents - this is what I did.

Fortunately my meds are pretty "figured out". Just slow tapering methadone and gabapentin, I dont have any interest in adding or subtracting beyond that. Mostly need CBT style stuff. thanks for the reply.

I’m in MN and I have had luck with the Psychology Today website!!

Also have state insurance!!

You can sort by issues and insurance!!

Nice, thanks. Will give it a try.