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What do you do when your boyfriend doesn't want you anymore?

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vdawson

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 4, 2016
Messages
6
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Hello. Been in a relationship for over four years now. Was very sex based and we went through a lot of ups and downs but I am still very madly in love, or at least I was until I started to realize that he just... Didn't want me anymore in bed.

We were both users when we met and also went through a period of two years of sobriety together. About six months ago he relapsed and I did so along with him, things went downhill but sex has been the one thing that we always have no matter what. I'm not even remotely attracted to anyone else which sucks because it's seems it's pretty easy for him to want another girl.

So basically he started going soft on me, at first he'd make it seem like it was just some random thing he's tired or it's the drugs or he needs to eat. But then he started doing things which seemed very purposeful to really hurt me like pretend to fall asleep on me or act like he wanted sex be all into it to get me going then suddenly I could tell he'd be thinking of something else, go soft then be like oh damn babe I'm sorry. This has happened more then enough times to really crush me. But I keep trying. Lately he's been starting fights with me in order to leave then he won't contact me for days then I find out he's had a hotel room. But he always comes back and he accuses me of it being my fault for kicking him out. Now he does not attempt to have sex with me at all. And when I try, it does not work at all he doesn't make an effort. He's currently snoring next to me as I write this whole I fight back tears.

I know what the obvious answer is but he forcefully denies cheating and says he just has erectile dysfunction. I'm telling you, this is not that. I've been with guys before that had that and they still WANTED me. He does not want me. So why is he here? If he's seeing other woman why does he come back and torture me like this.

I want to want someone else so badly, but I just don't. I'm a really pretty girl I've done amateur porn and guys used to want me left and right. Now it's like I can't get load to save my life. My confidence is so shot and he doesn't seem to really give a damn. I don't know what to do. Aside from the sex he's my best friend my only friend. When he's gone it hurts. But it hurts when he's here too so, what do I do?
Is there any way I can fix this?
 
vdawson said:
So why is he here? If he's seeing other woman why does he come back and torture me like this.
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Well, I would think he comes back because it's easier to keep you around while he's still searching for your replacement - you're probably like a comfort blanket to him. Once he finds someone else he wants to be with full time, then he'll probably move on himself. It really is a win-win for him and you're the one permitting him to continue.

You can either keep putting up with someone who gives you less than you want, knowing he might kick you aside at any moment. Or you can be proactive and break up now, knowing that he's just not into you anymore and that the little he's prepared to give is not enough for you.

I would suggest the latter option. It might feel bad in the short term to be assertive like that, but if you let things carry on, it'll feel a whole lot worse when he finally leaves.
 
I’ve been on the other side of the bed, where my GF went totally cold on me and my anxiety about it gave me erectile dysfunction when something rarely happened. I went to psych and asked for viagra but after he heard me out he said work on intimacy rather than sex. It kind of sounds silly but he recommended we start taking baths and showers together and washing each other. We tried that and a few other things for a while and our cold period lifted. Seemed like we were both wracked with our own anxieties and insecurities and just had to make some special low pressure space to re-connect.
 
From my POV, it seems like either he does have erectile dysfunction issues, and is not dealing with it well, at all, or he may actually just want to not be in the relationship any more and like many people, doesn't know how to have that uncomfortable and upsetting conversation in a mature way, so starts creating irrational situations to make the other person want to leave first. Either way, something's gotta give. It sounds to me like you shouldn't have to continue begging and pleading for sex or intimacy, no one should have to do that. I know too well the feeling of being shut out sexually and emotionally, so i really feel your pain... but you are worth more than that (and so was I) <3
 
I thnk what CFC has said is probably right was thinking the same thing he just waiting for someone he wants and move on. This situation must be killing you girl don't be stepped on. Tell him to take his shit and get the fuck out he might just be jolted into thinking what the fuck he done and realise what he be losing. I will be truthful if he getting it elsewhere and can come back to you he will keep doing it until he wants to go. It hurts I know and it easy for me to say this but don't be treated this way like you said you a pretty girl and a porn actress there be a line of men ready to have a caring girl that can love a man and be good in bed. It feels like you can't love another man but at least try what's the worse that can happen you end up having good sex at the very least. Don't be walked all over you worth more than that friend.
 
Everybody here is free to talk about his or her feelings. Why not? Enjoy and Im sorry for you.

JJ
 
vdawson said:
If he's seeing other woman why does he come back and torture me like this.
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I think there are a few possibilities here. The first being, he is completely healthy physically and it's a mental issue. This could mean a couple things, the most obvious and what you're worried about: he just isn't into you anymore and is cheating on you and just sticking around until he finds a better for sure thing, no one typically just gets up and leaves until they find something better - as long as the situation at home isn't toxic. The second being there is an issue in the relationship, especially intimacy or feeling worthy. This may sound insane, but if he feels the sole focus of the relationship is sex, eventually that could get difficult to maintain expectations and even men need intimacy and an emotional connection to the person, on some level, for continued and healthy relationships. The other possibility is he truly is suffering from erectile disfunction and he may feel incredibly inferior and sensitive about everything and just not know how to articulate or communicate this.

This was all an incredibly long way to say, the best way forward, is understanding communication. Hopefully, the relationship is solid enough to be able to reveal how you feel to him and have a rational and civil discussion about it. It may be a mistake to assume that he isn't truly suffering from physical health issues because other men "have still wanted you." Not everyone is built the same, so what one man did or didn't do prior may not necessarily be the case here. It's also worth mentioning, drugs can cause some severe problems with this specific issue, so that's a consideration here as well.
 
dalpat077 said:
It took every bit of strength I had to not respond to the message below but I could no more.

That wasn't very nice was it? Unless it was a bit of humor that totally passed me by (obviously)? I will, however, apologize in advance for both statements if I'm wrong.
Click to expand...

You got me totally wrong. I just answered the main thread-question " what do you yo when your boyfriend doesnt want you anymore". This is everyting, I just answered the main question without meaning anybody but myself - this is what I would do.

Sorry for this misunderstanding.

JJ
 
dalpat077 said:
It took every bit of strength I had....
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I get it... random posts can fuck with a mf. I am guilty of it and took me a minute to try to be more verbose but sometimes it slips me by. Still on with it.
JJ has gotten my hot as a hobo with a ham sammich and even blocked her ass a while back... have unblocked those who may get on my nerves and now try to understand why it bothers me. Not recommended for all just my bag.

OT:
Dump his undeserving, wannabe entitled and ugly ass.
I had a long-winded post for a reply yesterday, got distracted and lost it (thought it was posted but obviously not).....
Sorry to be short with the comments but gotta keep moving and do some "worldly" shit inna bit... gotta psyche myself up to go in public. Sad, maybe I'll take some alpraz and wait a bit.

Be well all. Don't get stuck in dead end bidness is all I got, ATM.
 
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