Anecdotal warning:
I've decided to consult with a psychiatrist finally, after years of holding the typical self-medicating taboo against doctors, some for good reason, albeit. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and wake up with adrenal fatigue, feeling like I just had to fight off an attacker in my sleep. It was a reality of my childhood, and one that I believe is rooted in my subconscious. Being that it was directed toward my from my father, the one that is supposed to protect normally, I believe my trust issues and not so much social anxiety as interpersonal anxiety stems from here, and other similar events. Also, I've dealt with suicidal ideation since 8-9 yrs old, and depression was basically my accepted norm until my 20's. I'm pretty sure I have a mild antisocial personality disorder(undiagnosed), or at least it seems likely to me.
My personal history aside, I have always found benzos, in general, to be extremely euphoric at low and uncommon dosages, and even numbly euphoric in a drunken kind of way at higher doses. Much of the euphoria quickly fades with tolerance, and leaves me feeling numb, and physically drained and exhausted. I suppose this would likely be explained by GABA receptor down-regulation(?) and the following rebound anxiety. Probably glutamate up regulation, as well as other factors contribute here.
Anyways:
My question comes mostly from the fact that when I use sparingly and in low doses, before any tolerance has built, I feel energized and empowered to accomplish things I would normally shy away from or feel very uncomfortable doing. Is that(potentially) caused by the loss/decrease in inhibition caused by the GABA agonism? What causes me to feel become more motivated and productive at low doses, imo, more so than stimulants as I'm not chasing the dopamine. I know there isn't a clear answer here, any the obvious answer is that my anxiety disorder progresses to antisocial/depressive tendendencies(so it seems to me at least). But if someone with a better understanding can give me their rough idea of what is happening on a neurological level, I'd be extremely interested and grateful.
Like with opioids, low I assume low doses are stimulating due to the dopamine agonism. However, it may not be intuitive. It's known that cannabis is found to be the most anxiolytic/stress relieving among individuals who use chronically, implying that much of the relief is actually relief from the cannabis withdrawal(largely endocannabinoid system shock I believe). Also, similarly, once dependent, I experience a fatigue as I go into withdrawal(which seems counterintuitive as I thought there'd be excessive glutamate), and the fatigue is lifted with a dose of the drug of addiction, even though they are sedatives.
I've decided to consult with a psychiatrist finally, after years of holding the typical self-medicating taboo against doctors, some for good reason, albeit. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and wake up with adrenal fatigue, feeling like I just had to fight off an attacker in my sleep. It was a reality of my childhood, and one that I believe is rooted in my subconscious. Being that it was directed toward my from my father, the one that is supposed to protect normally, I believe my trust issues and not so much social anxiety as interpersonal anxiety stems from here, and other similar events. Also, I've dealt with suicidal ideation since 8-9 yrs old, and depression was basically my accepted norm until my 20's. I'm pretty sure I have a mild antisocial personality disorder(undiagnosed), or at least it seems likely to me.
My personal history aside, I have always found benzos, in general, to be extremely euphoric at low and uncommon dosages, and even numbly euphoric in a drunken kind of way at higher doses. Much of the euphoria quickly fades with tolerance, and leaves me feeling numb, and physically drained and exhausted. I suppose this would likely be explained by GABA receptor down-regulation(?) and the following rebound anxiety. Probably glutamate up regulation, as well as other factors contribute here.
Anyways:
My question comes mostly from the fact that when I use sparingly and in low doses, before any tolerance has built, I feel energized and empowered to accomplish things I would normally shy away from or feel very uncomfortable doing. Is that(potentially) caused by the loss/decrease in inhibition caused by the GABA agonism? What causes me to feel become more motivated and productive at low doses, imo, more so than stimulants as I'm not chasing the dopamine. I know there isn't a clear answer here, any the obvious answer is that my anxiety disorder progresses to antisocial/depressive tendendencies(so it seems to me at least). But if someone with a better understanding can give me their rough idea of what is happening on a neurological level, I'd be extremely interested and grateful.
Like with opioids, low I assume low doses are stimulating due to the dopamine agonism. However, it may not be intuitive. It's known that cannabis is found to be the most anxiolytic/stress relieving among individuals who use chronically, implying that much of the relief is actually relief from the cannabis withdrawal(largely endocannabinoid system shock I believe). Also, similarly, once dependent, I experience a fatigue as I go into withdrawal(which seems counterintuitive as I thought there'd be excessive glutamate), and the fatigue is lifted with a dose of the drug of addiction, even though they are sedatives.