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May Recovery Thread

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cj said:
We will have to agree to disagree on that one chinup. My demons are plenty strong on both subs and methadone. Plus i have seen that same reasoning used to justify telling people they cant work the program on ssri and other phych meds. Bill Wilson himself was a proponent of methadone and asked pharma executives to develop a maintenance drug for alcoholics.
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Hi CJ,

In reply to your comment about Bill W one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought that either him or his partner/co-founder eventually became a proponent of using LSD for the treatment of addictions and that there is hard video evidence of his speeches about his views on the matter at a time when it was such a taboo subject. And then didn't the AA membership try to make him out to be a total senile KOOK and try to distance him from the organization that he co-founded?
 
Aaron was 45, yes, much too young.


Captain.Heroin said:
Stargazer I can really connect with what you're going through. Aaron was a great guy, and my best friend also struggled with alcohol quite a bit. It's so sad to have seen the latter die so young (I'm not aware of how old Aaron was).

Much love to everyone.

I've got so many things to do it's a bit overwhelming but I should be fine.
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EPL1 said:
Aaron was 45, yes, much too young.
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? that's almost the same age my best friend was when he passed. fuck. I feel terrible.

I had a really good night last night and I'm still a bit content from that and I really hope I can get through just a few more days of this week.
 
Opi_Kid_Rock said:
Hi CJ,

In reply to your comment about Bill W one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought that either him or his partner/co-founder eventually became a proponent of using LSD for the treatment of addictions and that there is hard video evidence of his speeches about his views on the matter at a time when it was such a taboo subject. And then didn't the AA membership try to make him out to be a total senile KOOK and try to distance him from the organization that he co-founded?
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He was a proponent of using lsd to induce a spiritual experience. I dont really know how AA viewed him towards the end. They have totally lionized him in the time since his death
 
cj said:
Bill Wilson himself was a proponent of methadone and asked pharma executives to develop a maintenance drug for alcoholics.
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I wish there were one.

Benzo's come to mind, but I haven't found a psych who would prescribe maintenance benzo's knowing I have substance abuse issues.

Anyway I am 2 days out of a 20 day detox/rehab stint, about to go to sleep. My life is in shambles- if I hadn't relapsed in 2016 I would have a career and 5 yrs clean now- but as it is, I'm on disability and staying with my mother, going through a divorce.

On a positive note, these past two days I have been reunited with my 4 year-old daughter for the first time in a few months, which has been a joy. I was sober and present the first 2 yrs of her life, as well as all of 2017 and 9 months last year. Being apart from her has been a huge driver of my depression and drinking this year.

Still having my usual post-acute-withdrawal "cravings" for beer- I just have to remind myself that despite all my willpower, innocent beer keeps turning into vodka and then eventually coke/amphetamine madness, blackouts, waking up in hospital with no recollection of how I got there, etc. Not to mention loss of possessions, health issues, shame, depression, and generally just failure as a human.

But I can know all that and still just taste a pitcher of beer like it's right in front of me... wish it would go away.
 
cj said:
We will have to agree to disagree on that one chinup. My demons are plenty strong on both subs and methadone. Plus i have seen that same reasoning used to justify telling people they cant work the program on ssri and other phych meds.
Click to expand...

just to clarify i have absolutely nothing against using long term maintenance. i was suggesting why NA might not be OK with it, and have seen first hand how destructive coming off it can be if done too quickly/when the user isn't ready. given the number of people who get double habits when on maintenance, its clear there's plenty of room for demons when on it.
 
Aaron was 45, yes, much too young.

Hi Ash,
if you want and only if, I understand if not :cry:
What happened to Aron, I am new here so only just started reading and posting to him.
I think he lived in Fla. and I spend some time down there with parents and in-laws.
thank you
john
 
In the third edition of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Chapter : Doctor, Alcoholic , Addict
Is where the founder of AA shares his Disease of Addiction, Not of a specific substance.
The foundation for both AA and NA are a Desire to Stop !!
I always laugh at how Deep denial runs and how Drunks and Addicts can Nit pick anything to death, as to what they don't like. Rather than take what works and leave the rest. I have Never seen anyone leave a meeting of recover Worse, than when they came in!! But I have walked over far too many bodies on the way in that are no longer with us ( especially now :cry:)
No one has to become a Big book( Thumper or Nazi)
Step one: Powerless - cant stop - life unmanageable - Life is a mess!!!
Tradition three : an Honest disire to stop using ( sick and tired of this life want change)
All is well
ice
 
weird day today. Decided that 12 step programs weren't for me after completing the steps and sponsoring other guys. Gonna continue with yoga meditation and counseling,
 
capt. for me it is not the Object that i am powerless from
It is the Feelings that mind altering substances give me and once I start I want More!!
My mind is my problem : that is why Addiction is listed as a Mental Illness, with all the rest
 
Iceman1216 said:
capt. for me it is not the Object that i am powerless from
It is the Feelings that mind altering substances give me and once I start I want More!!
My mind is my problem : that is why Addiction is listed as a Mental Illness, with all the rest
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Yes but in a sense, a drug's initiating the effect, the "weakness" or allergic effect (the latter has been used in science to understand this effect a bit better).

The brain and the drug are part of the same interface anyways. It's like thinking keystrokes as completely separate from the keyboard.

Lots of love to everyone. I woke up feeling like shit because of real life stuff and I'm sure if I get more sleep I'll have terrible fucking nightmares.
 
sorry brother, Loss and mental pain are a Slow and Painful process.
Try to get out and accomplish something, even if it is just getting out.
Be well
 
as long as I do not touch the keys, ( will miss the music, and Pain that comes from using)
 
I would get out right now but I have *stupid stupid stupid* things to do and it's making me very frustrated and unhappy.
 
I just want to feel normal again... this has been a terrible year, can't even put it into words. Physically, mentally, materially, I'm in a bad way. I just kept failing... I'm so over it.

I reeeally wish I could get on benzos for a couple months, I just don't know if I can handle life, I'm overwhelmed and depressed and alone. I probably could find some doctor to write a script, but most where I live just refuse, and gabapentin does nothing for me. So I'm left with this craving for beer to calm my nerves, but then I lose control.

I had 2+ years complete abstinence, I know it's possible. I was so healthy and functional back then, I had my soul back. I must not lose this battle, I hate addiction, it's fucking tragic.
 
I am noticing that I am mentally worse off than I was a few months ago. This sucks and I don't know what else I can do to try to get better other than more doctors appointments, more pills which likely won't work, and probably therapy that won't help either. I can try, but it seems pointless.

I'm not using as heavily as I thought I would be despite all the terrible news in my life. Still no opiates/heroin/bupe or any cravings for that shit, toxic shit. I don't know what to think of all of this. It's a bit much.
 
It's good to try and handle all the shit sober. The more you expose yourself to it now, the better you'll feel later on. Maybe even a nice toke once you expose yourself to the hurt could open up a new perspective on the situation.

I'm doing great. No complaints. I miss shooting meth but it really was only to enhance masturbation. Man, i just want to **** ** *****. Maybe one night when i'm a bit drunk i will. It's 100% on my bucket list.
 
It's actually not and I need better medication for PTSD. Trying to handle this without the right meds is making me much worse off, bitter, despondent, socially avoidant.
 
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