freesolo123
Bluelighter
What do you call a dream where you are conscious that you are dreaming? I come to the realization that I am asleep and I can do whatever I like in my dream.
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Life Advice & Visual Arts
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Travel ★ Dream Journal : Share your dreams ☯
- Thread starter Jabberwocky
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Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
That's a "lucid dream". I've only had that a couple of times. But, I think I might be close to getting them, because I frequently "wake up" in my dreams, and am totally aware that I was dreaming before, but I almost never realize I am still dreaming, I think I've actually woken up. The few times I've had a lucid dream state, I start to control it (usually I decide to fly), but then I start to wake up too much and it starts to just be thoughts and I feel myself laying in my bed and it stops feeling real and I wake up fully, before long.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yep, Xorkoth answered it perfectly. Lucid dreams are my favorites, and flying is the best!!! :D
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Oh man, last night I became lucid in my dream. 
I was having this really cool dream where I was hiking through some amazing forests and rivers, the idea being I had to get to this place where I was camping, which was simultaneously where I was building a new house. It was really vivid, and at one point I thought to myself... wait, I'm dreaming. Then I just kept going along because I was enjoying it, but it started to get less realistic, or rather, I started to be aware of my body lying in my bed, which is what has always happened whenever I've gone lucid. I started to try to alter the dream, I wanted to fly, and I started to lift off but it became more like I was just thinking about it rather than experiencing it and I realized I was awake.
Earlier in the night I had a dream I was at my parents' house, except it was a huge, mansion-sized version of it. I was there with my brother and sister and my parents, my dad was in a wheelchair but it was I'd say at least 3 years ago, so much less progressed in his ALS. His words were slightly hard to get out but you could still understand him fine and he was still like he used to be. I don't remember the whole thing at all anymore, but I remember at one point my sister started screaming in the basement... I went down, and it was this crazy sort of steampunk looking cavern of pipes and stone. There was blood dripping from one of the pipes. I remember it had something to do with my dad and we were all freaking out. That's all I remember.
I was having this really cool dream where I was hiking through some amazing forests and rivers, the idea being I had to get to this place where I was camping, which was simultaneously where I was building a new house. It was really vivid, and at one point I thought to myself... wait, I'm dreaming. Then I just kept going along because I was enjoying it, but it started to get less realistic, or rather, I started to be aware of my body lying in my bed, which is what has always happened whenever I've gone lucid. I started to try to alter the dream, I wanted to fly, and I started to lift off but it became more like I was just thinking about it rather than experiencing it and I realized I was awake.Earlier in the night I had a dream I was at my parents' house, except it was a huge, mansion-sized version of it. I was there with my brother and sister and my parents, my dad was in a wheelchair but it was I'd say at least 3 years ago, so much less progressed in his ALS. His words were slightly hard to get out but you could still understand him fine and he was still like he used to be. I don't remember the whole thing at all anymore, but I remember at one point my sister started screaming in the basement... I went down, and it was this crazy sort of steampunk looking cavern of pipes and stone. There was blood dripping from one of the pipes. I remember it had something to do with my dad and we were all freaking out. That's all I remember.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
So I got some GHB recently. I really like it but one annoying feature is that the dopamine rebound hits me too early in the morning, I'll pop awake at 5 or 6am and be having VERY strange and unsettling dreams that remind me of fever dreams, they feel extremely real and I will lay awake and try to fall back to sleep. Once I finally do, then I'll have more normal dreams until I actually wake up. Really weird side effect, but since I find dreaming fascinating, it's still kinda cool.
October 1st, 2018, ~5am: GHB Fever Dream - From Death to Creation
I wake up suddenly from my slumber, the dopamine rebound having hit. Inconvenient because I can tell it's only around 5am. Uh oh... something is odd. The darkness is swirling around me. As I look up out of my skylight above my bed, I appear to see my cat walking on it and crouching to take a shit. But she just sits there and every time I look away and look back, she seems to reform. It's probably just a shadow or something. I have a vaguely ominous feeling about me, and that weird obsessive thought pattern I associate with the dopamine rebound from GHB (as well as from phenibut withdrawal, but much stronger with GHB). I can tell my brain is being weird, and my subconscious wants to draw me in. I'm a little afraid and a little excited to close my eyes, but since I want to sleep more, I have to do it.
I am confronted with frantic people who are rushing up to me and asking me questions. Their urgency makes me feel alarmed and somewhat unsafe as they grip my arms. I can't quite make out what they're asking for, but I think they want me to provide some service for them. Their words are inaudible, but I gather that their intention is for me to experience them. I look into a man's eyes, and all of a sudden a great rush of experiences washes over me, like a life passing by in the blink of an eye. The speed of it shocks me and in fear, I pull back, which is difficult. But the crying of the people (as I write this it seems almost like the spirits of the dead though I didn't think of it that way at the time) only grows more frantic, masses of them gathering up close and reaching. I try to resist because the feeling of the life rushing by feels like a powerful current which I barely escaped even after dipping my leg in for a second. But it becomes impossible to resist as there are so many pressing around me, so eventually I give in. I feel the experiences of a life in extreme fast-forward, a cacophony of emotions, joy, sorrow, anger, pain, all in barely an instant, images, sounds, people, places, things, culminating in a starkly lonely moment of death. But as that moment comes, the eyes of the person I am experiencing meet the eyes of another, and I am drawn into that life, and so on. It feels like this MUST be done, even though it's harrowing every time. I quickly start feeling claustrophobic because I can't stop it, but I'm also aware I'm dreaming, sort of (though I have absolutely no ability to alter what is happening in the dream).
After a while, I feel a darkness, a shape full of clicking and slicing edges, which is speaking to me. It is ripping apart some of the souls around me, with glee at the mayhem. It tells me its name is Clickticktiklee (I think, or something like that), and it speaks in a sibilant hissing voice. It doesn't seem to want to hurt me, almost as if it considers us equals in this space, or perhaps it can't hurt me. It seems to be trying to convince me of the necessity, or maybe just the joy it finds, in its work. Maybe it's trying to convince me to abandon my work. Overall, in retrospect, it feels like this was some malicious spirit bent on destructive and suffering, whereas I was saving these souls by acknowledging and releasing their lives. This malevolent spirit is starting to creep me out and make me feel a little... unclean perhaps, so at some point, still aware I'm dreaming yet wondering whether it is more than that, I open my eyes and decide to get up to take some L-theanine and magnesium to relax.
As I get up and walk across the house to my office, the darkness around me is shifting, wispy shapes. I try not to pay too much attention because I am kind of creeped out by the dream I had just had, though I wouldn't classify it as a nightmare and there was no terror involved. I can still feel the fever-dream-style obsessive/abstract thought process going on in my brain and I try not to think about spirits, thinking instead that the shapes I am seeing are the result of a combination of drug rebound and hypnagogic patterning. I try to anchor my mind in what I know to be true around me because I don't really fancy going back to the place I had just been.
Once I return to bed, I close my eyes again and allow myself to be drawn back into semi-lucid dream land. Before long, I find myself talking to a guy, he seems to be a friend. He's telling me that in this dream, I have to be careful because whatever I imagine actually becomes true in real life. At this point I'm fully lucid and able to control the dream, but instead of being liberating, it's somewhat terrifying because I realize, deep-down, that this is a curse. It becomes about controlling my mind and what I visualize. I have to make sure not to let stray thoughts fuck my life up. Whether my eyes are open or closed becomes difficult to determine because I see the same either way. The friend I imagine is there when I open my eyes. I do an experiment, and imagine my cat coming into the room, and when I open my eyes my cat comes into the room. I'm unsure whether she really did or not. Then the next time I close my eyes, I accidentally imagine her replaced with a different cat, and when I open my eyes (though it looks the same either way, I can tell whether my eyes are open or closed by just knowing if they are, and it seems that when they're closed is when my power to imagine affects things, and when they're open I have proof I have affected things), she is a different cat. This gives me a moment of panic and then I think to myself, wait, I can just imagine her back. And I do so, but I start to wonder whether she is actually the same, if she's even real anymore. How much alteration/transmutation can things handle before they're not really the same? Not really alive? If I can will someone in and out of existence, are they real in the first place? The question disturbs me.
At this point I only half believe that this is real, but it feels so real that I have to take it seriously. There seems to be a running dialogue in the back of my mind, a warning not to stop being vigilant to the extreme damage I could cause to the world/my life. I imagine myself in my upstairs bedroom and open my eyes, and there I am. I imagine my house disappearing around me, and it does. Then I panic and realize I just lost my house, and I try to imagine it back but the details are all wrong. I toss and turn and change positions, trying to get to normal sleep. I'm not sure exactly what is real anymore and what's in my head and I'm starting to wonder if it might be better to go back to re-experiencing the lives of others than this. My girlfriend stirs beside me and I suddenly get really scared I would accidentally change her or make her disappear. So I lay on my back and try not to think about anything at all. What a burden. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm just having a weird and intrusive dream, the same as every other time I get GHB dopamine rebound before it's time to wake up.
Eventually, I begin to feel my muscles relax and my thoughts slow down and become more peaceful, as the theanine and magnesium kick in. And blessedly I drift off into normal slumber...
October 1st, 2018, ~6:30am: Flood in the Mountains
I find myself in a dream world of mine I particularly enjoy. It's a version of the place I live (Appalachia), with somewhat larger and more majestic mountains, and places that represent places that are here, but that are largely different, also. It's a beautiful place and I tend to have fun outdoor adventures here. Also, occasionally I am aware of doors into the mountains which are part of a vast, interconnecting underground city in the mountains, but sometimes that's not a part of things, and it is not tonight. For a few moments I'm aware I'm dreaming but I decide to just let myself get sucked into it because I like this dream world and I feel peaceful and I don't want to risk waking back up now that I've finally passed into real sleep.
I'm with my friend's parents and we're driving around. We'd just been camping, and it had rained a lot the night before. I remember the hike the previous day, up a trail I know well (in my dreams anyway), and smile. We're near a small mountain town I've visited many times, taking a pull-off that winds down under the main road and heads towards home. But when we get a bit down the pulloff, we see that the road is entirely submerged in rushing water, as if the road is a river. It gushes over the hill and looks like nothing less than a waterfall. My friend's mom suggests we go anyway, as "we have 4 wheel drive". But I don't like the look of it at all, and I say so, and my friend's dad is like, yep, we're definitely going to die if we try this, we're turning around, we'll try to find a way across. As we go into town, I hear a town crier (
) holding newspapers, shouting about historic flooding of the river. The entire town is on one side of the river, and from a vantage point I look at it. Normally it's a little thing way down below, but now it has risen impossible high, like a hundred feet, filling out the whole valley, almost up to the level of the town which is on the top of the ridge of the canyon.
Now instead of my friend's parents I'm with a couple of my friends, and we decide to enjoy the nice sunny day while we wait for some news about whether there is a way across the river. We stop into a park and there's an ice cream stand, and I get some ice cream. We're just hanging out shooting the shit, when a young girl comes to sit next to me, and clearly starts flirting with me. I look at her and ask her how old she is... 17 she says, how old are you, 24? I just kinda laughed and said nope, older than that... too old for you, that's for sure (clearly this came from a couple of weeks ago when I girl I met at my alcohol course who is 20 was flirting with me and guessed I was 24... which is quite a compliment I guess since I'm actually 35).
Suddenly, my boss calls me and I realize I am supposed to be at work, and it's like 3:00pm, most of the way through the work day. I answer the phone and I'm like, dude, so sorry, I was camping last night and we were supposed to get back in the morning but there's catastrophic flooding and now I'm stuck in a town on the other side of the river. He says oh man, that's fine, I heard about the flooding, I hope you can get home okay. But listen, we're all gathered here for a special meeting, and we really need to get you on video chat. It seems clear to me he is insinuating that they've got some sort of award or something for me. A promotion, I wonder? But damn! Not enough service up here to get video chat working, and also I'm at 10% battery life. I tell this to my boss and he's like okay, well, just find a place where you can charge and get some wireless, we'll be waiting.
So I head around, looking for these things. People I ask don't seem to know what wireless Internet is, it's as if the town is stuck just a little bit in the past. No one seems to have an iPhone charger either although I find people with Android chargers. Eventually I make my wait to a Best Buy and walk in. I ask them about wireless Internet, and they don't know what that is either. But they tell me to walk over to the wireless charging products (a more advanced technology 8)) and as I do my phone is charged to 100% within seconds. But I still can't find any service, I'm stuck at 1 bar of 1x service.
Then my alarm goes off, and I see that I have just missed a call from my boss (in real life), and that I overslept by an hour. I get up and call him back and now, much later, I've finally finished writing this post.
I really like GHB but it has consistently given me really intense and intrusive dreams when I wake up early in dopamine rebound. Kinda cool to have as memories but they're rather harrowing experiences. But on the other hand, I feel that I am consistently getting better at dreaming, with more recall and even brief moments of lucidity. I feel like I have a very involved and active dream life, which feels really nice.
Anyone else had any dreams lately?
October 1st, 2018, ~5am: GHB Fever Dream - From Death to Creation
I wake up suddenly from my slumber, the dopamine rebound having hit. Inconvenient because I can tell it's only around 5am. Uh oh... something is odd. The darkness is swirling around me. As I look up out of my skylight above my bed, I appear to see my cat walking on it and crouching to take a shit. But she just sits there and every time I look away and look back, she seems to reform. It's probably just a shadow or something. I have a vaguely ominous feeling about me, and that weird obsessive thought pattern I associate with the dopamine rebound from GHB (as well as from phenibut withdrawal, but much stronger with GHB). I can tell my brain is being weird, and my subconscious wants to draw me in. I'm a little afraid and a little excited to close my eyes, but since I want to sleep more, I have to do it.
I am confronted with frantic people who are rushing up to me and asking me questions. Their urgency makes me feel alarmed and somewhat unsafe as they grip my arms. I can't quite make out what they're asking for, but I think they want me to provide some service for them. Their words are inaudible, but I gather that their intention is for me to experience them. I look into a man's eyes, and all of a sudden a great rush of experiences washes over me, like a life passing by in the blink of an eye. The speed of it shocks me and in fear, I pull back, which is difficult. But the crying of the people (as I write this it seems almost like the spirits of the dead though I didn't think of it that way at the time) only grows more frantic, masses of them gathering up close and reaching. I try to resist because the feeling of the life rushing by feels like a powerful current which I barely escaped even after dipping my leg in for a second. But it becomes impossible to resist as there are so many pressing around me, so eventually I give in. I feel the experiences of a life in extreme fast-forward, a cacophony of emotions, joy, sorrow, anger, pain, all in barely an instant, images, sounds, people, places, things, culminating in a starkly lonely moment of death. But as that moment comes, the eyes of the person I am experiencing meet the eyes of another, and I am drawn into that life, and so on. It feels like this MUST be done, even though it's harrowing every time. I quickly start feeling claustrophobic because I can't stop it, but I'm also aware I'm dreaming, sort of (though I have absolutely no ability to alter what is happening in the dream).
After a while, I feel a darkness, a shape full of clicking and slicing edges, which is speaking to me. It is ripping apart some of the souls around me, with glee at the mayhem. It tells me its name is Clickticktiklee (I think, or something like that), and it speaks in a sibilant hissing voice. It doesn't seem to want to hurt me, almost as if it considers us equals in this space, or perhaps it can't hurt me. It seems to be trying to convince me of the necessity, or maybe just the joy it finds, in its work. Maybe it's trying to convince me to abandon my work. Overall, in retrospect, it feels like this was some malicious spirit bent on destructive and suffering, whereas I was saving these souls by acknowledging and releasing their lives. This malevolent spirit is starting to creep me out and make me feel a little... unclean perhaps, so at some point, still aware I'm dreaming yet wondering whether it is more than that, I open my eyes and decide to get up to take some L-theanine and magnesium to relax.
As I get up and walk across the house to my office, the darkness around me is shifting, wispy shapes. I try not to pay too much attention because I am kind of creeped out by the dream I had just had, though I wouldn't classify it as a nightmare and there was no terror involved. I can still feel the fever-dream-style obsessive/abstract thought process going on in my brain and I try not to think about spirits, thinking instead that the shapes I am seeing are the result of a combination of drug rebound and hypnagogic patterning. I try to anchor my mind in what I know to be true around me because I don't really fancy going back to the place I had just been.
Once I return to bed, I close my eyes again and allow myself to be drawn back into semi-lucid dream land. Before long, I find myself talking to a guy, he seems to be a friend. He's telling me that in this dream, I have to be careful because whatever I imagine actually becomes true in real life. At this point I'm fully lucid and able to control the dream, but instead of being liberating, it's somewhat terrifying because I realize, deep-down, that this is a curse. It becomes about controlling my mind and what I visualize. I have to make sure not to let stray thoughts fuck my life up. Whether my eyes are open or closed becomes difficult to determine because I see the same either way. The friend I imagine is there when I open my eyes. I do an experiment, and imagine my cat coming into the room, and when I open my eyes my cat comes into the room. I'm unsure whether she really did or not. Then the next time I close my eyes, I accidentally imagine her replaced with a different cat, and when I open my eyes (though it looks the same either way, I can tell whether my eyes are open or closed by just knowing if they are, and it seems that when they're closed is when my power to imagine affects things, and when they're open I have proof I have affected things), she is a different cat. This gives me a moment of panic and then I think to myself, wait, I can just imagine her back. And I do so, but I start to wonder whether she is actually the same, if she's even real anymore. How much alteration/transmutation can things handle before they're not really the same? Not really alive? If I can will someone in and out of existence, are they real in the first place? The question disturbs me.
At this point I only half believe that this is real, but it feels so real that I have to take it seriously. There seems to be a running dialogue in the back of my mind, a warning not to stop being vigilant to the extreme damage I could cause to the world/my life. I imagine myself in my upstairs bedroom and open my eyes, and there I am. I imagine my house disappearing around me, and it does. Then I panic and realize I just lost my house, and I try to imagine it back but the details are all wrong. I toss and turn and change positions, trying to get to normal sleep. I'm not sure exactly what is real anymore and what's in my head and I'm starting to wonder if it might be better to go back to re-experiencing the lives of others than this. My girlfriend stirs beside me and I suddenly get really scared I would accidentally change her or make her disappear. So I lay on my back and try not to think about anything at all. What a burden. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm just having a weird and intrusive dream, the same as every other time I get GHB dopamine rebound before it's time to wake up.
Eventually, I begin to feel my muscles relax and my thoughts slow down and become more peaceful, as the theanine and magnesium kick in. And blessedly I drift off into normal slumber...
October 1st, 2018, ~6:30am: Flood in the Mountains
I find myself in a dream world of mine I particularly enjoy. It's a version of the place I live (Appalachia), with somewhat larger and more majestic mountains, and places that represent places that are here, but that are largely different, also. It's a beautiful place and I tend to have fun outdoor adventures here. Also, occasionally I am aware of doors into the mountains which are part of a vast, interconnecting underground city in the mountains, but sometimes that's not a part of things, and it is not tonight. For a few moments I'm aware I'm dreaming but I decide to just let myself get sucked into it because I like this dream world and I feel peaceful and I don't want to risk waking back up now that I've finally passed into real sleep.
I'm with my friend's parents and we're driving around. We'd just been camping, and it had rained a lot the night before. I remember the hike the previous day, up a trail I know well (in my dreams anyway), and smile. We're near a small mountain town I've visited many times, taking a pull-off that winds down under the main road and heads towards home. But when we get a bit down the pulloff, we see that the road is entirely submerged in rushing water, as if the road is a river. It gushes over the hill and looks like nothing less than a waterfall. My friend's mom suggests we go anyway, as "we have 4 wheel drive". But I don't like the look of it at all, and I say so, and my friend's dad is like, yep, we're definitely going to die if we try this, we're turning around, we'll try to find a way across. As we go into town, I hear a town crier (
) holding newspapers, shouting about historic flooding of the river. The entire town is on one side of the river, and from a vantage point I look at it. Normally it's a little thing way down below, but now it has risen impossible high, like a hundred feet, filling out the whole valley, almost up to the level of the town which is on the top of the ridge of the canyon. Now instead of my friend's parents I'm with a couple of my friends, and we decide to enjoy the nice sunny day while we wait for some news about whether there is a way across the river. We stop into a park and there's an ice cream stand, and I get some ice cream. We're just hanging out shooting the shit, when a young girl comes to sit next to me, and clearly starts flirting with me. I look at her and ask her how old she is... 17 she says, how old are you, 24? I just kinda laughed and said nope, older than that... too old for you, that's for sure (clearly this came from a couple of weeks ago when I girl I met at my alcohol course who is 20 was flirting with me and guessed I was 24... which is quite a compliment I guess since I'm actually 35).
Suddenly, my boss calls me and I realize I am supposed to be at work, and it's like 3:00pm, most of the way through the work day. I answer the phone and I'm like, dude, so sorry, I was camping last night and we were supposed to get back in the morning but there's catastrophic flooding and now I'm stuck in a town on the other side of the river. He says oh man, that's fine, I heard about the flooding, I hope you can get home okay. But listen, we're all gathered here for a special meeting, and we really need to get you on video chat. It seems clear to me he is insinuating that they've got some sort of award or something for me. A promotion, I wonder? But damn! Not enough service up here to get video chat working, and also I'm at 10% battery life. I tell this to my boss and he's like okay, well, just find a place where you can charge and get some wireless, we'll be waiting.
So I head around, looking for these things. People I ask don't seem to know what wireless Internet is, it's as if the town is stuck just a little bit in the past. No one seems to have an iPhone charger either although I find people with Android chargers. Eventually I make my wait to a Best Buy and walk in. I ask them about wireless Internet, and they don't know what that is either. But they tell me to walk over to the wireless charging products (a more advanced technology 8)) and as I do my phone is charged to 100% within seconds. But I still can't find any service, I'm stuck at 1 bar of 1x service.
Then my alarm goes off, and I see that I have just missed a call from my boss (in real life), and that I overslept by an hour. I get up and call him back and now, much later, I've finally finished writing this post.
I really like GHB but it has consistently given me really intense and intrusive dreams when I wake up early in dopamine rebound. Kinda cool to have as memories but they're rather harrowing experiences. But on the other hand, I feel that I am consistently getting better at dreaming, with more recall and even brief moments of lucidity. I feel like I have a very involved and active dream life, which feels really nice.
Anyone else had any dreams lately?
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
I've been sleeping like shit the past few nights. Had a haunted house nightmare last night where I made the wise decision to purchase a home in which a murder had taken place. The home and grounds were largish and vaguely threatening. The home was well-known (don't remember if it was just because of the murder) in the community, a suburb near the city I live in. I remember asking a colleague from work (who I don't even like) if they thought it was wise to spend the night there before bringing in a priest to do their thing and the answer was no. Strange, unexplainable things start happening around me before I've even stayed in the house. The rest of the dream was trying to get the priest of one of the local Episcopal parishes to come in and try and make the home habitable.
Felt like my very own version of The Amityville Horror.
Felt like my very own version of The Amityville Horror.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I thought I'd get out in writing the most intense and lucid dream I've ever had, over 10 years ago. It was during a time where I was abusing AMT a lot... I find that when I have abused serotonin releasers like MDMA or AMT, I start to get brain zaps. When I'm in that mode where I'm getting brain zaps, more often than not when I fall asleep, I experience sleep paralysis. After I break the sleep paralysis, I tend to go on to having outrageously vivid dreams that nearly always have some sort of either personally or globally apocalyptic content. This dream was more of a personal apocalypse.
Sometime in Fall 2007 - Waking Up to a New Reality
I wake up in my bed with a powerful burning and itching sensation in my right eyeball. The feeling is alarming enough that I jump out of bed immediately and run to the bathroom to look in the mirror. To my horror, I see that my eyeball is turning into a blue goo which is running down my face. Somehow I can still see out of it even though it quickly just becomes a socket. I assume I'm not dreaming because I feel 100% lucid, and I am actively thinking this is really alarming and bizarre that my eyeball would be melting. Panic sets in and I run back to my room, about to wake my girlfriend up. But she's not there. I run to the guest room and find my dad sleeping on a cot there. Strange, why is my dad here? He wasn't here when I went to bed. I call out to him and he wakes up. I start to tell him about my eye and that I think I need to go to the hospital. Rather than appear alarmed, though, he has a look of resignation and fatigue on his face. He gets up and tells me to get in the car, that we need to get going, that it's happening again.
Confused and somewhat offended, I follow him. My mom is downstairs and she joins us as we get in the car. We start driving, me in the back seat. My parents, I feel, aren't truly regarding me, they're treating me like I'm not there and rolling their eyes and sighing at the things I'm saying. I ask them where my girlfriend and cats are, and they sigh and say basically, alright, once again, you don't have a girlfriend and cats, you just think you do sometimes. This has happened many times before. Your eye is fine, you live with us, and we're going to the hospital so you can get better.
I'm flabbergasted. Obviously I tell myself I must be dreaming, this is nonsense, I didn't imagine my entire real life. My parents are trying to have me believe that I am delusional, but this is just a dream. So I try to wake up. I pinch myself, since that has worked before. Nothing, I'm still in the car with my parents, my eyeball is still stinging and burning, I can wipe some of the blue goo off my face, and my parents are still telling me I'm imagining it, still treating me like a burdensome mental case. I try closing my eyes and focusing on being in my bed still, but I can't break it. I take stock of myself and my thoughts. I stare at my hands, and they appear in full detail. Everything feels as real as anything ever has. By all appearances, I am wide awake. But this can't be reality.
Over the course of the drive I start to observe myself and the things I'm saying. It SOUNDS crazy. I'm ranting and raving about this being a dream, and my eyeball is melting, but I can still see out of it. I start to understand my parents' reactions... their child is crazy and their whole lives center around taking care of their adult son. Doubt starts to creep in about this being a dream... the idea horrifies me but I start to be able to accept that perhaps I really AM crazy and that I imagined this whole great life for myself when in reality I am totally non-functional and delusional. The ride takes a long time and by the time we get to our destination, my self-confidence has eroded almost entirely. I still hold out some hope that this is a dream, but I feel it's more likely that I'm crazy and my life I imagined isn't real, because no dream has ever been this lucid, and try as I might I can't alter anything that's happening one bit, reality around me is as rigid as it normally is. The feeling of terror and hopelessness is staggering, I feel a profound bereavement at the loss of what had been (or seemed to be) a great life.
Our destination was a mental hospital. We walk in and my parents talk to some staff, and they're doing some paperwork to admit me. As I wait, I wander around, looking at things, feeling on the verge of tears. My parents won't look at me at all and I feel a tremendous sense of shame. Finally, I go up to my mom and make her look at me, and I break down sobbing. Suddenly her countenance changes, her features soften with compassion and all I can see is her face. She says to me "Remember, your life is only what you make of it".
Then I wake up in my bed. My eye is still burning and tingling, but my girlfriend is sleeping next to me this time. I shot out of bed to the bathroom to look at my eye, dreading seeing a melting blue eyeball. But, my eyeball was fine, probably just really dry. As I fully realized I had just been dreaming after all, the feeling in my eyeball faded. I have never been so glad to wake up from a dream! 8(
Sometime in Fall 2007 - Waking Up to a New Reality
I wake up in my bed with a powerful burning and itching sensation in my right eyeball. The feeling is alarming enough that I jump out of bed immediately and run to the bathroom to look in the mirror. To my horror, I see that my eyeball is turning into a blue goo which is running down my face. Somehow I can still see out of it even though it quickly just becomes a socket. I assume I'm not dreaming because I feel 100% lucid, and I am actively thinking this is really alarming and bizarre that my eyeball would be melting. Panic sets in and I run back to my room, about to wake my girlfriend up. But she's not there. I run to the guest room and find my dad sleeping on a cot there. Strange, why is my dad here? He wasn't here when I went to bed. I call out to him and he wakes up. I start to tell him about my eye and that I think I need to go to the hospital. Rather than appear alarmed, though, he has a look of resignation and fatigue on his face. He gets up and tells me to get in the car, that we need to get going, that it's happening again.
Confused and somewhat offended, I follow him. My mom is downstairs and she joins us as we get in the car. We start driving, me in the back seat. My parents, I feel, aren't truly regarding me, they're treating me like I'm not there and rolling their eyes and sighing at the things I'm saying. I ask them where my girlfriend and cats are, and they sigh and say basically, alright, once again, you don't have a girlfriend and cats, you just think you do sometimes. This has happened many times before. Your eye is fine, you live with us, and we're going to the hospital so you can get better.
I'm flabbergasted. Obviously I tell myself I must be dreaming, this is nonsense, I didn't imagine my entire real life. My parents are trying to have me believe that I am delusional, but this is just a dream. So I try to wake up. I pinch myself, since that has worked before. Nothing, I'm still in the car with my parents, my eyeball is still stinging and burning, I can wipe some of the blue goo off my face, and my parents are still telling me I'm imagining it, still treating me like a burdensome mental case. I try closing my eyes and focusing on being in my bed still, but I can't break it. I take stock of myself and my thoughts. I stare at my hands, and they appear in full detail. Everything feels as real as anything ever has. By all appearances, I am wide awake. But this can't be reality.
Over the course of the drive I start to observe myself and the things I'm saying. It SOUNDS crazy. I'm ranting and raving about this being a dream, and my eyeball is melting, but I can still see out of it. I start to understand my parents' reactions... their child is crazy and their whole lives center around taking care of their adult son. Doubt starts to creep in about this being a dream... the idea horrifies me but I start to be able to accept that perhaps I really AM crazy and that I imagined this whole great life for myself when in reality I am totally non-functional and delusional. The ride takes a long time and by the time we get to our destination, my self-confidence has eroded almost entirely. I still hold out some hope that this is a dream, but I feel it's more likely that I'm crazy and my life I imagined isn't real, because no dream has ever been this lucid, and try as I might I can't alter anything that's happening one bit, reality around me is as rigid as it normally is. The feeling of terror and hopelessness is staggering, I feel a profound bereavement at the loss of what had been (or seemed to be) a great life.
Our destination was a mental hospital. We walk in and my parents talk to some staff, and they're doing some paperwork to admit me. As I wait, I wander around, looking at things, feeling on the verge of tears. My parents won't look at me at all and I feel a tremendous sense of shame. Finally, I go up to my mom and make her look at me, and I break down sobbing. Suddenly her countenance changes, her features soften with compassion and all I can see is her face. She says to me "Remember, your life is only what you make of it".
Then I wake up in my bed. My eye is still burning and tingling, but my girlfriend is sleeping next to me this time. I shot out of bed to the bathroom to look at my eye, dreading seeing a melting blue eyeball. But, my eyeball was fine, probably just really dry. As I fully realized I had just been dreaming after all, the feeling in my eyeball faded. I have never been so glad to wake up from a dream! 8(
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Kaden_Nite
Bluelight Crew
There's this game show in Australia where the annoying host asks contestants a series of equally annoying 'getting to know you' questions about their personal lives for absolutely no reason. Where did you grow up, where do you work etc etc
Occasionally, he asks a question that actually has something to do with the fucking game, but not often. The ratio of irrelevant personal questions to actual game show questions is easily 10:1.
He's a terrible host.
Dream: So, I'm on the show right. I'm in the hot seat ready to win some money but this guy is asking me all sorts of bullshit about my life and my work and I'm just sitting there saying "I don't know" to everything, hoping that he'll take the hint and move on to the game. He doesn't.
You don't know where you work?
"no"
Well, what town are you from?
"not sure"
How do you not know what town you're from?
"can't remember"
How do you forget something like tha--
"amnesia"
Then a buzzer goes off and he informs me that I didn't get a single right answer in that 'round' and I'm somehow down 1500 dollars.
"wait.. what?"
When I got home, the game show people were there repossessing my stuff.
Occasionally, he asks a question that actually has something to do with the fucking game, but not often. The ratio of irrelevant personal questions to actual game show questions is easily 10:1.
He's a terrible host.
Dream: So, I'm on the show right. I'm in the hot seat ready to win some money but this guy is asking me all sorts of bullshit about my life and my work and I'm just sitting there saying "I don't know" to everything, hoping that he'll take the hint and move on to the game. He doesn't.
You don't know where you work?
"no"
Well, what town are you from?
"not sure"
How do you not know what town you're from?
"can't remember"
How do you forget something like tha--
"amnesia"
Then a buzzer goes off and he informs me that I didn't get a single right answer in that 'round' and I'm somehow down 1500 dollars.
"wait.. what?"
When I got home, the game show people were there repossessing my stuff.
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
Two memorable and unpleasant dreams from last night:
1. Trying to secure my property and belongings during a hurricane while at the same time trying to evade a murderous psycho. This one got so intense it woke me up. I've been so stressed out lately I haven't been watching the news and was completely oblivious until this morning that there is a tropical storm that might possibly become a hurricane brewing out in the Gulf. Can't say this dream was prophetic, though, since the storm will bypass peninsular Florida and hit the Panhandle instead.
2. Back in college or grad school and trying to write a paper while in my childhood home. I remember trying to get all my citations accurate while being hounded by my mother which ended up with me yelling at her and ordering her out of the room, noisy neighbors and other people distracting me. One of those, no matter how hard you're trying you just can't seem to catch up and you're getting further and further behind, dreams.
1. Trying to secure my property and belongings during a hurricane while at the same time trying to evade a murderous psycho. This one got so intense it woke me up. I've been so stressed out lately I haven't been watching the news and was completely oblivious until this morning that there is a tropical storm that might possibly become a hurricane brewing out in the Gulf. Can't say this dream was prophetic, though, since the storm will bypass peninsular Florida and hit the Panhandle instead.
2. Back in college or grad school and trying to write a paper while in my childhood home. I remember trying to get all my citations accurate while being hounded by my mother which ended up with me yelling at her and ordering her out of the room, noisy neighbors and other people distracting me. One of those, no matter how hard you're trying you just can't seem to catch up and you're getting further and further behind, dreams.
Shady's Fox
Bluelighter
I want to describe my dream from last night through a track
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
Another "more you try and catch up, the further you fall behind" dream. Dreamed I was being held hostage by high profile kidnappers. Somehow managed to escape, but every time I try and talk to someone at the FBI, I'm never able to find the correct contact information, and every time I went to a police station to try and report where these kidnappers were holed up, the line to talk to someone would be out the door. Finally got so stressful it woke me up.
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
The most powerful dream I've ever had (and still remember like it was yesterday) was an extremely terrifying episode of sleep paralysis.
I suddenly woke up (or so I thought) with a sense of dread and impending doom and couldn't move at all. Then I could feel a malevolent presence in the room. Suddenly, my whole body started to rise off the bed, still unable to move a muscle. As I got close to the ceiling, I was forcibly turned over by the presence so that I was looking down upon my sleeping girlfriend. I slowly started to descend toward her and I immediately knew I was going to kill her. I tried to shout but nothing would come out. I was powerless to prevent the inevitable. As I got closer and closer, my hands reached out to her throat. Just before I made contact, I was shaken awake by my girlfriend. Apparently I'd been lying there screaming and she couldn't wake me for ages.
That one really shook me up because I was so convinced it was real.
I suddenly woke up (or so I thought) with a sense of dread and impending doom and couldn't move at all. Then I could feel a malevolent presence in the room. Suddenly, my whole body started to rise off the bed, still unable to move a muscle. As I got close to the ceiling, I was forcibly turned over by the presence so that I was looking down upon my sleeping girlfriend. I slowly started to descend toward her and I immediately knew I was going to kill her. I tried to shout but nothing would come out. I was powerless to prevent the inevitable. As I got closer and closer, my hands reached out to her throat. Just before I made contact, I was shaken awake by my girlfriend. Apparently I'd been lying there screaming and she couldn't wake me for ages.
That one really shook me up because I was so convinced it was real.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I had a really weird dream last night. I guess one of my oldest friends was on my mind... I am worried he has killed himself because I am unable to get ahold of him and haven't been for months, and he's 100% of the time depressed (major depressive disorder) and has been semi-suicidal for 2 decades.
October 13th, 2018: Decided to Explore the Other Team
I was driving up north to my family's lake house for a vacation, and my friend called. I answered and put it on speaker and we ended up talking the whole time, for hours. At one point I was being followed by a cop and I suddenly remembered I had a DUI and wasn't supposed to be driving, but nothing ever happened. At one point my friend told me he realized he was gay and he was in love with me. I thought about how sad he always was and so I thought about it for a bit and told him I'd give it a shot, that I love him too and maybe it could turn into something more. He was really happy.
At some point I needed to stop for the night so I got a hotel, and my friend was suddenly there too. We got on the bed and tried to snuggle, but it felt awkward to me, I really just wanted to chill and smoke weed and talk about things. We kissed, and again, it was awkward for me. I could see him getting sad. Then my girlfriend was there too, and she didn't know I had told him we could date. We were all 3 sitting on the bed, and my girl started snuggling me, and my friend got super sad and faced away from us, and I felt like an asshole and was contemplating how I could break up with him without really hurting him.
Then next thing I know I was at the lake house, hanging out with my brother, sister in law, sister, mom and dad. We were having fun, but I don't really remember what we did, just a bunch of random scenes. Then we were at a show where my friend's band was playing. They had an entire brass band come up on stage with them which was crazy, there were like 40 people on stage. And their lead guitar played was playing a trumpet that looked like a crossbow, and the bow was strung up with strings, and he would switch to holding a bow and playing his crossbow like a violin.
That's all I can remember. It was actually really vivid to the point that I was confused when I woke up, but I didn't think about it or write it down for a while after I woke up so I lost a lot of it.
October 13th, 2018: Decided to Explore the Other Team
I was driving up north to my family's lake house for a vacation, and my friend called. I answered and put it on speaker and we ended up talking the whole time, for hours. At one point I was being followed by a cop and I suddenly remembered I had a DUI and wasn't supposed to be driving, but nothing ever happened. At one point my friend told me he realized he was gay and he was in love with me. I thought about how sad he always was and so I thought about it for a bit and told him I'd give it a shot, that I love him too and maybe it could turn into something more. He was really happy.
At some point I needed to stop for the night so I got a hotel, and my friend was suddenly there too. We got on the bed and tried to snuggle, but it felt awkward to me, I really just wanted to chill and smoke weed and talk about things. We kissed, and again, it was awkward for me. I could see him getting sad. Then my girlfriend was there too, and she didn't know I had told him we could date. We were all 3 sitting on the bed, and my girl started snuggling me, and my friend got super sad and faced away from us, and I felt like an asshole and was contemplating how I could break up with him without really hurting him.
Then next thing I know I was at the lake house, hanging out with my brother, sister in law, sister, mom and dad. We were having fun, but I don't really remember what we did, just a bunch of random scenes. Then we were at a show where my friend's band was playing. They had an entire brass band come up on stage with them which was crazy, there were like 40 people on stage. And their lead guitar played was playing a trumpet that looked like a crossbow, and the bow was strung up with strings, and he would switch to holding a bow and playing his crossbow like a violin.
That's all I can remember. It was actually really vivid to the point that I was confused when I woke up, but I didn't think about it or write it down for a while after I woke up so I lost a lot of it.
Tranced
Bluelight Crew
My dream last night was really cool and vivid.
I was walking through the underpass next to my house and this girl approached me with some kind of book referencing bluelight posts and saying she loved me and it was some kind of prophecy (don't worry, I haven't lost the plot).
I was pretty weirded out and and didn't fancy her, but she insisted and then some other girl appeared trying to kill us with this little sort of circular disc hand held laser. I never actually saw either of them again, but suddenly I was whipped up in a world of escape and assault on these evil assailants to save the planet.
The funny thing is, they were all famous actors, and the ones that were helping me were good ones (including Lester Freamon from the The Wire, and Morgan Freeman [I can remember thinking 'woahhh, those allegations against him must have been false if he's fighting for the good side'). The bad people were the likes of Ramsey from lord of the rings. I can remember going past him on a boat and he smiled creepily.
I was at one point required to/wanted to smoke salvia, and we all ingested it in a pill as they had developed some kind of method for doing so. I couldn't remember it and was confused, but they said a message had been delivered to me that I'd remember later.
The dream was very linear and detailed, although I've forgotten most of it. But it was basically good vs. bad, and all the actors were in on it (which is pretty creepy, really). I enjoyed myself at the time though, I can remember blasting a lot of people with those lasers.
I was walking through the underpass next to my house and this girl approached me with some kind of book referencing bluelight posts and saying she loved me and it was some kind of prophecy (don't worry, I haven't lost the plot).
I was pretty weirded out and and didn't fancy her, but she insisted and then some other girl appeared trying to kill us with this little sort of circular disc hand held laser. I never actually saw either of them again, but suddenly I was whipped up in a world of escape and assault on these evil assailants to save the planet.
The funny thing is, they were all famous actors, and the ones that were helping me were good ones (including Lester Freamon from the The Wire, and Morgan Freeman [I can remember thinking 'woahhh, those allegations against him must have been false if he's fighting for the good side'). The bad people were the likes of Ramsey from lord of the rings. I can remember going past him on a boat and he smiled creepily.
I was at one point required to/wanted to smoke salvia, and we all ingested it in a pill as they had developed some kind of method for doing so. I couldn't remember it and was confused, but they said a message had been delivered to me that I'd remember later.
The dream was very linear and detailed, although I've forgotten most of it. But it was basically good vs. bad, and all the actors were in on it (which is pretty creepy, really). I enjoyed myself at the time though, I can remember blasting a lot of people with those lasers.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yeah, sleep paralysis sucks. I think that it's where the Incubus/Succubus legend arose from. I experience it as a side effect from my antidepressant Remeron (mirtazapine), but I've actually gotten used to it by now. I know that I'll be able to move shortly, so I just relax and let my body catch up with my brain.
It definitely has that "impending doom" feeling though. Some sleep/dream researchers have hypothesized that our brains perceive the half-awake/half-asleep state as dying, which would understandably account for the fear.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Whenever I've experienced sleep paralysis, it feels like I'm falling through the floor, like when you get to that really weird panicky place with weed, and I can't move, and there's a rushing in my ears. I've never gotten the "evil presence" thing though, even though I do find it terrifying. But it's only because it's a terrifying feeling, it doesn't feel evil, just "huge" or something. It's actually been a long time since I've experienced it, I kinda want to again because I feel like I could try to explore it more next time. The last time it happened it didn't scare me as much. I've only ever experienced it when I had recently abused serotonin releasers, and afterwards I always had really, really vivid/lucid dreams. Such an interesting state...
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
There wasn't much to this dream, but any time that I get to fly (and make out with beautiful women) is worth it...
October 18-19, 2018: "A Brief Moment Of Lucidity"
I found myself in the lobby of an office building where I used to work and realized that I was dreaming. I went up to a young woman that I knew and kissed her for a while.
I walked out to the parking lot and decided to fly. As usual, I could only get slightly up above the trees before "gravity" kept me from going higher, so I soared down the main road and landed at the local mall.
(Unfortunately I woke up at this point.)
Sweet Dreams!!!
Dreamflyer
8(
October 18-19, 2018: "A Brief Moment Of Lucidity"
I found myself in the lobby of an office building where I used to work and realized that I was dreaming. I went up to a young woman that I knew and kissed her for a while.
I walked out to the parking lot and decided to fly. As usual, I could only get slightly up above the trees before "gravity" kept me from going higher, so I soared down the main road and landed at the local mall.
(Unfortunately I woke up at this point.)
Sweet Dreams!!!
Dreamflyer
8(
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Recent dreams:
- Me and my mom went freestyle driving in a subaru, and she showed me she had 2 penises.
- Cooking meth the shake-n-bake method.
- Running from trouble then getting rejected.
- Chewed up 90mg vyvanse.
- NSA sex party that constantly had not enough food/drink.
- Snowboarding - friends dad wanted to go home sooner than i did.
- Railing meth that accidentally mixed with water to no effect.
- Murdering an innocent man then my dad helps me clean.
All in all, almost half are about drugs, and the others have seemingly no common ground.
- Me and my mom went freestyle driving in a subaru, and she showed me she had 2 penises.
- Cooking meth the shake-n-bake method.
- Running from trouble then getting rejected.
- Chewed up 90mg vyvanse.
- NSA sex party that constantly had not enough food/drink.
- Snowboarding - friends dad wanted to go home sooner than i did.
- Railing meth that accidentally mixed with water to no effect.
- Murdering an innocent man then my dad helps me clean.
All in all, almost half are about drugs, and the others have seemingly no common ground.
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Yes. Another dream flyer (good name btw). I often have lucid dreams and there are two things I always do: fly and fuck. I've also experienced that inability to get very high off the ground - usually when I've not achieved full lucidity and have some doubts as to whether it's a dream or not. But once I've broken through and am fully immersed, I can soar like an eagle. The sensations are fantastic. There's an initial moment of panic as I leave the ground and my stomach churns like on a roller coaster, but this soon turns into exhilaration. The whole experience seems so realistic that I once woke up convinced that I really could fly. I'm not stupid enough to jump out of a window or anything, but I did spend several minutes in my bedroom trying to use my mind to overcome gravity like I do in my dreams.
After flying for a while, I usually conjure up some fit totty to have my wicked way with. I know they're consenting because it's my fuckin dream! Frustratingly, I very rarely get to achieve penetration when dreaming (it's a bit like dreaming about drugs but not actually being able to take them) but anything else goes.
In one of my most memorable lucid dreams I found myself in a high rise office block looking out over a city that was being attacked by an enormous robot that towered over even the tallest buildings. It was blasting everything to rubble with laser beams. I was terrified, until I suddenly realised it was just a dream. Then I decided to save the world. I searched the building for a weapon and for some reason chose a metal file. I then climbed out onto a window ledge and launched myself into the air. It took a while to get to the robot so I just enjoyed the flight and took in the scenery. When the robot eventually saw me, he started shooting . I had to perform some pretty impressive aerobatics to dodge the lasers, but I finally managed to jam the file into a crucial part of his mechanism and he slowly toppled over and broke into a thousand pieces. To celebrate, I flew over to a nearby house, invoked a couple of babes and had some fun.
I fuckin love dreams...