Stimulants Self-medicating ADHD in an opressed state.

[Tranced]

What doses do you use? I have read people use up to 300mg. I think the effect would be differ significantly. It's my first time though, what I have to wait from my little dose?

High-precise scales are used by the local police as a way to accuse people in drug traffic (even if they're don't). So it's safer to not have it at home. Next time I will use lab equipment at the place I have an access to, but it's in the another part of the country. Anyway, 2L of The Potion must be enough for a long time period, a year it might be, and I hope the next time won't be any soon.

I think the important question to ask is, what dose was the adderall you took? With amphetamine I usually take 20mg for an anti-adhd effect. But I've taken way more depending on the situation. If you're with friends it can get pretty moreish and I've taken hundreds of milligrams. It's one of those drugs where taking more dosen't readily become intense... unless you suddenly find you've been up for a day and can't sleep or something/take a ridiculous amount/perhaps the anxiety becomes overwhelming.

Also, our British amphetamine is often cut with caffeine and sometimes completely different chemicals, so even if it contains amphetamine you can expect it to be impure, and even with an accurately measured dose it will be less than what you think.

 

[LadyR]

I took RITALIN a 10mg tablet per day. Didn't notice any effect in the first days but then it was felt a good mood and somewhat focused (not as my colleagues are focused but unachievable level for me before Ritalin). It was self-prescribed because no local doctors are even aware about the ADHD. It's possible I need less or more I don't know.

Anyway I will stick with 5ml twice a day for a week and then report here how it works for me. Hope to get your further kind advises as well.

 

[Keif' Richards]

So, LadyR, I would first like to give you my personal welcome to Bluelight! It's awesome that you've found us, because now we can have the point of view of someone from a culture completely different than ours. I really hope you decide to stay and contribute about your experience. If the Amphetamine is indeed as pure as they say, then you should be able to start at 5mg as a test dose just to see how it effects you. Get back to us once you have tried the Amphetamine. Only use 5mg so we can help determine, at least in a very approximate way, how pure or impure your drugs are. Talk to you soon!

 

[tacodude]

The wierd smell is likely acetone or whatever solvent was used

 

[tacodude]

Also if you keep things like vitamin c or other supliments that you would require scales and capsules for you would at least have an explanation

 

[LadyR]

Also if you keep things like vitamin c or other supliments that you would require scales and capsules for you would at least have an explanation

It's a great idea, thank you!

So, LadyR, I would first like to give you my personal welcome to Bluelight! It's awesome that you've found us, because now we can have the point of view of someone from a culture completely different than ours. I really hope you decide to stay and contribute about your experience. If the Amphetamine is indeed as pure as they say, then you should be able to start at 5mg as a test dose just to see how it effects you. Get back to us once you have tried the Amphetamine. Only use 5mg so we can help determine, at least in a very approximate way, how pure or impure your drugs are. Talk to you soon!

Thank you for a kind welcome!

At the moment, the only effect I've noticed is the harsh insomnia. I feel OK in the day can't go sleep in the night. So today I've changed the dose.
My schedule was: 08:00 ~7mg, 12:00 ~7mg
My new schedule is: 08:00 ~10mg, 12:00 ~5mg

I hope it'll help me sleep.

But I do remember that RITALIN (10mg tablet in morning) hadn't any positive effect at start except the mild insomnia. To the end of the first week its effects become noticeable. But sleep didn't go any better.

 

[LadyR]

Good day people!

Time of experiments! I've read a number of popular articles about neurotransmitters and decided to try.

Yesterday I had one dose ~25mg in morning. Not much better effect on my focus strength BUT I slept well! Even my husband has noticed it. The downside: focus effect vanished in six hours after I did take the dose.

Today I've increased the morning - and the only - dose to ~40mg. Right now I feel a kind of pleasant numbness in my head. Like I had a TV playing near me and it did switch off suddenly. People with ADHD, tell me please, is it how anti-ADHD medicine should work? Now I can't dream and work at the same time, I need to choose one. I like it so much, but I need to learn how to stop dreaming.

I've read yesterday that levoamphetamine has effects on the muscle activity and dextroamphetamine is affecting mostly the thinking ability. The amphetamine I bought is 50/50, does it mean it would work better with less of levo- and more of dextro- part? Not like there is a vast selection in here though, but I need to know.

Some people say amphetamine makes them outgoing. I'm a bit social phobic and neither RITALIN nor amphetamine has changed it for now. If there is anybody who has that effect please tell me your dose and your weight. In Tajikiston jogging is not generally welcome, especially for females, but I luckily live in an advanced community and near the recreational square.

 

[LadyR]

The important difference: RITALIN did cause constipation. Amphetamine is not.

Added: it caused a kind of chewing. I want to chew, not eat. I woke very hungry today and ate a very large breakfast, eggs and meat and milk.

Added: Chewing seems to be a common side effect. And the loss of the appetite. That's why I woke hungry.

 

[tacodude]

Maybe try 5 mg in the morning and 2.5 mg at night... You honestly shouldn't feel any physical effects and just notice a change in your motivation and activity. By raising and raising the dose chasing an effect you're essentially running into a habit of abuse. As well as trying to notice the effect...

Again drop it down to 5 mg in the morning and 2.5 mg at night after taking a break for a couple days. Then give it two weeks at that dose and reassess how you're feeling. No medication should solve your problems right away.

I'm no doctor I'm just living in the western world and quite familiar with working with doctors yet I take everything with a huge grain of salt. So don't just listen to what I say, or what anyone says for that matter, and take time to think about what they said and decide for yourself whether or not you agree based upon your life experience and education.

Also I'm guessing there's a good chance they bought the stuff off the darknet if they have a purity rating like that. Also chewing and feeling excessive energy is a side effect when it comes to medical use although desired effect for recreational use so you'll get a lot of different answers on what's normal and what's not. Again you shouldn't notice a rise and drop in effect correlating with the dose, but rather notice a general improvement after letting it develop for a while. Use 5 mg in the morning and 2.5 mg in the afternoon and in two weeks see how it affects you. While you might not notice anything right away you likely will by week two.

 

[InterestingFACT]

You've noticed the "comedown." At first/at relatively lower dosages, this manifests simply in an inability to concentrate after the drug's good effects start to wear off. With longer use/greater quantities used, you will notice other unpleasant effects during the comedown--fatigue, depression, lack of motivation, paranoia, anxiety/sudden awareness of your body (ie. muscle tightness/soreness, suddenly feeling like your heartbeat is really loud, or really fast).

The surest way to avoid the comedown is to lower the dose.

When doctors in the west treat ADHD, they aren't actually relying upon the motivating/exciting effect of stimulant drugs. Those effects fade with use, and require dosage escalation to maintain. They're relying upon the less obvious effects of stimulant drugs. For example, you may notice that even when the drug is starting to wear off, and you find yourself tired, or not "in the mood" to be productive... if you force yourself to study *anyway*, you'll still have fewer thoughts about other things. In other words, even if the drug isn't motivating you, it still might be helping you think about one thing at a time--or avoid finding yourself daydreaming, as you mentioned. But what it won't do, is help you choose not to daydream, when you'd rather do that than study. You need to practice doing that yourself.

This is why lower doses of stimulants are generally better than higher doses for treating ADHD--because the acute effect of the drug, in the absence of tolerance, is an increase in motivation, it causes a decrease in motivation afterwords. But the focusing effect--the reduction of "thought noise"--is less susceptible to tolerance, allowing it to persist longer in both the short term and the long term. (ie. more hours in the day, but also more days/weeks at the same daily dose) This is because it's caused by activation of a different part of the brain than the motivating effect--the prefrontal cortex, rather than the limbic system.

So you should expect to become (mostly) tolerant to the motivating/stimulating part of the drug, but this doesn't mean that the drug is no longer working! You just can't necessarily expect to always feel the results--rather, you should try to see them by observing your own behavior/performance over time.

I won't claim that 40mg at once is too much, mostly because I highly doubt that your amphetamine is anywhere near the purity they claimed it was. But if you were having trouble sleeping at the lower dosages, and if you are feeling worse after it wears off, those are clues that it might be too much for you right now, and you might get better results from lower doses.

 

[LadyR]

tacodude, InterestingFACT, thank you friends for being with me. It's very important.

Also I'm guessing there's a good chance they bought the stuff off the darknet if they have a purity rating like that

Fair clue, I agree. But I've heard from the local TV some parts of our country are acting as the eurasian opiate supplier. Is it that difficult to create amphetamines, if you have money, lab, smart people and everything? Tajikiston is retarded in what could be called "social mind" however we have universities, computers, engineers and scientists. Yesterday I was thinking on the subject of creating that dextra-amphetamine. It's pity I'm not a chemist and nobody in my trustworthy neighborhood is.

But what it won't do, is help you choose not to daydream, when you'd rather do that than study. You need to practice doing that yourself

You seem to be well-aware in the topic. Do you know methods of practicing the concentration? The hard part is that I slip into dreaming without a warning signal. An assistant would help I suppose... But what if the assistant will distract me instead. (Added: have looked in the web-search, but only the adult-supervised or software-supervised kids training found there... such a pity)

you will notice other unpleasant effects during the comedown--fatigue, depression

Yesterday evening I have experienced the most depressive mood in the last months! I was lying in the dark bedroom and weeping quietly. It was horrible and I linked it to the increased dose, so today I lowered it.

Then give it two weeks at that dose and reassess how you're feeling

This is why lower doses of stimulants are generally better than higher doses for treating ADHD--because the acute effect of the drug, in the absence of tolerance, is an increase in motivation, it causes a decrease in motivation afterwords. But the focusing effect--the reduction of "thought noise"--is less susceptible to tolerance, allowing it to persist longer in both the short term and the long term. (ie. more hours in the day, but also more days/weeks at the same daily dose) This is because it's caused by activation of a different part of the brain than the motivating effect--the prefrontal cortex, rather than the limbic system

Will stick with the low dose, then! Good and well-timed advices, you're the most helpful people I've met in years!

 

[LadyR]

Report from 01.05.2018

- The focus ability has improved
In two-week period I have read more books than had in two years except the RITALIN period. RITALIN was much stronger though.

- A week ago or so the strength of focus has sensibly decreased
I've experienced it with RITALIN but the bad part is that effect of RITALIN was stronger and even decreased it was very powerful compared to the stuff I have.

- 5ml* twice a day (orally) is not enough now
Amphetamine indeed works However its effect is not as strong as I need: on the 10ml dose a day I can watch a movie, but activities such as studying or writing are still impossible. I have doubled the amount of the amphetamine I take on daily basis and can do things that were impossible un-medicated.
*) I say "ml" because I have a solution of 3g of amphetamine racemate in 2L of water. It means, 5ml contains 7.5mg of amphetamine. Here is a question about the effect of water on amphetamine I didn't think about before. People in Internet say different things on this subject.

- The permanent insomnia
I need to get up in morning to go work but I can't sleep in night. I take my morning amphetamine and feel good enough to do daily duties but my face looks like vampire's.

- Almost full loss of appetite in day caused loss of weight
The ribs have appeared under the skin. Add the tired face here and you can cast me in a horror movie. It's not what I want in life and have to force myself to eat really big breakfasts.

- I feel the persistent thirst and drink huge amounts of water
The only positive side-effect I've noticed.

- Social phobia has softened a little


The experiment is showing generally positive results.

 

[LadyR]

I wonder if the Ritalin you had really was Ritalin. Taking one 10mg Ritalin pill a day is generally perceived as less effective than taking 5-15 mgs of amphetamine salts.

It was boxed but considering how expensive it was, it's possible I had a fake. However it worked well for me.

I worry more about the substance I'm taking now.

Did you notice any appetite suppression with Ritalin? Could you describe what the Ritalin did and what were its side-effects?

On RITALIN I was focused enough to not worry about getting my job duties done. I felt nice and optimistic. Side effects were soft.

You mentioned that it made you constipated. I mean Ritalin could do that but opioids could too :D

Do you mean it's a chance I had the opiates instead of the real medicine? How does it come I was focused on it then?

BTW things have changed. Now I have a mild diarrhea. It seems to be a part of decreasing weight side effect. I eat a big breakfast but then it's all wasted anyway.

 

[Shedaeza]

Omggg I've written you a long response twice now and my computer keeps crashing. To cut to the chase - I also have ADHD and have struggled with it my entire life. I feel for you. I research ADHD (and other neurological conditions) in university now haha.

1. Have you been officially diagnosed? Or are you self-diagnosed? I have no beef with self-diagnosing, esp since as an adult it can be difficult to receive proper assessment but I do notice that so many people believe they have ADHD based on false info and stereotypes around ADHD. Also, unfortunately, a lot of doctors are carelessly diagnosing through 10 minute questionnaires, when in reality, ADHD is a complex neurological condition, like Autism, that begins in very early childhood and never goes away. Just like autism, a true diagnosis should only come from a specialist who has done a full on assessment (like hours long, not a questionnaire) to rule out any other issues, since ADHD traits overlap with tons of other conditions or can have other explanations. In fact, many psychologists and neurologists now posit that ADHD may actually be part of the Autism Spectrum. I'm not at all questioning whether or not you have ADHD, but just something to think about when self-medicating. If you feel the need to self-medicate though, it's likely that something is going on. I only say this because there is this myth out there that if you take ADHD meds and they work, that you must have ADHD. The reality is that these prescriptions are drugs, just legal and given to you by a doctor. Ritalin is very similar to cocaine and Adderall and Dexedrine are literally just speed from the doctor. So, whether someone has ADHD or not, they will experience noted effects like hyper focus, clearer mind, wakefulness, euphoria, motivation, etc because that is what these substances produce in the brain regardless of having ADHD.

2. I cannot recommend L-tyrosine enough, everyone with ADHD or ADHD traits should be taking it. I was skeptical because I never noticed a huge difference with 5-htp but l-tyrosine is different for me. It also improves my mood and any side effects from taking (or abusing) my Dexedrine. It's a conditionally essential amino acid and precursor of dopamine, so it boosts dopamine levels in the brain. I take it daily.

3. Remember that even online, you can never truly know what you are getting and people are still full of shit and trying to make a sale. Reviews help but they don't truly reduce the risk. Therefore, it could be difficult to properly ration or dose, and even potentially dangerous, not to be alarmist, but fentanyl is an issue pretty much all over right now. So, be careful. I understand the desperation though and I've definitely considered buying online myself too.

4. It's quite easy to buy Dexedrine, Adderall and Ritalin online, at least over the deep web. Personally, I would stick to those rather than buying Amphetamine. Although, Dexedrine is 100% dextro-amphetamine, pure amphetamine as well. If you manage to buy real XL capsules though, with the little orange balls, I suspect you're more likely to know what you are getting and it's already dosed into prescription doses. Adderall is banned in Canada apparently, so I've never tried it. I do know that it's a combo of Levo-amph and Dextro-amph and so I've heard that it's more bumpy in terms of side effects and physiological effects, and that Dexedrine is 'smoother'. In terms of functioning and daily life, XL is the way to go. The instant release pills are great for getting high, but they wear off quickly (the best of it is over by the 3rd hour) and so you re-dose way more and the crash can be really shitty. Not as ideal if you need to go about your day and night functioning or if you have to study or write a paper. At least that is my experience.

5. Is Wellbutrin available in your country? It's a SNRI, primarily used to treat depression but it's also commonly used to aid in the treatment of ADHD symptoms with varying degrees of success and failure. It could be worth a try (tell your doctor you are depressed and want to try it, do *not* say you are anxious). There is also a non-stimulant medication called Strattera, I don't know if it is available in your country but it definitely has less of a stigma here in Canada since it's not "habit forming" or stimulant, but it's used for treating ADHD.

6. I don't know what the potential penalties are for you in your country in regards to being caught receiving illegal/banned substances in the mail, but it sounds like it could be quite severe?

7. I am all for ADHD meds, and I would fight tooth and nail for them to remain available but I also know that they are not a 'cure' or the be all end all for ADHD and we have to be careful in viewing them that way and feeling like we "need" them, rather than having them as available tool (and I know the feeling of thinking I need them to exist in this narrow, neurotypical world) but it's not realistic to view them that way. Tolerance will always be an issue (and can lead to misusing it, which I often do). I have had to finally come to terms with my ADHD (I also have aspergers) and who I am, and my neurology. ADHD is how your brain perceives and processes everything around you, it's your neurology and part of who you are and it's difficult to accept that or feel at peace with that because in this world, it can be so difficult to function in the way that society tells you is the "norm" and so we grow up feeling like we are defective and like something is wrong with us and needs to be fixed. Really, most of our 'behaviours' and many of our symptoms are only responses to the narrow society that we live in because it wasn't built for our 'processing systems'. The more and more I learn and study and research, the more I believe that things like ADHD are only part of a natural variation of human neurotypes.

If you want to talk further, feel free to PM me.

 

[Shedaeza]

PS: I haven't read through other responses but I see mention above of constipation vs diarrhea and although I'm sure Ritalin could potentially cause constipation, it far more often causes diarrhea or makes you need to take a big shit lmao.

 

[LadyR]

Thank you for a big answer, Shedaeza!

[/QUOTE]

Omggg I've written you a long response twice now and my computer keeps crashing. To cut to the chase - I also have ADHD and have struggled with it my entire life. I feel for you. I research ADHD (and other neurological conditions) in university now haha.

I envy you. It must be very interesting.

1. Have you been officially diagnosed? Or are you self-diagnosed? I have no beef with self-diagnosing, esp since as an adult it can be difficult to receive proper assessment but I do notice that so many people believe they have ADHD based on false info and stereotypes around ADHD.

I'm awful in cooking and doing anything where attention is needed: nursing, reading, knitting, milking, driving, gathering crops, watching movies, playing checkers. And I was always like that.

We don't have such problem as ADHD in Tajikiston and no drugs for it, no doctors, nothing. My early biography is very sad. I was born in the rural area. They expelled me from the local school after the first year because they thought I was retarded. I don't have education. My parents are kind people but I was like a house wench and all the chores were on me and I was treated like a village idiot and they didn't do much to stop that. In my 16 they found a husband for me, a local shepherd (it's not bad to have a shepherd husband here by the way - if you live in a rural area).

But here is another side. I was in love with books and before my ten I did finish all books in the local library (at home we had not much except quran and something communist). In twenties my ability to read worsened - now long reading is a great effort to me.

My husband is a very supportive person and smart. I encouraged him to attend a college, and he got his master's and we moved to the city. When he bought a computer, I learned english by playing games and even started to write my own programs, but it's all crap of course. Then he made me a permit to the academic library with a selection of interesting - including foreign - books. There I first tried the Internet.

My job is highly intellectual. But I have problems with promotion because can't really finish anything.

2. I cannot recommend L-tyrosine enough, everyone with ADHD or ADHD traits should be taking it. I was skeptical because I never noticed a huge difference with 5-htp but l-tyrosine is different for me. It also improves my mood and any side effects from taking (or abusing) my Dexedrine. It's a conditionally essential amino acid and precursor of dopamine, so it boosts dopamine levels in the brain. I take it daily.

I will try to find it!

4. It's quite easy to buy Dexedrine, Adderall and Ritalin online, at least over the deep web.

And get arrested right at the postal office and get your possessions confiscated and end in a prison. We have rumors about one then another person got arrested for trying to buy something via post. Even things like dashcams and wallets with hidden compartments could put you in danger not to say drugs.

5. Is Wellbutrin available in your country?

Strattera didn't work. Internet say Wellbutrin is available in Russia, I will ask my friend to bring me a contraband, if it's not too dangerous.

6. I don't know what the potential penalties are for you in your country in regards to being caught receiving illegal/banned substances in the mail, but it sounds like it could be quite severe?

Depends on amount and up to ten years if not caught selling it. Possessions are to be confiscated.

The more and more I learn and study and research, the more I believe that things like ADHD are only part of a natural variation of human neurotypes. If you want to talk further, feel free to PM me.

I think the same way. In ancient times I would be likely a local wizard or advisor or like this. Today we need achievements even in Tajikiston. And islam is a problem too: I'm a female and I must know my place and must obey and don't bother men around me. No wonder muslim countries are backward.

 

[LadyR]

PS: I haven't read through other responses but I see

Yes, long threads are problematic to read for me as well.

 

[LadyR]

Aprophenia, it's interesting. I will do my research to determine possible negative outcomes. We have the opiate-producing regions here and I expect stuff must be cheap as sand. If it safe to use, I'll give it a try!

 

[SoyOldGregg]

When I first started taking Adderall, I experienced similar negative side effects. The lack of appetite and inability to sleep. Day by day I noticed those side effects diminishing and after about a two-three weeks I could eat pretty much on a normal basis (sometimes I have to force myself to drink a protein shake or something) and I found it much easier to sleep. I'm also prescribed Xanax which really is a life saver, especially when I indulge and take more than my daily dose. Hope things get better for you soon!

 

[LadyR]

Aprophenia, thank you for the warning!