MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

[socrilus]

I do wonder why the body takes so damn long to achieve homeostasis in the LTC. I mean fuck why can't it just happen right without any intervention?

The body should be trying to achieve equilibrium but for whatever reason it takes forever and I think the time factor is responsible for a lot of ppls (certainly mine) anxiety aggravation.

Most comedowns last a week and they are done. And I would guess most ppl are patient to wait that one week--even i was and it initially resolved only to randomly come back weeks later-- the panic often happens after that week. So the issue is why didnt the body recuperate in the typical time

 

[rrandy]

I do wonder why the body takes so damn long to achieve homeostasis in the LTC. I mean fuck why can't it just happen right without any intervention?

The body should be trying to achieve equilibrium but for whatever reason it takes forever and I think the time factor is responsible for a lot of ppls (certainly mine) anxiety aggravation.

Most comedowns last a week and they are done. And I would guess most ppl are patient to wait that one week--even i was and it initially resolved only to randomly come back weeks later-- the panic often happens after that week. So the issue is why didnt the body recuperate in the typical time

I really believe part of it is that we get better but our mindframe is still too caught up in the past to realize these changes. At least I am still in that passive state too much, waiting for some drastic change to happen and not using my already improved faculties to a greater extend.

Be mindful, try to relax and don´t obsess over how things should be. Easier said than done I know, but that´s what I keep telling myself.

What also helps me a lot is socializing (should do that a lot more though), listening to music (which I ignored a long time because I thought I didn´t enjoy it as much anymore) and expressing yourself (singing, dancing, making faces, it doesn´t matter).

These things help to ground me and connect me to my body which I honestly didn´t feel at all for a long time in this LTC. The key for me is realizing again that there are things that make me feel good and happy, instead of thinking about when this shit will pass and if I´ll ever be happy again. It doesn´t work like that. In this passive state things will barely change.

I think some people are just more prone to "freeze" and stay in an unhealthy mindset.

 

[socrilus]

Well yea, I try to do those kinds of things too and normal behaviors like going to school etc. And doing activities I enjoy which all helps in the moment but I want a more long term fix that makes it such that the low mood is never there.

Thats why I got onto TRT and I think im seeing benefits already.

 

[rrandy]

And doing activities I enjoy which all helps in the moment but I want a more long term fix that makes it such that the low mood is never there.

Expecting to never have low mood is inevitably going to leave you disappointed. Good to hear you´re seeing improvements with the TRT!

 

[socrilus]

Another update is that my sleep seems to be better now.

Still waiting for the mood improvements but after 2 weeks this is pretty good. Sleep is deeper+I actually feel rested when I get up and not like ive been hit by a truck!

Also "post orgasm" mood crash is gone.

 

[ADubbs]

Another update is that my sleep seems to be better now.

Still waiting for the mood improvements but after 2 weeks this is pretty good. Sleep is deeper+I actually feel rested when I get up and not like ive been hit by a truck!

Also "post orgasm" mood crash is gone.

Does a normal blood test look at testosterone, or is this something you have to request?

 

[socrilus]

Does a normal blood test look at testosterone, or is this something you have to request?

Typically it doesn't look at any hormones at least when I had the "normal" blood tests. Maybe a TSH at most (which is still not a complete picture of thyroid anyways...)

But this was something I had to request specifically. I wouldn't worry about it too much though if you have no sexual or mood symptoms.

The TRT hasn't done anything for VS related stuff (and I never expected it to).

 

[fnono33]

Have to request the testosterone. Tell you doc to run a full panel.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Does a normal blood test look at testosterone, or is this something you have to request?

An average panel is just going to check for life-threatening abnormalities for the most part. Testosterone levels should also be taken earlier in the day.

 

[socrilus]

Yea if you do get it or cortisol anyways make sure to do it first thing in the morning between 8-9 AM or so for accurate levels. And get LH with it too (that is released by the brain which is impacted by the LTC)

I think its more an issue for mood or anxiety symptoms though.

 

[dj-b]

Hey just an update on my recovery that might help you all. I had a bad experience with mda + an unknown high dose of amp typed substance that was passed off as a mdma press, had a terrible panic and and "bad trip" / OD typed state with similar symptoms of seratonin syndrome. Went in to a terrible mental state for weeks which lead to months of "LTC", Sore achey bones, headaches, In and out sleep patters, Tons of Anxiety, Overwhelming Earworms (music looping in my head) and more. Its been Five months i have taken mdma a few times just not too often and i make sure it it is tested no matter what and it hasnt really hindered my recovery since it really wasnt the factor that fucked my head up BUT for the most part i have finally become myself again. All i can say is eat healthy take b12, b6, B complex, Multivitamins, Eat Turkey for a sournce of tryptophan or take the supplements but i believe eating turkey is key cuz your body can actually absorb the tryptophan better. I swear i felt totally fucked till the day i ate a turkey sandwich then i seriuusly felt a major calming of my anxiety. Take 5-htp Also look up seratonin producing foods and consider eating more of those foods, Such as Avocado and what not. Get plenty of sleep, be social and try to fit in while you recover because it will pass and you dont wanna become a recluse and lose all your peeps while your weirding out. Anyways long story short ive been partying a good and eaten many beans since i was 15 and now im 32 and Ive never felt so fucked up off some rolls. Everyone BE CAREFUL theres some shady business going on these days and you cant trust anyone. Bring your kit with you everytime you think you might need it. I dont go to the party without it. I have rules now you dont buy beans at the party. You bring what you have tested already and know for sure that it is really what you think it is. Dont let your friends die because you are carreless or too trusting of other people. A kid i just met died a couple weeks ago at a forest party from some "pink champagne" Molly that was just some rc also rumor on the streets in there was fermaldihyde in it. thats scary shit. Just to show you when you buy molly you might just buying something like what they offer here https://chinglabs.com/. Honestly im scared about this shit. One of theese empathogens the 6-apb they have will even test out the same as md with marquis. Fuck that man. Sketchy shit. Anyways if your freakin out thinking you ruined your life just chill out watch a movie and relax, you should get better with time. Its like in AA take it one day at a time and you will get there.

 

[Regrets9995]

Thinking about low hormone levels and things like that really get my anxiety going as I think I'm doing better but then start worrying about low T etc. Can a couple of drug uses really destroy your hormone levels that much? I recently had the normal blood tests and everything was fine. My sexual symptoms have improved DRAMATICALLY, normal erections good orgasms but still almost no libido. Eurghhh could sit and think about this shit forever. Having some really good days now though.

 

[socrilus]

Thinking about low hormone levels and things like that really get my anxiety going as I think I'm doing better but then start worrying about low T etc. Can a couple of drug uses really destroy your hormone levels that much? I recently had the normal blood tests and everything was fine. My sexual symptoms have improved DRAMATICALLY, normal erections good orgasms but still almost no libido. Eurghhh could sit and think about this shit forever. Having some really good days now though.

Hormone levels tbh are not really that much to worry about.

If you are doing well you can still go ahead and check but the correlation between mental health and hormones is bidirectional. Thats why its not that much to worry about.

Normal orgasms/erections is a good thing.

Testosterone isn't as correlated to libido/sexual function as the name 'Testosterone' makes it sound. You actually don't need that much T for it. The neurotransmitters/anxiety/etc also feed into libido circuits.

Considering you are improving its a sign that hormones could also be getting better at the same time so don't worry about it so much. Go get checked but even if its low and you are doing well how does it matter?

Its a whole another thing if you are having a long plateau of no improvement but from what you said that doens't seem to be the case. However, there are others who have had very long plateaus or have been at this for ages. Or others who are new to the LTC full force and need to get some improvement in.

And the link between drugs and hormones is as follows---- drugs affect neurotransmitters which have downstream impacts on hormone levels.

Except you cannot check a damn serotonin level, athough you can check T or cortisol or other steroid hormone levels.

Its not like low T is something that can't be corrected even if you have it right? So why worry about it? Theres multiple avenues to correct all that.

I'd suggest some weightlifting though. I know Cotcha likes to emphasize cardio which should also be done but I think weightlifting is also helpful. That *should* over time if not instantly after a session raise your libido.

--
Some people have the total opposite attitude as you--where if they find something off with hormones or whatever else they would actually feel a bit comforted knowing that there is 'something wrong' which can be corrected.

 

[ADubbs]

I am new to BlueLight, hopefully you can me with regards to a potential MDMA LTC. Essentially my story is in late January 2016, I tried MDMA for the first time at a party in the form of crystals and pills. I stayed at the party taking MDMA two nights in a row. The first night I took approximately 0.5g of Molly crystal in bombs and the next day I took a pill of unknown strength.I had a very bad initial comedown in the days after the party, feeling bad and depressed however after 3 or 4 days I began to feel fine again. I was smoking a lot of weed in the months before and after the party. I also began to notice moments of depersonalization and derealization in the weeks after the party.On March 31st 2016 I smoked a bong of weed and had a huge panic attack. This set off tonnes of symptoms like visual snow, DP/DR, crazy anxiety, sexual dysfunction like low libido and anorgasmia (ejaculatory anhedonia) and emotional numbness/anhedonia. I still have most of these symptoms today 15 months later but to a lesser degree overall.I was convinced I had set off Depersonalization disorder but only recently have I learnt about an MDMA LTC. Does this sound like an LTC? Can an LTC be delayed i.e. a couple months after the MDMA use?I have been taking Sertraline on my Doctor's advice for 6 months but it hasn't really changed any of my symptoms- would an SSRI make this worse? I haven't been exercising much or eating great these last 15 months due to the depression and anxiety - do you think I still have potential to recover if I start acting now?Sorry for all the questions, I am just shocked that there is a community of people who are sharing very similar symptoms as me but now I'm worried that my issue isn't psychological but maybe physical brain damage from my drug abuse. It would mean the world to me if you could reply.

It's 100% possible it kicked in 2 months later....mine didn't become an LTC until a month later after taking bong rips and drinking for a whole weekend....of course it's possible to recover....just do what everyone on this thread recommends and stay healthy.

 

[howlowhowlstheowl]

I just realized I'm slightly cross eyed as my left eye is looking inward. This causes some wonky double vision and perception issues. Are we still going with the cranial nerve theory with this? The affected eye is the one with the constant sensations of pressure/pulling/tingling behind it. I'm still waiting for that neurologist appointment.

There had been finally some noticeable improvement with my mood and I almost made a positive update but this has upset me now. Cross eyed and involuntary eye movements... is there really coming back from this kind of injury..
I finally also tested the benzodiazepines again and they help but not as much as I remembered. They don't make my involuntary eye movements stop or help with the eye sensations. Honestly I just fell asleep after a while.

Other major symptoms:
sensitivity to stimulus (light, sound and especially socializing)
confusion
nausea
dizziness
tinnitus
fatigue
twitching,spasming
freefloating stress feeling - improved?
anx,dep,irritability - improved?
apathy - improved?
mild derealization? might be gone
sleep less
all kinds of sensations around the head.. eyes
etc..

3 months - can't work, study, date, meet friends

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Are we still going with the cranial nerve theory with this?

It certainly plays a big role in some people's symptoms. The dysfunction of the cranial nerves could cause these various symptoms that people are experiencing by virtue of having very direct and distinct access into the brain, but they can also contribute to the more obviously related cranial nerve symptoms like eye dysfunction and sensations in the head.

That isn't to say that someone who just has pure depression after MDMA use probably has guilty cranial nerves, but especially the people who have the head symptoms, I would bet the cranial nerves are doing something odd.

 

[howlowhowlstheowl]

Can cranial nerves cause one eye misalignment? It's the left one that seems to be most affected. That's the one that has all kinds of weird sensations behind it.. mostly a pulling/pressure that never really goes away.

Both eyes move with the involuntary movement. It's always to the left and back. A short motion. If I try to suppress it the pressure sensation usually grows..

I'm trying to get to the neuro asap.

I only have very mild HPPD. At least from the sound of things others have that worse.. for me clear one color surfaces look "blotchy". No visual snow or such. Some halo effect around objects if I stare at them for really long. Only one I really notice is the blotchiness of the sky when jogging. Sometimes in the walls.

 

[ZeroLuck]

Some stress related genetic changes occur when the glucocorticoid and mineralcorticoid receptors essentially join together and get transported to the cell's nucleus, depending upon how long the new proteins take to be synthesized in the cell body and then transported out to distant parts of the cell, there could be a delayed response. As an example, in some cases slow axonal transportation is a few millimeters per day. But I'm not too familiar with how long different proteins/cell parts take to get transported via different methods.

There are some early genes and late genes in these matters, so it certainly could be the case that genes are transcribed around the time of the use which then make proteins that don't actually change brain function until they are incorporated into the cell.

The other scenario is that the stress related and receptor activation related gene transcription halts the production of proteins, which has different implications for timelines.

Just caught up that comment and quote,

First do you have research backgrounds on your statement?

Also are these "generic changes" permanent?

In general the stress/anxiety, what the hell is the way to improve/fix that?

 

[socrilus]

Just wanted to say that some positivity/subtle mood effects is kicking in with the Testosterone!! Finally!

Its very subtle though. Not like a dramatic effect after an injection or anything. I'm at the 3 week mark now.

My guess is that this LTC is a complex neuroendocrine issue in regards to the mental and some physical (non visual) symptoms.

The very light head pressure I had has indeed also calmed down. Possible anti-inflammation effect from Testosterone.

---

On another note is it just me or are the majority (but not all) LTC sufferers seemingly male?

 

[howlowhowlstheowl]

On another note is it just me or are the majority (but not all) LTC sufferers seemingly male?

It's too small of a sample size. The vast majority of people who end up with especially psychological issues after drug use probably go to a doctor and end up on the psych med merry go round. This is just one thread in one forum. When I started searching ~1 week in this wasn't even the first place I found. It could be that guys are more prone to reckless use. Or maybe guys spend more time on the cpu.

This was one of the first things I remember reading:

http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-t...rnight-and-im-still-recovering-6-months-later

Good to hear your T replacement is working. Have you tried heavy weight lifting, low reps high intensity? That's helped me with natural anxiety at least together with good (but plentiful) diet. Unfortunately I'm too messed up to go to the gym now. Your ltc is just mild-moderate anxiety/depression if I remember right? Was it like that since beginning?
My low mood issues aren't extreme either, but still bad. But I would be very surprised if hormones were the root cause of what I'm experiencing here. I do have really low libido, weak erections etc. and I'm sure if I got some tests done it would show abnormal levels but I think it's more likely that it's because I'm so ill overall the body is out of whack. I was doing one arm chin ups before this and now I start getting light headed even with normal pullups.

Btw, earlier I said that benzos helped me a lot and I finally decided that I'd try it again and it may have been overly optimistic. I tried taking alparazolam 0.25mg 1x yesterday morning, another 0.5x during the day and 1x at night. Then 1x this morning and 0.5x again later. Reason for this experiment is that I needed to get some things done and was also fed up with being like this ..
It does help with a lot of the symptoms especially the sensitivity to stimulus and such, but a lot of the symptoms are still there just dampened. I'm teetering at the edge of crappy functional but am probably way too drowsy. Down sides are massive fatigue and increased apathy and low mood. Before this "ltc" benzos didn't cause apathy for me.