There is a terrible flu going around. Family members that pride themselves in never taking a day off have been out of work for over a week. Call it flu if you need to but take time to let your body and mind heal without the stress of work becoming your reason to keep doing what you know you cannot keep doing. listen to your authentic self--it's pleading; not the voice of addiction that has come to sound like your own voice in your head.
You can do this, Cyberius, I know you can. You are capable of intellectual work without stimulants. I can only imagine the trap of amphetamine use of a long period of time. I have written on here before how I asked my son's pediatrician for a short prescription of Adderall to see what it would do before consenting to let her put my son on it. I was superwoman for a week and the part that was most seductive was my work. Paintings that normally took me weeks to complete took hours. I had never experienced such a laser like focus in my life. However, it was so clear to me that the cost of this was neither good for my body nor good for my well being as a person. I have made peace with my ADD mind--I'll take the benefits gratefully and keep trying to adapt to the downsides. I don't have any problem admitting that lots of different kinds of drugs can be helpful in different situations but once I feel that any drug owns me I know what has to be done. You are intelligent, capable and strong and you will be selling yourself short if you do not learn to trust in your own abilities to not only function but to function well without this crutch. So many times you hear people defending the properties of whatever drug it is that is stealing their lives even as they feel the despair it is causing.