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    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Axl Blaze RIP: Tribute To The James Dean of Bluelight

I'm sorry you and anyone that knew him are going through this, Claire.

I'm sorry things, in many ways, ended the way they did for him.


rip
 
so i put on shine on you crazy diamond and thought id check the social, first thread i saw was this but i saw waao posted it so i smirked and clicked really truly not expecting it to be real. after reading 5 or so posts it sunk in it was no kind of joke. im not gonna front like we were best of friends but he made me laugh and was an amazing fucking guy, BL has lost so many of the OG greats and he is the epitome of a bluelight OG great. my condolences and thoughts are with his family and friends. claire im so sorry and thank you for sharing in the hopes it might help someone else, thats so selfless of you at a time like this... please feel free to hit me up if you need anything, much love to you <3 my thoughts are with you.
 
Claire you have my deepest sympathy. That was absolutely heartbreaking to read. I almost wish it would have been an OD or skydiving accident. I just cant picture him wasting away in a hospital bed. I have been a Bler a long time and this is by far the most painful loss. Ill be thinking about you Claire. I really will
 
Droppersneck said:
Man this is so fucking terrible. Claire you know if there is anything anyone of us can do we will do it for you. Thanks for telling us what happened. Mrsa/staph infections are a sob, swim just started banging again and might give it some thought as to whether or not to continue.
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TWO much pressure aT the Start UP?

But yeah, proper HR is important for anyone iv'ing. Thank you for re-iterating that Claire.
 
Laika said:
That was painful to read Claire. :( Sorry for what you're going through right now I couldnt imagine.
Brave of you to come here and give closure to the people who just needed to know "what happened?" You dont really owe anyone anything right now other than you owe yourself time to grieve and heal tbh
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thanks for this and thanks to claire. he was one of the last people i thought this would happen to. granted, he lived a fast life, but his bravado and charisma let me to believe otherwise. my condolences, claire. please know that you can chat me on fb whenever you'd like.
 
Sup brother clyde! Hope you're well, man.

Claire that was very kind of you to share that with us. Keep your chin up, girl. You'll be in my thoughts.

Did Axl really not like Pink Floyd? What a god damn butt chugger.
 
Yeah but guys that isn't even the worst thing. His mother decided it is my fault he died, that I should've taken him to the hospital sooner... Like bitch I fucking tried, axl was not rational when it came to this and I told him several times a day I was very worried about him and that we should go to the doctor. All he'd say is either nothing or 'I'll be fine I think I'm getting better'. So this is extra fucking hard right now. Jim wouldn't have wanted this. If he was here he would never let this happen to me. That's what makes me the saddest.
 
You know damn well this wasn't your fault, Claire. Emotions are running high right now and hopefully his mom will come around soon. The whole thing is just fucked. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. In time, you'll heal, but I know you don't want to hear that bullshit right now. All I can do is keep you in my thoughts, and you definitely are.
 
Yep Emotions are high, and things will get said that they don't mean. Axl never paid taxes in his life and was far from the type that wanted help from institutions. I could see him not wanting to go to the doctor if he just felt like he had the flu. I wouldn't go to the doctor for literally anything short of it being immediately life threatening. I don't believe in doctors and their forever billing you for things, just when you thought you paid for everything.
 
Yeah but I kept telling him this isn't flu you're not getting better you should be better by now. Had trouble w breathing etc. still didn't go. And yep now the IRS can suck it, heh. I just miss him so fucking much.
 
claire22 said:
Yeah but I kept telling him this isn't flu you're not getting better you should be better by now. Had trouble w breathing etc. still didn't go. And yep now the IRS can suck it, heh. I just miss him so fucking much.
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Lmao I don't doubt obama has some sort of post humous collection policy so keep it on the dl. I only knew him through here and talking shit about sports ball via text message and I miss him a lot i cannot imagine things for you. What is important is hind sight is 20/20 and concentrating on the coulda shouldas is good for no one involved.
It truly makes me smile and laugh when I think of him beating the IRS those fuckers :) :(
 
claire22 said:
Yeah but guys that isn't even the worst thing. His mother decided it is my fault he died, that I should've taken him to the hospital sooner... Like bitch I fucking tried, axl was not rational when it came to this and I told him several times a day I was very worried about him and that we should go to the doctor. All he'd say is either nothing or 'I'll be fine I think I'm getting better'. So this is extra fucking hard right now. Jim wouldn't have wanted this. If he was here he would never let this happen to me. That's what makes me the saddest.
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You can't blame yourself. You had nothing but the best intentions.
I remember a year or maybe a couple ago both of you guys were on TC and he'd always say you'd kill him if he iv'ed his dope.

have a little tact phr pls
 
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Droppersneck said:
Lmao I don't doubt obama has some sort of post humous collection policy so keep it on the dl.

It truly makes me smile and laugh when I think of him beating the IRS those fuckers :) :(
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Me too :) and yeah I'm sure that fucker does.

I'm in so much pain right now but that made me smile a bit, I'm sure he's happy about that at least.

The funeral is Tuesday. It's going to be the second worst day of my life after the day he left me. After the doctors told me there was no hope for his survival I just hugged him for hours and cried and pleaded please don't leave me. I wish I could go back in time. More than anything. I am finding it hard to see a reason to go on right now. I just wanna be with Jim. I haven't wanted to be in this world any more a long time. And he was the reason I did. And now he's gone. And I have nothing. I don't want to be here any more. What is the fucking point. The one person who loved me unconditionally besides maybe my parents is gone forever

And yes phrozen I did, but have you ever tried policing someone all day every day? Worried every time they go to the bathroom? Searched all their shit all the time? Fought non stop about it? It's exhausting. You try policing Jim then come tell me what's up. I stupidly said he could IF he did it fucking safely and then he didn't listen to me on that either. I pretty much hate myself right now. Trust me.
 
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watching the steelers game. thinking of him

also to anyone who is still currently IVing heroin....there I no possible good outcome to it. you will die eventually...the proof is all around us. people are dropping like flies. its sad. v I'm not saying it cuz I'm 6 months sober, I'm saying because I care. axls death is such a waste of awesome human being and for what? heroin? he was so much better than drugs..its sad he couldn't get help
 
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