• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Non addicts never understand :(

D

d3athadone

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 29, 2015
Messages
265
People try to be cool and not put all the blame on us for being addicts, but then they say shit that is just completely soul crushing when they are mad. The way I see it, I caught a serious mental illness when I was in my late teens because I was vulnerable and had a really fucked up life. I've been trying to quit opiates almost since I began. I've made so much effort to quit its astounding. I've gone cold turkey from opiates so many fucking times and I keep giving it just one more go. I've stood in the face of all the madness and fought for truth. Sure I've been out a tthe crossroads completely lost at times. But I've always fought to get myself back together and one peace.

That's why it really sucks when people act like I am not trying. Addiction is a sort of hidden illness. Nobody can figure out what it is unless you have been there. I'd like to see these people navigate the labyrinth which has been my life. I'd like to see them see light in the places I've been. The crazy thing is its fucking smokers and people with eating disorders talking shit to me. Like what the fuck. You can't even fucking quit smoking. YOu know quitting dope is about 100x harder than quitting smoking right? Yet these people who really want to quit smoking cant find the power to quit. Or they quit for a month and go back.

It just really sucks man. So little people actually understand that it hijacks your mind and what that means. Most people think you just don't care enough or your selfish.

Day 8!! Going strong. Not letting any of it get to me. My sobriety has to be for me.
 
Dude if theres one thing ive learned throughout my addiction? Its FUCK what anyone else has to say about it. Stand firm in your own truth and in who you are and no one will be able to knock you down. No one is perfect, everyone has their battles... but you're right in that addiction is a particularly insidious one and most likely the people judging you for it wouldn't last a day in your shoes. Be proud that you continue to persevere despite all you have been through. You've experienced hell of the sort that a lot of people are lucky they won't ever have to understand... and yet here you are. YOU are a rock star... dont let anyone tell you different. No one has the right to make you feel like you're weak or a bad person... no one. What matters is how you feel about you.

Fuck those people, whoever they are, for real. Some people will always be ignorant... feel bad for them. Educate them if you can, and if not, distance yourself if possible. Either way, keep on speaking your truth and fighting the good fight... and hopefully one day, people and their shitty horrible attitude towards addicts will change.

We are always here for you <3
 
I don't think they do understand though, and that's the problem. I'm kind of glad if someone doesn't understand, because it means they haven't had to deal with that particular hell.

I'm not much for being too individualist, but yeah, you primarily just need to stay sober no matter what at this stage. You can't treat acute and perilous addiction by trying to please others anymore than you can treat cancer by explaining it really well.

8 days is great, keep it up!
 
Addiction is baffling for those of us who experience it I can only imagine its doubly so for those who only see the wreckage.
 
Last edited:
cj said:
Addiction is baffling for those of who experience it I can only imagine its doubly so for those who only see the wreckage.
Click to expand...

Fucking this!

Most people who have never experienced the beast that is opiate addiction don't see it as anything but a stupid and selfish personal decision that one could just quit when their ready to be an adult.
 
Its my mom man. She bought me some groceries last month cuz i said I needed help to quit opiates. So she bought me groceries and a computer. So then she comes down yesterday cuz she wants to buy me a metro pass and some groceries and knows she cant just send the money. So I made it 6 days after she left. Cuz I told her I was done with opiates and this stuff would help me quit. So after 6 days I relapsed. For 3 days. Pretty heavy relapse. Bunch of heroin and diladuds. So then after 3 days I really miss being sick to be honest because at least I felt more myself when I was sick. So I decide to quit cold turkey again. That was 8 days ago. Something changed this time. I feel. I dunno. Safer? I feel like I have more control. Something finally snapped in my I think. In a good way. She doesn't understand this ofcourse. All she sees is that I relapsed for those 3 days after going 6 days cold turkey. And shes pissed about that and I didn't tell her I was in withdrawals this past 8 days until she got here. I couldn't tell her. Its too much telling people over and over again. Especially my mom. Who the fuck wants to know your loved one is super sick?? So I learned to hide it.

Anyway she just doesnt believe im 8 days sober. I dunno if I can blame her, but I'm so obviously not on opiates... I would think by now she could tell I was sober lol. I been smoking some weed so thats confusing her. The thing is, she is just saying mean things. Acting as if I am this super selfish guy who doesnt give a fuck. You know when people do the whole all you care about is yourself because you hurt their feelings? Like because you were selfish for that one moment or didn''t understand their feelings you are now someone who just doesn't care about them. It really bothers me when people do this to me. I know I make mistakes and sometimes don't other peoples feelings into consideration but when it becomes this long drawn out melo drama, it just fucking urks me. Then its like well you did this and you did that. & its so fucking easy for anyone to discredit a junkie. Or overpower a junkie in their minds. They are just like ya yaya oh yeah your a junkie. As if being a junkie has something to do with the facts of some unrelated situation.

Just sucks big time. Especially from own family. I can handle it from other people more. The thing is. It really upsets me. It makes me mad that shes taking things so personally. It upsets me that shes here on my couch but wont believe I am on day 8. Take it in that I've never been the type of person to call my mom for money for dope saying its for something els. I don't really lie to my mom that much about my use and shit. I've always been pretty upfront about wtf is going on. I just leave out details. So it pisses me off that shes calling me a liar based on the fact that I keep saying I'm going to get sober but quit for one week and go back. That doesn't mean I'm a liar! That means I have high hopes and I am struggling to crawl. I mean technically. I guess so... I said I would and I didn't. But fake it to you make it! Everyone is so different. And we don't chose our family. I just feel like I can't ever really get across what I mean or what I am to my mother and that bugs me. I hate it when people take shit way too personally and make drama aobut it that goes on and on. I'll be the first one to sit down and be like tell me how I hurt your feelings? Then think about it and be like I am sorry I hurt your feelings. So why the divide. Why the fighting?

It just sucks. Its often with women. Same pattern emerges again and again. I do something inconsiderate cuz I am a.d.d or being selfish for a moment. Said something is blown out of proportion and used as evidence to my evil character flaws and unwillingness to listen to reason. The fact is. I don't know how to treat everyone all the time. Who the fuck does? I do things that hurt people sometimes because I am a very stubborn independent person who is not afraid to make choices in a relationship. I just don't like being vilified. I'm someone who has dealt with a whole lot of crap since the moment I came into this world and I turned out to be someone who is very loving and loyal. THats who I really am. Drugs take that away from me for periods of time, but I have shown through anyway! It seems like people want me to stop identifying with being a junkie but are so quick to to do it for me by not realizing that its not as simple as a choice. WHen they make it a personality flaw instead of a seriously fucking out of control physical, mental, and spiritual mess. Nobody wants to be an addict. If it was that easy to quit. More people would quit. It can take someone many times to finally achieve something. Most great works are like that. Why should I and my history of relapse be any different? I fall down 100x get back up 101. That's the ticket.
 
Hey DDone,

Going through this is tough. I've been lucky enough to hide the rougher times from my family. As you said, they just can't understand.

Being an addict like us is selfish by nature. Its not necessarily us who is selfish, but its the addiction that wants all. That's what normies can't grasp. We literally will fight tooth and nail to win the war. We inevitably will lose some of those battles on the way to winning the war.

Again, most people who have never gone through this don't look at it that way. Most honestly cant. They may want to. And as much as they love you, its nearly impossible to put themselves in our shoes.

The people who love you, family and such, fight a very similar battle though, just on a different front.

They see someone they love hurting themselves... Over and over and over... They ask why... Over and over and over. They get overwhelmingly disappointed when we lose a battle... Over and over and over. For those people who love us its a whirlwind rollercoaster ride of a war just as well.

Initially, their first reaction is understand the war and start to fire the why cannons and the why missiles, and bust out the why .50 cals. Little do they know that these why weapons have no effect or possibly the opposite of the intended effect.

At some point though, after their why weapons run out, they either give up or if they really love you... They bring out the tactical what weapons. This includes the "What can I do to help?" nuclear bomb. Once this happens, instead of blindly firing into a war against an enemy they can't see, they are now aligned with you... Albeit they still can't see the enemy, but at least they are firing in the right direction.

Now, you may encounter some friendly fire from time to time, as your fam is fighting blind and that is one hell of a frustrating way to fight a war. They still may occasionally find a why pistol and fire it in the wrong direction. That's pretty normal. But if they've already joined you in the trenches and are continuing their what assault in the right direction, as frustrated and upset as they may get, they are still with you.

This is war and no one likes losing battles. We express our frustration one way and the people who are fighting with you may express it another.

To sum up what in mean in more sensical terms:

It sounds like your mom is for the most part is in the "what can I do to help?" camp but when she sees you experience a set back in your recovery, against an enemy she doesn't know and cant see, its going to be beyond frustrating for her as it sounds like she's doing everything she can to help and in mostly the right way. Trust is key when working with a normie. It works both ways though. The more she has in you and you in her, the less likely y'all will be to anger bang each other with words.

I speak from experience as my mom has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery while playing a very small but important role. She is 1 of 2 normies I've got fighting by my side...

You also have the SL community in your corner too... So just let us know when we need to fuck shit up for ya :D

Keep going D Done. You got this shit!

Off to work I must go!!!

~MNSC~
 
D3ath -

Has your mom ever been to an al-anon group of any kind? I have been to one half my life ago and it might help her in coming to terms with the fact that your use has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you. They provide coping mechanisms for when there is a relapse and try and helped the loved ones not take responsibility for the issue. It kind of sounds like that is what your mom is doing. Or trying to anyway.

Try and have patience with her. My guess is she is scared and wants to take some of your pain away, she just doesn't know yet that all she can do is support you in your recovery the best she can. *I* think you are doing awesome! I've never been able to make my relapse into a lapse, personally. Congrats on picking yourself up after 3 days and getting back on track.

- VE
 
It sucks, moms in particular have a way of hurting you like no one else can. My mom and my brother gave up on me a long time ago. I basically have no relationship with either of them. My dad and I are still cool, but he doesn't get involved at all with my addiction. Im adopted and very much my biological parents' daughter. My adoptive parents are the middle class white picket fence golf on Sundays type through and through... they just dont get it and my mom can be super hurtful about it. My bro can too but he is just an ignorant douche tbh.

Families can be hard. Try not to let it get you down too much. You know your clean time and like you said, this is for you... that's what matters most in the end
 
MisterNotSoClean said:
Hey DDone,

Going through this is tough. I've been lucky enough to hide the rougher times from my family. As you said, they just can't understand.

Being an addict like us is selfish by nature. Its not necessarily us who is selfish, but its the addiction that wants all. That's what normies can't grasp. We literally will fight tooth and nail to win the war. We inevitably will lose some of those battles on the way to winning the war.

Again, most people who have never gone through this don't look at it that way. Most honestly cant. They may want to. And as much as they love you, its nearly impossible to put themselves in our shoes.

The people who love you, family and such, fight a very similar battle though, just on a different front.

They see someone they love hurting themselves... Over and over and over... They ask why... Over and over and over. They get overwhelmingly disappointed when we lose a battle... Over and over and over. For those people who love us its a whirlwind rollercoaster ride of a war just as well.

Initially, their first reaction is understand the war and start to fire the why cannons and the why missiles, and bust out the why .50 cals. Little do they know that these why weapons have no effect or possibly the opposite of the intended effect.

At some point though, after their why weapons run out, they either give up or if they really love you... They bring out the tactical what weapons. This includes the "What can I do to help?" nuclear bomb. Once this happens, instead of blindly firing into a war against an enemy they can't see, they are now aligned with you... Albeit they still can't see the enemy, but at least they are firing in the right direction.

Now, you may encounter some friendly fire from time to time, as your fam is fighting blind and that is one hell of a frustrating way to fight a war. They still may occasionally find a why pistol and fire it in the wrong direction. That's pretty normal. But if they've already joined you in the trenches and are continuing their what assault in the right direction, as frustrated and upset as they may get, they are still with you.

This is war and no one likes losing battles. We express our frustration one way and the people who are fighting with you may express it another.

To sum up what in mean in more sensical terms:

It sounds like your mom is for the most part is in the "what can I do to help?" camp but when she sees you experience a set back in your recovery, against an enemy she doesn't know and cant see, its going to be beyond frustrating for her as it sounds like she's doing everything she can to help and in mostly the right way. Trust is key when working with a normie. It works both ways though. The more she has in you and you in her, the less likely y'all will be to anger bang each other with words.

I speak from experience as my mom has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery while playing a very small but important role. She is 1 of 2 normies I've got fighting by my side...

You also have the SL community in your corner too... So just let us know when we need to fuck shit up for ya :D

Keep going D Done. You got this shit!

Off to work I must go!!!

~MNSC~
Click to expand...

Nice post! That may be the best way I have ever seen the family dynamics of addiction explained.
 
Yo misternotsoclean thanks for the kind words man! That shit actually really helped lol. You didn't mention the who though. Like when my mom looks at me like who the hell are you? lol. Just sick and lost mom.... still the same person you have always loved.

VastEmpty ya my mom has been to al anon but not in a long ass time. SHe was a member for a couple years or something cuz her parents are alcoholics. It still carries on into the kids a bit I think. I think thats part of the idea of al anon if I remmbmer what she said.

xburtonchick I am really trying to not let it get me down. My mom has gotten me down enough in my life. Shes super reactive to things and very intense. Shes also super cool and thought by many as one of the most beautiful people they know. But ya she kinda made me crazy as fuck in my teens and shit. Not just her, the whole fucking world. I moved out at 16 cuz I couldnt keep fighting. I was bad. I rememember so many holes in the walls, Id break all my shit. I was so angry at the world. Anyway ever since I was around 16 I've kind of taught myself to be less reactive to her shit, but I still fuck up sometimes.
 
MisterNotSoClean said:
Hey DDone,

Going through this is tough. I've been lucky enough to hide the rougher times from my family. As you said, they just can't understand.

Being an addict like us is selfish by nature. Its not necessarily us who is selfish, but its the addiction that wants all. That's what normies can't grasp. We literally will fight tooth and nail to win the war. We inevitably will lose some of those battles on the way to winning the war.

Again, most people who have never gone through this don't look at it that way. Most honestly cant. They may want to. And as much as they love you, its nearly impossible to put themselves in our shoes.

The people who love you, family and such, fight a very similar battle though, just on a different front.

They see someone they love hurting themselves... Over and over and over... They ask why... Over and over and over. They get overwhelmingly disappointed when we lose a battle... Over and over and over. For those people who love us its a whirlwind rollercoaster ride of a war just as well.

Initially, their first reaction is understand the war and start to fire the why cannons and the why missiles, and bust out the why .50 cals. Little do they know that these why weapons have no effect or possibly the opposite of the intended effect.

At some point though, after their why weapons run out, they either give up or if they really love you... They bring out the tactical what weapons. This includes the "What can I do to help?" nuclear bomb. Once this happens, instead of blindly firing into a war against an enemy they can't see, they are now aligned with you... Albeit they still can't see the enemy, but at least they are firing in the right direction.

Now, you may encounter some friendly fire from time to time, as your fam is fighting blind and that is one hell of a frustrating way to fight a war. They still may occasionally find a why pistol and fire it in the wrong direction. That's pretty normal. But if they've already joined you in the trenches and are continuing their what assault in the right direction, as frustrated and upset as they may get, they are still with you.

This is war and no one likes losing battles. We express our frustration one way and the people who are fighting with you may express it another.

To sum up what in mean in more sensical terms:

It sounds like your mom is for the most part is in the "what can I do to help?" camp but when she sees you experience a set back in your recovery, against an enemy she doesn't know and cant see, its going to be beyond frustrating for her as it sounds like she's doing everything she can to help and in mostly the right way. Trust is key when working with a normie. It works both ways though. The more she has in you and you in her, the less likely y'all will be to anger bang each other with words.

I speak from experience as my mom has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery while playing a very small but important role. She is 1 of 2 normies I've got fighting by my side...

You also have the SL community in your corner too... So just let us know when we need to fuck shit up for ya :D

Keep going D Done. You got this shit!

Off to work I must go!!!

~MNSC~
Click to expand...

This whole post is so fantastic. I am the outsider or "normie" and I did have to go through the whole trajectory you have described. It was a huge breakthrough for my son and I when I understood how I could best support him by taking care of my own craziness about his addiction. It does come down to two things: two-way trust and both of you becoming educated about addiction. Always remember that no matter where you stand, inside or outside of addiction, the best tool you have is your compassion. It starts with yourself and radiates out from there.
 
I honestly got lucky as shit when it comes to how my mom handled it initially. I texted her (I couldn't call her as I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my composure) pretty much letting her know I was in trouble, broke and at rock bottom. I didn't give all the dirty details but I gave her enough to know I needed help. I explained that I had to see a doctor because over the past 5 years or so, I had put my body and mind through a meat grinder. (Damn I wish I still had that text) I told her I couldn't give her all the details as I wasn't ready (Even though I never listen to her advice, she's pretty smart and I figured she would immediately know what's up)

Anyways, she did make a mistake of sending me money for the doctors appt. (I wouldn't have if the roles were reversed) Luckily, I really was in utter despair and defeat to the point where I didn't want/couldn't continue. Saw the doc next day and started ORT with subs the day after that.

To her credit, she asked very few why questions. Then being on ORT just became the norm and my life stabilized.

When I got off subs I let my mom know before the jump. I actually pretty much didn't talk to her for the first 3 weeks and she understood why. When she came down around day 30ish I told her to ask questions to her hearts content. Surprisingly she didn't ask me anything too difficult to answer. Nothing super nitty gritty.

I believe sheshe got a good handle on my situation but she's only seen the winning side of the battle and hasn't had to deal with any steps back and hopefully wont have to. I am curious how she would respond... but not that curious to find out.

My dad still doesn't know and I don't plan to let him know until I am well in the clear... maybe... got a whole different dynamic going there :p
 
Your a piece of shit if a drug controls your life. But it's no big deal to have a headache if you don't get your coca-cola today. Everyone's a addict man, just addicts to different substances. Gotta have that morning Starbucks? Buying another dope bag?Wait over night in line for a new game? Couple thousand post on bluelight? Lol, a life without addiction is a life lived without trying something new. Buttttttttt the best things are what kills you. So with this I say, "No coke, Pepsi" :)..... I can't feel my face you guys
 
Most all people have addictions in some form or another. It's just not all literally fuck you from the inside out when you stop.

I'm "addicted" to my phone. (I just realized how broadly the term "addiction" is used.) It died and I lost everything on it. I was sad I lost all my progress on some of my games. I lost some super cute pictures... but then I remembered I just jumped from 8mg suboxone after 3 years only a short while ago and I didn't feel so bad lol.
 
A couple of things...

1) "They say shit that is completely soul crushing when they are mad." The part I have bolded here is what is important. You've actually halfway home if you can see the temporary elevated emotions driving the harsh words. Getting upset and lashing out at others is a common primal urge for a lot of people. And more often than not, it's less about what they actually think/feel but what they know would get under your skin. On a better day, they likely would not have been driven to such hating. A lot of people deep down are baseline miserable and are harsh to other people in order to feel less threatened by their harshness to themselves. Thus, while it may feel like a calculated attack that displays a person's well-developed views on the topic, in reality it is more likely an impulsive bark to temporarily numb their own pain. Being able to see it for what it is, or just getting into the practice of characterizing all hate this way, allows you to much more easily deflect it. If you can deflect it and don't let it get to you, then you won't have other voices echoing your own internal critiques of yourself (because let's just accept that we are very hard on ourselves...it's why we medicate) and your own thoughts won't have any additional power.

2) Drawing from what I brought up above, some of us medicate with drugs, others with bad attitudes toward others. Like they say, there are "dry drunks" out there who don't have drinking problems. We live in a harsh society where a lot of people are very uncomfortable and unsatisfied with where their lives are at. And instead of trying to better their own environments, they try to bring the environments of others around them down to their miserable level. This type of judging, being negative and picking on people, complete with the emotional rush it gives as well as the temporary numbing of emotional pain, is absolutely as addictive and hard to quit as a drug addiction. Sure, it's a completely different kind of battle, but it's a destructive lifestyle that hurts both you and those around you. Point is, there are plenty of addictive and destructive traps out there and it's unfortunate that it's not easier for people to relate to one another through their common themes.

3) People like to be on teams. Team opiate addict, team eating disorder, team smoker. And they like to create rivalries. It's very unfortunate, as this is a source of a lot of the worst stuff in the world. So even if quitting heroin is harder than quitting smoking, why bother even having an argument over it? The argument will just stress you out and when you're stressed you will want to get high. Compete with yourself and your past, but not with others.

4) As critical as I am of 12-step recovery and the Disease Model, one great thing about it is that as it is slowly accepted into society, the notion that this fight is only about will-power, or that addicts are weak-willed, will slowly be retired. Does will-power play a role in it? Absolutely. It takes a TON of will-power to get and stay clean. Personally, I feel like the will-power I had to use to get off of heroin dwarfs the will-power that is involved in other things most people do. Going to work everyday, going hard in the gym, eating well, learning new trades, and so on. These things are so easy for me compared to quitting heroin, and I think that experience, those years in hell, gave me a superior will-power for a lot of things in life compared to many of my peers. Maybe as you stay clean longer you will start to notice how accomplishing other things feels so much easier, even with all of the silly shackles we still typically wear into early recovery (poverty, criminal record, etc). Often you have to treat yourself really badly before you truly can master doing good.
 
Last edited:
1) Ya it was all good. We don't hold grudges. I know what shes like. She will be mad at something else and then express it another way. We just didnt talk for a few hours. Then I called her and was all sweet asking her if she needed help with carrying shit or whatever and she felt better after. Its like she has a fear of me being on the take. Meanwhile. I never really ask my parents for anything. My dad has nothing. Andmy mom has been on disability for ever. So I've never asked her for things.

2) I know about dry drunks and I know my mom is one. She also has ptsd big time so ya... She made me a crazy during my teens and shit... Too much drama.

4) I believe opiate addiction is a disease. I don't really see how it differs from other diseases. Just like it takes willpower to fight cancer or diabetes, it takes willpower to fight addiction. Diabetics eat too much sugar and they often never quit even when they are diabetic. Addicts take pills instead of sugar. If a diabetic gets a disease from sugar. Then an addict get addiction from drugs. both destroy the body. One effects the mind a lot more. I think thats what peopel truly dont like about it. Its a brain disease. Just like how people dont like schizophrenia or extreme bi polar and shit.

I hope I find this ex junkie willpower you speak of!!

Nice post :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top