Porn addiction, amphetamines, ssris

[razorcuts]

I'm kinda scared right now.

I will try to make this as short as possible.

I have been having depression for years. Tried various antidepressants in the past and they didn't help with this.

Last year around summer I started getting into porn. I'd literally spend whole nights laying in bed watching porn on my huge flat screen
TV and then jacking off for HOURS!

I have not counted how often I have done this but I'd assume 200 times or more.

I know that this is a waste of time and that it's totally destructive but I feel like I'm addicted to it.

The depression also plays a role. I have nothing else in life which gives me some "joy" so I watch porn at night for hours. It's really pathetic.

I have tried to prevent myself from being able to watch it again. I have thrown away a notebook, hard drives, usb memory sticks, TV remote controls!

But basically I always found a way to watch it again. I bought new memory sticks, new remote controls only to throw them away again and then to
buy them again! It's sick.

I also take amphetamines for ADD. Now I worry that amphetamines + countless hours of porn could have totally messed up my brain.

I feel really anhedonic. I don't know if this is just my "normal" depression or not.


What's also a problem is that since I started taking Lexapro again I have the typical sexual side effects.
This means that I can't just quickly jack off in order to prevent myself from being tempted to watch porn.

Usually jacking off helps with being tempted to watch porn. It's like eating something before going to the supermarket.
You are less tempted to buy junk food when you're not hungry.

What the ssri does is it basically increases the temptation to watch porn for hours and jack off to it cause when I finally orgasm after hours of
porn the orgasm is halfway decent and enjoyable.

But if I just jack off without porn then the orgasm sucks and isn't rewarding at all and I still need an awful long time. It takes 60-90 minutes
and I still need to employ all kinds of sexual fantasies.

Is there even a difference between watching porn and thinking about stuff you saw in porn? Or is the negative effect on the brain the same?
Would it be more "healthy" for the brain to jack off to sexual fantasies instead of watching real porn?

When I was younger I could jack off without needing any sexual fantasies! I could just think about the weather. I think this is rare but I could do it. But today this wouldn't work anymore. I couldn't even get an erection without fantasies. My libido itself is also low. I just jack off for pleasure or when I feel bored not cause I am horny.

I feel really filthy and pathetic for having wasted so much time watching porn. It's also crazy how "easy" it is to watch porn for hours. The time
totally flies by. 2-3 hours can be considered short. I think I have had times where I spent 7 hours jacking off to porn with short breaks in between
where I ate and drank something!

The biggest issue is that I have nothing to replace porn with. I really have nothing which I could do which is fun. All the other things which I have to do or which i should be doing are things which I absolutely hate and which can be considered mental suffering.

I really don't know how to get away from porn without replacement.

It's also scary that even though I throw things away to keep me from being able to watch porn again I still find new ways or simply buy the items
again. I even thought about destroying the flat screen TV but I don't even dare to go this far cause what if I then simply buy a new one?!?!

 

[Burnt Offerings]

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[Sobrietysucks]

What you can do is ask your doc to increase the dose of SSRi or get on an SSRI with worse sexual side effect. I remember Effexor at 300mg (higher than max dose) Orgasms were impossible at this dose. At lower doses you can still orgasm but it takes a long time. But now, now at the higher dose I was pretty much chemically castrated so I no longer bothered with sexual activity. I was forced to develop new habits. I stayed on at that dose for a few months and eventually got off the anti depressant. My libido is back but i haven't masturbated since because of the new habits I developed on the SNRI medication. If you do take the medication route, I recommend at least 90 days for your brain to embrace this change. the longer you go without any sexual activity the more you will learn to live without it.

It's like when addicts go to rehab. Except the rehab is the medication. When addicts go on rehab for very long time (like a year) it is proven they are far less likely to relapse than those that only 30 days.

Also, I believe the amphetamine to be another factor that exacerbates your behavior. Effexor At 300+ mg will regulate dopamine and block amphetamines. Even if I took amphetamines, they wouldn't work.

 

[razorcuts]

Hi, I am 33 years old.

Vortioxetine had no sexual side effects for me. But I also take lamotrigine and my doc told me that since vortioxetine is very new I should better switch to a more well known SSRI
in case there are unknown interactions with lamotrigine.

Zoloft for example can in combination with lamotrigine raise the risk of getting serious side effects like steve johnson syndrome. This possible interaction seems to be not well known cause
I read about this in only 1 psychopharmacology book.

---

I also tried effexor and at 225 I also couldnt cum anymore. Duloxetine also had really bad side effects.

----

My libido is low due to depression, I guess. But I dont jack off cause I am horny. I jack off when I feel depressed or bored.
Jacking off is kinda like the only source of "pleasure" I have which is depressing.

 

[Sobrietysucks]

Hi, I am 33 years old.

Vortioxetine had no sexual side effects for me. But I also take lamotrigine and my doc told me that since vortioxetine is very new I should better switch to a more well known SSRI
in case there are unknown interactions with lamotrigine.

Zoloft for example can in combination with lamotrigine raise the risk of getting serious side effects like steve johnson syndrome. This possible interaction seems to be not well known cause
I read about this in only 1 psychopharmacology book.

---

I also tried effexor and at 225 I also couldnt cum anymore. Duloxetine also had really bad side effects.

----

My libido is low due to depression, I guess. But I dont jack off cause I am horny. I jack off when I feel depressed or bored.
Jacking off is kinda like the only source of "pleasure" I have which is depressing.

I know what you are talking about. You are stuck on a jacking off loop. The amphetamines are definitely not helping. But you cant help yourself but to continue the cycle.

You said on the effexor at 225 , you could not cum. Did you jack off then?

 

[Dcole461]

Hi, I am 33 years old.

Ok, so I posted on your other thread but now I know how old you are and why your heart rate is 180 lol (no offense, I'll explain )

So your max heart rate would be about 187 so you wouldn't want to go above 159 for a significant period of time. I'm assuming your resting heart rate is about half that when you're on amps.

I know exactly what you mean though. I used to have sex a lot not because I wanted to or because I was horny, but because I was depressed and getting off = dopamine release = happiness (sort of).

Now I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I love smoking meth and jacking off. I'm not even really addicted to meth. I'm addicted to jacking off on meth. If I can't jack off, I don't even like doing meth because it just makes me horny.

But I'm still curious, when exactly (lol) do you measure your heart rate and how long is it that high? I can't imagine your heart rate is 180 whether you're jacking off or not. And even if it is 180 when you're jacking off, I can't imagine that it's 180 the entire time.

 

[Napdmd]

I think you should take a look at www.yourbrainonporn.com
It explains the dopamine story, the addiction story, how to withdrawal, what makes you feel depressed etc etc.

For support specifically for porn/fapping addiction I think you should visit www.reddit.com/r/nofap There are thousands of people that are starting to get addiction problems with the rise of high speed internet porn. Which in a way can cause such high dopamine release that it can affect just like drugs do. The people (including myself) that quit for 90 days or more will start feeling better and better each day.

Check out this video:

 

[Moreaux]

Be careful switching to a different SSRI to kill your libido to get off porn as it's possible to have longer term issue with sex drive and performance. It's considered a syndrome, and it's called PSSD. There are help groups online with thousands on members who have been going through this since discontinuing their SSRIs, and currently there is no treatment for it.

Consider your situation. You are bored and depressed, you take stimulants which increase dopamine and also make one aroused, and you are taking other prescriptions that cause sexual side effects. I think instead of just switching medications you should stop the amphetamines and begin seeing a therapist. You can stop watching porn utilizing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques and mindfulness.

If you have that much downtime then also consider scheduling activities during that - activities that require you to be out of your house and interacting with other people, which is much healthier. Take an evening course at a local university or consider learning something new like ballroom dancing or pottery. Most towns have evening events you can participate in and it will put you in a better headspace and be more productive and you will learn something new.

 

[razorcuts]

Hi,

I am on 10mg lexapro now and the sexual side effects seem to get a bit better. Reaching on orgasm goes a bit faster now but the orgams themselves still kinda suck. They are a bit hurtful and
they don't feel as rewarding as normal ones.

How shall I stop porn for 90 days?
Does this include jacking off for 90 days, too?
Is it "allowed" to use sexual thoughts instead of porn when jacking off? Or is this also considered "brain porn"?
Without sexual thoughts I can't jack off.

The thing is that I feel the desire to jack off every 2 days or so. It has nothing to do with being horny.
If I try not to jack off and resist then the risk of watching porn and then jacking off to it gets bigger.
Jacking off definitely prevents being tempted to watch porn.

A few days ago I thought I had overcome porn. I felt kinda disgusted by it. But yesterday I did it again.
This is very discouraging cause even when I think now I am finally done with it then a few days later everything can have changed again!

No matter how many things I throw away to keep me from doing it again I still find new ways.

I tried therapy but it was not helpful for me at all.
I have many valid reasons to be depressed. I also have many physical issues. I have huge issues with my eyes. Due to this I dont go outside
when it's bright. I cannot stand brightness at all it instantly depresses me cause then I notice the floaters and the blue field entoptic phenomenon much more.
I see the white blood cells in my eyes. It started years ago. Been to many doctors nobody found an explanation.They said it's harmless. Even if it is it still totally
drags me down cause it's so annoying.

@ dcole

I dont remember where I wrote I have 180 pulse.
Sometimes when taking amphetamines I have a high pulse but this doesn't happen that often.
My normal pulse is between 60-70.

@ sobriety

When I was on 225 effexor I could jack off to porn but cumming was very hard and the orgasms absolutely sucked!
The stuff basically started dripping out and I felt nothing!
That was when I realized I need to get off it cause I absolutely can't be on a drug which ruins orgasms. I need to be able to
at least jack off when I feel depressed or bored or simply empty.

@ moreaux

I am totally aware that watching porn for hours is a waste of time and that I could be doing MANY other things instead which would be more healthy.
BUT I still do it. I don't know what to do about this. This is a general problem which I have.
I dont know if it is related to ADHD, dopamine, reward system.
I simply do not pursue things which are focused on long term goals.
Then I think what if it's all for nothing? What if this or that happens and it was useless?
I am too depressed and pessimistic for this.

This has cost me a lot in life. It's a major flaw. People who do not have this can pursue goals and
be successful and I can't do this.

For example when I start working out at home then I do this for a while and then feel like I don't have enough time
for this or that I am wasting my time or I simply lose patience. Instead I spend my time watching TV.

If I simply lie in bed all day I don't really "feel" like I am wasting time.
But if I spent 4 hours working out (just as an example) then I would think that I am wasting my time.
Then I'd think that I should be doing something better than this instead.

It's really weird but that's how I think. If I worked out every day for 2 hours I would even feel guilty
about it and feel like I should use this time for studying. But if I stop working out then I do not use this
"extra" time for anything.

I am absolutely convinced that the brain is the most important factor which separates successful people from
unsuccessful people. Simply having the will-power and the motivation. Schwarzenegger is a perfect example of this.
But I sense that I do not have this and I cannot simply generate this.

I have books and ADHD which talk exactly about these issues. But the problem is not knowing what you should be doing.
I know what I should do. Doing it is the problem.

 

[deadendgame]

first of all, are you still on the amphetamines? because if you are, it will be very hard to break the porn addiction. stop the amphetamines first and then post about your problems. don't be like "oh, I'm on amps so I'm horny all the time." Of course you are gonna be horny when you're on amps. That's what it does! Best aphrodisiac in the world yo! If you just stop taking the amps, you'll see just how easy it is to quit the other thing. Look man, if you get horny, just jack one off. Then you won't be horny again for a while. If however, you are horny 24/7 even without the amps, that is a different problem. Do you know how I stopped? I couldn't get amps anymore so eventually I just gave up and forgot. What I am saying is, that if you stop the amps, it will be easier to stop the other thing. And wtf? you're on lexapro too? amps also increase serotonin so you may get serotonin syndrome so be careful with that. I would stop the lexapro. It doesn't do jack shit except make it hard for me to get a boner. Quit one or both of them

 

[deadendgame]

My advice to you is to cum as fast as possible when you get the urge. That way you don't waste all your time watching porn. And also, stop taking amphetamines so you never get the urge again. I'm gonna tell you something though. I think depressants may help you. Trust me, you would not want to jack off at all when you are on depressants

 

[Cdkman]

It's crazy when u are in the "amphetamine zone" watching porn and jacking off for HOURS u think u have to be the only one that does this.
ive seen on BL that plenty of ppl do it but I only do it once a month, so I've never worried about it too much.ive been doing it for a year or so..when I do I get a bunch off adderall do a fat line every half hour and jack it till the sun comes up..lol I do feel kinda nasty and ashamed the next day :D

id be more worried about constant amphetamine use then the porn/jacking off

porn can def be addicting.I used to watch it a lot and beat off and had a slight addiction..I noticed if I do I can't perform with a girl as well as if I was only watching porn once a month ..I cut down masterbating to only once a month also..I believe when u relate your sexual feeling/function with a screen and your hand too much it messes up functioning while with a woman..my love for women broke that addiction real quick lol ..

 

[Sobrietysucks]

Are you still forcing yourself to jack off? How's your depression dude?

 

[razorcuts]

I'm as depressed as always. Have been depressed for years and years. This doesn't change.

I was also worried about amphetamines + SSRI causing serotonin syndrome but I read that amphetamines do not affect serotonin very much, unlike meth.
So far I have not had any problems.

Antidepressants don't really help me with my depression but maybe they reduce the anxiety and ocd a bit. I cannot say if they really do. But my reason for re-introducing
a SSRI into my regimen was simply that I probably have low serotonin in the first place. Taking amphetamines lowers serotonin, too. This means my serotonin goes down even
more. That's why I thought I should add a SSRI simply to keep serotonin up.

Lexapro is the SSRI with the least drug interactions which is why I chose it.


Yes I'm still on amphetamines. I mean I get them for ADD. But they really don't make me super horny or so.
I hardly ever wake up with a boner!!! My libido is super low cause of depression.

To me jacking off and watching porn feels like playing a video game. It's like all of a sudden you think to yourself "I'd really like to play some video games right now".
But in this situation I'm not horny it's something else.
I think in my case it's similar to a person which eats junk food in situation where she feels bored or empty.
I mean it does feel good at least for a while. But often times even while I'm still at it I already feel bad about it and then after cumming I feel even worse and even the moaning
disgusts me and I turn the TV off immediately.

The problem is that there isn't really a replacement for this kind of feeling which you get while you watch porn.
For example if I'm tempted to watch it and then I was offered other replacements like for example watching a good sci-fi movie or eating candy bars then none of this would
work as a substitute. I would probably watch the movie and then afterwards still be tempted to jack off to porn.

Jacking off is the best protection against porn, that's true.
Years ago I'd jack off pretty much every day but now I don't do this anymore. I guess it's because jacking off without porn is boring.

What also plays a role is how long you jack off. For example if I came within 2 minutes after starting to watch porn then it wouldn't really be "worth" it.
Then I could as well quickly jack off without porn. But when you jack off to porn for hours then you get pleasure for hours.

In order to be addicted to do have to do it daily? Or does being addicted simply mean you cannot quit it entirely?
Cause I don't do it every single day. But if I don't do it then after a few days maybe 2 or 3 I start to feel like I might do it again.
That's when it becomes dangerous.

How much Amph do you guys take? I don't really know what amphetamine zone means. I don't think I experience this.

I read that if you take too much it reduces your sex drive/erection again.

I experimented a bit with it and thought that if I take a big 30mg dose before starting with my session it'll make me super horny but it didn't.

 

[Napdmd]

You do not even have to watch porn daily to be addicted. To know if you are addicted is easy.

1. You cant quit
2. You keep having urges to watch and even if you have no real urges your brain still reminds you to get that dopamine fix.
3. You get depressed/anxious after a porn binge
4. Need more hardcore porn to get stimulation (tolerance)
4. Life itself is super boring and nothing brings motivation, except the motivation to put on a porn site and jackoff to it
5. You have erectile dysfunction problems, cant masturbate without porn, have no morning wood, or no desire to try to have sex with a real person
6. When you quit you start getting withdrawal symptoms after a couple of days/weeks
7. You start getting (wet)dreams about watching porn if you have quit watching for a while


I think your ADD, depression problems comes from a screwed up reward system because of the porn/fap addiction and the amphetamines you keep using (and might keep you more horny). The amphetamines will only make things a lot worse. Your dopamine levels and receptor sensitivity is so low that it makes you depressed and gives you more ADD like symptoms. To get a relieve for that low dopamine you return to porn again for the dopamine fix, and this will start the addiction downward spiral (more downregulation of dopamine d2 receptors which give more depression, anhedonia, anxiety, sleep problems, urges etc.). I think it is good to start that 90 days of abstinence from porn/fapping/sex/orgasm/amphetamines and see what happens after 40 days. It can take a while for positive changes to be felt and you might actually start feeling worse at first because your brain misses that high dopamine fix. This can cause withdrawal symptoms like anxiety, more depression, fatigue, flu like feelings and even more libido loss. Also try not to fantasize about porn or sex because you will activate the same pathways that brought on the addiction (pathways that are sensitized to porn by glutamate and DeltaFosB). Try to live as a celibate monk for 90 days in your life and see what happens. After you start feeling better you can implement masturbating by touch alone (without porn) and sex again. It takes some willpower but maybe it is worth it.

 

[Sobrietysucks]

^I think Napmd may be right. I read people that did no fap stopped needing to take their anti depressant and adhd medications after their brain was reset.

 

[Sobrietysucks]

Hey bro how u holding up. Didn't mean to scare ya into not jacking off no more.

 

[Napdmd]

^I think Napmd may be right. I read people that did no fap stopped needing to take their anti depressant and adhd medications after their brain was reset.

When I quit oxy I turned to more porn as a substitute "drug". After a while I started getting the same issues the OP has including massive brain fog, erectile dysfunction, social anxiety, insomnia. I got prescribed methylphenidate for the ADD like symptoms and temazepam for the insomnia. For a long time I didn't now what was going on and tried all sorts of supplements and even Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca made me feel better for a few months but soon the depression hit me again. I never really thought that porn could be a problem because masturbation and watching porn is normal and healthy right? Then I figured out I had a porn problem when I took a look at the website www.yourbrainonporn.com. I tried to quit for 90 days and at 20 days in I started having withdrawal symptoms. At 60 days I was starting to feel better than ever. Quit the methylphenidate altogether because I didn't need it anymore. At 120 days I was becoming the alpha male, had tons of motivation, ambition, more charisma and confidence, sleep was perfect (without temazepam), memory was super sharp and life was more colorful. I could really feel I had more dopamine flowing and my receptors were working better. Then I relapsed to porn and just putting on a HD porn video felt like a massive dopamine rush. Almost felt like a good dose of 4-FMP, I kid you not lol. After that relapse I relapsed more and more. Started binging and edging to porn sites and the depression, anxiety, insomnia, low motivation came back harder than ever. That was the time I started using phenibut, benzos, pregabalin, baclofen etc. to help with the anxiety. The phenibut made me even more horny so I was now becoming a full blown porn, high dose benzo and phenibut addict. Crazy story man... life is crazy...

Hope the OP is doing okay and if not would try this Nofap lifestyle for a while.. If the SSRI's dont work I think this problem is more a dopamine issue than a serotonin issue.

 

[razorcuts]

Hi everyone,

just to clarify a few things. I have always been more or less depressed and anxious. Porn isn't the cause of this.

I fulfill nearly all of those points listed above.
But going without porn and fapping for 90 days seems impossible to me. How shall I pull this off?
Especially when I try "no fap" as well then the risk of ending up watching porn and fapping to it is even bigger compared to fapping at the same time.
But if using fantasies is as bad as watching porn then the problem is that I can't cum when I fap which makes fapping useless.

What I also know is that things which drag me down also make me vulnerable to porn. A few weeks ago I wanted to quit and had made up my mind and then
something happened which depressed me and then I did it again. It's like when something bad happens I need my fix, the way other people start drinking alcohol
or stuffing themselves with junk food.

I also don't think that I can stop taking stimulants especially not now. I feel like on days where I take nothing I feel more depressed and I don't want to feel more depressed.
After being diagnosed with ADD I also feel like I need stims in order to function. I can't really tell how much stims really do but it's also a bit like a mental dependence you just
think you need them.
Maybe there's also a placebo effect. Sometimes when I need to do some work and I really don't want to them I take some stims and then I say to myself that I'm gonna get started
now and then I imagine that the stims help me and give me some motivation.
Even if it's only placebo then it's still helping a bit.

What do I do now?
Qutting porn,fapping and stims is too much I won't be able to do this.

 

[Sobrietysucks]

Hi everyone,

just to clarify a few things. I have always been more or less depressed and anxious. Porn isn't the cause of this.

I fulfill nearly all of those points listed above.
But going without porn and fapping for 90 days seems impossible to me. How shall I pull this off?
Especially when I try "no fap" as well then the risk of ending up watching porn and fapping to it is even bigger compared to fapping at the same time.
But if using fantasies is as bad as watching porn then the problem is that I can't cum when I fap which makes fapping useless.

What I also know is that things which drag me down also make me vulnerable to porn. A few weeks ago I wanted to quit and had made up my mind and then
something happened which depressed me and then I did it again. It's like when something bad happens I need my fix, the way other people start drinking alcohol
or stuffing themselves with junk food.

I also don't think that I can stop taking stimulants especially not now. I feel like on days where I take nothing I feel more depressed and I don't want to feel more depressed.
After being diagnosed with ADD I also feel like I need stims in order to function. I can't really tell how much stims really do but it's also a bit like a mental dependence you just
think you need them.
Maybe there's also a placebo effect. Sometimes when I need to do some work and I really don't want to them I take some stims and then I say to myself that I'm gonna get started
now and then I imagine that the stims help me and give me some motivation.
Even if it's only placebo then it's still helping a bit.

What do I do now?
Qutting porn,fapping and stims is too much I won't be able to do this.

From what I understand say jerking off to porn makes you less depressed , but you're still depressed right?
1.how often you do it? How does it make you feel afterwards? Confident, energetic or tired, guilty and unmotived?
2.can you look girls in eyes and have conversation with them?