MrNobody97
Greenlighter
Okay, my "story" is long and convoluted... and this is only pieces of it.
I'm sort of trying to figure out "what's what" so that I can potentially avoid making the wrong decision.
One-sentence version: "I've only had one complaint for years, and it gets worse with time, and I know I've been on a benzo a long time, but now I can't tell whether the dizziness I have comes from my disorder -- or the medicine used to treat its symptom."
One day in 2009 I became suddenly lightheaded / dizzy. Soon after, "doctor #1" put me on a daily dose of Valium, because it relieved the dizziness. Later that year, "doctor #2" (a specialist) diagnosed me with "migraine associated vertigo" ("MAV").
Over the years this dizziness has periodically "changed shape" and intensified.
I began on Valium, was changed to Xanax for about 18 months, then "doctor #3" (a psychiatrist) had me cross-taper back to Valium, in 2012.
I actually stayed quite stable (after returning to Valium) for nearly three years -- it worked well enough each day.
Just recently (last few weeks/months) my "dizziness" has suddenly intensified so strongly that it's pretty debilitating. It also bears little or no resemblance to the "original" dizziness of 2009. This is far more ... surreal.
So anyway, I have three possible ideas about this intense dizziness that's been around for years, and I can't tell which is most likely:
(A) The "migraine associated vertigo" ("MAV") is still active, still causing the dizziness, and benzo tolerance is why I'm experiencing the symptoms.
(B) The "MAV" abated at some point, and it's the BENZOS themselves that are causing / perpetuating the dizziness. [Rationale: They do act as vestibular suppressants, they can cause dizziness, and they also down-regulate or uncouple the GABA receptor after prolonged use.]
(C) Both "A" and "B" -- the "MAV" AND the benzos are both problematic.
On one hand, I've read enough (like The Ashton Manual) to know that benzo tapering and withdrawal is recommended for long-term users. But I also know it can be a horrible and long-lived ordeal to go through.
So I see two potential outcomes if I withdraw:
(1) If it IS in fact the benzos that have been keeping this nonsense alive for so long, then eventually, as the brain recovers and slowly "resets" the GABA receptor, the dizziness should gradually lessen and go away.
(2) But if it's the MIGRAINE (MAV) that's remained active all this time, then stripping away the benzos will simply leave me in the same dizzy state (if not worse), and I'll have thrown out the one thing that helped keep the "migraine dizziness" in check.
I'm kind of inclined to think it's the BENZOS that are to blame -- based on the "rationale" I gave above, in "idea (B)"; I think there's a lot of evidence to support that theory -- but I'm also desperately afraid of "what if I'm wrong?"
Frankly, from what I've read of benzo withdrawal, I think I could deal with most of the W/D symptoms. It's this dizzy-like sensation that scares the heck out of me because it's just so crippling and surreal, even now.
OK, I know this is a long, wandering, confused mess of a post, and I apologize; but I'd REALLY appreciate any and all thoughts on any and all parts of this.
I'm sort of trying to figure out "what's what" so that I can potentially avoid making the wrong decision.
One-sentence version: "I've only had one complaint for years, and it gets worse with time, and I know I've been on a benzo a long time, but now I can't tell whether the dizziness I have comes from my disorder -- or the medicine used to treat its symptom."
One day in 2009 I became suddenly lightheaded / dizzy. Soon after, "doctor #1" put me on a daily dose of Valium, because it relieved the dizziness. Later that year, "doctor #2" (a specialist) diagnosed me with "migraine associated vertigo" ("MAV").
Over the years this dizziness has periodically "changed shape" and intensified.
I began on Valium, was changed to Xanax for about 18 months, then "doctor #3" (a psychiatrist) had me cross-taper back to Valium, in 2012.
I actually stayed quite stable (after returning to Valium) for nearly three years -- it worked well enough each day.
Just recently (last few weeks/months) my "dizziness" has suddenly intensified so strongly that it's pretty debilitating. It also bears little or no resemblance to the "original" dizziness of 2009. This is far more ... surreal.
So anyway, I have three possible ideas about this intense dizziness that's been around for years, and I can't tell which is most likely:
(A) The "migraine associated vertigo" ("MAV") is still active, still causing the dizziness, and benzo tolerance is why I'm experiencing the symptoms.
(B) The "MAV" abated at some point, and it's the BENZOS themselves that are causing / perpetuating the dizziness. [Rationale: They do act as vestibular suppressants, they can cause dizziness, and they also down-regulate or uncouple the GABA receptor after prolonged use.]
(C) Both "A" and "B" -- the "MAV" AND the benzos are both problematic.
On one hand, I've read enough (like The Ashton Manual) to know that benzo tapering and withdrawal is recommended for long-term users. But I also know it can be a horrible and long-lived ordeal to go through.
So I see two potential outcomes if I withdraw:
(1) If it IS in fact the benzos that have been keeping this nonsense alive for so long, then eventually, as the brain recovers and slowly "resets" the GABA receptor, the dizziness should gradually lessen and go away.
(2) But if it's the MIGRAINE (MAV) that's remained active all this time, then stripping away the benzos will simply leave me in the same dizzy state (if not worse), and I'll have thrown out the one thing that helped keep the "migraine dizziness" in check.
I'm kind of inclined to think it's the BENZOS that are to blame -- based on the "rationale" I gave above, in "idea (B)"; I think there's a lot of evidence to support that theory -- but I'm also desperately afraid of "what if I'm wrong?"
Frankly, from what I've read of benzo withdrawal, I think I could deal with most of the W/D symptoms. It's this dizzy-like sensation that scares the heck out of me because it's just so crippling and surreal, even now.
OK, I know this is a long, wandering, confused mess of a post, and I apologize; but I'd REALLY appreciate any and all thoughts on any and all parts of this.
