Ksa
Ex-Bluelighter
Start by saying who you are and for how long you have used amphetamines. This is where you ask advanced amphetamine usage questions and explore related topics.
The purpose of this topic is to shine a bit of light on a personal question that no specialist was able to answer. I am not physically addicted to amphetamines because I can go to work and perform without any amphetamines, so functionally speaking, I'm ok without them, but psychologically speaking it's different:
Right at this moment, I have not slept since Saturday February 13th. Some people may say that's bad, but I think it's good, for what it reveals to me, it is worth pursuing:
To me, life without amphetamines is just a meaningless sequence of events, places and ideas, that do not resonate in any way, feel empty of content and tend to accumulate like yellow piss in a same container, without taste, smell, nor flavor. If I were to recall an event that occurred last Friday, I would have to take a plunge into that boring glass of piss called my life, and find it just...laying there, next to other events and random memories that agglomerate and form a tasteless piss. An excruciatingly boring monotony of no sensation, as though I was reading a hard drive, one part of it is not more special than another, it's all...megabytes, same smell-less crap, if it actually smelled like crap it would be more entertaining.
However, as I use amphetamines, and especially, once total insomnia kicks in for a few nights, something special happens. When I gaze upon a street corner that I crossed 3,000 times, and for 3,000 times it meant nothing, all of a sudden it means alot, as though I was able to see something new about that place every single time I see it. I can feel like a stranger in my family or workplace. Nothing is casual and routine anymore. Everything feels new, fresh and exciting. The places I visit make me feel like I want to stay there, the ideas that I get feel like they're worth pursuing.
Dreams I get after such insomnia feel as though I was able to transpose myself in another life form and live another life through its senses, feel new fears, new pleasures. It's not dreams that simply mimic my own reality, it's dreams that create a new reality that didn't exist before and has nothing in common with what I live every day. It feels like...oh! So that's how a Kishi lives on planet Kishia a million light years from Earth...ok, good to know. That's exactly how it feels like. The environments are unlike anything I have ever seen and what happens inside the dream doesn't follow any principle of physics or thermodynamics, and social rules or any concept humans are accustomed with.
Society says that reality should trigger feelings, and not the other way around: Feelings shouldn't trigger reality. But when reality triggers fuckall, is it a punishable crime to try and overcome that? Why is that labeled as escaping reality and not as embracing the new?
The purpose of this topic is to shine a bit of light on a personal question that no specialist was able to answer. I am not physically addicted to amphetamines because I can go to work and perform without any amphetamines, so functionally speaking, I'm ok without them, but psychologically speaking it's different:
Right at this moment, I have not slept since Saturday February 13th. Some people may say that's bad, but I think it's good, for what it reveals to me, it is worth pursuing:
To me, life without amphetamines is just a meaningless sequence of events, places and ideas, that do not resonate in any way, feel empty of content and tend to accumulate like yellow piss in a same container, without taste, smell, nor flavor. If I were to recall an event that occurred last Friday, I would have to take a plunge into that boring glass of piss called my life, and find it just...laying there, next to other events and random memories that agglomerate and form a tasteless piss. An excruciatingly boring monotony of no sensation, as though I was reading a hard drive, one part of it is not more special than another, it's all...megabytes, same smell-less crap, if it actually smelled like crap it would be more entertaining.
However, as I use amphetamines, and especially, once total insomnia kicks in for a few nights, something special happens. When I gaze upon a street corner that I crossed 3,000 times, and for 3,000 times it meant nothing, all of a sudden it means alot, as though I was able to see something new about that place every single time I see it. I can feel like a stranger in my family or workplace. Nothing is casual and routine anymore. Everything feels new, fresh and exciting. The places I visit make me feel like I want to stay there, the ideas that I get feel like they're worth pursuing.
Dreams I get after such insomnia feel as though I was able to transpose myself in another life form and live another life through its senses, feel new fears, new pleasures. It's not dreams that simply mimic my own reality, it's dreams that create a new reality that didn't exist before and has nothing in common with what I live every day. It feels like...oh! So that's how a Kishi lives on planet Kishia a million light years from Earth...ok, good to know. That's exactly how it feels like. The environments are unlike anything I have ever seen and what happens inside the dream doesn't follow any principle of physics or thermodynamics, and social rules or any concept humans are accustomed with.
Society says that reality should trigger feelings, and not the other way around: Feelings shouldn't trigger reality. But when reality triggers fuckall, is it a punishable crime to try and overcome that? Why is that labeled as escaping reality and not as embracing the new?
. I first used meth when I was about 16. Late starter, I know, lol, and if you knew where I was from in America, that 16 number would seem even more ridiculous. In my old state that I lived in for a couple years and first used in, my hometown was known to be the late-90s meth cooking capitol of the United States. My current abode is on the wrong side of the tracks in a city whose name can actually be used today synonymously with 'Tweak Town' (Bonus points for the person who calls it. I won't tell you if you got it or not, but if you tweak on west coast, should be easy). My dad IVs, by his own estimate, .5- 1 gram every day. He's sixty-five and has lost and used the stuff since before there were any Hollywood movies about it or DEA task forces established to catch the producers. Sounds fucked but I swear to god on my wife's soul. He would probably die if he stopped at this point. He's weak and frail as shit (another contributing factor to this condition is catastrophic degenerative disk disease that has nearly paralyzed him on at least three occasions that I know of, and I was out of contact with him for over a decade growing up living with my mother), but man, he's a fucking hustling trooper motherfucker. He taught me to be one of those old school user/losers, you know, with morals, who stands by his word, knows how to take care of his friends, and never fucked around when there was business to be made.... They don't make 'em like us no more. Without my dad around, my path through the underworld of drugs, especially such not-fucking-around substances as Meth, Heroin, etc would have likely been dark indeed. These herein I will claim as my credentials to speak truth when it comes to methamphetamine. I don't do a whole lot of prescribed amps, because I don't waste my time on planet dirt fuck-fucking around...