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Don't like going out with my girl anymore . . .

lman_15

lman_15

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 5, 2010
Messages
508
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concrete jungle
I've been with my girl since January, we were banging steadily for several months then started dating officially in the summer. At first it was always a lot of fun, booth and bottle service every other weekend, bars, clubs, nice dinners, etc. it still is a lot of fun I just feel we are slowly going in different directions. I'm trying to get my shit together, save money, stay fit, stay outta trouble, etc. and night life in a major city is easily a $100-$200+ night every time we go out, not to mention I'm trying to stay fit and out of trouble. Plus to be brutally honest, I'm just not really feeling like going out recently I've been so stressed with school (I'm in my final year) that when a weekend comes, I'd rather just smoke a joint, fuck my girl, pop a xanax and chill or have a couple casual drinks with some friends at one of their houses, the whole going out blowing tons of cash and getting trashed isn't that appealing to me anymore, and it seems like more headaches than fun.

However, the even more pressing issue than the above mentioned, is the fact that I really don't like my girls friends, I'm 24, they're 21, we have very different backgrounds and come from very different friend groups. They are more preppy, semi-stuck up and don't have many similar life experiences to someone such as myself. Where as my friends are the opposite side and more "street savvy" individuals. So we've basically decided that our friend groups can no longer hang out together after her friends "didn't approve" of mine and a of couple get togethers that didn't go over well. Not to mention my girl just has an issue with their "lifestyle". So I'm in a situation where my girl wants me to come out, I can't really bring my boys with me, they don't really want to come anyways cuz they know they're not welcome, I don't really wanna see my girls friends for the above mentioned reasons. As of right now I've just been hanging out with my boys on the weekend, letting her do her thing, then we'll meet up late night at my place. My question is do I need to address these issues or can I just keep it as is, she always invites me out and I just tell her I'm going to take it easy, she doesn't seem too upset about it, however, soon or later I feel like it could come off as I'm ditching her or brushing her off.
 
lman_15 said:
I feel like it could come off as I'm ditching her or brushing her off.
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Would that be so wrong? If you want to ditch her, it's okay. Be a man and tell her it's over.
If you want to make her your wife you two are going to have to hash all that shit out. Hopefully that will end up with both of you sacrificing an equal-ish amount and being okay with that.
You two making plans for after you graduate?
 
^ Yes, of course.

It seems you are more concerned about how to end it rather than trying to understand why the relationship is finished.
It seems like the honey moon is over and reality seems quite different in these moments.
Indeed, be honest and let her know why you are breaking up.

But I believe it's also important for you to try to find out what do you want from these relationships. Is this you being young and enjoying life. Or perhaps you just don't want to compromise and to go any further.

The reason I'm asking you is because dating can be fun and it doesn't need to be surrounded by bars, clubs, dinners and all of that. It could be interesting to do it eventually but not limited to that so you can appreciate sharing some of your routine days with someone. That could be very interesting too.

I have had my girlfriends and dated some of them for years and they are my sweetest memories from my younger years.
 
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Erikmen said:
^ Yes, of course.

It seems you are more concerned about how to end it rather than trying to understand why the relationship is finished.
It seems like the honey moon is over and reality seems quite different in these moments.
Indeed, be honest and let her know why you are breaking up.

But I believe it's also important for you to try to find out what do you want from these relationships. Is this you being young and enjoying life. Or perhaps you just don't want to compromise and to go any further.

The reason I'm asking you is because dating can be fun and it doesn't need to be surrounded by bars, clubs, dinners and all of that. It could be interesting to do it eventually but not limited to that so you can appreciate sharing some of your routine days with someone. That could be very interesting too.

I have had my girlfriends and dated some of them for years and they are my sweetest memories from my younger years.
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I couldn't have put it any better!!
 
I agree with the honeymoon phase portion, but in my experience, once you really get to know someone and you both find things you have in common, over time you find out more and more and eventually you come up with new things you both like that neither your friends or her friends are into.

I wouldn't worry too much about the friends interacting with friends issue, just find more alone time to get to know each other more, IF you want to. You don't have to be involved in each other's personal lives with friends until you know its a bit more serious.

People change over time, especially people in their 20s. I'm definitely not the same person I was 10 years ago, shit not even 5 years ago.

Think about what you like out of your relationship and what she means to you. If there's nothing there emotionally, and you just want to have fun, normal dating won't work. Think about what you want, what you like with her, what you don't like, and then evaluate the best way to move forward. Instead of addressing the issue about friends/interests, try to think "Should I even be addressing these things or are we just not clicking in that way?"
 
The fact that your individual friend groups don't mesh well doesn't raise any major red flags, but the fact that your girlfriend doesn't like your friends and is unwilling to spend time with them, does. My boyfriend has friends that I love, and he also has friends that I think are shitty people, but I never put him in a position to choose between spending time with me or his friends. I'm more than willing to spend a few hours with my boyfriend's shitty friends every now and then to make him happy and show my support, even though it's not necessarily fun for me...I feel like that's just what people do in loving, respectful relationships.
 
samnslumberland said:
The fact that your individual friend groups don't mesh well doesn't raise any major red flags, but the fact that your girlfriend doesn't like your friends and is unwilling to spend time with them, does. My boyfriend has friends that I love, and he also has friends that I think are shitty people, but I never put him in a position to choose between spending time with me or his friends. I'm more than willing to spend a few hours with my boyfriend's shitty friends every now and then to make him happy and show my support, even though it's not necessarily fun for me...I feel like that's just what people do in loving, respectful relationships.
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Exactly. Sometimes you just suck it up and do some things that you don't like for the person you're with. Just a nice thing to do for your partner. Shows maturity, in my opinion.
 
^ Exactly.

That's how most of the relationships go further and how you evolve.
Changing is okay and natural. Expected from both parts to take place. It does not mean you have to break up.

Resolve your issues and you might be surprised of how some of the changes can result in being a more interesting person so you both as couple can experience the best of what/who you could be.
 
First, why are you spending 200 every time you go out? Doesn't she like to do anything that us free or cheap?

Second, she's only 21 and she already tells you who yoùre allowed to be friends with - only her friends.

This personality type almost always becomes more rigid as she gets older. All of these bad behaviours will only intensify. Would it be worth having to cope with that in the long run?
 
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