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Insecure that my job drops points in attraction.. am I over paranoid?

ChipTrippyFox

ChipTrippyFox

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 25, 2013
Messages
888
I guess I'll cut to the chase.. I'm 24
I'm super embarrassed that my full time job is a position at McDonald's.

I've spent the last 7 years oppressed in an abusive relationship and I have done little to nothing to make my life better other than try to make myself content at the bottom of the barrel..

Now I've moved on. I broke up with that woman and I am now starting fresh in a new apartment where I live by myself. (Moved in just a week ago, I don't even have much furniture yet since I left a lot with my ex as severance)
Since I can now sleep around as I please, I have been thinking of ways to find some intimate female companionship (and male for that matter considering I swing that way, however I am partial to the ladies)
I went to make a Tinder account but I suddenly became very insecure about certain photos and my job showing up so I made a separate profile (with all my real info)
I'm super freaked out trying to match up with people who have made it so much farther than I have.. Like I'm just not high class enough for anyone but other minimum wage scrubs.

I'm new to dating. I've been cut off from the idea of sex with others , especially attractive and potentially more successful people. My ex left a number of damaging anxious thoughts behind in me regarding my worth and now I feel like I don't deserve or can not equate to others.

Should I be so ashamed that I work full time at minimum wage? Should I simply be proud that I am able to support myself?
I'm not completely unattractive however I really don't know if I have many pictures that really make me look "fuckable"
I snapped this yesterday while trying to get some good tinder pics, I actually really like it considering I'm terrible at "smiling for the camera" https://www.dropbox.com/s/dipuladqesu5lkv/2015-11-18 20.41.42.jpg?dl=0
Can anyone here say that they actually find me attractive and would Swipe Right? Would your opinion of me change if you saw my job? Should I leave it all blank and simply wait to talk to these people and tell them if the question comes up?


As for my future plans.. I don't have any short term plans to quit my job. I've been through enough change this year and I need to settle while I learn to grow again.
I want to better my education and begin looking for higher paying jobs but for the time being I just cant afford to take the chance of changing jobs: Fiscally or emotionally.
I don't want to stay there forever but I can't simply quit based on pride. This is simply about how my job makes me appear anyways.
 
You said it yourself - you need to settle while you learn to grow again.

I think it's commendable that you broke free of a toxic relationship, work full time, and can support yourself. Those are a big deal, and great building blocks for a foundation in your life.

I know getting how out of a long term relationship can do a number on your psyche. You miss the attention and companionship, even if it wasn't always positive, and the desire to fill that hole immediately is overwhelming. Be patient, and focus on yourself. Play around on tinder just to get your self esteem up, and get comfortable talking to new women, even if you don't ever meet up with them (or tell them what you do). Tinder can be a magnificent ego boost.

Dating someone new, and thus disclosing your job, shouldn't be an immediate need. Keep working hard, go back to school and work on yourself. Get in a groove, build some self esteem, maybe pick up a new hobby as a means of meeting friends or sexual prospects.

If any woman finds out you're putting hard work into yourself, but happen to work at McDonald's while doing so, then she's not someone you need in your life.
 
You're working and you have your own place. Might be a good way to weed out the shallow assholes, if anything.
 
There are plenty of amazing, talented, beautiful people without a pot to piss in who surely wouldnt care a bit if you work at Mcdonald's as well as many who may be better off financially but may not even consider, let alone fret over a potential love interest's job as long as that person makes them happy.

I know you said you dont want to change jobs, but have you considered working at Starbucks? While not exactly the same, the jobs are quite similar (McDonald's certainly considers them a competitor), are usually more liberal in terms of salary and benefits, and have roughly a trillion stores so hire frequently. They also have some new initiative offerring low cost or free education to employees who work more than 20 hours. Im not sure of all the details but know it is online based through Arizona State and they offer a choice of study options as well as a degree program for those who wish to make a career at Starbucks. Even if that isnt your thing, they cannot pay less than McDs and probably much more. You may be able to work less hours and still make more money with extra free time to pursue whatever you want.

And besides, you look so Starbucksy. I think you made my Eggnog Latte yesterday. :)
 
I'd judge you for wearing a hat inside well before I discovered where you work.

I'm sure there are loads of women who will judge you for working at McDonalds, but surely Tinder is for no strings attached sex, not future life partners so you should try and remain confident and try and nail that initial introduction
 
I really think working for minimum wage at Mcds when you're so young (you have to start somewhere) is nothing to be ashamed of, and doesn't make you less attractive. Would you judge someone if they did? I really think if you're looking for a girlfriend and not just a hookup, if they were that judgemental, they would probably be an arrogant, nasty, stuck up person, which would be best to avoid!
If you are just looking for a no strings hookup, I doubt it would matter as it's a casual encounter. Instead of going in to detail if you're speaking to them online, just say you work full time in a restaurant. :P

Anyway, you should be proud of yourself, and cut yourself some slack. Getting out of abusive relationships is bloody hard, and going through them is another version of hell in itself. You've done well to get out of it, and it's inspiring that you've moved on, and come out a stronger, more motivated and ambitious person. -That- is what will attract the ladies. Good luck man.
 
Personally, I think working at Mcdonalds is unattractive. However, having your own place is attractive. If you're just trying to sleep around, don't tell people where you work. Just keep it vague and mysteries, like eh, around food, customer service, blah. And mention you got your own place. BAM. Lol.

I do think this is less about your job and more about just your general confidence level. It's a good thing that you got out of that toxic relationship, and you need to find yourself a bit. Don't be in a rush to get into another relationship, just have fun! Do things you want to do! Do things you enjoy. Have fun. :]
 
OP you should be proud of yourself. We are the same age.. And I wish I still had my own place! Shit happens, that's life. Perhaps it would be better to spend some time alone to kinda gather yourself a bit before getting in a new relationship. Seems to me that your last relationship took a toll on your self esteem. Did this person make you feel bad about your job? Some people are just immature assholes.

Nothing at all wrong with having a job ANYWHERE regardless of what people think. Those who matter won't mind, and those who would mind don't matter ;)
 
Man fuck class or job prestige. You could be high flying right now, but lose it all tomorrow.. or half if you got divorced. Doesn't mean shit. I always think of a line by George Jungs hard working but broke father in the film 'Blow'.. whos son becomes a drug dealer superstar, and eventually loses it all (prison).

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on. Money isn't real, George. It doesn't matter. It only seems like it does."

Never base your worth as a person on the worth of your bank account. There's enough fatheads out there who have lots of wealth but absolutely no depth of character what so ever. Money and job are important, but they don't define who you are. Fuck anyone who makes you think you should be ashamed of working at McD's. I wouldn't like to work there personally but I won't knock anyone who's doing it.. if anything doing a shit job day in and out is commendable! Nothing to be ashamed of.

You look fine too, don't worry about it. You could dress up your photo in a million different ways, but the viewer is going to make their decision on the most fickle judgement anyway so it doesn't matter too much. If they want to fuck you, they will.
 
op, do you take pride in your work? who cares what you do, if you care about doing it well.

you have a job. you have a place. you look fine. you're well ahead of about 50% of males :)

if somebody looks down on you beause of your employer, why would you care what they think?

alasdair
 
At least you have a job. The economy sucks right now.
Also, yeah it's obviously not the best job. But do you WANT to do something else? If someone is working in a not so great job but wants to improve (going to school part time, etc.) then I wouldn't see any issue about that especially at your age.
 
Wow I hadn't expected such an influx of reassuring comments! Thank you guys ^^

I went ahead and made my Tinder account. I realized that I really don't have very many photos of myself that I like in the last few years that aren't a selfie of some sort.

I'm honestly so nervous now, I'm even shaky :c I've only ever had sex with 1 woman ( my ex) before. I did some swiping. Now I'm just waiting to see if anyone likes my profile.

Here's what I put down. Any pointers or corrections I should think about?

24 /bi /5'7" /no roommates / Downtown London

Im recently single after a 7 year relationship. Im new to the Tinder scene but im to branch out and have fun meeting new people! I enjoy art, cute things and marijuana

I just moved to my new apartment downtown. It can get lonely here all by myself.

I'm new to the tinder scene but I'm hoping hoping to meet people to form intimate relationships with!
Click to expand...
 
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One Thousand Words said:
I'd judge you for wearing a hat inside well before I discovered where you work.

I'm sure there are loads of women who will judge you for working at McDonalds, but surely Tinder is for no strings attached sex, not future life partners so you should try and remain confident and try and nail that initial introduction
Click to expand...
Heh, you don't like my hat? Fair enough :P I think it's cute with it's little wolf ears.

What are some things I should maybe consider?
I've been really working on my self confidence. It was necessary considering the nature of the relationship I was in. I was becoming so depressed living there that I felt I would eventually perish if I didn't leave her and work on my happiness.
It's only been a week that I've lived away from her but already I feel like a much more open and approachable person.
I still have confidence issues and pretty severe anxiety but I'm learning to overcome that. Sometimes when it comes to social situations I just have to tell myself "Anxiety is uncomfortable.. but it isn't dangerous." Also sometimes simply acting like I know what I'm doing seems to help, lol

What can I do to assure that my first impressions are successful while also sincere and reflective of my kindness?

Also I guess I should bring up that since I live by myself at minimum wage, I don't have a lot of extra money. I'm not sure what kind of recreational activities and expenses are expected from the man. Is it customary like in regular dating for the man to pay for all costs of a night out? I also can't afford a car. Is it annoying to girls to have to drive to the man instead of having him come pick her up?
 
I let this bother me sometimes.. my full-time work is in warehousing and distribution, the rate of pay isn't bad.. but the work is shite. My formal educational background is minimal.. although I would say I'm much more educated then most people I meet. But those are hard questions to answer with any sense of pride when asked what to you do, or what do you study. My tactic for dealing with this situation is to answer truthfully but make it vague (I work in the food industry or something) and then follow it up with your long-term goals and ambitions, obviously you don't want to work there forever.. so emphasize what your doing to change that and what your working towards.

ChipTrippyFox said:
What can I do to assure that my first impressions are successful while also sincere and reflective of my kindness?
Click to expand...

If it's a Tinder meetup, make your intentions clear from the get-go.. both parties know why they are there, because they want to fuck each other. If you hesitate to assert your sexual interest through flirtation and light touching, she might lose interest and you probably won't see her again (I don't know with men). Tinder is typically ultra-fast paced, no strings attached.. the women on there want to be excited and surprised, sure some might use it for something more long-term but more then often it's just for fun.

Just remember Tinder is purely based on appearances.. people make split second decisions based on your profile photo, rarely do they read the info beyond the first line. Which means when chat is initiated the same rules apply.. you have to make your intentions clear within the first couple of messages (ie: suggesting to meet up or a phone number/contact info) too much detail or long responses is usually ignored, the nature of the app means people's attention span is short.. you have to catch their attention with your photo and then suggest meeting up as quick as possible.

ChipTrippyFox said:
Also I guess I should bring up that since I live by myself at minimum wage, I don't have a lot of extra money. I'm not sure what kind of recreational activities and expenses are expected from the man. Is it customary like in regular dating for the man to pay for all costs of a night out? I also can't afford a car. Is it annoying to girls to have to drive to the man instead of having him come pick her up?
Click to expand...

You live in London don't you? Is there really a point in having a car when public transport is so accessible? Driving in London is a hellish nightmare, when I spent a few months there I just used the Tube for everything.. in fact no one I met really had a car that they used in the city. For recreational activities I always suggested a cool bar.. especially for first impressions, it will take the initial edge off.
 
London Ontario :P The Canadian ripoff.
Sorry I guess there was nothing specifying that here on BL. Tinder is locationally filtered though so that mistake wouldn't happen there.
There is a lot of busing in this city though especially considering there are 2 major post-secondary institutes here; one of them gets students from all over the globe (U.W.O.)

I guess in that aspect I'm quite fortunate; the main bus transfer junction is at the heart of the city which is only 2 blocks away from me which means almost every bus in the city goes past my place! There are also a lot of bars around but I've never really attended them. 2 times in my whole life actually.
I'm willing to change that to get laid to be honest lol. Not really fond of most of the bars around here though.

Based on strictly appearances would you say I've got much of a chance?
These are the 2 pictures I used for my Tinder profile:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/dipuladqesu5lkv/2015-11-18 20.41.42.jpg?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/82oiqifdkiwii26/2015-11-21 16.51.52.jpg?dl=0
 
I changed up my profile description a little bit to get more to the point without sounding like a douche bag

24 / bi / 5'7" / 140LB / no roomates / Downtown London ON / 420 Friendly

I'm a bit quirky and a little shy at first bit I am kindhearted and a fun conversationalist if you don't mind my weirdo shenanigans!
I like art, animals and cute things!

Recently single after a 7 year relationship and I'm looking to branch out socially.
Not looking for a committed relationship, only FWB/casual sex or just someone nice to chat with
Click to expand...
 
Definitely like the new profile description better. It's to the point. Gives a bit of info about you (TBH the animals thing would win me over and a lot of other people!! just saying).
In places with public transit, it's fine to not have a car. You meet up with someone at a location so you don't have to worry about getting THERE. Then honestly it's polite to help someone one with the cab ride home, splitting it, whatever. I'd suggest that for most situations just to be polite. London isn't a big city, it can't be too expensive.
 
You're right, I would totally be okay with paying for cab fare. I imagine that most places within the city is less than 20$ fare from my location considering I'm right in the middle.
Bars can get expensive though, but on the flip side it wouldn't be too hard to buy a few drinks at the bar and invite my date back to my place for more drinks (or cuddles!) considering it would be like a 10 minute walk from like 20 different bars around the downtown core.

I haven't had any hits on Tinder yet, I even maxed out my free swipes (apparently? lol There is a 12 hour cool down after a few dozen swipes)

I added a couple other pictures too, one of me holding a cat and an older one that still looks decent.
 
Bedroom selfies scream no friends. Try and take a photo with both hands in frame, use a timer if nesessary.

And for gods sake take your hat off inside.
 
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