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How High Are You? v. Well I'm Pretty Darn High

Yeah it was a one time thing. If I ever wanna get more benzos I'd have to go to a doctor and shit, and that's something I won't do anymore. Direct contact with my DOC is still too hard for me, unfortunately.

I feel that. I'm fucking sick of doctors. I'll keep going to the dentist but if I don't see a doctor for a decade I'll be happy.

ot: dabs, probably about to take some ops, fuck today

Try to find a better one? I lucked out and got a wicked chill doctor for my first adult PCP (as in, first doctor after the one I had up to age 18 ). I would actually consider him a friend and enjoy talking with him. I mean, if you have a charismatic doctor that you trust, that's how it should be. Right? Though I feel like you're saying "fuck wasting time at a doctor office if I'm healthy" which I agree with. I have to see mine every 3-6 months because he is the one who scripts my medication.

Right now I'm on pace to finish 10 beers, approximately 18 units of alcohol in the last 24 hours. Also very high on morphine and family. Cooking chicken cordon bleu (frozen supermarket kind) and might grab some buns for breakfast sandwiches when it gets light out. Mainly just drinking craft beer slowly, enjoying the warm opiate high,and having fun doing random shit. I'll miss this when my batch of poppies runs out. I saved the largest and darkest 10 for last. Looking to get two more weekends out of 'em.

Also smoked a little weed earlier, skipped the val tonight. The morphine is the dominant player for now.
 
If I want benzos I can just call him and he'll leave the prescription at the door. No need to talk to him whatsoever. So it's not that it's not easy, but it's just a step I'm not willing to take anymore.

I don't mind going to my other doctor, the one that I actually consider a doctor and not a legal drugdealer. The one I actually consider my doctor is pretty easygoing with scripts as well but he knows I've been to/am in rehab and will not prescribe them anymore unless I've already got a habit by going through other doctors or buying them off the streets (it's always the former, i refuse to buy benzos off the street). Of course not while I'm in rehab, then he won't rx me anything.

But yeah, I just meant that going to the doctor, to me, is a step that I won't take anymore to obtain benzos.
 
Word p2c. I was actually curious about monky's aversion, the quotes got fudged. I understand you situation and respect your choices. It sounds like you're in a tough spot right now and I hope things shake out to be smoother for ya soon <3. I hope I have the willpower to make a similar change in the not so distant future.
 
Nothing too interesting, 30mg hydrocodone, 30mg temazepam, 100mg diphenhydramine, and 1.5ml 1,4-butanediol.

Here is a little future prediction from my best friends, ones a bottle of pills and one's a bottle of gin (Unless someone is fucking with my head - I get some of them just about perfect when there isn't too much signal noise)
:
Tropical Cyclone Chapala makes landfall in
Yemen N 15.33 E47.6 with winds of 125-135mph on Saturday. may try to get a time, will probably be local time where I live.
 
I got you p2c. Totally makes sense, lucky you have a doc that really works with you.

I was actually curious about monky's aversion, the quotes got fudged. I understand you situation and respect your choices. It sounds like you're in a tough spot right now and I hope things shake out to be smoother for ya soon <3. I hope I have the willpower to make a similar change in the not so distant future.

Well, basically since I've been an adult I've been to 1 doctor after another, probably 15 total, and I think I'd probably be better off if I'd never gone to any of them. Most Doctors are not competent to treat most chronic or mental health conditions, and I often felt the frustration of dealing with them was making any problems worse. Modern doctors have forgotten that the patient is the "customer," and not that the patient isn't always right, but they should be respected. And Doctors should admit if they don't know--don't just keep shoveling pills or procedures at me. And Informed consent does not mean just pushing a form in front of me to sign--if you can't explain the benefits of the $25000 procedure you want to do, then I'll tell you to your face to go fuck yourself.

Really, the only time I've felt I'm getting my money's worth is using the doctor as a pill dispenser. Fact of the matter is, medical research is online now, and if you have a little more self-control than a hypochondriac, and a little more intelligence than the average person, you'll do fine without a doctor most of the time (emergency situations notwithstanding). Doctors don't really have time to treat you as an individual anymore, the "care" you're really receiving is the peace of mind that someone else has taken over legal responsibility for your health and wellbeing in this one small regard. Basically psychological placebo ime. With a mix of addicting and/or useless pills and procedures thrown on top.
 
forgot the on-topic part...
Just got back from chillin around Santa Monica high on oxy and dabs.
Ate more oxy.
More dabs
Pad Thai for dinner.
Then a j
 
Light buzz from beer/val feeling pretty good. Will feel better after I put the cash under my bed into the bank tomorrow.

Watching futurama before winding down to bed %)
 
Hungover. Was feeling depressed yesterday so I didn't fancy another opioid high... and being the genius that I am I got drunk. Very drunk. Broke my almost month long dry-streak, wasted a lot of money, did and said a lot of stupid shit, basically wasted whole Sunday because I woke up at 3pm. But it is what it is I guess, going back to opioids as soon as possible; at least I'll be a human being again.

Oh, and I'm drinking beer right now, 1 liter down, 1.5 more to go. Feeling kind of high actually, something I wouldn't expect from a hangover. Like a cannabis high; laughing like an idiot at stuff and enjoying myself.
 
15g kratom, 2mg clonazepam, 200mg lyrica. Gonna go drink some wine. Ready to fucking die, I am sick of existing.

Also, I somehow posted Saturday for landfall on that tropical cyclone on Saturday when it was several days from landfall. Someone was giving me bad info on purpose to fuck my reputation up more. I think that whole forecast was given by bad sources instead of the usual ones.


I do think I recall posting an EF-2 tornado will hit my town and destroy my house and damage my shitty town on either April 16 or 26 in the early evening, 1/3 mile wide max width and if this one comes out true I can prove telepathy in three species including humans and the ability to see weather events from the future. No way that is going to happen by chance. I'll be living somewhere else by then and I'll be waiting to watch it blow away. Unless I off myself first. Or someone else kills me, it seems there are people out there who want me dead.
 
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Got gobsmacked with anxiety this morning so I'm gonna have a tallboy and a smoke (I know cigs increase anxiety long-term)
 
Managed to drink myself into another hangover last night. Had a really long ass day today too. Waiting for codeine to kick in so I can relax and go to bed soon.
 
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