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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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Strangestuff said:
@colin

Well he does have a point though tolle's writings aren't for everyone. Ive read some of that stuff too about the pain-body and all. But he claims to have supposedly been cured overnight of his depression and honestly I am not sure about that. Mindfulness however is essentially tolle with all the spirituality stuff removed.

It works for some though not for others just like any other treatment.

Either way--yes this is not completely in your head but since everything is connected, you can still treat this with therapy and mindfulness. That's the route my psychiatrist wanted to go at first but since I couldn't do that we looked into the physical stuff more.

Theres multiple routes and combinations to follow. Also, the mindfulness stuff is easier to do the further in recovery you are. The one thing I disagree with about the "Now" and the thing I don't get about is that ok thoughts about the future/past can be dismissed with it but the FEELING of anxiety/depression remains in the "Now". So someone in a full blown LTC or whatever is experiencing emptiness in the "Now" and as a result is unable to do tasks in the "now".

Ex) because they are unable to do things in the "now" they project it into the future and you get thoughts like "omg I screwed my life". Then you try to ground yourself in the "Now" with mindfulness and this lets you dismiss that thought. But you are still having issues doing work/socializing/whatever and these activities are in the "Now" and you will still have issues whether you stay in the present or not. Let me know if I am interpreting the "now" part incorrectly cause this is why I never really got it.

Is this feeling merely considered some sort of "pain" that you have to accept?
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Perhaps I do need to explain this more clearly, because I know for a fact that this stuff can help every single person in this thread, without exception whether you are 110% convinced you have irreparably damaged some part of you brain or not. Nobody on the planet is too fucked up for this not to apply to them.

Part of the point of Tolle's work is to get people to accept unconditionally what is happening in the present. If the present moment sucks, accept it. Your resistance to it is only making the problem worse.

The key to acceptance is essentially, to stop striving. To stop chasing after mental concepts, which only exist in the mind. Things like health, happiness, depression, generalised anxiety disorder. These things are not physically real. They are mental concepts, and you are not your mind. Let me explain further.

When you are having "issues" in the Now, provided you are actually in the Now and not somewhere in your head, you cannot be fully in the present moment. An issue involving pain? Accept the fact you have pain. Examine it. Strip all mental concepts away from it and examine it from a NEUTRAL viewpoint.

An issue involving emotionally instability or low mood? Examine it. What actually is it? What are the thoughts. What is happening, right now. Whatever that is, accept it. Scared to death? Accept it. Heart palpitations? Accept it. No libido? Accept it.

As Tolle explains, all of these things are examples of a world that is constantly changing. Because one day, LTC or not, you will have no amygdala in your brain that causes the sensation of fear, no heart, no sex drive, nothing at all. Because you will inevitably die, or rather, that part of you that is attached to forms dies. He goes on about "universal consciousness" within you that is formless, and cannot die because it doesn't have a form that is subject to change. He comes form the Buddhist viewpoint that all suffering is basically when you are craving something. Which makes perfect sense.

As long as you hold in your mind the mental concept of a problem, an LTC, drug abuse, or whatever it is that your mind torments you with, you are causing yourself suffering. And you will continue to be tormented until you realise that you are not your mind. You are not your LTC, you are not your anxiety. The voice in your head is not you, it is your mind.

Colin, you mention you have a huge issue with emotional numbness. Can you not accept it? Can you examine yourself, right now, and pinpoint exactly what within you is causing the craving, which in your case no doubt, is the craving to become better, the image in your head of finally being able to feel emotions again, images of yourself with a roaring libido?

Realise that all of this in your mind IS NOT REAL. It is only your mind.

This can be very difficult to swallow, as Tolle points out, because in our society we are encouraged to have an ego, to be proud of superficial things, to be seekers. When we are missing right now the beauty of eternal consciousness.

I agree that this isn't for everyone. But what I will say is, if you find yourself becoming angry at these words, observe that voice and emotion within you that is angry. THAT is your ego, and there in plain sight, is your worst enemy and is the thing that torments you.

If on the other hand, you CAN swallow this, and if you can apply this, you will not only be able to alleviate any severe suffering you are experiencing right now, but speed the physical aspects of your recovery 10x. As the mind relaxes, the body relaxes, and can begin to heal.
 
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Doesn't make a difference if I've accepted the fact or not, the fact is it is here. Of course I think of wanting to be normal again. Who doesn't. Its such a fucking hopeless case, it really is, but I'm trying my best to drag myself out of it
 
If you want to be normal again, you have not accepted the fact. You are still striving after the mental concept of "normal", whatever that is. When you are striving, you are not relaxing. Without relaxing, you cannot heal.

It does sound a bit like insanity to "not want to be normal". But it could be argued that wanting to be normal is insanity. Normal doesn't exist. Or rather, if I asked you to show me normal, could you show me it? And even if you managed to do that, I could give you just as many reasons as to why what you showed me wasn't normal as you could to try and prove it WAS normal.

I've done the same thing. I've created stories in my head of me being LTC free. Of not having constant palpitations. Of having libido back. Of not having completely insane and pointless anxiety that almost drove me off the side of a bridge into oncoming traffic (on several occasions).

It's all in the mind. None of it is real. You are chasing after ghosts.

All that is real, is what is happening in the present moment. All that ever will be real. The rest is just electricity in your brain.

Acceptance implies complete non-resistance. It means a lot more than just mentally saying to yourself "I accept the fact I have anxiety" or "I accept the fact I have no libido". You have to embrace it as such.

And because it's such a negative emotion, you don't want to embrace it, you want to resist. But through the process of embracing it, you remove it's power.

I know a lot of this sounds like new age hippy shit. I myself would of said this 2 years ago. But it works. Anyone can see for themselves. Don't just take my word for it.

People with LTC's I think are very good candidates for this sort of stuff. They are enduring immense suffering, yet medical science can not offer them an answer.

A lot of psychonauts claim that drugs enable people to undergo spiritual transformations. Perhaps for some people that involves suffering, because pain is the best teacher.
 
Im sorry man but it makes no difference if you accept you still feel like shit, if you don't you still feel like shit. It doesn't make one bit of a difference. It really doesn't
 
Pain is the best teacher? Then why don't you go fuck your spine up, get a herniation, experience long term chronic agony and come back preaching that shit. Sure nothing is real, then snap your arm in half and laugh it off. Not everyone is a superhero. It's best to avoid physical damage to the body. You can damage your brain, as you can any other part of yourself. There is a physical aspect to reality, obviously. If you eat garbage food you'll feel much different than if you are a health nut. If you abuse Mdma, it can clearly be damaging to the body. Even minimal use probably does harm to an extent.
 
i stand by shortermexpert. The more you resist the worst itll be. And im sorry but in my opinion it is in our head. I mean there are ppl out here taking every medical test in the world and it comes out good. I havent taken any test itll be a waste of time. Maybe thats foolish. Maybe in the beginning of the ltc your brain and body is all wacked out. As for me im a year & 2 months. i have bad anxiety. And i know its a mental thing. I read half way of tolles book the power of now. I have the problem of resisting how i feel.Thats keeping me back. And I recommend Pauld Davids At last a life. Good help!!! My buddy Phill recommended it!!! Helps on those shitty ass days!! Again, all in my opinion & i ate 4/5 pills one night that started this ltc (idiot). And im here alive just with anxiety!! Culd be worse!! Best wishes to all.-jennifer =)
 
jusjenn21 said:
i stand by shortermexpert. The more you resist the worst itll be. And im sorry but in my opinion it is in our head. I mean there are ppl out here taking every medical test in the world and it comes out good. I havent taken any test itll be a waste of time. Maybe thats foolish. Maybe in the beginning of the ltc your brain and body is all wacked out. As for me im a year & 2 months. i have bad anxiety. And i know its a mental thing. I read half way of tolles book the power of now. I have the problem of resisting how i feel.Thats keeping me back. And I recommend Pauld Davids At last a life. Good help!!! My buddy Phill recommended it!!! Helps on those shitty ass days!! Again, all in my opinion & i ate 4/5 pills one night that started this ltc (idiot). And im here alive just with anxiety!! Culd be worse!! Best wishes to all.-jennifer =)
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It really is terrible when people say it's all In your head I know my own body and I know the changes that's being made isn't all just in my head. Maybe because other people and probably most people have mental issues with drugs it doesn't mean everybody is the same. Everybody is diffrent
 
jusjenn21 said:
i stand by shortermexpert. The more you resist the worst itll be. And im sorry but in my opinion it is in our head. I mean there are ppl out here taking every medical test in the world and it comes out good. I havent taken any test itll be a waste of time. Maybe thats foolish. Maybe in the beginning of the ltc your brain and body is all wacked out. As for me im a year & 2 months. i have bad anxiety. And i know its a mental thing. I read half way of tolles book the power of now. I have the problem of resisting how i feel.Thats keeping me back. And I recommend Pauld Davids At last a life. Good help!!! My buddy Phill recommended it!!! Helps on those shitty ass days!! Again, all in my opinion & i ate 4/5 pills one night that started this ltc (idiot). And im here alive just with anxiety!! Culd be worse!! Best wishes to all.-jennifer =)
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Ok all the MRIs and PET and all thats all garbage. But the hormone tests are no garbage ESPECIALLY for people with delayed LTCs.

And more than likely if you did those HPA tests you wouls have the doctor tell you "normal" but until you go to a hormone or anti aging specialist or a good psychiatrist that can interpret these tests properly you wont know whether thats the answer or not. Unfortunately, its a lot of money to test all this stuff AND going to a provider who can interpret it properly.

I mean who here besides me actually got their pregnenolone or progesterone tested with proper interpretation? The range for pregnenolone is <150 what a bad range in fact the best hormone anti agingn drs want you at the top at like 150 but that test is designed for tumors which affects the range they give.

Same with progesterone the range is 0.0-1.5 in men. So that means with 0 progesterone, you are "normal" when in fact you aren't normal at all and your anxious or depressed cause your GABAergic system is whacked. But your typical idiot doctor will say its all in your head when your progesterone isnt optimal.

Its very difficult to get the proper diagnosis down for this but it does exist. And the chance of this is higher for those with delayed LTCs

AND i actually asked my dr the other day are all the MDMA LTC cases hormonal and he said yes for the most part if its looked into. But that treating it physiologically is difficult.

You have to keep in mind that anxiety and depression don't just come out of "nowhere" There are reasons for it but everybody here is so obsessed with brain damage/serotonin/etc that you dont find it.
 
colin681996 said:
^^ Exactly. Im sick of hearing the ''Its all in your head'' bullshit. Something is wrong, whether its hormonal etc.
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Well, keep looking for your answer then. Best of luck.

rave_itsrealfun!!! said:
Pain is the best teacher? Then why don't you go fuck your spine up, get a herniation, experience long term chronic agony and come back preaching that shit. Sure nothing is real, then snap your arm in half and laugh it off. Not everyone is a superhero. It's best to avoid physical damage to the body. You can damage your brain, as you can any other part of yourself. There is a physical aspect to reality, obviously. If you eat garbage food you'll feel much different than if you are a health nut. If you abuse Mdma, it can clearly be damaging to the body. Even minimal use probably does harm to an extent.
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There was a study that involved people who were paraplegics and those who had recently won the lottery. The study found, that after a year, 50% of paraplegics were happy with their lives. The same percentage with lottery winners. How do you explain that?

Maybe you can explain the yogis who walk on burning hot coals who have no sensation of pain. Or the guy who walked up Everest in shorts.

Freaks of nature perhaps. But then the guy who walked up Everest started teaching people his methods. Others too began to develop this freakish resistance to cold that science was baffled by.

I nearly committed suicide in December. I used 5g of this shit in 3 days. I was munching on pills a week later. A month later I whacked half a gram. My symptoms were on par with the worst here, and now, purely through mental techniques, I'd say I'm about 90% there.

Sure, not everyone is a superhero. But everyone has the potential to lessen their suffering at any moment. Maybe not eliminate it completely as it's not something that happens overnight. And it's very easy to slip back into the mental patterns that simply aren't helpful.

I'm just saying what works for me. And if it works for me, then why not others?
 
Strangestuff said:
You have to keep in mind that anxiety and depression don't just come out of "nowhere" There are reasons for it but everybody here is so obsessed with brain damage/serotonin/etc that you dont find it.
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I'd disagree with you there. Most people who develop mood disorders do not develop them from drug use, or any other obvious physical change. They develop primarily from stress.

Science will probably reach the point one day where this stuff is better understood. Our current understanding of hormones and neurotransmitters is barely out the cradle and has a LONG way to go

But then the cure, when it arrives, will not just apply to an LTC. It will apply to anxiety and depression in general.
 
Strangestuff said:
Ok all the MRIs and PET and all thats all garbage. But the hormone tests are no garbage ESPECIALLY for people with delayed LTCs.

And more than likely if you did those HPA tests you wouls have the doctor tell you "normal" but until you go to a hormone or anti aging specialist or a good psychiatrist that can interpret these tests properly you wont know whether thats the answer or not. Unfortunately, its a lot of money to test all this stuff AND going to a provider who can interpret it properly.

I mean who here besides me actually got their pregnenolone or progesterone tested with proper interpretation? The range for pregnenolone is <150 what a bad range in fact the best hormone anti agingn drs want you at the top at like 150 but that test is designed for tumors which affects the range they give.

Same with progesterone the range is 0.0-1.5 in men. So that means with 0 progesterone, you are "normal" when in fact you aren't normal at all and your anxious or depressed cause your GABAergic system is whacked. But your typical idiot doctor will say its all in your head when your progesterone isnt optimal.

Its very difficult to get the proper diagnosis down for this but it does exist. And the chance of this is higher for those with delayed LTCs

AND i actually asked my dr the other day are all the MDMA LTC cases hormonal and he said yes for the most part if its looked into. But that treating it physiologically is difficult.

You have to keep in mind that anxiety and depression don't just come out of "nowhere" There are reasons for it but everybody here is so obsessed with brain damage/serotonin/etc that you dont find it.
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But that doesn't mean everybody's case is100% hormonal.
Everybody is diffrent and it is fact the mdma can damage and cause other things than just hormones
 
See if you can't go to one of those anti-ageing clinics (if you can afford it) and get prescribed HGH. This shit is a miracle cure and the quality of life while on has to be felt to be believed. HGH repairs everything in the body!

Sorry if that doesn't help at all, or if it isn't an option for you.
 
@STE

Whoa--5 grams?? You mean you did 5 g of mdma dec 2014 which started the LTC or you did 5 g after your LTC was already in session?

im starting to think that the severity and pathology of the symptoms is related to how much you did. If you did an insane amount, maybe its more than just the hormone stuff. But if you did reasonable amounts and have mood changes or if delayed then perhaps the hormone stuff is all it is. But only an experienced doctor can determine this.

I've literally only take 1 ecstasy pill (between 100-200 mg), had a regular comedown which was pretty scary not having experienced depression but recovered and then all the burn out/depression feelings came back 3 weeks later. In between that time, I had used alcohol and stuff but this happened on a random day where I woke up feeling anxious, head pressure, and not myself. And then massive insomnia, brain fog, low libido, hard to socialize, etc soon followed.
 
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Can anyone tell me the best test to get to notice what's going wrong or if there's any damage been done ? I'm really really struggling ive had an mri scan which was okay and see a neurologist on sat
 
Honestly this whole LTC is probably something physical that we don't completely know yet. This is seen in finasteride syndrome.

Some people with PFS find answers and get to 100% and others dont and have to resort to the meditation and all cause medical science didnt have an answer.

But that doesnt mean this is 100% mental like so many think on here nor does it mean permanant physical damage.
 
I got floaters, suprisingly enough, I exercise everyday and I don't see them anymore unless I do something like not sleeping for 36h.
 
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