djbudslinger
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2015
- Messages
- 17
Hello Bluelight,
About 6 months ago I experienced the worst night of my life, and I am still feeling the effects today. I told myself that it was going to be my last time doing ecstasy ever (never had any bad experiences, had rolled heavily before, loved the drug prior to this point). For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to take .4g of some untested substance. All of my friends were taking .2 and .25, but I was an experienced user so for some reason I thought I could do more. I had previously rolled all 3 days at lollapalooza and ultra music festival, with no bad comedowns at all (rolling around .6 a day). About an hour after initial use, I started to overheat a ridiculous amount and I started doing lines of cocaine because I was freaking out so much. I didn't know what to do so my only thought was to get more fucked up, which has always been no problem before. I also took a few bong snaps of 50% tobacco 50% weed. Also took a few pulls of vodka and smoked a few cigarettes. I did about 4 or 5 lines within an hour and continued to have the worst thoughts I have ever had. I was slightly hallucinating, my eyes were rolling back in my head, I couldn't speak a full sentence no matter how hard I tried, and I was hearing voices. At this point I locked myself in my room and attempted to just fall asleep. I kept waking up with a jerk, and honestly the whole experience was kind of a blur, iI just remember having the worst thoughts and having thoughts of suicide because I hated myself so much that night. The next morning I was scared to do anything. I lost my interest in everything and all of the sudden the only thing I wanted to do was lay in bed. I experienced depersonalization/derealization, shaky hands and body, no temperature regulation in my body,blurry vision, inability to keep any train of thought, chipped back teeth from clenching too hard, among other things. I was extrememly depressed for around 4 months, and now I just feel so stupid that I did this to myself at such an important time in my life. I will never know how smart I was supposed to be and I feel like I cannot carry out my original life plan. I attend a top 30 university and I have no idea how I survived the past 6 months in school. It has been 6 months and I swear I have lost my ability to write, read, or have coherent thoughts. Even writing this thread is difficult, and I feel like I am writing at the level of a 2nd grader compared to my previous level.
Has anyone else had a similar experience with this much cocaine and ecstasy? All the other posts I have read are considerably less doses and don't involved cocaine. I weigh about 145 pounds and that day I had not eaten anything and was previously blackout drunk the day before. It was welcome week at my school and this is when this happened.
It freaks me the fuck out when other people say that they still feel the effects 2 years later, when they did half of the dose I did, or 3/4 of the dose I did, even without the cocaine.
I am constantly at battle with myself, convincing myself sometimes that I was always like this, and that the I just lost my confidence in my mental abilities. But I almost know thats not true. I started taking antidepressants (zoloft) and they have helped numb my emotions a little bit. But I still have blurry vision/decreased ability to think and produce thoughts. I just feel fucking stupid now.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Can anyone offer me any words of advice?
Will my brain ever return to normal????
About 6 months ago I experienced the worst night of my life, and I am still feeling the effects today. I told myself that it was going to be my last time doing ecstasy ever (never had any bad experiences, had rolled heavily before, loved the drug prior to this point). For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to take .4g of some untested substance. All of my friends were taking .2 and .25, but I was an experienced user so for some reason I thought I could do more. I had previously rolled all 3 days at lollapalooza and ultra music festival, with no bad comedowns at all (rolling around .6 a day). About an hour after initial use, I started to overheat a ridiculous amount and I started doing lines of cocaine because I was freaking out so much. I didn't know what to do so my only thought was to get more fucked up, which has always been no problem before. I also took a few bong snaps of 50% tobacco 50% weed. Also took a few pulls of vodka and smoked a few cigarettes. I did about 4 or 5 lines within an hour and continued to have the worst thoughts I have ever had. I was slightly hallucinating, my eyes were rolling back in my head, I couldn't speak a full sentence no matter how hard I tried, and I was hearing voices. At this point I locked myself in my room and attempted to just fall asleep. I kept waking up with a jerk, and honestly the whole experience was kind of a blur, iI just remember having the worst thoughts and having thoughts of suicide because I hated myself so much that night. The next morning I was scared to do anything. I lost my interest in everything and all of the sudden the only thing I wanted to do was lay in bed. I experienced depersonalization/derealization, shaky hands and body, no temperature regulation in my body,blurry vision, inability to keep any train of thought, chipped back teeth from clenching too hard, among other things. I was extrememly depressed for around 4 months, and now I just feel so stupid that I did this to myself at such an important time in my life. I will never know how smart I was supposed to be and I feel like I cannot carry out my original life plan. I attend a top 30 university and I have no idea how I survived the past 6 months in school. It has been 6 months and I swear I have lost my ability to write, read, or have coherent thoughts. Even writing this thread is difficult, and I feel like I am writing at the level of a 2nd grader compared to my previous level.
Has anyone else had a similar experience with this much cocaine and ecstasy? All the other posts I have read are considerably less doses and don't involved cocaine. I weigh about 145 pounds and that day I had not eaten anything and was previously blackout drunk the day before. It was welcome week at my school and this is when this happened.
It freaks me the fuck out when other people say that they still feel the effects 2 years later, when they did half of the dose I did, or 3/4 of the dose I did, even without the cocaine.
I am constantly at battle with myself, convincing myself sometimes that I was always like this, and that the I just lost my confidence in my mental abilities. But I almost know thats not true. I started taking antidepressants (zoloft) and they have helped numb my emotions a little bit. But I still have blurry vision/decreased ability to think and produce thoughts. I just feel fucking stupid now.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Can anyone offer me any words of advice?
Will my brain ever return to normal????
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