Right I've had a drink so bare with me.... my addiction is nothing in comparison to the things others have been through... I sinmply got addicted to. I simply became addicted to doing my exercise routine. Exercise meantl EVERYTHING to me.... It was the one thing I could control. I was always bullied, and mostly by the popular "good looking" lads, it set my insecurity against the opposite sex for a life time..... (apart from the Internet which I used as my security blanket...)
Enter Herniated disc (LS/S1 herniation) Oh yes it hurt like hell but it also gave me what I'd always wanted, a close relationship with my Mam. She has osteoporosis (which was unknown to me at the time and only because I had to Google it, as my Mam's an independent person - and wants nothing knowing...)
My mam was worried about me. I was prescribed ibuprofen at first 600mg... As I had no idea of what a slipped disc was I continued with my intensive, exercise, programmed called INSANITY (I actually. deserved the T-shirt I earned; how many others would endure 60 days of pure intense, plyometric exercise training with a slipped disc? I had unknowingly become addicted to my exercise training programme, I was scared of putting on weight, losing the only attractive I had ever I ever gained; of going back to that plain n ugly person who was so very often the target of a LOT of bullying)
I was fit but that phone came, my parents sat my down. He had down again, he had hurt someone,
him and his loved one,
It scared me so,
I ripped my diaries to bits, I was so frightened n low,
Thoughts whirling, anxiety mounting,
So tired of endless days counting,
Codeine to me was my salvation,
unknown to me it was the truly evil one
Enter codeine.... Enter opiates....
My complete salvation, my complete manipulation, my complete cover-up to what was an actually reality...
Believing that codeine was my only true friend I took more and more, believing I could never be, was never ever, happy with it, I took more and more,
I took 900mg per day costing most £500 from different online pharmacies, illegal ones,
Started to believe it was the ONLY thing that mattered; how could I EVER be happy without codeine?
Went on six recovery forums; got banned from them all, started wishing my parents were no longer here as they took my best friend; codeine, away from me.
They tried to make me stop by raiding my houses. I started resenting them.
I got myself on suboxone and have been there ever since....
I was put on 8 mg on 23 May 2012, went up to 12 mg as still obsessed n thought of codeine n alcohol....
Am now on 4 mg,
Am now finally off citalopram antidepressants since 30th December 2014
Sorry, it's nothing in comparison to what others whom have experienced addiction, have gone through, but that's my story (stuff has been omitted to protect other "little" people)
Evey