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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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Why the fuck did I think Coke was a good idea?
Avoided the shit for years, I can't handle a Dopamine switch (anyone remember the rat studies...?), and an 8 ball just arrived in my lap.

Speedballin' > my self control.
 
Almost pain free. Can't believe it. This will last a couple days though til I see my cmt and get acupuncture again. Opting to not have surgery, spoke with my doctor. Maybe next year, I can wait. I think?
 
That's good news Smoky! I found acupuncture to be helpful for my back pain and headaches too.
 
Thanks T. Calderone - It does make such a difference … even if for one day. :)
 
Acupuncture. I need may need to look into that. What happened to everybody is Bluelight dying where is the support? Just nod if you can hear me.
 
In the last week we have lost a hair straightener, a blow dryer, a remote control, and a laptop charger because I have a nine month old Australian shepherd that loves to destroy things. Also my girlfriend threw away my gravel vacuum I use for the fish tanks not realizing what it was. Frustrated does not even begin to shed light on how I feel right now in this present moment.
Luckily moments happen and then they pass. They come and go like waves in the ocean.
 
I think I'm regressing again … into the dream. I need to snap out of it. Counting: 1, 2, 3. Done
 
I'm so fucking stressed. Some people call me strong- id say weak.
Right now I just want to fucking scream and have a good cry atm, but my mind is so hardened from devastation that the last thing I can do.
Breakdown- Ill save it for another day.
Today I just want shit to go smooth, but its not. So fuck it.

Someone pull the fucking trigger for me .
 
Ethylphenidate is the most corrosive fucking thing imaginable.
It ruined my bank card.
It ruined my pipe.
It ruined my (solid fucking metal) snooter.
It gave my hands chemical burns.
It burned my mouth, my tongue, my gums.

So imagine my surprise when shoving over 2,000mg up my nose caused some damage! The cartilage supporting the right nostril had completely corroded until the thing collapsed. Literally, the wall of the nostril fell out in a pool of blood and burned flesh. My nose is visibly disfigured and in so much fucking pain.

And this just had to happen whilst I was coming up on a psychedelic, didn't it?
Searing pain and pouring blood are two things that tripping is not compatible with.

Fucking Hell.
 
If anyone needs to talk please PM me.

I've recently escaped some dark stuff and would love to help some people out if possible. Just remember Bluelight is here for you. People I have never met in 'real life' can help more than you would imagine.
 
Today is one of those days where everything just goes wrong, and sometimes even if you try to smile and be patient it is pretty frustrating!!
 
^Hope it changes soon, sweetie.<3

@Boupstarnm--that's a nice offer and I hope someone takes you up on it. You do a world of good jumping in and replying to threads. Thanks to all the regulars and not so regulars and guests that take the time to share. Caring can seem so absent in the real world out there but it really isn't--it's just usually hidden. Here, people feel they can be open. I think I have become more open in real life because of my life here on Bluelight. Anyone else experience that?
 
^ Your not worthless, what makes you say that? We all have something amazing about ourselves.
It took a long time to love myself and to be okay with the paths I took in life, the fucked up mistakes I made. My twisted judgment at times, at points years ago I hated my self I learned to deal with who I am, and change what I could to better myself. It does take time.<3
 
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