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Any type of support groups for me and my family dealing with an addict?

W

Whatdoido

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
19
Location
Florida
Sorry I keep posting here. I have a hard time deciding exactly where to put my threads... Here goes: We've been dealing with my addict brother and his ill-mannered children for over 5 years now, (as previously said). Since I need to schedule my transportation in advance, transportation being my parents or other brother, I was wondering if I could get some quick advice/suggestions from this page? We're all at our breaking points, my mother especially. My brother is so disrespectful, hurtful, malicious and spiteful that is is unbelievable. I myself have grown to hate him, his voice is grating and the heroin makes him hawk and spit literally every 5 seconds, and it never stops. There is nothing aggressive behaviors from him in response to being called out on being an asshole. It is currently 2am, he is just now doing his chores in the loudest, most inconsiderate way possible. Our father wakes up nearly every day at 4:30am to work a 12 hour shift in the hospital cath lab wearing 40lbs of lead the whole time. Sorry for taking to long to get to the point, I need some way to deal with my and hopefully everyone else's feelings of hatred towards him, something other than therapy, something more specifically-oriented towards dealing with drug addicts... Maybe a group session so I can always have transportation arranged when the time came. Thanks for any responses in advance.
 
You can check out Nar-anon, they provide support for family members and loved ones of addicts. I think I remember your other thread, that's the guy who steals from your parents right? But they are reluctant to prosecute him. Sometimes jail is the best place for people like that. My sister caused my parents so much grief it was terrible seeing what my mother went through before she died. Come over to The Dark Side and we can talk. Hang in there buddy. <3

http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/About_Nar-Anon
 
Thank you for the reply. I agree with you, I think he needs some time to re-evaluate his life and get his crap together. He steals from anyone, my brother can't find his wallet that had a lot of money and 2 4-day passes to a bunch of theme parks we live by, given to him by our other brother for his birthday. We try and hide things the best we can, but he can pick locks to fireboxes and it really makes no difference where you put it. But yeah, it's mainly our parents. I think the main reason they do not want to prosecute is because he has 2 children living with us. But this toxic environment is only because he is around. So which do you think is better for a child, dad who steals from people to feed his drug addiction--which the kids know about--or dad who is in prison because he is being punished for being caught doing wrong? And thank you for your suggestion, hopefully my parents will accept the fact that my brother isn't the only one who needs help...
 
If your brother has underlying psychiatric issues NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Health) has Family-tofamily classes that can really help. I did these classes concurrently with Al-anon and though they came from very different places, they ended up being very complementary.

His kids are going to need a lot of help from outside the family. Is there a community based Parents Center where you live? These types of places often have free or low cost help for families. The kids need intervention NOW. Everyone in your family is suffering and has their own needs. Clarity can be really hard to come by because those needs are all different. The worst thing that you all can do is to suffer alone and in isolation. It can drive you crazy. At the very least, you could call your county social services department and ask what is available for support to your family. Describe the situation and see what they have to offer.<3
 
Here is a thread you may want to check out.

Support For Those Affected by the Addiction of Others

Since he lives at home you could inform he that if he wants to remain there he will have to take suboxone and he will be required to have it administered to and withnessed taken by a member of the family. He wil not be able to use on top of this. It can stabilize him out and help heim begin to address this issue.

neversickanymore said:
Links for Methadone Maintenance, Suboxone Maintenance, Naltrexone Therapy, and other Pharmacologic treatments for addiction.

>Methadone< >here< >here< >here<

>Suboxone/Buprenorphine< >here< >SAMHSA bupe physician locator for the US< >here<

>Naltrexone< >here<

>Pharmacologic treatments for opioid dependence: detoxification and maintenance options​
<


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I'm not a big fan of tough love.. but if an addict family member of mine was constantly choosing to steal and hawk family possessions and acting out like a total baby clown, all the while not even trying to address their addiction.. they would be sat down and given the requirement that they actively address this problem or out on their ass they will go and let their chips fall where they will. The choice is theirs to make.
 
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Al-anon is available for the families of drinkers, not sure whether they take in drug users too but it's worth a look. They do a lot of good work supporting those damaged by alcoholism, not sure whether they include families of drug addicts.
 
Thank you all for the responses and support. I am afraid and hesitant to describe the situation to agencies that may have the authority to have the children taken away, I would hate for them to be put in foster care or have their mother--who is as bad as my brother--get custody while my brother is in jail... I just wish there was a way to get rid of my brother for a while, let the kids and the rest of the family get counseling on how to deal with his disrespectful behaviors. My mom was missing more money today and when I consoled her about it, she calmly replied with "It's okay, I'm used to it." What the hell is the matter with her? What can I do to break her out of this state she's in where she is so numb to the hurt she doesn't even care any more? I feel like my mother has given up. I think she doesn't know what to do any more... I want to help, but my parents write off any of my suggestions as an outsider looking in, like I don't know what's going on. I think they don't even want to take any sort of action at all, like they're happy with how things are now? Even writing this down pisses me off, I can't stand the way he treats this family!!
 
Al-anon is exactly that.....anonymous. Unless you choose to disclose your attendance everything that is said in the room will stay there. The only exception is if maybe it becomes clear a child is being abused physically or sexually by someone.
 
I had not thought of that... You may be right on the mark, I just hope she doesn't ignore me. Thank you, neversickanymore.
 
Even better learn to communicate in real life.

It's not as easy as all that but maybe you could find a controlled environment with a moderator like a counsellor to help you all get your feelings out in the open?

The families of addicts have it hard and it can be very difficult to communicate without it boiling over in to an argument. Alternatively it can go the other way and the communication can just shut down. My brother is currently not speaking to my dad because of the fallout from my addiction.

Putting pen to paper and writing a letter can be another good way of communicating how you are feeling.
 
Thank you for your response, omen_owen mk2. If I know my family at all, and I do, it's going to become an argument. We'd never stop talking to each other, only harbor silent, bitter resentment until someone's anger boils over...

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish there were easier solutions to things like this. And I wish you and your family well.
 
Interesting, I'll have to bring this to my parent's attention. We're in Orange County.
 
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omen_owen mk2 said:
That is one vile piece of law making right there.
Click to expand...

How do you mean, omen_owen mk2? That "Vile piece of law making" may be the thing to make him understand how foolish he is being while on this drug, and make him want to change. But you may know something about that law that I don't because I've only read a bit about it online. From what I understand, it's a bit of a last resort, and we are in need of anything that may help him right now...
 
...because I don't believe anyones liberty should be taken away from them unless they are proven to have broken a law of the land.

Being forced in to rehab because a family member says you have a problem? Fucking vile imo (and also ineffective, can't get clean unless it's for yourself and all that).
 
I understand what you mean when you say the only way to get clean is if you want it for yourself. And, correct me if I'm wrong here, but... I believe taking illegal substances, and stealing nearly every personal belonging from your closest family members, more than once in most cases, qualifies as "breaking laws of the land". The only priority he has is heroin, and ways to obtain it. My brother's thought process needs to be desperately corrected.
 
frankly throwing him out of the house sounds like the most reasonable thing here. rehab won't do him any good if he doesn't want to go in and get better himself. like you've just said - heroin is his only priority, it will stay that way unless he comes to the realisation that he can't get away with that behaviour anymore (or perhaps it won't). you need to protect yourselves now by the sounds of it and the only way that I can foresee that happening is removing him from your presence until he cleans himself up.
 
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