• Hello Graphic
    NEW MEMBER'S GUIDE
    INTRODUCE YOURSELF
    YOUR FAVORITE DRUGS?
    WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

  • NMI Moderators: Coffeeshroom

NMI Social Thread Vs Show Me Your Newbs!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Ugh. Yesterday I hit a record of "fuck fuck shit fuck fuck shitfuck". And I realllly wanted a cigarette. Still sounds like lovely indulgent today. Yesterday, it was just an asshole day. It was as if gravity itself was against me.aside the spilling my coffee all over me, getting an invitation from my ex, to celebrate he& his wife's 5th anniversary, and what seemed to be a multitude of stupid little things..Perhaps I should keep some Bushmills or Black Velvet around for those days...haven't had a drink in long time (unintentionally- as I never liked to drink much..maybe 1 or 2 if I'm getting all crazy-wiley!) My shit day started w/my newly referred to doctor who I didn't feel comfortable with already. I know that my file says, like a big scarlet letter, " Narcotic abuser, in possible remission " . She'd called me to come in to talk- she informed me (again) that she doesn't understand bloodclots so I should immediately go to a hospital! (??? for what reason? They would've looked at me like wtf? I know more about my "condition" than the average bear...or doctor apparently! (which I technically no longer have a "bloodclot/DVT.. it's the residual scarring in the vein-permanently-that will always show on a doppler. That's my new "baseline". I told her ANY surgery in my life, I will always be put on blood thinners for that time. How can a DOCTOR not know about bloodclots? Or anticoagulants! I had to explain the terms&findings to her on the doppler reports...why am I paying HER? UGH! Besides that bullshit, she wanted to talk about my "addiction problem"..she's never had a patient with this problem. Yay. So, she said she would never refill my clonazepam...(I get it..some Dr.'s feel that way) but I've been rx'd this for...5 years? 1-2 1mg. tablets as needed. I've never run out, needed more-sometimes I go 2months without refilling. She will stop the Gabapentin&flexeril. I've confirmed tests that show the arthritis in my spine(since I was 16), feet, my neck& back spasm like a mofo...just the "norm" to me. Again, I've never ran out of my meds...or abused them. My Dr. of many years knew my "story"...she rx'd under condition I would take as directed. I always did. This new Dr. wants to cancel this surgery, which is less than 2wks. away, due to my "Narcotic abuser...possible remission". She's had nothing nice to say. 2hours with her. Came home, the birds ate&destroyed my bulbs and numerous other pots with flowers. Hating the damn birds today still. Ended up with a migraine that lasted all too long. And I wanted a cigarette. And a hug.
I "fired" the Dr. this morning. Still want a cigarette.
Ending vent...sorry for the scroll here.
Trainspotter, I'll shoot ya a PM-at least that won't be this long ;)
 
Thx. Captain. Some Dr.'s suck&somedays are better than others. <3
I had to go get lost in my cure-all, immediate release, fix me music. It never fails me&offers feelings I've never received from any drug. I'll keep that addiction in my pocket at all times.
 
Last edited:
Oh 'tis ace to see so many people on here. My little one is going on holiday over the weekend with my brother n sister in law - she'll be away from me for the first time in five years. I'm going to miss her, though she drives me round the bend lol.

Evey
 
Awww Evey, you are gonna have a lot of "me time". Little ones do fill the atmosphere with a joy. I know when I am with my little nephew- so much weight of my world thins & lightens.<3 Any big plans?
 
A dam emme I'm so sorry your doc is being such a ass to you it sounds like my mother's doctor she cut her off benzos cold turkey after 10 years on them and she almost died that's inexcusable behaviour your doing good and your are responsible with your medication. I would've called her a silly slut and walked outta there.
 
No such luck with the beach again today... Apparently Hurricane Cristina is going to make our week miserable. It jumped from a CAT1 to a CAT5 hurricane overnight. Luckily it's on the opposed side of Mexico so FL won't be hit. It's an awful start to hurricane season which started only 10 days ago. Have I mentioned I hate summers in FL :(. Can we ffwd to winter please. :(
 
Thx.Trainspotter...I thought of calling her worse. I left, cried, gave it all good thought. What really fucking irritates me to no end is- you are honest with people-your doctor, friends, the ER nurse , etc. but what you(I have) then face is the label ..for ever it seems. You more often than not refused treatment for a condition that legitimately needs treatment -b/c of the label. I get it - I am an addict, "in possible remission"...but how long do I have to pay the price? And as with your moms meds.&her pharmacist..to nearly die? So irresponsible...to cut benzos in one fail swoop. Don't they know? I would've responded quite well of she'd said she wanted to wean me off (I don't honestly even know that I would wd. from kpin...I so take it on a irregular basis). It's the principal. Whatever, I "fired" her . I'm really quite amenable...but I just can't deal with that shite . Only meds I need to really worry about are my thuroid&Coumadin. Hope the next Dr. I see is...kind&knowledgable. SO, onward I go. ;)
@ Evey, :) I'm..in between good&blah. Motivation is hard to come by today...I got "Stuck in a Moment"... ;) music is making me push through the rough terrains. ;)
@stardust...no beach=ne pas bien :( hope the weather clears up for ya!
 
I know emme its so tough for us addicts we are looked at like scum by so many when we are in actual physical pain we have no choice but to look elsewhere for pain relief if the doctors want to let us suffer which is why so many are dying from heroin overdoses we don't know what the hell were getting on the streets.

Did I tell you about what happened to mY mom at the pharmacy the other day? His they refused her script and called her a drug addict in front of a bunch of people and made her storm out of there bawling her eyes out
 
@Trainspotter-Yea, there should be some kind of grievance your mother could file . I'm glad she had you there with her. That's just ...deadly, as you said. Her doctor called&reamed the pharmacist yes? Was there any further action taken? I'm glad your moms ok. I'd be pissed-don't fuck w/my mom...
I just wonder how damn long I/we have to pay the price to "society". Nobody could be harder on myself than me. It's like that for everybody. Our own worst judge-enemy-look in the mirror. It's us! Its ... discouraging. I will say- my Surgeon, he's originally from Norway, he knows all about my meds, my past, etc. HE is the only Dr. who has never treated me any differently. Mad respect for him. And I never asked for more more more pain meds from last surgery. He gave me what was appropriately needed -total mutual respect. ( apparently I've good luck w/guys from Norway &Ireland..not "luck" w/surgeon-just totally cool) Ugh...I'm just remembering the last surgery. I'm no good with blood, incisions, needles, (heart drops to stomach as I think of it...yet I've NO problem with all that is long dead- archeology/anthropology, old bones, etc.)
@Captain, yes indeed, my rescue music is more than essential to life.
 
Hey all. Ive been around for a bit and have 5 years university in cell and microbiology/bacterial effector proteins. Ive tried nearly every mainstream drug and am recovering from a horrible heroin OD. Im a pseudo-intellectual and find myself in good company here on BL.

Hobbies guitar, absurdism, existentialism. Classical literature. Reading burroughs Naked Lunch at shit and bed time.

Tonight. Fish Oil, magnesium, in my skivvies about to watch A Scanner Darkly bluray. I have vicks on my nose, I love the smell. Probably work one out and go to sleep afterwards. Im drinking Horchata tonight, Que Onda hermanos?

Almost forgot, smoking camel crushes.
 
Emme80 said:
Only meds I need to really worry about are my thuroid&Coumadin. Hope the next Dr. I see is...kind&knowledgable. SO, onward I go. ;)

@stardust...no beach=ne pas bien :( hope the weather clears up for ya!
Click to expand...

I hope you find a good doctor soon Emme, it really makes the world of difference even in the most miniscuel ways in your daily life. I was to a drug rehab program (30 days) about 4 years ago and am still under the same insurance. I am surprised nothing has shown up to my doctors as I know that you are treated differently when they see those sort of things on your medical record.

As for having a good dr who can look past that.. I saw a psychiatrist (who ended up being a nurse practitioner) for my benzo addition (ordered benzos online at the time). She gave me a horrible time my first visit almost flat out refusing my prescribe me the same dose of a legal and safe benzo to taper. I ended up switching my medication to my GP as he has never known my past troubles with drugs and he assumed I saw the psychiatrist for anxiety and not because I was already addicted. But since switching my medications to him I feel so much better. He treats me with respect, I don't need to visit every month for a new script. It's all about finding a good doctor. Don't be afraid to start out fresh <3.

trainspotter10102 said:
Did I tell you about what happened to mY mom at the pharmacy the other day? His they refused her script and called her a drug addict in front of a bunch of people and made her storm out of there bawling her eyes out
Click to expand...

That sounds illegal to me.. I don't understand how a pharmacist could legally be permitted to do this?

Captain.Heroin said:
I am currently having a great day and wishing everyone the same <3
Click to expand...

Glad to hear it CH <3.
 
I would like for all shite, judgmental pharmacists to piss off.(especially those who short you 38pills of a controlled narcotic-i.e. Clonazepam & say you must've done something with them) I'm so happy I figured it out BEFORE I left store&video surveillance! What she said to me came back on her big...felt good as it's always assumed it's me-the addict..in this case it was proven it was her. Damn right, I felt victorious!
@Stardust, Thank you. I'm starting fresh for sure. I am currently doing research-looking at history, patient reviews,etc. on Dr's in my area who accept my insurance...most do. I look forward to not having to "explain" myself...yes, I fell into a dark deep well. I've also pulled myself out, and will soon enough..closer than I have been in 10 yrs, be able to cross the bridge...and take a new path.
I spoke to my insurance co. as I did not want it seen as "doctor shopping", I explained my PCP if 9 yrs. has moved& I'm wanting to MEET the Dr's 1st-to see if we "fit".
* My question is...won't the doctor I settle on request the files from my previous PCP/GP? I wish I did not have any health issues that that need monitoring. The Dr. would most likely want to see all actions taken-. I just want to start "fresh"...but with no thyroid, a massive DVT (cleared but permanently scarred vein issues), keeping an eye on a "lump", Arthritis in spine, neck is jacked up, "military neck in combo with arthritis & Chiari Malformation...damn..I should be 109yrs.old! With all these things that are a factor, wouldn't the Dr. request my files? If I say no, isn't that a large suspicious red flag? Not sure how this works. I don't think I want to even bring up the Methadone as I'm at 5mg.,&so close to the end.. and if I were to (I know I'll always have to be hyper aware of meds. I'm taking&aware of me being more prone to abuse..but even thru the 4surgeries last year, I didn't take any bit more than needed. Even flushed dilauded I didn't need anymore) I feel I'll just be put in that damn box again.
So, how do you get away w/NOT having your Dr. access files with the PCP/GP I had for so long?
Frustration! (Still pissy about having to explain the terms, workings of a DVT to a doctor!)

Doing well Captain...feeling feisty! Snapdragon feisty. Reminds me of a t-shirt I had when I was about 5..total 1970's style design( I still have it) it's a little kitten batting at a butterfly- says "short and sassy". I'm not sure if those words fit who I was already or if they formed who I ended up being. A Red haring perhaps?! ;) Good day to ya kind Sir.

"I know it's rough-and you can never get enough-of what you don't really need now baby"
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top