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May getting and/or staying sober thread v. May flowers

neversickanymore said:
predicted large meteor shower tonight.. 1-4 am est.. might be killer.. 200-1000 per hour estimated:D

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You know, I was out there with the kids; drove an hour east to get past cloud-cover and light pollution; waited and waited. It was a dud. But hanging with the kids during the ride...or rather one kid since the others fell asleep, was pretty fucking enjoyable.
 
congrats Forestmen :)

After a rough few days, yesterday actually felt a little easier, which was nice. And I woke up a little less sick than I usually do. It's taking a while to stabilize on this dose it seems like. I'm antsy to go down again but not at the expense of feeling like total crap...

Might give it a couple more days and then on Saturday go from 24 down to 20. I gotta be careful with this, this is how I fucked up last time, tapering too fast and feeling awful... although there were other things going on too that contributed to it.
 
Still clean today! 3 weeks tomorrow. Committed to chairing my home group for the next month. Feel okay today. The "pink cloud" seems to be wearing off a bit but I still overall feel good. Meeting my new NA sponsor tonight. I decided to switch from AA to NA as my primary fellowship.
 
really, REALLY struggling today...

its been an emotional roller coaster.
 
^ thanks nsa. i want to go back to my old coping methods when sommething like this happens, but i know i can't...
 
Hey everyone
So I am new here, been off speed since about the 11th of April after taking it regularly for about two years, once a month at first and then after a while it became more and more regular till it was everyday, sometimes more then once a day but I managed to back off to once every three days at the end there. Also stopped regularly smoking weed and opioids at the same time (and constant passive cigarette smoking). Still having trouble with cravings and mood swings. Would of posted earlier but kept getting anxiety about everything when I went to post. Just looking for some understanding on what is going on, maybe someone else who is recovering from speed addiction and understands it can talk to me?
Hope you all have an awesome day :)
 
^^^

Lady Bun-Bun, I was never that into speed but for me, the drug doesn't matter. I abuse anything. I very much would abuse speed if it was the only thing around. I know back in the day BL had a lot of people with addictions issues in regards to Amphetamines. What kind of support do you have right now? Also, how long were you on opiates and when did you stop?


Gotta tell on myself a bit (no relapse don't worry):

So, I have had some Pyschs that I have been holding onto "just in case someday I go to a show in 5 years and want to trip" and "I can sell this and make some money". I was doing a bit of reading and watching the Blackhawks. In the middle of the game it just snapped into my head "WTF are you doing? You are done. It wouldn't be fun because you would be guilt anyways". I then said "Why would you sell that to anyone, what if they misuse it and cause themselves harm". Needless to say, I went straight into my room, put the shit in the trash and then ran towards the dumpster. I felt so good after I threw them out. I know I did the right thing. I didn't even realize how insane my thinking was. Now I gotta own up at a meeting and mention it to my sponsor.

The longer you get away from drugs, the more crazy shit you will come up with. I have had impulses to go "play slots". I like to gamble a bit on sports from time to time, but slots are a different thing. It wasn't an impulse to go "have fun" it was an impulse to escape. I just have to keep acknowledging this for what it is and keep moving forward. For me, It also shows that I need a good sponsor, go to NA meetings, go to my therapist, workout etc etc.

I do think my 2 hours with my sponsor did spur this action. At the time while talking, it didn't even seem like a big deal. In fact, it didn't even cross my mind that I had them. After re-reading some of the basic text and thinking about what my sponsor was talking about then and only then did I realize that it was my addiction telling me to hold onto those pyschs. It really felt like a jolt of electricity hit me with the thought "GET RID OF THOSE NOW".

Heck, I have done plenty of Phish shows clean. I have even gone to meetings there! I can go see bands/DJs clean when my frame of mind is right.

3 weeks today! About to drive out towards the airport to go see my addiction specialist.
 
i am in SO much fucking emotional pain. that triggers me to want to use. god, i fucking hate people... i wish i wasn't dealt such a shitty card in life.
 
aq. said:
i am in SO much fucking emotional pain. that triggers me to want to use. god, i fucking hate people... i wish i wasn't dealt such a shitty card in life.
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Do you have anywhere you can go to talk about this? Someone to call. Maybe even just write it out... feel free to PM me. I am pretty bust today but I will try to remember to check.

If you would like there are chatrooms, video meetings etc that I can PM too you.
 
I don't feel too bad tbh, although I know the worst is to come on days 3-7. The meds I've got (nothing opiate or even narcotic used) are almost totally covering any wd symptoms. I've got a couple of strips of dhc and a load of extra diazepam and I've not even been tempted to go near them. Just using lofexidine (it's like clonodine), pregabalin, a little bit of promethazine and some cannabis (which I'm having no urges to smoke regularly/comsistently) at the moment and I feel pretty fine. I know that's a lot of meds (and I have more at the ready), but I'm coming off 24mg bupe. Still managing to eat at the moment so trying to force down the calories.
 
It gets easier :) I'm 12 days clean off heroin today - I'm on a low dose of methadone, 24 mg. I can honestly say my cravings are less now. Its like each day you go without doing drugs, makes living without them seem a little more possible.

I still have cravings, but I promised myself I would at least go a month without dope. I was going to count from the day I got clean, but I think I actually want to count from the day I decided that, which was a few days ago I think? Anyway just to make things easier I've decided that I'll go the rest of May and all of June without dope. Of course ideally I'll stay off it, but absolutes make me nervous. If I said "Ok, I'm never going to use again" I'd be down in the tenderloin copping within the hour. I need to feel like it's MY choice, and I can use anytime I want, but I choose not to. That's what works for me.

Anyway, even though I've only got ten days clean time on you, I just wanted to let you know that even in that short time, I feel better... so if you feel low, know that things DO get better.

I have a sign to that effect on my desk: "SHORT TERM PAIN LONG TERM GAIN: Things will get better if you keep at it and don't ever give up". That reminds me that I'm doing this for a reason, and that as shit as I feel sometimes, I will feel better later and it will be worth it. :)
 
BlueSaffron said:
It gets easier :) I'm 12 days clean off heroin today - I'm on a low dose of methadone, 24 mg. I can honestly say my cravings are less now. Its like each day you go without doing drugs, makes living without them seem a little more possible.
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24mg of methadone is still enough for a fucking hellish detox, if that much can keep you from using gear then thats great though. You can do some tapering from there if you want once you're stabilised and come off a sensibly small amount.
 
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