ro4eva:
Thanks for your thorough response! It gives me great relief that you have recovered so well over the years, and I'm actually truly happy for you
Thanks
The only thing I still wonder about is the issues that started prior to your bad roll, and that you are still experiencing. Could you elaborate a bit on them, when they started, what they consist of exactly etc? If that's not asking too much obviously. You can answer here or by PM if you want.
Again, thanks.
Sure.
Prior to the "bad roll" I was already living (for several years) with the following:
Dysthymia (Age 12+) - Ever since I reached puberty at the age of 12 and a half, I recall behaving in a dysthymic manner. Although I can't point my finger at a sole cause, I do strongly feel that my experience as a child who was physically abused by at least two family members had something to do with it. Schoolyard bullying also played a major part, as I was overweight for most of my childhood. Many days I would come home crying because I was bullied at school, only to receive a beating from a certain family member for various reasons. It was tough to say the least - not to mention, rather traumatic, as I was helpless to stop what was happening.
Attention Deficit Disorder (Age 5+) - I'm not sure exactly when, why or how this came about, but I do know that I've always had difficulty concentrating, focusing, remembering, and so forth. Would you believe me if I told you that I have never read an entire novel in my life? And I'm in my 30s. Now, when I say that I've never read an entire novel, what I mean is that I have never managed to read an entire book without pictures while remaining concentrated or focused on what I was reading (for the entire duration). Countless times when I read a book, after a page or so, I found my mind wandering in elsewhere, in a very random fashion. Boy did I piss off the teachers.
Neuropathic Pain (Age 8+) - I don't recall exactly when this began to severely affect me to the point where it became debilitating, but, I've been told that it can manifest itself after a traumatic injury to the spine. And I experienced my first accident in which my spine was met with blunt force trauma at the age of 8. I couldn't walk for a week after that one. Had another spinal injury when I was 12. I could go on if you wish to know more about it.
Panic Disorder (Age 10+) - From what I can remember, I experienced my first panic attack when I was 10, for which I sought medical attention, and was eventually put on some medication, but I have no idea what exactly it was - only that it made me sleep like a baby. My second panic attack occurred soon after I turned 14, followed by another two years later, followed by a couple the year after in 2001, and more thereafter. The frequency began going down in 2006, ironically when I was sick from the bad roll.
Opiate Addiction & Dependency (Age 18+) - By 2001, I was put on pain meds for my neuropathic pain which included narcotics, and was instantly hooked by the euphoric feelings I was experiencing on top of the analgesic effects. So I began supplementing my opioid prescription with more of the same but obtained elsewhere. In early 2008, I had an argument with my family doctor which culminated in him labeling me an addict, and he immediately stopped my opioid prescription because of it. As a result, I turned to the black market to obtain any opioid I could to stop the dope sickness, and I quickly turned to what was cheaper, which - at least where I presently reside - was Hydromorphone (Dilaudid) and Diacetylmorphine (Heroin). Eventually, I was broke and pawning my stuff to support my habit. I tried countless times to quit by detoxing, but I always relapsed. In the end, I did what I had to in order to save my life. In 2010, I went on MMT (Methadone Maintenance Treatment).
Hypogonadism (Age 28+) - About a year after starting MMT, I began to randomly experience bouts of extreme weakness and pallor. I eventually found out that my testosterone level was very, very low, and that I require testosterone injections, which I still receive at present.
My current meds are:
Wellbutrin XL (Bupropion) -- Dysthymia
Xanax (Alprazolam) -- Panic Disorder
Methadose (Methadone) -- Opiate Addiction & Dependency
Lyrica (Pregabalin) -- Neuropathic Pain
Neurontin (Gabapentin) -- Neuropathic Pain
Vyvanse (Dextro-amphetamine + Lysine) -- Attention Deficit Disorder
Delatestryl (Testosterone) -- Hypogonadism
Acetylsalicylic Acid (Aspirin) -- Neuropathic Pain
Acetaminophen/Paracetamol (Tylenol) -- Neuropathic Pain
Edit - added some extra info below...
As you may be able to tell from my meds, my biggest issue at the moment is the Neuropathic Pain. The drug cocktail I'm on is as good as I've ever gotten it to be in relation to therapeutic effects (relief of symptoms), but like every other Rx med, they're obviously far from perfect, with some rather nasty side effects (short and long term). That being said, I feel the benefits outweigh the risks, and so do my doctors.
With respect to my other problems, my panic attacks are nearly non-existent nowadays. I have one major attack every 3 months or so, compared to at one point when I was having multiple massive attacks daily.
My ADD symptoms have gone down in severity big time, as I am able to focus and concentrate like never before - it's great!
The MMT has helped me to steer clear of other opioids for nearly 3 years now. And I'm debt free, finally. And I bought back everything I pawned. So it's been a HUGE help. Plus, no cravings is awesome.
Lastly, the testosterone injections have brought my testosterone levels back up to a normal range. And in the process, it has significantly increased my sex drive, which is nice.
I hope I didn't miss something, but if I did, please let me know.
Damn, that was a lot of typing, but it's no problem.
I sincerely wish you all the best with your recovery. I know you're gonna recover. It just takes time and possibly a lifestyle change.
Take care bro, ciao for now.
