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Harm Reduction The Pain Management Megathread (Chronic and Acute Pain Discussion) Version 5.0 ~ V

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I'm an 18 year old male, from North Carolina, and I suffer from chronic migraines. I frequently see a Neurology Specialist who tries to help me manage my pain. He put me on Topamax for about 3 months and I could not function. I'd never had such fog in my entire life, and it did practically nothing for my migraines. Also, I felt dumber than dirt. I've always been smart, had straight A's and was able to do school work, but I was failing TWO classes. I knew I had to be taken off of it, so I asked him at my last appointment if I could be prescribed something else. He put me on Nortriptyline 75mg. It doesn't help my migraines, but I have to say that I feel better as a whole. I have more energy and I sleep better at night. I seem to be happier too! (I know it's an anti-depressant.)

My doc has also prescribed me Maxalt, Imitrex, Relpax, Diclofenac, and 800mg Ibuprofen. None of these do anything for my migraines. Yes, I've taken everything OTC, none of it helps. Excedrin used to help a bit, but after taking it every day it started not to work anymore and my kidney actually were in pain. I figured it was the acetaminophen making my kidneys hurt. So, I can't really take anything with acetaminophen in it anymore.

My Grandmother has given me Oxycodone before, and it really does the trick, but I really don't want to be addicted to anything. She's also given me tramadol, and she gives it to me more often. I've talked to my doc about oxycodone and tramadol, and he says he doesn't want to go that route because it can be very addicting and because of my age. Maybe he thinks if he gave it to me, I would abuse them? I'm not that kind of person, otherwise I'd be buying them off of the streets already!

I just want my head to stop hurting every day of my life. It's frustrating and tiring...I'm sure most of you understand!
 
Have you ever tried cannabis? I don't have migraines but I've been told by many people that it works wonder for them.
 
Hmm, ok. I'll assume not as you live in NC, but it would probably be worth trying CBD-rich cannabis. Totally different effect than THC-dominant strains and many people find relief in different ways.

How long have you been suffering for?
 
Fucking ditch the neurologist, they're useless for treating pain in my experience. I wasted two years with one. Find a pain doctor or a headache clinic.
 
Hmm, ok. I'll assume not as you live in NC, but it would probably be worth trying CBD-rich cannabis. Totally different effect than THC-dominant strains and many people find relief in different ways.

How long have you been suffering for?

I'll do some research on that, but I'm not sure how I would get it, honestly! Haha.

I've been suffering since I was about 8 (weird, I know.) It gradually became worse as I got older. Around a year ago it started to become unbearable, so I wanted to get medical help.

Fucking ditch the neurologist, they're useless for treating pain in my experience. I wasted two years with one. Find a pain doctor or a headache clinic.

That's what my grandma has told me, but my Mother, who is involved in everything of course, doesn't think I should. I feel that she doesn't truly understand because she doesn't have deal with the same condition.

We don't allow sourcing here, sorry. Please read the BLUA and OD Guidelines. Thanks
 
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That's what my grandma has told me, but my Mother, who is involved in everything of course, doesn't think I should. I feel that she doesn't truly understand because she doesn't have deal with the same condition.

I get stunningly horrific headaches from nerve entrapments in my spine, but the damn neurologist said I had migraines and gave me all the same shit yours is giving you. None of that shit worked, and topamax DOES suck, people call it dopeamax for a reason! It does make you stupid!

There's something like 168 different diagnoses for headaches, a neurologist isn't qualified to diagnose your issue. You need to see a headache specialist or a pain doctor for sure.
 
I get stunningly horrific headaches from nerve entrapments in my spine, but the damn neurologist said I had migraines and gave me all the same shit yours is giving you. None of that shit worked, and topamax DOES suck, people call it dopeamax for a reason! It does make you stupid!

There's something like 168 different diagnoses for headaches, a neurologist isn't qualified to diagnose your issue. You need to see a headache specialist or a pain doctor for sure.

I'll talk to my Doc. I believe there is also a headache specialist AT Neurology Associates, so I may just be able to request to see him.

In order to go to a Pain Clinic in NC, you have to be referred by a Doctor or Physician, and my family doctor does not think I need to see a Pain Management specialist.
Maybe I need a new family doctor as well!
 
It's possible. You could also ask the neurologist for a referral. Might piss em off but who cares? They're business people anyway. I started pain management rather young, thank god, as I was probably going to drink myself to death trying to manage the pain! Fuck that noise! See the doctors you need to see and fuck other people's opinions, only you know what level of pain you have to deal with.
 
alecjasonn, I too have chronic migraines. I take Topamax to prevent them, which does work (it reduced the number of times I get them from 2-3 a week to 2-3 a month) but it makes me dumb as a rock and I have heard there are better things out there, such as Zonegran. As soon as my insurance issue is fixed, I am going to speak to my neurologist about switching to something else...although of course it takes MONTHS to get an appointment with her, sigh. I also struggled with finding the right migraine medicine that worked for me. For a long time I was on Fioricet, which worked perfectly, but it was HIGHLY addictive and I started to abuse it, which makes no sense to me now because the high was brief and fleeting. The only excuse I can come up with was that my life was SHIT at the time (I had the WORST post partum depression EVER. For like well over a year. I self medicated like crazy because I wasn't even AWARE of how depressed and messed up I was.) Anyway. After that I tried Maxalt - nope. Tried Zomeg - nope. THEN I was prescribed Relpax, and that worked like a CHARM. Relpax 40 mg worked for me. Then my insurance stopped covering it, and I was switched to Imitrex. Imitrex would only work 50% of the time and the other 50% of the time I would be lying in a darkened room, eye mask on, hearing aids out, cold washcloth on my forehead, praying for it to go away. Or for death, whichever came first. THEN I went on the Relpax website and they have a card you can apply for where your prescription of Relpax will only cost you $10 out of pocket. I was OVERJOYED. So I got that and went back to Relpax and we all lived Happily Ever After. Once in a blue moon, though, I do have a migraine that NOTHING will touch (what my neurologist has me do is try the Relpax first, one dose of that, a second dose 2 hours later, then try the Imitrex, of which I still have a TON, and if THAT doesn't work, she will call in 6 pills of Tylenoll 3. She is an ANGEL, especially considering that I abused her trust in the past with the Fioricet. But I've been with her a long time and I never call for the T3s more than twice a year, I wouldn't do that to her. She's so nice!)

Basically: you need to find a GOOD doctor, one who will work with you, and then try out different meds until you find the one that works. DON'T ask for opiate meds. For one thing, there's usually a rebound headache when you take those, and for another, you'll look like you're drug seeking (cuz you ARE.) There are plenty of non-opiate migraine meds that DO work and I hope you find your perfect match! Good luck to you. :)

Hey, everybody, I just wanted to update on my situation and ask for some help. I'm back in Brooklyn, trying to work things out with my husband. Today is the 10th anniversary of the day we met, so we're trying to make it a little bit special so we can remember why we are still together in spite of everything that has happened. We DO have many things in common, I still love him, he still loves me, we just have SHIT communication skills, and I'm a deaf bipolar addict with terrible anxiety and migraines, and he's a deaf jobless ADHD generally oblivious guy, so many times we have these really bad issues. We work together really well as parents, though, we agree almost 100% on parenting and in front of the children we are ALMOST always united (there have been ONE or two times when we disagreed in front of them but we agree that's not a good thing to do and even if we disagree we try to do that in private and present a united face to the children 99.99999% of the time.) So with parenting, we've got this. It's just that all the other aspects of our marriage are on life support. But I understand from talking to older and wiser couples that that can be typical of parents of very young children...the marriage suffers the most during the times when your children are the youngest and need you the most. So if we can weather these storms we might be ok. We were doing pretty good for a while because we had couples' therapy, but then our insurance lapsed, so...if/when we get it back, both of us agree that weekly couples therapy would be a GREAT thing for our whole family, because even little Davey can sense the tension between us two.

Why am I writing this novel in THIS forum? Well...before this, Simon (hubby) was managing my pain meds for me, because as a former Xanax addict and former (and very rarely sometimes currently) recreational drug user, I do not trust myself with strong medication. So he would hide them somewhere in his office (the office is in the house, he works from home) and he would give them to me as prescribed or as needed. He was fairly understanding and liberal with handing them out so I never had a problem with this, and I never ran out early because he made sure I had enough to last to my next prescription. But he recently told me he doesn't want to do that anymore because he "doesn't want to get involved." And I've tried to manage it myself, but I'm doing a really bad job. I do use it only as needed for pain, but the problem is I have a LOT of pain, so when I feel like I'm dying I pop them LIBERALLY. REALLY liberally. I'm going to run out in a week if I keep going on this way. Well, not a WEEK, but you know what I mean. It's not for recreational use AT ALL. I get no high from them. Just being out of pain is high enough. But being in SO MUCH pain makes me not think straight. I think, MORE, NOW, FASTER, JUST WORK GODDAMMIT. So I take 3 where really 1 would do. And I can't seem to stop myself. I NEED to come up with a plan to STOP USING UP MY MEDICINE LIKE THIS. I need to make it last and I need to figure out a way to restrain myself or else I just can't use these meds. I don't know what to do. The pain just takes over my body, my mind, every shred of rational thinking is gone. I don't know what to do. I need a taper plan, or maybe something that will speed up how fast the pills hit me so just one will hit fast and then I won't take more, or some way to taper down, or a potentiation plan, something, I don't know. Can anybody give me any advice? I don't want to go on like this. And NO I'm not giving them to my in-laws, they are insane and don't think I should be taking the meds in the first place. They have NO IDEA how much pain I'm in. If I weren't taking some kind of opiate, I would be lying in bed screaming at the top of my lungs til my voice gave out, and even then my whole body would still be tense, me gripping the bedsheets, trying to scream except nothing coming out. THAT kind of pain.

Again, apologies for the tome I just wrote.
 
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^^Why can't you manage it for yourself the same way your husband has been managing it?

Take your prescribed dosage out of the bottle in the morning and put the bottle AWAY until the next day. Then you only have the pills for that day. If you're in a lot of pain on Day 1, too bad, you're trying to add back some control, balance it with a bath or some other Rx. You ONLY have extra pills to take when you have saved them up from previous days. Keep these separate and allow yourself to take them as needed for breakthrough pain. But remember to only use them as needed, because they are your only breakthrough.

Since you can't have control over the whole bottle your only option is to give yourself a real limit and stick to it. And the prescribed dosage seems a reasonable place to start.

You could always take a couple extra pills out and put aside for breakthrough, but that's a slippery slope, since you've already mismanaged them AND you need to save up a bit or you're gonna run out early.



My pain has been pretty bad lately too, they found 2 ulcers in my intestine. Possibly Crohn's. I'm gonna get a consult with another specialist. But I don't want to do more procedures to confirm, just to get Rx'd nasty pharmaceuticals. I'm going to try to get some improvement with a change to a gluten free diet.
 
Felonious Monk, I just don't have that kind of self restraint. What I decided to do was hide the bottle, I mean REALLY hide it, make it really difficult for me to get to, so that if I have an impulsive desire to use some it will take me some time to get to it so I have time to talk myself out of it. Meanwhile I'm going to go back to doing what I did before I got the script: 6 imodium in the morning, 6 at night, and poppies and kratom for pain. I put the kratom and poppies in capsules so it's a lot of work, meaning that I never have a huge stash at any one time. I make them the night before for the next day's dosing, plus maybe a little extra in case it's an "extra pain" day. I want to survive at least a week like this before I even THINK about touching that bottle again. I know I'll be in more pain, but I'll use heat and ice and a nice warm bath at the end of the day and my massage pillow. And I won't push myself too hard physically. And use etizolam to stay calm and in control. I can do this...I hope. Some of my friends and my parents think that my husband's parents have told my husband to refuse to manage my pills on purpose, so that I'll fuck up and they can go "SEE?? She can't handle her meds" and that would be a reason for them to tell my doctors not to prescribe to me or a reason for my husband to break up with me and take the kids. He's wanted to do this for a while but since I've been on the mend for several years now a judge would tell him to go to hell if he proposed separating me from my children. I just have to walk a very fine line and not fuck up too much...a little, sure, but if I keep fucking up I deliver into their hands exactly what they want...me out of their lives and out of my CHILDRENS lives.
 
I completely understand where the above poster is coming from, I have chronic pain and as an addict who has always been a complete wimp about pain, when that leg starts to hurt, the hydros come out and I don't CARE how many I need to make it stop until it stops. THEN I start to worry what I will do at the end of the month. It is hard to describe the complete lack of self-control pain can give some people. It can make you literally forget any common sense you have at all. It made me IV an extended-release morphine sulfate with no micron filter when I didn't even know how to hit a vein. I knew exactly how awful and horrible that could have ended, physically and mentally. In fact, I first put it in my hand when I couldn't register my arm after a "dry run" with plain water. Well, I missed, or hit a super tiny vein because it swelled and hurt so bad I didn't finish the shot. But what did I do after? Go search for another vein like a complete idiot. I wouldn't wish pain that would make me break that one rule I set for myself like that on ANYONE, not my worst enemy.
 
Soliele, I wish there was a "like" button on this forum so I could click it for your post!!! I TOTALLY agree...being in pain makes common sense go out the window. I KNOW this about myself, which is why I wanted my husband to manage the pills. After a few days of me going through WD and him urging me to TAKE THE OXY DAMMIT, he finally said he would control it for me. He just doesn't want to be "enabling" me. Sigh

well, so today I had WD so bad I couldn't leave the house. I tried my poppy tea, that helped but it took a fucking long time. But now my concern is this. My FIL wants me set up an appointment with my pain management doctor (who has been a real sweetie and doesn't deserve this) and basically SCREAM at her and demand that she change my medications. He doesn't believe i told her about my previous bout with Xanax (I'm 100% positive I did, but I've been seeing her since last August so I want to remind her before the appointment.) My FIL will drag me through the mud (he doesn't have a whole lot of respect or liking for me and keeps trying to drive a wedge between me and my husband so we will divorce. He'll mention every crappy thing I did on Xanax; the car crash, etc. And he's going to say that "people like me" "have NO BUSINESS being on a strong medicine like oxy. And he's going to demand that I take something else. I'm not wedded to the idea of needing PILLS to cure my pain; in fact there's a lot of other stuff I'd rather do (lying down, walking short distances, icing my back, using the heated back massager, using creams like bengay, etc.) However they want me to behave as if there's nothing wrong with me when I'm at home. Getting up for the kids in the morning, even if I accidentally twisted so I was lying down facedown for most of the night and I feel PARALYZED with pain when I wake up, making breakfasts, making school lunches, dressing the kids, doing their hair, brushing their teeth, going upstairs after they're out the door to collect the baby and make him a bottle, change his diaper and into day clothes, and all of this is BEFORE I have even had coffee or the chance to take a single pill. After I finally plop Davey in front of the TV (yes I know, I'm a bad mom) THEN I have time to take ONE oxy, ten million poppy pills, washed down with seed tea and coffee. And then I have work to do for my MIL, real work that I get paid for, and I have ten thousand chores that people don't notice if I do them like clockwork every week but if I slip up on any one of them once it's the end of the world. Oh and they don't believe in WD. They think all my WD symptoms are from some other thing that I must have because "it can't possibly be withdrawal." And they base that on ancedotal evidence of other family members who have been on opiate medication maybe all of two weeks and didn't have all these problems. Well, I've been taking opiates every day since last August; I've taken a break here and there but I'm still in tons of pain so I still return to the medicine. So I'm really scared. The doctor will send my FIL and ask me what *I* want to do. And I'll burst into tears and tell her all I want is to be out of pain so I can successfully parent children. I'll tell her the only reason I've held it together this long is the Kratom (not confessing to the poppy because I think it's illegal but Kratom is definitely legal. And I'll tell her my general pratitioner gives me a low dose of tramadol for every day although I think she already knows this because due to new prescription laws in the state, a doctor must check a patient's pharmacy records before EACH TIME she prescribes an opiate. And this is what is holding me together but just barely, and I'll mention that Imodium seems to help quite a lot. But I'll tell her that if I walk out of that office with a prescription for oxy, worst case is my FIL will not only tear it up but com right back in there slinging mud in her face, calling her a pill mill (nothing could be farther the truth and that he's going to have her liscense taken away etc. You've never seen my FIL when he gets worked up. He's like a short, fat ball of destruction. Anyway. I have no idea what to do. Maybe she could prescribe the lowest possible dose fent patch. They are very naive about these things so they wouldn't even realize it was an opiate; the tramadol and lyrica bottles also have the controlled substance warning and they didn't blink an eye. For some reason it's OXY they're hung up on


Or maybe, just maybe, my doctor will be able to reason with him, and explain that I AM in lots of pain and here's why...and show him the MRIs that I should have gotten by then and tell him that we're doing everything we can, but for me to be able to funtion like a normal person I need to take medicine and, in her professional opinion (I know what she would think so I can almost hear her saying it)taking oxycodone is FAR less risky than for me to be toying around with an "herbal supplement" that hasn't been tried and tested by medical professionals yet.

Ugh. I'm scared. I hate my in-laws and I'm scared.
 
Soliele, I wish there was a "like" button on this forum so I could click it for your post!!! I TOTALLY agree...being in pain makes common sense go out the window. I KNOW this about myself, which is why I wanted my husband to manage the pills. After a few days of me going through WD and him urging me to TAKE THE OXY DAMMIT, he finally said he would control it for me. He just doesn't want to be "enabling" me. Sigh

well, so today I had WD so bad I couldn't leave the house. I tried my poppy tea, that helped but it took a fucking long time. But now my concern is this. My FIL wants me set up an appointment with my pain management doctor (who has been a real sweetie and doesn't deserve this) and basically SCREAM at her and demand that she change my medications. He doesn't believe i told her about my previous bout with Xanax (I'm 100% positive I did, but I've been seeing her since last August so I want to remind her before the appointment.) My FIL will drag me through the mud (he doesn't have a whole lot of respect or liking for me and keeps trying to drive a wedge between me and my husband so we will divorce. He'll mention every crappy thing I did on Xanax; the car crash, etc. And he's going to say that "people like me" "have NO BUSINESS being on a strong medicine like oxy. And he's going to demand that I take something else. I'm not wedded to the idea of needing PILLS to cure my pain; in fact there's a lot of other stuff I'd rather do (lying down, walking short distances, icing my back, using the heated back massager, using creams like bengay, etc.) However they want me to behave as if there's nothing wrong with me when I'm at home. Getting up for the kids in the morning, even if I accidentally twisted so I was lying down facedown for most of the night and I feel PARALYZED with pain when I wake up, making breakfasts, making school lunches, dressing the kids, doing their hair, brushing their teeth, going upstairs after they're out the door to collect the baby and make him a bottle, change his diaper and into day clothes, and all of this is BEFORE I have even had coffee or the chance to take a single pill. After I finally plop Davey in front of the TV (yes I know, I'm a bad mom) THEN I have time to take ONE oxy, ten million poppy pills, washed down with seed tea and coffee. And then I have work to do for my MIL, real work that I get paid for, and I have ten thousand chores that people don't notice if I do them like clockwork every week but if I slip up on any one of them once it's the end of the world. Oh and they don't believe in WD. They think all my WD symptoms are from some other thing that I must have because "it can't possibly be withdrawal." And they base that on ancedotal evidence of other family members who have been on opiate medication maybe all of two weeks and didn't have all these problems. Well, I've been taking opiates every day since last August; I've taken a break here and there but I'm still in tons of pain so I still return to the medicine. So I'm really scared. The doctor will send my FIL and ask me what *I* want to do. And I'll burst into tears and tell her all I want is to be out of pain so I can successfully parent children. I'll tell her the only reason I've held it together this long is the Kratom (not confessing to the poppy because I think it's illegal but Kratom is definitely legal. And I'll tell her my general pratitioner gives me a low dose of tramadol for every day although I think she already knows this because due to new prescription laws in the state, a doctor must check a patient's pharmacy records before EACH TIME she prescribes an opiate. And this is what is holding me together but just barely, and I'll mention that Imodium seems to help quite a lot. But I'll tell her that if I walk out of that office with a prescription for oxy, worst case is my FIL will not only tear it up but com right back in there slinging mud in her face, calling her a pill mill (nothing could be farther the truth and that he's going to have her liscense taken away etc. You've never seen my FIL when he gets worked up. He's like a short, fat ball of destruction. Anyway. I have no idea what to do. Maybe she could prescribe the lowest possible dose fent patch. They are very naive about these things so they wouldn't even realize it was an opiate; the tramadol and lyrica bottles also have the controlled substance warning and they didn't blink an eye. For some reason it's OXY they're hung up on


Or maybe, just maybe, my doctor will be able to reason with him, and explain that I AM in lots of pain and here's why...and show him the MRIs that I should have gotten by then and tell him that we're doing everything we can, but for me to be able to funtion like a normal person I need to take medicine and, in her professional opinion (I know what she would think so I can almost hear her saying it)taking oxycodone is FAR less risky than for me to be toying around with an "herbal supplement" that hasn't been tried and tested by medical professionals yet.

Ugh. I'm scared. I hate my in-laws and I'm scared.

Why on earth is your FIL so involved in your health care? What business is it of his? I think you should kindly tell him that what is decided between you and your doctor is none of his fucking business. I would go insane if my in-laws were anything like this. They don't need to know what medication you are on. Seriously, I am pissed off for you!
 
+1
on above comment.
Your in-laws sound like right pieces of work!.
If you refuse permission for your doctor to discuss fyour healthcare with your in-laws then the doctor wont see him at all. This is your right (doctor/patient privilage) and the law.

Please dont take this as criticism of you but you need to toughern up and tell your in-laws to get lost.
Yourealthcare is your concern not theirsand fyour

Edit: apologies mods my phone has gone a little crazy at the minute and isnt letting me edit properly.

@above poster, your healthcare is your concern not theirs but theonly way you will get that control back from them is if you take it!.
I hope you get this sorted soon because they soundlike the in-laws from hell.
 
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That is true, hon. I had to stop letting my mother define what "pain" was for me. Just because she suffered through 30+ years of horrific vaginal pain, doesn't mean she understands my pain or that I should be able to cope with it the same way she does. Some people just have NO pain tolerance. AT ALL. They are complete BABIES (for lack of a better, less offensive word) when they hurt and looked at as weak when they admit to suffering.

You don't have to justify what you do to anyone. Honestly, it sounds like you're trying too hard to please everyone. How old are the kids, they can't get themselves ready for school or the older ones help the younger ones after you wake them? Is your hubby helping with chores? Why are YOU so hung up on what they think? If hubby doesn't like that you didn't...scrub the kitchen counter or whatever, no offense, but tell him to go do it his damn self. And the in-laws? Your house, your rules. Unless your children are literally unsafe or neglected RIGHT NOW (doesn't sound like they are by a long shot) or your house is a nasty drug den, they have no footing on which to have the doctor do anything. I wouldn't even let your FIL in the exam room, you have a RIGHT BY LAW for your doctor not to discuss your private medical history with ANYONE (in the US, anyways, HIPAA expressly prevents this) except perhaps your husband, and then only in emergencies or next-of-kin protocol unless YOU give the permission.

I'm sorry if this is intrusive, ignore it if it is too personal, but is there a reason other than love that YOU don't want to divorce? I don't mean to sound rude or unsympathetic, I've been through a divorce. But if your husband is ALREADY looking for a reason to leave...he very likely may already be "divorced" in his head and just trying to play you to get the kids. All these games with medicine and your whole family knowing every little detail...that's what it seems like when you say he wants to divorce and his family hates you and they're with you at the doctor, etc. It's like they all want to set you up for failure (although, to be fair, I have only heard your side :) )Don't TELL them what you take! Tell them the doc took you off the oxy and whatever they're on about, if your husband tells them behind your back...well, that doesn't seem like a helpful gesture on his part, to say the least. Or just stick your spine up as straight as possible and tell the "NUNYA BUSINESS, GET OUTTA MY KOOL-ADE!" :) Your family should be your husband's priority now, his children and wife. The only responsibility adult children have to their parents, IMO, is to care for them when they can't do so and seems like the in-laws are doing just fine huffing and puffing away.

Seriously, though. You're in PAIN. Don't let some fuckwits who don't know anything about you make you feel bad or your doc feel bad, I would advise don't even let these people in your life anymore. The kids will notice the drama at some point, too, there's one more reason. They can't do anything to you except maybe call DFACS and that would just screw over the kids more than you, really.
 
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I just want know if there's anybody else out there who uses poppy pods (or seeds) for PAIN, not to get high? And if so what is your dosing schedule like? I have no idea what the half life of poppies is etc. Here's what I do:

I get a 1/2 lb of poppies from my website. I would love to go for a pound, but ironically I've found it's cheaper to buy 2 1/2 pounds than to buy one whole lb from this particular website. That makes no sense, but OK! So i grind up all the pods from that 1/2 lb, put back into a different freezer-strength ziplock bag, and shake it all up to even out the dosing. (That means that now that it's all been mixed up, I'm always going get the same amount of actives in each dose.) So then I put the fine powder into capsules, size 0 capsules, and swallow them. I just want to know, approximately how much is in each capsule (size 0) assuming it's fully packed? A teaspoon? A half teaspoon? And how much should I be dosing, if I want to get the effects of approx. 30 mg oxy in each dose? I know that each batch of poppies is different but maybe if other people have had some experience with dosing with poppies FOR PAIN, they can guide me to about how many capsules, roughly, I should be taking in 1 dose.

Thanks in advance for your help!


EDIT: just read all the supportive comments, THANK YOU everybody. But the problem is we are living with my in-laws because we're basically homeless. We lost our townhouse when my oldest daughter was just 6 months old and it was so traumatic for me that I had a pretty ugly 2 years after that (not to mention that just at that time I found out I was pregnant with my second child, my pregnancy was horrific due to hyperemesis gravidarum or however it's spelled but I was throwing up SO MUCH I could barely keep water down and I was hospitalized 4 times for IV fluids and I threw up until the day at 38 weeks and 4 days when I marched into the OB ward and announced that I DONE, I was NOT taking another day of this, they had to make this baby come NOW. And they did. Picotin drip, worst labor pains ever, and then after I had the WORST postpartum depression that ate up about a year and half of my life where I made some very bad decisions. I had been habituated to Xanax for 2 years prior, stayed on it through both pregnancies on the doctor's advice (the withdrawal would have been worse for the baby than staying on the drug) and when I got PPD I just didn't care anymore and started to abuse my script. Oh, and taking massive doses of cocaine (no I wasn't breastfeeding at the time.) But it is a shameful fact that I didn't even REALIZE I had PPD, I didn't FEEL depressed, I just felt like I didn't care about anything. And I was leaving my poor little children in their fathers (thankfully) very capable hands while I went out and partied and came home at 3 AM stinking of liquor and with obvious cocaine nostrils. BAD, BAD time in my life. Thankfully I'm far better off now but even taking opiate meds makes me nervous, I give them to my husband to dole out to me, and I feel like I can't show my face in an AA meeting. There are some die-hards who will believe that even if you have vital organs exposed, you should turn down the IV morphine and suffer tremendous pain because you're an addict. Well I'm not that strong. And I'm still an addict. But I mainly use drugs now for anxiety relief and pain relief...I abused gabapentin for a while but that doesn't seem to work on me anymore so I don't even try.

Sorry about the life story, again. I know I talk too much. But the in-laws: they say "my house, my rules" and they've told me if I fill my prescription for oxy and bring it home not only will they take it away from me but they'll kick me out AND call child protection services on me. They've already called them on me twice. Unfortunately, at the time I was using, so I have a black mark in my record even though I did what they asked of me, went into a rehab program and got clean.

I have no power here. None. If I tell my father in law he can't come with me to my doctors appointments, he's going to think I have something to hide and he just might kick me out just from that. My in-laws don't believe my husband and I are capable of living completely separate lives without them in it, that we will ALWAYS need help from them because 1) we're deaf 2) I have bipolar and Simon has ADHD and both those things make people make bad choices 3) they don't believe we've shown we're competent parents so far (which is really funny coming from them, my MIL was so lax about safety that my poor husband was in the ER on a regular basis with injuries that could easily have been prevented, and she sent her kids to school with a fever half the time because she refused to believe the thermometer and thought her hand was a better judge of whether or not he/she was sick. And my FIL would be a contender for world's worst dad, because he failed time after time to bring in money to support his family (kind of like my husband is doing now, only he has an excuse, being deaf makes it SO TOUGH to get a job because they don't want to pay the extra money for the technology we need to answer the phone and the interpreter they would need to make sure my husband understood what was going on at meetings.) And one time my FIL was left alone with my sister in law Honey, she was just a baby (this is a famous story in our family) and my MIL was gone all day. Well, turns out that FIL left Honey in the crib crying, dropping in the occasional bottle of formula, but Honey wasn't allowed out to play and when MIL got home poor Honey had the HUGEST, most DISGUSTING diaper ever because he didn't change her once. It was falling off her butt it was so heavy. And she had RAGING diaper rash for a week. Yeah, THESE people are the ones criticizing our parenting. I wish I could say something back but if I give any lip then it starts a huge fight, where my MIL rails at me about how she puts a roof over our heads and we have plenty of food thanks to her (actually we give her our food stamps to "contribute" to the family but its not enough, of course) and she goes on and on about how she buys things for me (I don't ask her to BTW) and she buys clothes for my kids (my kids have more clothes than they know what to do with, not because she's being nice but because she has a shopping addiction.) Anyway, I can't say anything back because they DO spend a lot of money to keep us in fairly good shape for a family that's destitute. I mean, we have zero money in the bank, yet we all have iPads, the latest iPhones, kindles, Apple TV, satin sheets...it's the tradeoff. They WANT to give you nice things, because they come with strings, and once you've accepted a gift from them, then you have to do as they say. It's this whole warped control thing.

Sigh....my life isn't terrible, but it would be a whole lot better if my in-laws could be kept at a distance somehow. I didn't realize the gifts came with strings at the time I accepted them; my family isn't like that. My family likes to do nice things for each other because we LOVE each other and want to see the other person happy. Until I married into this family, I had NO IDEA that dysfunctional families just don't operate that way.

Last question; I've got the kids home from school for a week and a half due to spring break. I need to find ways to entertain them (NOT plopping them in front of the TV all day) that would be easy on my back. Any suggestions? :)
 
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Hello all...
I've been reading this Mega thread for a while and Im pleasantly surprised that for the most part everyone is very supportive and offers great advice and personal experience.
A little back story: I've been a PM patient for about three years. After I had my son, I started suffering with extreme back/joint pain and stiffness in my back, legs, hips, and elbows. Sometimes I can't bear weight on my left hip at all due to a slight dislocation. Anyway I began having these symptoms at age 22 (I am now 25). In the beginning, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia honestly because they didn't know wtf was up. Most doctors I went to thought I was pill - seeking because of my age. I'm actually red flagged at my local hospital just for one doctors opinion. I think my age certainly contributes to this, as I have never asked for opiates or anything.
Anyway I finally found a doctor who would listen to me, take me seriously, and with hydromorphone, tramadol and soma along with PT we have managed to control my pain. was given a new dx: early onset osteoarthritis. Im still not 100% convinced this is accurate but I'm making progress.
Due to some difficulty with the new PM Dr. at my clinic, I have decided to taper off my meds verrrrrry slowly. I hate feeling like I'm living my life my by a doctor's time/opinion.
I've recently noticed that of course my chronic pain has increased again, but also that I experience pain more severely and more often than I ever did!! Even before my dx and treatment. My new doctor told me there's a condition in which the brain, after being on opoids creates more pain sensation. Does anyone else have experience with this? If so, please explain. New suggestions to make life more bearable??y

That is true, hon. I had to stop letting my mother define what "pain" was for me. Just because she suffered through 30+ years of horrific vaginal pain, doesn't mean she understands my pain or that I should be able to cope with it the same way she does. Some people just have NO pain tolerance. AT ALL. They are complete BABIES (for lack of a better, less offensive word) when they hurt and looked at as weak when they admit to suffering.

You don't have to justify what you do to anyone. Honestly, it sounds like you're trying too hard to please everyone. How old are the kids, they can't get themselves ready for school or the older ones help the younger ones after you wake them? Is your hubby helping with chores? Why are YOU so hung up on what they think? If hubby doesn't like that you didn't...scrub the kitchen counter or whatever, no offense, but tell him to go do it his damn self. And the in-laws? Your house, your rules. Unless your children are literally unsafe or neglected RIGHT NOW (doesn't sound like they are by a long shot) or your house is a nasty drug den, they have no footing on which to have the doctor do anything. I wouldn't even let your FIL in the exam room, you have a RIGHT BY LAW for your doctor not to discuss your private medical history with ANYONE (in the US, anyways, HIPAA expressly prevents this) except perhaps your husband, and then only in emergencies or next-of-kin protocol unless YOU give the permission.

I'm sorry if this is intrusive, ignore it if it is too personal, but is there a reason other than love that YOU don't want to divorce? I don't mean to sound rude or unsympathetic, I've been through a divorce. But if your husband is ALREADY looking for a reason to leave...he very likely may already be "divorced" in his head and just trying to play you to get the kids. All these games with medicine and your whole family knowing every little detail...that's what it seems like when you say he wants to divorce and his family hates you and they're with you at the doctor, etc. It's like they all want to set you up for failure (although, to be fair, I have only heard your side :) )Don't TELL them what you take! Tell them the doc took you off the oxy and whatever they're on about, if your husband tells them behind your back...well, that doesn't seem like a helpful gesture on his part, to say the least. Or just stick your spine up as straight as possible and tell the "NUNYA BUSINESS, GET OUTTA MY KOOL-ADE!" :) Your family should be your husband's priority now, his children and wife. The only responsibility adult children have to their parents, IMO, is to care for them when they can't do so and seems like the in-laws are doing just fine huffing and puffing away.

Seriously, though. You're in PAIN. Don't let some fuckwits who don't know anything about you make you feel bad or your doc feel bad, I would advise don't even let these people in your life anymore. The kids will notice the drama at some point, too, there's one more reason. They can't do anything to you except maybe call DFACS and that would just screw over the kids more than you, really.

I agree with this xtc girl. Its up to YOU to take control of ur health and happiness.
Honestly, ur in laws only have as much power as YOU give them. I dunno if there is something more culturally significant going on here and I'm certainly not trying to insult u but u are a grown ass woman, a wife, and a mother. Yea ur in laws are obviously very controlling and I'm sure it gets intimidating.... BUT it ur responsibility to take care of urself. Ur just as culpable as they are by ALLOWING it to continue.
Good luck. Treat urself well!!!
 
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If you are relying on them...that's a rough situation. I DO think you should take a look at your handicaps and see how you could use them to improve the way things stand. Do either of you get SSI or disability? It may be worth looking into, especially if you have a history of mental illness and are unable to work. My mother thought I'd never amount to anything because I'm "crazy" and "can't handle money", which are both a bit true. But with a LOT of work on myself and the motivation to get out of their house, I learned to manage those problems. Are you guys taking medication for your bipolar/ADHD? Are you making an effort to handle those issues? You've been through the child protection thing, if you are not using now, I don't think you have too much to worry about unless you are still going over your pain med limit. They've been there and established that you changed and made life better for your children, so I think that "black mark" wouldn't look so bad if they came by the house this time.

As for your FIL...I'm sorry, PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like the only way you will EVER have any power is to put your foot down. You don't "have anything to hide" you're an adult and you want some privacy now that you've proven yourself a decent parent. If you were actively using, this would be different, but if you have truly cleaned up on the drinking, coke, etc, then it is time to take back your life. You no longer need others to watch over you. Explain that to him VERY politely and calmly, REFUSE to argue, just absolutely refuse to do so and walk out the door if he is determined to fight.

Something like this might be good, and it would help a lot if your husband supported you on this: "Dad/Mom (or whatever), first I want to say I really appreciate everything you and (MIL) have done for us. I realize we would be destitute if you had not helped us when you did and we're so grateful for the support of our family. But both of us feel that we have moved past the dark stage our life was in before and we want to start taking more responsibility for ourselves and not relying on you both so much. The first thing I think would help would be if we were left to manage our health issues ourselves, since the health and well-being of our family is ultimately our personal responsibility as parents. (I would suggest not saying "medication" in particular, that could make it sound like you just want unsupervised access to all the pills.) We want to make changes in our lives and become more independent. We both understand your concerns that we may not be able to handle it, we understand that at times we gave you no reason to trust us, and we promise to come to you if anything gets overwhelming or beyond our control. But we have been putting too much of a burden on you both and we want to start carrying our own weight." NOW, please understand I say this stuff not because it's necessarily TRUE, but because if you come at them the way I first suggested when I didn't realize you lived with them, they'll obviously just fly off the handle and proceed to enumerate the ways that you both suck at life and possibly kick you out. Saying it this way makes it sound like you're trying to better yourself (which you are) and stop being the "burden" your MIL obviously seems to think you are.

Are you working AT ALL? Make things from home, do jobs on Amazon mTurk, fill out surveys (good ones), ANY PENNY YOU CAN GET. HOARD this money, I would honestly advise not even telling your husband. Any little thing counts, and just store and store until you can get the hell out of there. Bake. Learn to sew. Make plush toys, sell stuff online. There are lots of things you can get started with that don't take much money, I make little plushes out of cheap felt from Wal-Mart and a cheap bag of toy stuffing that lasts forever.

Stop taking any and ALL gifts from them, I wouldn't even take a Christmas present. My mother does this ALL the time and has for years, as a teenager she would buy me clothes without asking me then get mad and rail about how much money she spent on them and how ungrateful I was if I didn't like them. I told her several times to stop buying me things, she wouldn't, so eventually I just stopped taking anything she gave me and saying, "Thank you, Mom, I really appreciate that. But I don't need it, maybe you should take it back and save your money instead, I would hate to take something I wouldn't use." Listen to your doctor. Fill your oxy script and keep it hidden or ask your husband to keep it hidden. They don't know unless you tell them and from what I hear poppy pods make for the WORST sort of withdrawal, so it may not even be a better option for you. If you think your husband will tell them...I'm not sure what to say about that other than it's sad that you wouldn't be able to trust him to have your back.

Last but not least...stop beating yourself up. You sound really hard on yourself, I'm not in your head, but it seems like you're starting to let their ideas of how people should parent, run their household, live their lives, etc color YOUR ideas of how those things should be done. DO NOT let them make you feel bad, you made bad choices and you suffer from a mental issue but that does not define YOU as a person. You're cleaning up, off coke, not drinking...these are HUGE steps, dear, don't let other people make you think you're shit because you didn't turn everything around overnight. We are all human, we struggle, and there are people here for you that aren't judging you and think you're not a bad person at all. Stay strong. :)
 
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