• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

March Getting Clean Thread v. If I can do it, you can too!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Mr.Scagnattie said:
It's scary though because... for the first time in a very very long time.. I actually have something to lose. I have a good life right now. I'm clean, have a great relationship, working a full time job, all this positive shit. I don't want to lose it.
Click to expand...

Good luck, man. I know that feeling very well. Here's to you and continued positive shit!
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
It's scary though because... for the first time in a very very long time.. I actually have something to lose. I have a good life right now. I'm clean, have a great relationship, working a full time job, all this positive shit. I don't want to lose it.
Click to expand...

Having something to lose is one of the saving graces, IMO.

I have done a poor job of keeping to my taper, but a good job of keeping track of my actual usage, and over time I am taking less, not more.

Yesterday was my first day off work in about two months so I snuck in a big drop (~25 % ) while I could afford to appear somewhat less than presentable, today I plan to hold on to it and drop about another 5 %.
 
I've been dealing with a few compounding issues this week. Last Wed I found out that two of my photographs are going to be featured in a visual art magazine published in New York. I was thrilled, and put the word out to all of my fam and friends. The next day I had 4 seizures--two petit mal and two grand mal--and was hospitalized for two days. Since then I have been home from work, learning about the ramifications that come from having a seizure--namely, I can't drive for a few months, my memory has been affected, and my doctors aren't exactly sure of what caused the seizures.

Aside from my own health, Monday night a dude from one of my suboxone groups relapsed. He relapsed on booze. After leaving the bar he went to Taco Bell drive thru, and tried to pay for his meal with his health care card. The taco bell employee called the cops, and as the dude was speeding away from the cops he drove down a one way street the wrong way, hit and killed a guy on a motorcycle. He is in jail without bail, (kicking suboxone) right now. They are charging him with 2nd degree murder.

The man he killed just got back from serving in Afghanistan a month ago. He was married and had a two year old baby. The story is all is all over the news. The media is making him out to be a monster; a low life drug addict. They are even labeling him a heroin addict in the press, right after they mention his profession was an EMT.

I've been in groups with this guy for a few months. He is sensitive, caring, and intelligent. He has a disease; the same disease that I do. And this disease took both his freedom and an innocent veteran, father, and husband's life. It is a tragedy on many levels, and hits home not only because I am familiar with the guy. His story reveals the truth hiding right beneath the surface of every waking moment--that I am one drink or drug away from losing all control, just like he did. His story also reminds me just how precious my 387 days of sobriety are.
 
People don't understand addiction is a legit disease, it's pathetic that they make us out to be monsters. If only they knew they'd understand but they don't. Prayers for everyone<3 that's gotta be hard struggling with addiction and then having to deal with knowing you've killed someone. That would be it for me. I have much respect for our military vets and active duty. My brother is active duty

17 days for me:) I've had my moments, good and bad but I'm proud of myself and where I at
 
Zwanya said:
I've been dealing with a few compounding issues this week. Last Wed I found out that two of my photographs are going to be featured in a visual art magazine published in New York. I was thrilled, and put the word out to all of my fam and friends. The next day I had 4 seizures--two petit mal and two grand mal--and was hospitalized for two days. Since then I have been home from work, learning about the ramifications that come from having a seizure--namely, I can't drive for a few months, my memory has been affected, and my doctors aren't exactly sure of what caused the seizures.

Aside from my own health, Monday night a dude from one of my suboxone groups relapsed. He relapsed on booze. After leaving the bar he went to Taco Bell drive thru, and tried to pay for his meal with his health care card. The taco bell employee called the cops, and as the dude was speeding away from the cops he drove down a one way street the wrong way, hit and killed a guy on a motorcycle. He is in jail without bail, (kicking suboxone) right now. They are charging him with 2nd degree murder.

The man he killed just got back from serving in Afghanistan a month ago. He was married and had a two year old baby. The story is all is all over the news. The media is making him out to be a monster; a low life drug addict. They are even labeling him a heroin addict in the press, right after they mention his profession was an EMT.

I've been in groups with this guy for a few months. He is sensitive, caring, and intelligent. He has a disease; the same disease that I do. And this disease took both his freedom and an innocent veteran, father, and husband's life. It is a tragedy on many levels, and hits home not only because I am familiar with the guy. His story reveals the truth hiding right beneath the surface of every waking moment--that I am one drink or drug away from losing all control, just like he did. His story also reminds me just how precious my 387 days of sobriety are.
Click to expand...


Zwanya no fucking shit?!?!?

He's basically my best friend I stayed with Alex for 2 weeks while in between apartments recently. :(

When he relapsed for a a night 2 months ago, I'm the one who took care of him that night at the sober living.

I can't believe whats happened it's fucking tragic. It was such a trip seeing his car all smashed up on the news I've ridden around in that car multiple times in the past week... He was one of the few people I trusted to talk to about my personal shit. Such a fucking good guy, its so horrible how the news is painting a picture of him like this. The lead detective called me yesterday asking hella questions about him, trying to get me to further incriminate him (as if it doesn't look bad enough already...) Also half of my suboxone prescription was confiscated by the police when they raided his apartment on Tuesday - I hadn't had the chance to pick up the bottle, yet but wasn't tripping because it comes in two halfs and I had the other half on me. But now I am sort of tripping because the detective said they are keeping it in evidence indefinitely (meaning I don't get it back...). This is just so fucking crazy. I can't believe you knew him too...

I'm still totally shocked about the whole thing. I wasn't going to post about this openly but figured I would after seeing you post about knowing him too. Small fuckin world...
 
Last edited:
I am at 108 days today!

I am proud of myself for making it this far.

Ziggy stardust said:
Your the MAN, Captain H!
I'm almost at one yr...but have found myself relying on booze too much. Time to pick up health habits.(Wish I could get as excited about running as much as drugs)
Click to expand...

Thanks man! I appreciate it.

I have been drinking on/off. I am currently not drinking, haven't had it for 4 days.

I have been filling the time with reading, listening to music, writing, even other stuff like painting and designing (for my music releases).

Exercise is such a big thing for me. I focus on muscular exercise and walking. I don't like jogging/running anymore. Unless I am in the outdoors. Then it's on.

I find exercise invests in ourselves and it's something tangible and appreciable. It's something that feels good and is worth doing. I don't set goals for myself, I just do it as I feel like I want to, to feel good.

What are your hobbies, what do you like to do?
 
I did Tai Chi today.

I practice a particularly strenuous style, and after doing it (along with chi gong exercise, push-ups and sit-ups),
it makes me very irritable for the rest of the day.

Usually with something like Tai Chi, you would expect just the opposite.

I must be dealing with some sort of hormone being released, one that is released during intense exercise.
It is worse when I am dealing with tapering w/d's like now.
Also, my hands are cold most of the time now.
They never warmed up today, even after exercising for nearly an hour...

Sorry to read the bad news above.
I hope you guys are OK.
 
Space Firebird said:
I did Tai Chi today.

I practice a particularly strenuous style, and after doing it (along with chi gong exercise, push-ups and sit-ups),
it makes me very irritable for the rest of the day.

Usually with something like Tai Chi, you would expect just the opposite.

I must be dealing with some sort of hormone being released, one that is released during intense exercise.
It is worse when I am dealing with tapering w/d's like now.
Also, my hands are cold most of the time now.
They never warmed up today, even after exercising for nearly an hour...

Sorry to read the bad news above.
I hope you guys are OK.
Click to expand...

Thanks space, I'm alright just really shocked, angry, and depressed all at the same time. It's just such a fucked up situation on so many different levels.

Life goes on though. :\


Also, I've read that strenuous exercise while withdrawing can actually make withdrawals worse - maybe thats why it's making you irritable? Because otherwise there's no other way something like tai chi should ever make anyone more irritable... If it is some sort of hormone that's being released I would guess cortisol maybe? (stress hormone)

Oh and when I've tapered and detoxed in the past my hands would also be clammy/sweaty 24/7 - so the cold hands could be from palm sweating maybe?
 
Just A Guy said:
I've been the hare lately. I've been too confident, playing too loose with this challenge, this fight against my addictions. I realized I'd lost respect for my enemy. I feel like this is happening to a lot of us during this season. We've been napping, meanwhile, our addictions, they've been holding on, slow and steady, and caught up. Time to wake up from the nap, respect the enemy, take back control, regain the lead.
Click to expand...

I love it! While I was still actively counting the days since quitting opiates I was, as you say, the tortoise. At around the two week mark, I starting becoming too confident (and I actually warned myself against it in a post I wrote about being clean two weeks). This coincided with the relief of the physical symptoms. I suppose the constant reminder of the physical is a powerful tool as well.
 
Just piggybacking on all the good attitudes. Currently my only dependency is Suboxone @2mg/day so I figure I'm on the right track. I'll have 90 days of not using under my belt just before Easter so I can celebrate with family and ideally, get rid of the lingering Suboxone.

Warm weather is going to give me everything I need, just knowing myself. --Have any of you relocated due to climate? Was it worth it? Seasonal depression kicks my ass! Today I'm just considering the season over.
 
Hey JAG, still kicking around. I mostly browse more than post nowadays.

Not too much to add lately. Ups and downs as usual. Had a bad night a few nights ago, but managed to get through it ok. No real dangers.
 
ExInMil said:
While I was still actively counting the days since quitting opiates I was, as you say, the tortoise. At around the two week mark, I starting becoming too confident (and I actually warned myself against it in a post I wrote about being clean two weeks). This coincided with the relief of the physical symptoms. I suppose the constant reminder of the physical is a powerful tool as well.
Click to expand...

Right on, Ex!

m060mm said:
Just piggybacking on all the good attitudes. Currently my only dependency is Suboxone @2mg/day so I figure I'm on the right track. I'll have 90 days of not using under my belt just before Easter so I can celebrate with family and ideally, get rid of the lingering Suboxone.

Warm weather is going to give me everything I need, just knowing myself. --Have any of you relocated due to climate? Was it worth it? Seasonal depression kicks my ass! Today I'm just considering the season over.
Click to expand...

Way to go, m060mm! Like you, I can't wait for the warm weather; I also suffer from SAD. Would definitely like to not be here again next winter. lol I have to ask you if there's any meaning in your username, or is it just random?

GenericName12 said:
Hey JAG, still kicking around. I mostly browse more than post nowadays.

Not too much to add lately. Ups and downs as usual. Had a bad night a few nights ago, but managed to get through it ok. No real dangers.
Click to expand...

Sounds like you're keeping your head above water. Glad to hear it. Definitely miss your posts, though. Thanks for shoutin' out!

I'm about to reign in some of my own reckless behavior. Stims & psychs are my DOCs, and damn it, here I am, willfully, no excuses using 25i. When I confessed to my priest about my psych use, he asked me if I had a drug problem. I told him that I'm aware of the risks I'm taking, but that I thought I could handle it. He brought up a passage from the Bible: John 9:41 - "Jesus said, "If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains." It was quite a "You know better, and yet you ask forgiveness? You know you'll do this again?" And I did. I think that's proof enough for me that I'm addicted. Time for me to put it down. I know I can. But will I?

That's the test. Do I want it enough? Or do I suffer from "Blind spots?" and I'm simply not understanding / being closed minded about the real state of things?

Peace everyone
 
Last edited:
Feelin-u4ia said:
just fucked up and slipped. wasted 4 days of wds hell and back now for more shit WDS. I hate my life. someone please tell me why I do this to myself? I was just bearly at the end of the tunnel of the worst wds I ever had now I ruined it and have to go back thru it all over again. FUCK!
Click to expand...

It is related to the brain in many ways. I won't attempt to go into it, but I think that you can do it if you put your mind to it.

I am at 111 days off Suboxone today.
 
good-morning-america-christine-till.jpg
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top