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I Just Need To Post Vs. Lend me your eyes and ears, your wisdom and beauty.

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ad lib said:
Keep us updated!! :D
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Well shit. Last night didn't go terribly badly, but didn't go quite the way I had hoped.

I hung out with the girl I mentioned, we went to a meeting first and then just came back to my place to watch movies n shit. Except the whole time once getting back to my place I sort of felt weird, like something wasn't right. Anyway, eventually we started kissing/making out but then she didn't want to do anything more then that - and I could sort of tell it was because she really has a thing for me and doesn't want to jump in too fast, maybe seem to easy or something like that. So anyway obviously I didn't push it - Though it was kinda weird for me because I haven't had that happen since High School, I'm 22 now and she's 20 and just wasn't expecting that i suppose.

Anyway, Eventually she fell asleep and I laid awake for like 2 hours next to her just thinking about my ex, which made me pretty uncomfortable while laying next to this other girl. Part of me ended up really glad she didn't want to go all the way and part of me wished she had because maybe I wouldn't have been thinking about my ex after that. So basically the whole thing has made me really uncomfortable, and although she hasn't said anything about it I can tell this girl really has a thing for me so next time I see her I'm going to have to be really clear with her that I can't let this become a serious, committed/labeled relationship. If she's ok with that I'll keep hanging out with her, but I don't want to hurt anyone.

Oh yeah, then there's the part where I had really intense heroin dreams and woke up really triggered, still craving actually. So suffice to say things didn't go as planned last night. Though, as my ex has taught me so well - don't have any expectations and you won't ever be disappointed. :|
 
Ya, I think you're feeling guilt because she likes you a lot and you have not yet told her that you don't want anything serious. Perhaps you don't want to let her down in a similar, albeit watered-down, version of how your ex hurt you. So ya, tell her sooner than later and you'll feel better. Just tell her it's for the sake of your sobriety that you don't want anything serious. If she's in the program, she'll probably accept it. And ya, if she chooses to still have sex with you after knowing that it wouldn't be serious, that will help you significantly in terms of not missing your ex. You and your body still misses sex with your ex, and it's frustrated that this was taken away and is still grasping for it at some level.

But just take it for it was..an innocent night of fun, and you were a gentleman for not forcing things any further. If a girl wants to sleep next to you that soon, it means that she trusts you. Trust is tough for people in recovery, so I think you've got a lot going for you!

And that really sucks about the dream. I haven't had one in a while, but I'm certainly due for another one.
 
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^^ I think there was also some aspect of guilt where I almost felt like I was cheating on my ex... Even though she hasn't even spoken to me in a month. I don't know.
And yeah that's what I was going to tell this girl, besides the fact that I just got out of a relationship a month ago, I'm in a place in my recovery where I can't be committed to anyone and it wouldn't be fair to them (or myself) for me to try. Which is the truth... Even if I did have strong feelings for this girl I know it wouldn't be a good idea right now. I don't know how to be happy when I'm on my own, and it's probably best for me to figure that out and not be tied down to anyone for a while.

She left some clothes and stuff here that she's probably going to pick up later tonight, so when she comes by I'll tell her I'd like to keep hanging out with her but that she needs to know I'm not in a place where I can commit to any serious, labeled relationship with anyone right now.

Just the fact that she left things here that she'll have to come pick up is a pretty good sign she's into me and wanted to create a reason to come see me later.


Edit- The more I think about this, the more I don't know if I should even keep hanging out with this chick regardless of whether she wants something serious or not. I just looked at a picture of my ex (stupid, I know...) and the thought of being with anyone else in any capacity made me feel like shit.

Like fuck.. I know hooking up with someone is the only surefire way to get over an ex but the thought of doing it makes me feel like a piece of shit. I think I should call my sponsor. :\
 
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Hmmm Case I think you are doing the right thing being honest about the whole situation and how you feel. 100 sexy points!

On a side note, I don't think you should feel that guilt over your ex, I mean you guys broke up so even if you dated someone else it should be fine. You gotta keep moving on and hold your feelings back. It is always not easy but think the other girls you will meet, what if one of them is truly your soul mate and you let it pass? Just think of it that way.
 
^^ I know feeling guilty about it is completely unnecessary and makes no sense, still sort of felt that way though even though there is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever.

And I totally know what you mean about not passing something up that could be good - I don't plan on it, I just know for sure that this girl isn't someone i would feel like that about.

I guess I was wrong about her leaving some stuff for an excuse to come back, it really was just the convenient thing to do cause she just stopped by to grab it real quick without any intentions of staying. So I'll just have to talk to her next time we hang out.

Shit who knows, maybe she isn't looking for something serious either? No way to know till I bring it up. Either way I'm not tripping on it, it's not like I've done anything wrong or done anything that could hurt anyone, I haven't said anything remotely misleading to her.

I just feel weird about the whole thing because of my own issues.



edit... wtf? some random ass number just texted me saying to be careful about getting too close to this girl, that they have heard from a few different people it's not a good idea getting close to her. "not saying this to be a dick... Real talk" No idea who it is that texted me or how they got my number.

Annnnd this is where I'm done. I don't do drama, I don't even remotely get involved. I think I'm just going to entirely remove myself from the equation before people go middle school on my ass...

Edit again - Yeah... WOW.... I REALLY don't need drama in my life. There's a chance she may have a boyfriend, would definitely explain why she didn't want to actually have sex. I think my next conversation with her needs to be a little different now, if I even bother having one with her. Fuck people... I'm really glad i legitimately can't see myself having feelings for this chick otherwise I would be pretty pissed right now. Instead I'm just relieved that I was able to avoid the drama before getting fully caught up in it. I just have to remove myself from the situation in such a way that doesn't aggravate her now, because if she's this type of person, then she's the type of person who would spread shit just to fuck with someone. When I originally posted this post, when I said the part about me "feeling weird about this whole thing cause my own issues" Maybe I felt weird about the whole thing not because of my issues but because of my instincts...

/end of this entire debacle.
 
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caseface99 said:
^^ I know feeling guilty about it is completely unnecessary and makes no sense, still sort of felt that way though even though there is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever.

And I totally know what you mean about not passing something up that could be good - I don't plan on it, I just know for sure that this girl isn't someone i would feel like that about.

I guess I was wrong about her leaving some stuff for an excuse to come back, it really was just the convenient thing to do cause she just stopped by to grab it real quick without any intentions of staying. So I'll just have to talk to her next time we hang out.

Shit who knows, maybe she isn't looking for something serious either? No way to know till I bring it up. Either way I'm not tripping on it, it's not like I've done anything wrong or done anything that could hurt anyone, I haven't said anything remotely misleading to her.

I just feel weird about the whole thing because of my own issues.



edit... wtf? some random ass number just texted me saying to be careful about getting too close to this girl, that they have heard from a few different people it's not a good idea getting close to her. "not saying this to be a dick... Real talk" No idea who it is that texted me or how they got my number.

Annnnd this is where I'm done. I don't do drama, I don't even remotely get involved. I think I'm just going to entirely remove myself from the equation before people go middle school on my ass...

Edit again - Yeah... WOW.... I REALLY don't need drama in my life. There's a chance she may have a boyfriend, would definitely explain why she didn't want to actually have sex. I think my next conversation with her needs to be a little different now, if I even bother having one with her. Fuck people... I'm really glad i legitimately can't see myself having feelings for this chick otherwise I would be pretty pissed right now. Instead I'm just relieved that I was able to avoid the drama before getting fully caught up in it. I just have to remove myself from the situation in such a way that doesn't aggravate her now, because if she's this type of person, then she's the type of person who would spread shit just to fuck with someone. When I originally posted this post, when I said the part about me "feeling weird about this whole thing cause my own issues" Maybe I felt weird about the whole thing not because of my issues but because of my instincts...

/end of this entire debacle.
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Hahaha same here! Hate drama I cut those people out of my life pronto! I just care about my sanity more than anything and I care about my well being more than anything else.
 
feel like going on a bike ride again before the sun rises

tired of sitting here and not doing anything, it's fucking me up mentally and physically.
also I got invited out to go to the pub with some old friends from school, I decided I don't want to go and slept through it instead... way to fucking go.
I'm a lost cause.
 
Maya said:
Hahaha same here! Hate drama I cut those people out of my life pronto! I just care about my sanity more than anything and I care about my well being more than anything else.
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Yeah, I'm not getting involved. I won't mind being friendly with the chick, I'm gonna have to see her at meetings anyway - but I'm done getting intimately involved. I'll just tell her I can't for my recovery right now and leave it at that.
 
plmar said:
feel like going on a bike ride again before the sun rises

tired of sitting here and not doing anything, it's fucking me up mentally and physically.
also I got invited out to go to the pub with some old friends from school, I decided I don't want to go and slept through it instead... way to fucking go.
I'm a lost cause.
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There's still time for a bike ride plmar, your going to be lucky to see much of the sun today anyhow but there are some dramatic dark skies to be seen with the current weather.

You don't need to be so down on yourself, going out socially can be a real challenge at times. Setting more achievable goals might help, it's worked for me in the past, just walking round the block with my dog daily makes a really positive impact on my day.
 
Maya said:
Hahaha same here! Hate drama I cut those people out of my life pronto! I just care about my sanity more than anything and I care about my well being more than anything else.
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Best way to be.

Case - you're doing the right thing not getting serious. You said your relationship ended a month ago so you are still healing from that. But you must be honest with this girl about not wanting anything serious or you may end up hurting her n mucking things up. This may be the one you end up with down the line you never know or it may be someone else. But you need time to heal. A relationship breakup is a "loss," like a grieving process (we don't just grieve when a person dies sometimes it can be worst when you break up , especially if it was the other who ended the relation as you also have the rejection to deal with.
Anyway I wish you all the happiness in the world. Keep going n you'll get there.
Life is not a race. It's a journey!

Plmar, Allein has given you some useful advice there please listen to him. You are not loss cause. I wish you wouldn't always be so harsh on yourself like that, you really are very harsh on YOU n we have enough p to be harsh on us in the world without us doing it to ourselves, eh?! There'll be other times to see your friends in the pub or wherever n you can still have a bike ride.

ADD ON TO CASE...

caseface99 said:
^^ I know feeling guilty about it is completely unnecessary and makes no sense, still sort of felt that way though even though there is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever.

And I totally know what you mean about not passing something up that could be good - I don't plan on it, I just know for sure that this girl isn't someone i would feel like that about.

I guess I was wrong about her leaving some stuff for an excuse to come back, it really was just the convenient thing to do cause she just stopped by to grab it real quick without any intentions of staying. So I'll just have to talk to her next time we hang out.

Shit who knows, maybe she isn't looking for something serious either? No way to know till I bring it up. Either way I'm not tripping on it, it's not like I've done anything wrong or done anything that could hurt anyone, I haven't said anything remotely misleading to her.

I just feel weird about the whole thing because of my own issues.



edit... wtf? some random ass number just texted me saying to be careful about getting too close to this girl, that they have heard from a few different people it's not a good idea getting close to her. "not saying this to be a dick... Real talk" No idea who it is that texted me or how they got my number.

Annnnd this is where I'm done. I don't do drama, I don't even remotely get involved. I think I'm just going to entirely remove myself from the equation before people go middle school on my ass...

Edit again - Yeah... WOW.... I REALLY don't need drama in my life. There's a chance she may have a boyfriend, would definitely explain why she didn't want to actually have sex. I think my next conversation with her needs to be a little different now, if I even bother having one with her. Fuck people... I'm really glad i legitimately can't see myself having feelings for this chick otherwise I would be pretty pissed right now. Instead I'm just relieved that I was able to avoid the drama before getting fully caught up in it. I just have to remove myself from the situation in such a way that doesn't aggravate her now, because if she's this type of person, then she's the type of person who would spread shit just to fuck with someone. When I originally posted this post, when I said the part about me "feeling weird about this whole thing cause my own issues" Maybe I felt weird about the whole thing not because of my issues but because of my instincts...

/end of this entire debacle.
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Just read this. Be careful in dropping a friend with her because of a r
Text. A may be someone trying to cause trouble for her. I've had something similar done to me - tried making friends in a place then people came n warned the volunteers that I was trouble. If the volunteers had have listened n removed me I wouldn't still be at the place with such lovely people, helping people n they, me.
Say this is an ex of hers. Imagine if yourr ex went to the girl n sent an anonymous text to say saying to avoid you etc n you lost her friendship because she listened. Please judge the girl for HER, disregard the messages unless the person is less of a coward n reveals themselve. Until then disregard it like you would a troll. Obviously that's my advice n i can't tell you what to do. Good luck!

Evey xxxx
 
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Did I word that incorrectly? I don't seem to understand the replies I'm getting about the bike line, but never mind. (What I meant by it is that I feel like going on a ride before the sun goes up, since there are less people around while it's still dark. But never mind that)

Thanks Evey and Allein, I appreciate it. This was a group of people I was friends with since we were kids, so it would have been awesome to have a drink together and talk etc.
I've been out before so it's not really that difficult for me in terms of social anxiety, I just feel like I'm the worst of the bunch. They've all been growing up and going through relationships, buying their own cars and all that, while I'm sleeping all day and sitting here all night feeling like shit not doing anything.
I don't even have any real problems to deal with atm, apart from being broke and a health problem or two. I'm living with my parents and it gets more depressing and frustrating every day, I quit the job I had because I kept turning up late and drinking during the day, couldn't stand the sight of the other co-workers and despite it being an easy job, it was getting real fucking annoying.
Feels like I'm out of place spilling my guts out to you guys here, while you all are battling addiction and Dark Siders are having to cope with mental illness and real serious issues.

I've never been an attention seeker but it feels like that's all I'm doing atm.

Anyway whatever, I wish you all the best and Evey I hope you enjoy this day today as it looks like the sun has finally come out to shine. Well that's if the weather in Wales has been as bad as here. Been fucking raining for two weeks straight.
 
Plmar yeah the sun came out for awhile, thought I was going to die of shock. You're not out of place here. Your problems are just as important as anyone else's problems when they come. Please try not to feel like that. It sounds like you're going through a tough time n need support like anyone else. I got what you meant about the bike ride n wanting to do it while the sun was down, was just saying u could still go for a bike ride if you really wanted to. What about this evening after sunset or tomorrow morning?

Evey xxxx
 
It's so difficult working out when you got almost nothing to start with... I really wanna just lie down right now and fall asleep but that sort of mentality that always keeps me down. Physically I'm weak but I can endure a lot and keep on going even after I get tired, it's just my mind telling me I can't do this or that etc Hate it
 
My boyfriend is no longer a virgin thanks to me :D


I don't know where he learned, but it was great ha. Just had to share :p
 
^^ Haha awesome ad lib. Just curious, how old is he?

I thought you were a bit older for some reason, like close to 30 - I could be wrong. Could also be right and he's just a 30 year old virgin (was) - not that it matters, point is I'm just being nosy lol hope you don't mind.
 
He is 29 lol. He's never had a girlfriend before me. He's really shy and more socially awkward than me, but god he's so hot and has the sexiest arms :D
 
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