Getting off suboxone and feeling nervous

[THC_LSD_OC]

hey everyone,
its been a while since i've posted, been in the darkness for a long time.

I built up a habit over the last year that has led me to about a 90-120mg oxy dose at a time, up to 240-300mg every day). always a mix of oral + intranasal usage, never never never iv im scared of needles thank god. I'd also mess around w some dope here n there, but honestly didnt even enjoy it as much as the oxy. To me, H feels dirtier than the oxys. That may be related to social stigma or watever but irrelevant.

Finally, 3 months ago I decided to finally make a change and stop making a trip into the ghetto everyday and switch to suboxone. I know everyone has their own opinions on suboxone and 'replacing one drug w another' but if you can, please leave negativity to yourself cause rn all my focus is getting completely clean off of the suboxone. Suboxone was the only possible thing that could allow me to continue doing well in university without having to withdraw from classes + my important job.

i showed up at the doctor in full WD and he gave me one 8mg strip per day plus a couple extras. I would take 8mg every day (sometimes 12mg) for about 1 1/2 months. In the beginning i didnt feel the need for it every morning, but at this point the compulsion of doing so has developed...wake up w/ watery eyes and fatigue depression etc (still never as bad as w full agonist wd)

Anyways, in the last month and a half of tapering I have gotten down to 2mg each day. Had a couple hiccups along the way (single day relapses) but not for a while now-been abt a month. I am on my last two weeks of suboxone now (itll be 3 1/2 months total usage, every day).. Saw the doctor for the last time yesterday and got my 7 2mg tablets to last the next 14 days.
Therefore, I am on 1mg sub each day now.

By the end of the day im always feeling achy and tired, so idk how im feeling about going completely off of them, but its happening whether i like it or not-both my parents and doctor feel this is the right time.
I have a buncha clonidines 0.01mg eeeach to help w the withdrawal once i'm off them completely. I can also get my hands on alprazolam if any of you think thats helpful. I smoke a good bit of weed, which im told will help somewhat with the wtihdrawals.

I apologize for the long writing, I just could really use some guidance in getting off of these damn things and want to be as detailed as possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. More likely than not, I am going into a 7 day detox program once my prescription runs out, followed by about 3 days a week of 9-5 all day long therapy/substance abuse counseling.

****the whole point of this is, do you guys think that w/ my sub usage i will experience withdrawal once i stop? i will be using 1mg for the next 2 weeks and then im done. I fear that if i feel any type of withdrawal, i will simply go find some oxys to stop feeling it.
So basically im asking, what personalized plan do you think will help ease withdrawal the most + how long do you think it will last? im planning on doing it during a long weekend and just hope thats enough. thank you all so much

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey TLO.. congratulations on all that you have accomplished so far I think you have a strong detox and recovery plan going so far. There is one group of medications I think you are missing. the GABA medications are truely a god send when it comes to opiate withdrawal, the can really make all the difference. So I would definitely add Lyrica, neurontin, or Phenibut to your arsenal. unfortunately we all have to pay the piper when we give up the opiates so you will have some withdrawal. But since you tapered nicely they wont be that severe. I would just try and accept in your mind that you are going to feel uncomfortable for a little while. This is ok as after you are done with this you will never have to be a slave through physical dependence to a drug ever again

medications for acute opiate detox

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
http://www.clairedorotik.com/NLWC-EXERCISE_AND_MOOD.htm
ADD take http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/673580-Hey-I-thought-the-grey-matter-of-ADD-could-chew-on-this
Managing depressive thinking

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!

also If you are a male then I would consider getting your testosterone levels checked as this often get really low with long opiate use and TRT can make a huge difference with the level of PAWS you may experience.

Your doing great and can do this!!!

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

Bud, thank you so much for your advice!! with the medications and detox program, along with a lot of support from friends and family and of course groups within bluelight. It always calms me to know there are people out there who can truly help if you just ask.
please accept my sincerest gratitude for your advice, i will keep updates on how everything is going throughout the process.
take care!

 

[caseface99]

congrats TLO! Getting of subs is not an easy thing to do, and I commend you for giving it a shot! If I read your post right, you have been on subs for 3 months, correct? This is very good news! 3 months is not a very long time, and your withdrawal symptoms probably won't be overly terrible. In the past the absolute biggest help for me has been neurontin/gabapentin - as well as healthy diet and exercise. Stay positive, but also be aware that you may need to be prepared to deal with negative emotions and intense cravings. Just remember that the cravings will always pass, whether you give into it or not.

Good luck and keep is updated!

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

thanks caseface for your advice! people have been telling me gabapentin is effective so im definitely going to try that route. And yea, i've only been on the suboxone for 3-3 1/2 months, down to 1mg now. Im probably acting like a lil bit of a bitch cuz i know ppl are on subs for years which makes it much more physically and mentally difficult, so i am thankful that my doc only allowed me to go for a few months.

About the negative emotions & cravings, i appreciate the honesty. With all the 'fun' (not fun looking back on it now) comes consequences and i'm coming to terms with that i'll have to deal with some form of withdrawal.
I have already quit opiates + benzos (at the same time-most painful) in the past, so i know i am capable i just gotta nut up! thanks for the advice friend and will do!

 

[caseface99]

You're extremely lucky to have a doctor who knows their shit! If I had a Dr. who knew suboxone was supposed to be a short term treatment when I first got clean years ago, I probably wouldn't be on it today. After years of switching back and forth and experiencing hellishly prolonged withdrawal symptoms for 5-6 months with no improvement last time i tried without it, I'm afraid to even think about getting off right now. At least not before I finish school because I wouldn't be able to function for an unknown amount of time If I got off right now.

Anyway, Just wanted to say you are lucky, courageous, and strong and I can tell by your posts that you are a genuine person - Put half as much effort into staying clean as you used to put into staying high, and you will accomplish great things.

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

Caseface, i completely understand where your coming from, reason i got on suboxone initially was just to get thru college without getting terrible grades b/c of withdrawal. I truly appreciate the vote of confidence, it really does help man.
quick question if anybody gets around to reading it, im gonna do some more research but i have had experience with kratom and it has certainly helped with cravings. i placed an order with moodandmind.com because ive tested their stuff before and its quality, i just hope it will alleviate some of the symptoms without causing a new addiction. if i do use it, it would solely be for maintenance, not getting high.

if you have any opinions on kratom, shoot em my way. take care!

 

[derr1ck]

GABPENTIN is truely a miricle... you need to take a lot and take a little at a time because your body can only absorb so much at a time or it's wasted. blows kratom out of the water from all my experiences, not even close. you do need to take a lot of the gaba, i read to absorb the most you need to take 1 pill an hour. miss that stuff i used to order it all the time from india. kratom never did much for me but i had a bad habit. gaga works like a charm guys.

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

I've heard decidedly good info abt gabapentin...is this neurontin/need a script? Cuz I could prob acquire some from my ex sub doctor or family members (got a whole fam of doctors, although not versed in opiate addiction). I've heard u can take a couple of them and ur out no matter what, def a good thing for w/d.
As I've heard and experienced myself, sleep in WD>>>awake in WD. I have clonidines but they def don't have a noticeable effect other than controlling body temp. Def could use something to stop theRLS combined w acheyness. I honestly think for me the most difficult part is the acheyness...for real. If anything gets me back, it'll be that. But I'm determined to say fuck this shit n get clean, so relapse is no option of mine (perhaps was to an extent when I was still takin suboxone for the high(while mild the opiate-like energy it provides cannot be denied).)

Honestly at this point can't give a definitive comment on subs. I think I will be better versed after I get fully clean. That being said if I had or give advice to a friend in need I'd say do a quick 7 day detox so ur not trading one for another (IF POSSIBLE), but it is ALL circumstantial. I am very grateful for suboxone because it saved me from a likely OD, all while kicking ass in college + my job, but it may not be for everybody because I certainly gauge it's addictive properties.
Either way, thanks for the Advice!! Def gna get my handson some GABA

 

[derr1ck]

I've heard decidedly good info abt gabapentin...is this neurontin/need a script? Cuz I could prob acquire some from my ex sub doctor or family members (got a whole fam of doctors, although not versed in opiate addiction). I've heard u can take a couple of them and ur out no matter what, def a good thing for w/d.
As I've heard and experienced myself, sleep in WD>>>awake in WD. I have clonidines but they def don't have a noticeable effect other than controlling body temp. Def could use something to stop theRLS combined w acheyness. I honestly think for me the most difficult part is the acheyness...for real. If anything gets me back, it'll be that. But I'm determined to say fuck this shit n get clean, so relapse is no option of mine (perhaps was to an extent when I was still takin suboxone for the high(while mild the opiate-like energy it provides cannot be denied).)

Honestly at this point can't give a definitive comment on subs. I think I will be better versed after I get fully clean. That being said if I had or give advice to a friend in need I'd say do a quick 7 day detox so ur not trading one for another (IF POSSIBLE), but it is ALL circumstantial. I am very grateful for suboxone because it saved me from a likely OD, all while kicking ass in college + my job, but it may not be for everybody because I certainly gauge it's addictive properties.
Either way, thanks for the Advice!! Def gna get my handson some GABA

you used to be able to buy it from india in bulk, not sure of the site atm.. sorry will have ask someone and get back to you. gaba was the only non opiate pill i ever had that actually cured sickness, and not only that, its a blast, its always been one of my favorite buzz's anyone who finds it pls report here ill try to find it tomorrow....

MOD NOTE: we do not allow source discussions.

 

[derr1ck]

hey everyone,
its been a while since i've posted, been in the darkness for a long time.

I built up a habit over the last year that has led me to about a 90-120mg oxy dose at a time, up to 240-300mg every day). always a mix of oral + intranasal usage, never never never iv im scared of needles thank god. I'd also mess around w some dope here n there, but honestly didnt even enjoy it as much as the oxy. To me, H feels dirtier than the oxys. That may be related to social stigma or watever but irrelevant.

Finally, 3 months ago I decided to finally make a change and stop making a trip into the ghetto everyday and switch to suboxone. I know everyone has their own opinions on suboxone and 'replacing one drug w another' but if you can, please leave negativity to yourself cause rn all my focus is getting completely clean off of the suboxone. Suboxone was the only possible thing that could allow me to continue doing well in university without having to withdraw from classes + my important job.

i showed up at the doctor in full WD and he gave me one 8mg strip per day plus a couple extras. I would take 8mg every day (sometimes 12mg) for about 1 1/2 months. In the beginning i didnt feel the need for it every morning, but at this point the compulsion of doing so has developed...wake up w/ watery eyes and fatigue depression etc (still never as bad as w full agonist wd)

Anyways, in the last month and a half of tapering I have gotten down to 2mg each day. Had a couple hiccups along the way (single day relapses) but not for a while now-been abt a month. I am on my last two weeks of suboxone now (itll be 3 1/2 months total usage, every day).. Saw the doctor for the last time yesterday and got my 7 2mg tablets to last the next 14 days.
Therefore, I am on 1mg sub each day now.

By the end of the day im always feeling achy and tired, so idk how im feeling about going completely off of them, but its happening whether i like it or not-both my parents and doctor feel this is the right time.
I have a buncha clonidines 0.01mg eeeach to help w the withdrawal once i'm off them completely. I can also get my hands on alprazolam if any of you think thats helpful. I smoke a good bit of weed, which im told will help somewhat with the wtihdrawals.

I apologize for the long writing, I just could really use some guidance in getting off of these damn things and want to be as detailed as possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. More likely than not, I am going into a 7 day detox program once my prescription runs out, followed by about 3 days a week of 9-5 all day long therapy/substance abuse counseling.

****the whole point of this is, do you guys think that w/ my sub usage i will experience withdrawal once i stop? i will be using 1mg for the next 2 weeks and then im done. I fear that if i feel any type of withdrawal, i will simply go find some oxys to stop feeling it.
So basically im asking, what personalized plan do you think will help ease withdrawal the most + how long do you think it will last? im planning on doing it during a long weekend and just hope thats enough. thank you all so much

hey man, i'm not trying to discourage you but it just so happens we're in the same boat. me and my partner in crime are going at it in two different ways, because in my experince 1mg may leave you feeling off especially on day 3-5 clean. i went cold turkey this week and it was not until the third of fourth day which was yesterday. alprazolam for me is a life saver. it literally makes me feel not sick and positive, the bad part it takes a lot and if you're the type it just makes tired it may not be the best choice to use like me.

as for my partner in crime, he has no such luck and dislikes alprazolam. his method is weening off to tiny amounts and is not complaining at all. i think he's making a strip last well over week atm, he also doses twice a day, (small amounts.) this may help ease the end of the day issues your having. so far it seems his method is working well but keep in mind it took him awhile to get his dosages low like that. both methods are working but i'd be lying if i said this was my first attempt... if you do try the alprazolam method i'd recommend you get enough of them because if they do work for you, you'll burn through them very fast...

the alprazolam method does not work on him, if it's only making you sleepy and not actually making you feel good and cured, i'd recommend his method of weening down slowly and he's having more luck taking a tiny dose in the morning and then before bed. i went cold turkey and it took days before the full effects hit me yesterday, i woke up feeling better and the alprazolam is working. you will most likely need a full bottle of alprazolam if this method works for you, unless you just use it to sleep occasionally... good luck man, i've been on the stuff for years, it beats dope when it comes to kicking imo.

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

hey derrick, thanks for the advice on the alprazolam.
i have some past experience w/ it and it is not a problem for me at this point (from the addictive side-it used to be), so i am definitely going to utilize it for the withdrawal.
I agree with you, it really can alleviate mood and a variety of other symptoms during withdrawal, Especially in individuals who get particularly anxious (i do, im sure you do as well).

Ive gotten off a steady 180mg OC a day + 2-4mg alprazolam every day for 3-4 months cold turkey. The fact that you say suboxone is easier to kick than dope/high oxy makes me feel a lot more confident about it.

My plan, at this point (it really has changed thanks to a lot of your guys' help) is to lower over the next week my suboxone dose to 0.5, even 0.25 before i stop. itll be a drop (not gonna do it for longer than 7 more days) from 1 mg a day, but alprazolam REALLY helps me at night when i drop the sub dose that morning.
So if i go from 1mg-->0.5mg, i always take my dose in the morning right when i wake up (7am) by the end of the night, i feel a little achey and anxious/RLS, but nothing serious whatsoever. I find .5-1mg alprazolam at nighttime (important for me-for my addictive properties-to only take at night) really helps alleviate the aches/bad mood im in when im feeling a little pain from the rapidly lowered suboxone dose (ive gone from 4->2->1mg so far within 2 weeks, and dont feel too bad).

if you are familiar with benzos and able to control the amount you take (it can get easy to get addicted to these and bitch to w/d from)
then they are DEFINITELY one of the more helpful aids.
especially for my anxious ass, them sticks help a ton with w/d!

thanks again for the kidn words bud

 

[derr1ck]

hey derrick, thanks for the advice on the alprazolam.
i have some past experience w/ it and it is not a problem for me at this point (from the addictive side-it used to be), so i am definitely going to utilize it for the withdrawal.
I agree with you, it really can alleviate mood and a variety of other symptoms during withdrawal, Especially in individuals who get particularly anxious (i do, im sure you do as well).

Ive gotten off a steady 180mg OC a day + 2-4mg alprazolam every day for 3-4 months cold turkey. The fact that you say suboxone is easier to kick than dope/high oxy makes me feel a lot more confident about it.

My plan, at this point (it really has changed thanks to a lot of your guys' help) is to lower over the next week my suboxone dose to 0.5, even 0.25 before i stop. itll be a drop (not gonna do it for longer than 7 more days) from 1 mg a day, but alprazolam REALLY helps me at night when i drop the sub dose that morning.
So if i go from 1mg-->0.5mg, i always take my dose in the morning right when i wake up (7am) by the end of the night, i feel a little achey and anxious/RLS, but nothing serious whatsoever. I find .5-1mg alprazolam at nighttime (important for me-for my addictive properties-to only take at night) really helps alleviate the aches/bad mood im in when im feeling a little pain from the rapidly lowered suboxone dose (ive gone from 4->2->1mg so far within 2 weeks, and dont feel too bad).

if you are familiar with benzos and able to control the amount you take (it can get easy to get addicted to these and bitch to w/d from)
then they are DEFINITELY one of the more helpful aids.
especially for my anxious ass, them sticks help a ton with w/d!

thanks again for the kidn words bud

good luck to both of us so far i'm doing decent, a few slip ups. one thing to be careful of is when your tolerance is low the temptation to cave just "once in awhile" turns back to a daily issue. that's what my issue has been, so watch out for that and good luck friend. sometimes i do great then i get a itch and even get desperate enough to IV a full sub after going close to cold turkey for days, it's a mind game and you can easily trick yourself into thinking "this is the last time" and so on...

much easier to kick than dope or dones because such a small amount can fix you, but to be honest my idea of quitting has always been... imaginary. but not due to sickness but just weak minded. but i can tell if you cut your dosage lower and lower you don't suffer nearly as much as the other stuff, so it's possible. i believe if done right you could quit with almost no withdrawl. i think subs are truly a miracle when compared to any other ope and when done right. many people don't realize the "less is more" theory is true with them and get themselves into a mess due to dr's giving them way more than necessary too... well good luck man.

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

i totally hear you man, earlier on in treatment (abt month 1) in the mornings when i would try to hold off doin the subs (i was at about 8mg per day at that time) I would have some cravings, and unfortunately succumbed to them twice. luckily it was only a 1 day use each time, and ive been clean for 2 months now.

i know what you mean about quitting being 'imaginary.' i've felt the same way at times, thinking that i'd never really want to quit. my real motivation at this point is that i've heard too many stories about ppl being on subs for years and suffering withdrawal symptoms persisting for months. That is something that i wouldnt be able to deal with.

im totally accepting that i will either have some small cravings or withdrawals, as long as they dont last more than 2-3 weeks i think ill be able to get past em (ESPECIALLY w/ alprazolam only used strategically while quitting).

last thing, i fully agree with your LESS IS MORE w/ suboxone. i cannot stress this enough--i currently have a friend beginning subs and while his habit was about the same as mine, i've recommended to him to be on 2-4mg per day AT MOST (vs my starting point of 8-12).
I constantly tell him that i feel the same on 2mg, EVEN 1MG NOW, as i did when i was on 8-12. i wish i had someone telling me this when i was starting b/c i wouldnt be struggling as much to come off them.

taking more subs doesnt get you higher really at all, it just increases the length of time that buprenorphine is bound to receptors.
I'd say anywhere up to a 180-200mg oxy/day or maybe .5-1g a day dope (just my personal experience) can be covered by a 2mg per day strip. You may feel a tad shitty at night, but you wake up and feel fine (really weird but it happens to me every time).

The first few days going down to 1mg were TOUGH at night, but now i've moved down to 0.5 (i'd say i went from 2->1->0.5 all within a couple weeks) and feel just as fine.
like derr1ck said, dont take as much as your doctor tells you always, they highly overestimate it believe me!!!

best of luck derri1ck and keep in touch everyone! scheduled to stop 100% by this upcoming thursday and actually feeling confident for a change!!!

 

[Fiction_]

First of all, just as a reminder, keep in mind that EVERYONE is DIFFERENT. One person's seemingly smooth approach may not be so silky for another. All the advice that's been given is good for the most part and again, everyone has their own truth so I can't deny anyone else's experience. But Opi's are a bitch. A goddess of a bitch. I'm sure u know this lol but I just can't sugar coat anything. Buprenorphine is a strong fucking opiod. I have been on it a handful of times throughout my drug dynasty and FOR ME, it was definitely JUST AS HARD to get off as dope, maybe even harder. For me, there was a very lingering presence of withdrawal. The longest I was ever on it was about 3 months and I kicked for a whole month. I'm not trying to scare you I'm just being straight up real with u. I think the kratom route is a very wise choice. Along with clonidine, gabapentin, benzos, weed, baclofen, and a never ending supply of positivity. The way u think really does help. When I was on a hefty dose of oxy a few years ago kratom took away my withdrawals like a charm. But when I got married to dope, kratom couldn't even touch my withdrawals. So again, everyone and every circumstance is different, and may or may not produce similar results. I also started subs on about 12 mg and tapered all the way to the tiniest sliver of a 2mg pill, and I still kicked like a motherrr. I truly do hope you don't get it as bad as I did though and i hope I didn't scare you too much. But you can turn fear into strength. When the time comes I hope that is what you do. But Good luck! Keep us posted.

 

[Eveleivibe]

By the end of the day im always feeling achy and tired, so idk how im feeling about going completely off of them, but its happening whether i like it or not-both my parents and doctor feel this is the right time.

Hiya THC,

I have no probs in trying to help you. However, I wanted to point out something you wrote n ask you do you want this as well? Please do not think that for one moment I am trying to be negative it's just when I read that sort of statement alarm bells ring because to get clean n stay clean YOU need to want this more than anything. I am actually struggling in my own adfiction because "other people wanted me off." If YOU want this then I will be more than happy to try to give you any support I can.

I cannot tell you about withdrawals based on my own experience as I have not yet tapered off suboxone myself. However, by what I have read from others is that they find it easier to taper down to really low doses such as 0.25 mg. theres also a Suboxone megathread on the sub-forum, Other Drugs where all sorts of questions are asked n it may help you to find some answers n extra support.

Not that I'm trying to sway you from sober living as it 's important that you are here in terms of recovery just thought that you will find extra information on suboxone tapering etc.

Good luck.
Evey xxxx

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

Day 1: woke up feeling very nervous about not being able to take my morning dose, but resisted and went for an hour and a half bike ride, smoked some pot + took my clonidine and i feel pretty good, not too much withdrawal feeling at all. that being said its possible im not even in witdrawal yet but it could be that i just tapered properly!
lets hope its the latter. i will keep everyone updated.
take care yall and stay safe

 

[neversickanymore]

we can hope and I will hope with you.. it will likely hit you around mid/end of day two.. possible day three.. what medications did you choose to help get you through the tunnel.. you can do this and we are here to help!!

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

neversick-i fully agree w you, with everything ive heard it'll hit me tomorrow/the next day it its hardest. eithr way, i was able to take very low doses of clonidine, alprazolam, and some ultra enhanced bali kratom today and gotta say i still dont feel any symptoms really (im going to sleep within a couple hours). I have my kratom, alprazolam, and increased clonidine dosages prepared for tm w/ timing o dosage and all. I also have maryjane edible gummi bears so i dont have to smoke (smoking pot grosses me out during withdrawal and gives me terrible cottonmouth. maryj helps me so much w the nausea and irritability/lack of hunger i experience during WD.

I have a very fast metabolism and exercise a lot (at least 1 hour cycling a day-i do triathlons). waking up and getting on the bike for just 30 mins- an hour has tremendous effects on reducing the withdrawals. after that I dose maryj edible and clonidine .01mg. Kratom ultra enhanced bali 1.5g then i toss & wash. do th same about 6 hours later but i halve the clonidine dose to be safe and add 1mg alprazolam in. I may redose kratom later that day around 6 or 7 pm w/ same 1.5g dose. i find the kratom, clonidine, and pot are 3 major helpers. alprazolamhelps take the mental ease off the desperation you feel to get a dose/helps relax the rls and lets u fall asleep at night. thanks guys all of your help has been really useful for me.

i will keep you updated and speak again soon!

 

[neversickanymore]

You got it almost down.. but im going to just shoot it straight.. with the addition of the benzo you are adding you will be alright.. but your going to be really uncomfortable compared if you add the gaba.. please seek out and find the neurontin before this comes at you.. can you do it.. sure I did.. but if I would have known better,, i didn't.. we are amazing people and to make ourselves feal like ass and tempt us even more is not a way I would choose.. So please seek out and find on of the gabas as this will make your slip through much easier.. dont worry you will make it through.. you may have ten days once it starts.. nothing to go back to but the start of something you have already made it a ways through.. we all need to pay the piper at this point.. has to be done.. you can and will do this:D