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vasectomy issue?

tweety55590

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 6, 2013
Messages
7
I'm online dating on and off with this guy for 5 years, we both like each other from the very start...but I don't know why it took him 5 years before he say that he had vasectomy when he was 27? the guy is 49 now and had 3 grown up children (25, 24, 22). I'm 37 now and he plans to visit me April next year in our country. Im single and have no kids. we have natural conversations about kids before.Help me analyze this situation with him. I love this guy but at the back of my mind saying, "this man deceived you, withheld this info". why would he hide it from me for 5 years? should i stay or should i go?
 
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What is there to analyze ?

Ask yourself?

Do you love this guy
Do you want children
Would you accept a foster child as yours

Yeah a vasectomy can be reversed (not without risk or cost) but is it 'his' child you want or just a child ?
 
^What Bearlove said, and also this: families are created, not made. Adopting and fostering are wonderful options. Have you ever met your dude in person? I think you'll be better able to assess your options by having an in-person conversation.
 
all depends on what you want...

no pressure but your biological clock is ticking and this man "forgot" to mention he cant have kids:\

so you were 32 when you started seeing him.

sometimes adoption is great, other times not so much. its really random as to what you get and a lot of peoples personality/behaviours are inherited so its a lottery.

this guy is not cool for hiding important info. big red flag from me
 
the guy is 49 i wouldnt want another child at that age imagine when they are at school and everyone is asking him/her is that your grandad . I had a friend who was obviously a mistake as they used to say and kids being cruel as they are he used to get some stick about it maybe not a great reason but a little food for thought i reckon
 
the guy is 49 i wouldnt want another child at that age imagine when they are at school and everyone is asking him/her is that your grandad . I had a friend who was obviously a mistake as they used to say and kids being cruel as they are he used to get some stick about it maybe not a great reason but a little food for thought i reckon

thats what i was thinking

you need to find someone who isn't going to hide the truth for 5 years and wants the same thing you do
 
i felt i'm kinda deceived ..5 years, I'm in love with the guy right now..it's actually his child i want ...I can't imagine myself having kids to someone i don't like or love...i don't think he and I would like to adopt too..but I felt he trapped me.
 
How many years were you dating online before deciding to take it to the physical level? If you both started chatting on day one saying we will have to move in with each other etc he should have been open and honest with you. It has taken you both 5 years to take this to the next level - maybe until now he only say this as an online relationship and there was no need to mention vasectomy (his age, the distance, his three grown up children to him could have been his reason behind his thinking).

If you want his children, have you told him? Not just that you would like children but that you would like to have children with him? He probably assumed that you already knew his thoughts on children.
 
Shoulda got it when he was 23 ;)

Seriously though, why do you want to procreate?
 
I Love the guy..yes actually I like at least one child from him and just to have a child too but of course since I love him it should come from him..I guess for him and I, adoption is not an option.
 
We talked kids on natural conversations and I even asked him , if he intends to have a child to his second wife if ever he get married and he just answered before "I don't know". I told him before that if ever I get married , hopefully I could have at least one child if God's willing. Well, he could bring the vasectomy thing before, I was a bit shocked that he brought he had vasectomy thing after 5 years of getting to know him online. When in fact he knows that I like him from the very start and he said he likes me too. Before he brought the vasectomy topic, he brought up first to me that he plans to buy a condo california and he will get to finish his masters degree this end of 2013.
 
yeah its what they call a lie of omission

therefore i wouldn't call him a liar BUT he is a deceiver

can you afford to waste more time? a child you have of your own will always come before some long term internet dude who isn't honest.

people who bullshit you are wasting your life and you are letting them do it to you
 
yeah its what they call a lie of omission

therefore i wouldn't call him a liar BUT he is a deceiver

can you afford to waste more time? a child you have of your own will always come before some long term internet dude who isn't honest.

people who bullshit you are wasting your life and you are letting them do it to you


Yes , you are actually right..it is really hard to trust him again...it is really a lie of omission he committed. I've been honest to him eversince and he was now unfair. I would appreciate if he tells the truth on the first year of our getting to know. Thanks for your shared input and to those people who shared their views here.
 
How much time have you actually spent face-to-face? I'm assuming you want to get married too but perhaps he is not as serious about this internet relationship as you are. Saying he wants to buy property doesn't constitute a commitment or maybe I'm missing something. :?
 
How much time have you actually spent face-to-face? I'm assuming you want to get married too but perhaps he is not as serious about this internet relationship as you are. Saying he wants to buy property doesn't constitute a commitment or maybe I'm missing something. :?

Its on and off for 5 years..I've never been married before and have no kids yet and he is 14 years legally divorced and have 3 grown up children. Yeah, you are right too, maybe he is not really serious as me on this internet thing and maybe he is trying to deceive me again on that property. I'm really getting tired of him.
 
There is another way to have his child, IVF-ICSI. It where they do a testicular biopsy and basically get a sperm then inject a single sperm directly into the egg. They say it's more successful then reversing a vasectomy.
 
the guy is 49 i wouldnt want another child at that age imagine when they are at school and everyone is asking him/her is that your grandad . I had a friend who was obviously a mistake as they used to say and kids being cruel as they are he used to get some stick about it maybe not a great reason but a little food for thought i reckon

Ditto. I had a vasectomy at 45 because the only benefit of having a child at that age is providing a more secure environment financially wise. This does not outweigh having to invest another 25 years raising a child as "grandpa" and the risk of passing away when your kid still needs you. A friend of mine who is the same age (51) had a daughter at 48 with his 33-year-old wife confided to me it was a huge mistake, to make things worst he has a serious heart condition from coke/meth abuse in his 20's and thirties, which could void his life insurance policies and he's basically devastated on the brink of major depression despite his wealth: he owns a successful Dodge/Ram/Fiat dealership and has the for convincing people that the Dodge Journey they want is not suited to their lifestyle and they drive off the lot in a massive RAM Guzzler pickup instead, just like me who has no use for a jumbo pickup in a large city but hey, "won't get stuck in snow"

Won't get stuck in snow that's for sure, ain't got any snow in KC. Anyway what I meant is that middle-aged men are best suited for reaping the rewards of reaching the pinnacle of their career, which is not compatible with raising your children, not to mention the generation gap issues that are sure to rise over the years. Imho 30 is the age to start a family of 2 kids, yould in your early 50's when they leave home, with plenty of energy left for work. 20-somethings won't relate much to their geriatric dad living in an old folks home Pine Meadows (Stinking Spruce Swamps would be more befitting) that reeks of ether and mothballs and is barely heated in winter. To top it off they don't allow Old Daddy to smoke his beloved Cuban cigarillos smuggled in from Canada hidden in Ram pickups (those are made in Canada) within 30 feet of the building but anyway he's strapped to his bed for making lewd advances to that hot but snubbish orderly which he dared call "sweetie" instead of Miss Catastrophopopoulos because he can't pronounce that name and yeah, he thinks Miss C is hot. Big deal. Regardless, he was deemed a "sex harassment threat" and put on the Missouri Registered Sex Offender List.

Vasectomy, that's the way to go. Be free, be productive, call any woman you like "sweetie" (in a respectful yet lascivious manner, (avoid "hey bitch") and sweetie smiles back or giggles, works every time when you're middle-age, the gal knows you're just being facetious... or who knows, maybe she likes middle-aged dudes, many do. We got more cash to sweeten a romantic rendez-vous at a fancy French restaurant, young dudes take them to Taco Bell... And you, you know darn well that your sex drive is not just intact, it's a friggin' ball of fire. Young studs have stamina. We have stamina AND experience, and we still look good if we take care of our body, I do and look 10 years younger. Got no grey hair due to genetic factor so that helps but my goatee is white.

Vasectomy.
 
so I've had a vasectomy I personally would not disclose this unless asked cause if she turns up pregnant then I'd know for sure she was screwing around. and it's none of her business if we're just dating once married then sure.
 
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