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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

I would like to apologise

Yes that can be a useful approach but sometimes people aren't in "the right frame of mind" to do the cherry picking :D So there really is a responsibility on everyone to be at least somewhat considerate of other people. I was going to say "not to be a dick" but then I realised I would have an issue with that.

But - my approach worked :D - are you saying we should all take the responsibility to be considerate to everyone's post?

Looking forward to seeing that enforced
 
But - my approach worked :D - are you saying we should all take the responsibility to be considerate to everyone's post?

Looking forward to seeing that enforced

No my post was directed towards justinsayno, I edited it to make that clear, but the edit didn't show up, so I edited it again 8 minutes later, you probably didn't see my final edit! Oh curse the edit function! :|


Anyway, yes I am saying that we should all take responsibility to be considerate.

I am not in favour of just "enforcing" anything. Most people are open to reason. I'm putting the idea to the forum right here. Of course it's up to people what they make of it, but I think it's possible for people, in a group, such as the members here (and I count myself as a member first mod second) to have fruitful discussions about the group's behaviour. I think there are some problems with internet forums in general and BL/EADD specifically that mean it's not the easiest way to go, but I think it is a good way to go :)

Edit: BUT - if you want to be authoritarian, it is easily arguable that being considerate is in the BLUA and not being considerate is punishable by infraction ;) see the "do not post abusive comments" rule.
 
Is this for me :D - How can you say 'group' discussions when 'you' have allowed a perma banned (banned for life ) back on the site? If we were all to bow down and say 'Yes this is great, yes this is acceptable, this is safe' when the person chatting is killing themselves then what is the point of posting? For shits n giggles ? Yeah you shoot that Krocodil - you know your arms are going to fall off but hey ho - you can always wipe your ass with your feet.
 
^ interesting...

E-mails arent alien to me [ christ i must write like a 50 year old! ]

I wasn't judging MDB, i can be awkward myself at times so understand that "go out and make friends!" is far easier said than done for some people.

A phone call or letter is different because we don't often call strangers.

I totally get the points you made, but i dont think they 'disprove' mine. MDB [ sorry to talk about ya when you're not online :) ] has said himself that comment here bring him down.
Thats clearly not a good thing.

Maybe the best approach is to accept the good things here, but invest a little less emotionally so the odd trollish comment doesnt cut so deep ?

The fact that someone can start a thread and get opinions that differ as much as ours is one of the good things about a forum. Cherry pick the bits you like and disregard the rest.

Yes, i agree with the latter part justin. Personally for me, unless i've come to respect the person who's commenting over a period of time, and respect their opinion, I can take anyone else's with a pinch of salt. very easily so, water off a duck's back. Once you've sussed who's worth listening to and who isn't, trolls and numpties become easy to just ignore, or even laugh with sometimes (although not in MDB's case from this thread)

I've had a fuckton of nonsense thrown at me for some of my antics *cough*MOONJUICE*cough* ... what's funny gets a laugh out of me, and what's just plain insulting or goading gets passed on.

I certainly never take flippant or harsh comments to heart but it must be more difficult to do that being in the middle of a fuckton of emotional shit and drug dependency, and I can understand how MDB would have difficulty thinking about and ensuring he responds to idiots in the manner which they deserve or are ideally dealt with, without provoking more of the same.

i'd like to see you get to the point where you really don't give a fuck about the comments from the people that don't matter to you, and who don't have anything constructive to say. It is possible to get there MDB.
 
I am not in favour of just "enforcing" anything. Most people are open to reason. I'm putting the idea to the forum right here. Of course it's up to people what they make of it, but I think it's possible for people, in a group, such as the members here (and I count myself as a member first mod second) to have fruitful discussions about the group's behaviour. I think there are some problems with internet forums in general and BL/EADD specifically that mean it's not the easiest way to go, but I think it is a good way to go :)

Edit: BUT - if you want to be authoritarian, it is easily arguable that being considerate is in the BLUA and not being considerate is punishable by infraction ;) see the "do not post abusive comments" rule.

I really think the authoritarian route isn't the way to go, and it's a protectionist approach that has much further implications. I genuinely think posters need to learn to adapt to the environment here, to preserve what we have.

But that's not to say there aren't exceptions that shouldnt be considered, and that apealing for compassion in certain situations is a way of doing that (rather than enforcing it)
 
i'd like to see you get to the point where you really don't give a fuck about the comments from the people that don't matter to you, and who don't have anything constructive to say. It is possible to get there MDB.

I am beginning to get there. Without meaning to sound arrogant most of the haters including IRL come from morons with no idea what they are talking about. So that is one easy way to dismiss 95% of them. But is arrogance of tjhat sort the best way to deal with them ? Arrogance is a fault of mine, so i try to avoid it, but =to me it fits and works in these sorts of scenarios.

What do yu think Marmz >?

When i first came to BL i lived by the moto 'treat others as you wish to be treated' and in my first 30 months or so on here i only had 1 argument, when some troll baited me and i was unable to resist. So it does and can work, it is possible to be considerate to everyone, and what goes around comes around.

Its only since thise benzo rage thing that i have become a target, expecially for the latest batch of newbies, who will probably be taking their lead from others they see taking the piss out of me. Thye must be thinking lets troll that guy, thats what everyone does here. In fact about 95 % of the long term members treat me with the courtesy that i have always treated them with.

There is just a rather huge fuckin 'fly in the ointment' that i / we need to deal with some way or other,. I am far too easily bought down, and my only out is the arrogant route "that person is a fuckin moron anyway". Im not entirelly happy with that although it may be true and effective ther must be other ways. Im repeating myself now so ill shut up.
 
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It's not as real though, is it? Typing some shit to RandomUsername#7 is not the same as actual human contact and pretending that it is isn't healthy.


In my opinion etc.


YEAH PTC - BUT, imagine a lot of people who do not have human contact (well where they can say ' Been up for the last 6 days on PV) -they could easily see this forum and the people that chat as their 'friends'.
 
Is this for me :D - How can you say 'group' discussions when 'you' have allowed a perma banned (banned for life ) back on the site? If we were all to bow down and say 'Yes this is great, yes this is acceptable, this is safe' when the person chatting is killing themselves then what is the point of posting? For shits n giggles ? Yeah you shoot that Krocodil - you know your arms are going to fall off but hey ho - you can always wipe your ass with your feet.

I've been composing a reply to this for the last hour. I'm starting to think this is a bad use of my time! I think it's taking so long because I can't see a clear point to address! What the hell are you actually saying, in formal language please :D
 
I've been composing a reply to this for the last hour. this is a bad use of my time! I think it's taking so long because I can't see a clear point to address! What the hell are you actually saying, in Haiku please :D

fixed
 
Not read this all fully yet...but good to hear you sounding/typing/spelling coherently and improving...yeh will read it when I'm not fucked/with friends (distracting me from BL!) but I've been there...I'm sure lots of others here have to. Shit/mistakes happen. If you grow/learn from em thats the main thing...and apologising is always a sign of....grown upness? I dunno.

Basically nice to hear it man. Hope you continue to improve..mental health wise :)
 
I drop by here from time to time and IMO it's one of the frendlier, more supportive and educational sites around (going on what I've read so far).

Generally speaking I look here and on wiki before even considering taking any new meds my psych might start me on. I've been battling depression and GAD for awhile now but only gone down the RX route for the last 2-3 years (usual self medication story up to then). So to me and for the above reasons this place is a godsend. So useful in fact that some of the ISP's in my country seem to be blocking it!!

Anyway MDB I'm obviously a newbie and I've no idea about the abuse and arguements that have been going on previously. But I would like to say bravo to you for your honesty and apology to those you may have offended. It takes a lot of self honesty and guts to do that.

To those that see this and other sites as simply a "forum" and so therefore not really to be taken as seriously as irl interactions I would ask is the Samaritans simply a phone number? When you need it take help and support where you can!

Anyway MDB don't let the bastards get ya down....
 
im so glad to see that 2 of the most obnoxious twats Shooper Check and RC Enthusiast have been banned. I was becoming convinced that a clique had been formed against me and a large section of the board was ganging up against me, but i can see now i was being paranoid. Most of the messages were well intentioned, the nasty ones were just cunts plain and definately simple and have been mostly been banned. Trolls can bring a forum to its knees and eventual death within a very short time, so I support the "power mad" mods that did this. It was the right thing to do.

However, i would like to clear up one issue with the mods - if someone does have a go at you, you should have the right to respond should you wish ? Sometimes real petty shit that shouldnt bother me does, and i feel like a doormat thats been trampled over if i dont respond. On other occasions the remark may not even penetrate my skin so i'll probably juyst laugh it off. At least one of the people that was being very nasty is still here, and i am discovering they are nasty to everyone. I dont like people like that,.whether they think its entertaining or amusing i dont know, but that person has litterally asked for it with some of their recent antics. I would like to oblige.
 
However, i would like to clear up one issue with the mods - if someone does have a go at you, you should have the right to respond should you wish ? Sometimes real petty shit that shouldnt bother me does, and i feel like a doormat thats been trampled over if i dont respond. On other occasions the remark may not even penetrate my skin so i'll probably juyst laugh it off. At least one of the people that was being very nasty is still here, and i am discovering they are nasty to everyone. I dont like people like that,.whether they think its entertaining or amusing i dont know, but that person has litterally asked for it with some of their recent antics. I would like to oblige.

The way it should be handled depends entirely on how nasty and spiteful the offending party is being. A little verbal sparring is par for the course. A degrading personal attack is certainly not. There's a strong element of subjectivity there, sure, but that's why the decision on where the line is drawn is ideally a collective one wherever possible.

I know that in recent times there have been a few excessively abusive posts left intact, possibly due to some fear on the part of the mods that they're overmoderating or (and this one is ridiculous, but people do actually use the word) 'censoring' the content of the forum. Also, people are prone to overlooking these things from time to time. It happens.

I must say that this has improved somewhat (so well done), but the mods should be prepared to make plenty of unpopular decisions in future; it's that kind of job unfortunately. If you're not pissing anybody off whatsoever then you're really not doing your job. Or you happen to moderate a forum of lobotomised, agreeable vegetables.

I think most of the 'censorship' baloney comes from the people who enjoy the drama more than they enjoy using a pleasant, functioning forum. Which in a way is fine - we're all prone to that voyeuristic instinct, but understand that there is a BLUA, you signed up to it and you're a complete idiot if you then proceed to protest against its being exercised.

So I'd encourage you to report the posts in question if you have any real grievances. It's the job of the mods to make sure this place runs smoothly, and if they don't act on reports consistently then maybe you should ask them why, or speak to senior staff. There's no shame whatsoever in using the report function - it's there for a reason.

You're always going to get your creepy, vindictive dickheads - this is the internet after all. Yes, there'll always be some degree of robust banter. But when the atmosphere starts to put good posters off contributing, you have to question what the forum's actually here for.

Anyway, that's a non-staff-member's take. Glad you're finding the place a little more hospitable.
 
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