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Alternative to NA/AA? Less Judement

GbizzleMcGrizzle

GbizzleMcGrizzle

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 16, 2008
Messages
139
Location
Brooklyn, New York
HI,
So I've been clean for 15 months. After 10 years of heroin addiction February of 2012 I left town got on a train and kicked my habit. I then ended up in Atlanta, and got a job and pad. Being out of New York and my comfort zone, I was able to stay clean, this whole time. After five years of traveling on frieght trains and being houseless and jobless, i wanted to chane my life, I didn't want to be like one f tjose crazy wingnut homebums I would drink with I used Suboxone to kick and stay clean. 2 weeks ago I ran out of Suboxone, and the world started crashing down on me. The reality of being a curry delivery boy at 29 set in, I realized that this life wasn't what I wanted, and even with a BFA I was still stuck with these bullshit jobs. So I got high, and then I got high again, and for the last week I've been getting high 5 out of 7 days. Every time >I get high< arm I feel physically sick to my stomach because I don't want to be strung out again. But every day I wake up and do a rinse, and then go get a bag.
Now I see the reason for Narcotics Anonymous, having a sponsor and people to talk to when I'm feeling weak. But I don't like the 12 steps, I don't think that just because I'm addicted to heroin that means I'm addicted to all drugs. I like to have a couple beer and ajoint after work. And it's for that reason those programs don't work for me.
So I was wondering, is there any alternative to NA or AA, something that's less judgemental, but still a place I can find good support to keep clean. I'm worried about myself, and I don't want to go down that road again. Any advice would be monumental.
Thanks bluelighters.
 
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Hey Gbizzle.. congrats on getting clean, sorry you are in a relapse.. pull out as quick as you can, it will just get worse.. I think patience is such an important part of recovery. At first our life situations may cause us to feel all kinds of devastating emotions.. that is why it is SOOOOOOOOOOOO important to stay in today and just trust things will work themselves out and get better. If you get into the past then you will get swallowed by regret, shame, guilt, if you get into the future you will get eaten by rear, self doubt, anxiety, hopelessness. The twelve step groups address this with the concept of turning our "will and our life" over to our higher power. Here is what I do though, I just learned to listen, trust, and follow my heart<3.. It always knows, and probably is the only thing that knows, where i need to go and how I need to get there=D.

Here are some other approaches to addiction...


SOS:
http://www.sossobriety.org/

SMART:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

LifeRing:
http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm

WFS:
http://www.womenforsobriety.org/

RR:
http://www.rational.org/

Harm Reduction for alcohol:
http://hamsnetwork.org/

herion anonymaouse.. IDK if they are total abstinence or not but look into it.. http://www.heroinanonymous.org/

as far as the job thing, people are so much more than there jobs, stick with it and find something you really want to do and atart doing it.. Jobs just a way to pay the bills until the real dream makes itself clear;).. How about this.. read a couple of great books, ten or so.. there are some good what are you reading threads around BL.. maybe start with reading/rereading On the Road by Kerouac and then maybe Of Mice and Men by stienbeck, then a couple of others, then after you get home from the job start wrighting the story of your amazing life, you can think about how to proceed the whole day at the job.. beauty of having a mentally unstimulating job is that you get paid to do your own thinking all day.. pull back on the drugs.. put together a strong sobriety plan and get back at it<3

Also here is a thread on what it means to others when one says clean and sober.. http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/673066-What-do-you-consider-to-be-clean-and-sober If you know something doesn't apply to you, by doesn't we have to make sure we are not confusing doesn't and doesn't want to apply, but if something in a support group ideas that doesn't apply to you then don't worry about it and don't let it stop you from receiving the amazing benefits of the fellowships;)

Also we here at BL are busy putting together a comprehensive recovery reference and information thread.. it will cover as many different approaches to addiction as we can find and provide links and information on all of them, keep an I out as it should be up soon:).. Don't beat yourself up over the relapse, throw all shame and guilt out the window as it only drives us to use and we don't need it where we are going, get clean again, I look forward to reading your novel=D

EDIT: I DIDN'T SEE THE FINE ARTS DEGREE.. READ A COUPLE OF GOOD BOOKS BY SOME AUTHORS YOU LIKE AND WRITE YOUR STORY.
 
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I see that you have a BFA. I have one of those very marketable degrees myself.8) At almost 60, I could reflect back on a life of shitty jobs but the thing is, I never thought they were shitty. They were just what I did so that I could be free to do my art, to travel and to pay my bills. Mostly I waitressed but I also cleaned houses and hotels, worked as a caregiver for the elderly, etc. If you can look at your job as a means to an end and the end is what you really want to do, it isn't so bad at all. I always tried to teach art at any little job that came my way and eventually that became a career. Do you still do art? What kind? I've always felt like art is a great savior but only when you really give yourself to it.

My son found help at a local Buddhist retreat that offered meditations and classes dealing with addiction. Here are a couple of places in your area that might offer something like that. Even if they don't specifically, it could still be a way to center yourself for the work ahead.

http://meditationingeorgia.org/

http://dharmajewel.us/

Good luck.<3
 
^^i have the same question. "normal people" don't do that kinda thing really. my dad, a normal person, quit drinking as he didn't see the point of it anymore. he quit nicotine cold turkey cuz "it was a waste of money and jacks my life insurance premium up" lmao. lucky fuck. wish I could just drop shit like him. HA is geared to quitting and staying off H. been a while since I've attended the meetings as it was triggering as all hell for me.

it seems to me that you can just mingle with the normal people yeah? the ones who occasionally drink and smoke.
 
Let me know of the alternative you found to those popular groups. I think my fear of them has to do with the spiritual aspect... and how everyone turns into a certain clone of how to gain something to worship besides drugs... which in itself is an addiction. And for people who ask why you have to do drugs to be happy? Our brains just work differently, understanding helps.
 
Sero: I don't know if that question was for me, but yes, I'll see friends at a bar or a party. When I was first out of jail and getting sober I lived with a good friend who smoked pot all of the time....I just went to TONS of meetings and didn't really have any other good living arrangements available. Now it is pretty easy for me to be around alcohol or other drugs in moderation. One thing I try to keep in perspective is I want to see the people, not the drugs. It also really helps that my GF drinks very rarely so it doesn't have to be a part of my daily life at all.

eliseee: Addicts have to replace their addiction with something because we are addicts. God, Higher Power, The Universe, or the group are much better alternatives for most than jails, institutions, or death. Also, I did drugs all day every day for 13 years (with a few very short breaks)....I know what it feels like to NEED to get high.
 
Mehm said:
Why do you feel like you have to do drugs every day to be happy?
Click to expand...

I think this is a point well made, and one whose answer is well worth looking into.

For me, AA/NA were gateways that introduced me to the concept of a life without having the pressing desire o use drugs and/or alcohol to unwind or otherwise achieve a certain state of mind. But i do not believe the steps are there as a means of judgment. I believe they exist in order to have us address, more thoroughly, our use of any mind-altering substance and elucidate the roles they play - both positive and negative - in our everyday lives.
 
First off, everyone thank you for your input, I know I started this thread a few days ago but I've been getting over my physical withdrawls and haven't wanted to get on this.
neversickanymore: thank you for all those links I've been going through them and i hope to find some good pertenant information. And yea I love to read and spend almost all my time devouring books, and practicing writing, I'd love to be able to write short stories I just have to get good enough to make them interesting to others, who knows maybe having ablog would be a good start. Especially now that I don't see drugs and my life as one and the same anymore. Also the idea of a recovery reference and information thread would be amazing for a lot of people who are still just thinking about getting clean.

herbavore: I know what you mean about these bullshit jobs being a means to an end, and in a way you are right it allows me to art materials and gas to get out of the neighborhood to find inspiration. But the thing is I find myself working so much at these dead end jobs that I don't seem to have the time or energy to really get into creating things. When I was managing a design studio, even though I was working 40 50 60 hours a week, I was exercising my mind and creative mind so the transition to my personal art was a lot easier and even sometimes it seemed a seamless transition. But now I sometimes feel like I'm in a creative straigh jacket of sorts. I have to find a way to get get strarted and then stop at a place where I can jump back in without having to crank it up again. I guess i always thought I'd end up like my mentors; being able to focus on my passions all day every day, but perhaps that's not reasonable in this world we live in now. I have a passion for digital and mixed media art, as well as photography and film, and I really want to get into sculpture and creating practical and functional art, like building a better bicycle that is both efficient and beautiful.

Mehm: I don't feel that way, well not anymore. I used to but now it doesn't make me happy it makes me unhappy these days but it allows me to slow my thoughts down and focus on one thing at a time. but i know that this road leads to focusing on nothing at all.

eliseee; I've been looking and looking, I think I found a group that might help me, it's a community of artists who share a warehouse and all kinds of awesome tools like 3D printers, welders, CNC machines and so much more. But I think that is tempting because I love to create, it has little to do with drugs and sobriety to anyone else. Unfortunately my job hasn't allowed me to attend any of the group meetings so I haven't given it a shot yet. I'll let you know though.


Again I appreciate everyone's input, and I will let you all know if anything in particular helps. being in a new city and living indoors and being kind of a regular person, kept me clean for over a year, but it got old and now I have to find something else. Hopefully a community of artists and creative thinkers will provide the structure and guide I think I need.
Thank you all again for the insight, I forgot what a great community bluelight is, and now that drugs aren't an inseperatable part of my life anymore I can be a part of this community again without being tempted to get fucked up because of it. Y
You guys are great
1
 
I'm glad you are getting over the opiate withdrawals. Not an easy task I know. But if you have a couple of beers and a joint every day, it means you do drugs every day. just saying...
 
See i disagree, that's my problem with n/a and a/a. I like to have a couple beers and a joint at night after work just like i have a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning. Nobody says you do drugs every day when it's coffee and cigarettes. Yet they're addictive just like booze is and habit forming just like pot is. You see what I'm getting at?
 
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Does living on suboxone count as living sober, can one generally feel like you're living sober on it(ei experience the REAL high and the REAL lows) ? I tried it for a few days and felt soul-less. But that's just me.

and sorry for the derailery
 
I think so. When you've been strung out as long as I've been strung out out makes you gel normal. You don't high you just get normal. It's the same with methadone, as long as your dosage is correct. But most methadone clinics jack up the dosage so you do get high off it and catch a nod. I just think being sober is different for long time hard core addicts than for people who aren't addicts our are "light" addicts
 
I agree that coffee and cigs are drugs. The reason I drink coffee or tea every day is because I like how it makes me feel and if I don't drink it I withdraw and get a headache. This is classic addiction.. which fits the bill because I've been a drug addict ever since I sipped my first coke as a child.

Do you honestly think that coffee is even in the same ballpark as alcohol or cannabis? Does coffee come slightly close to causing the wreckage of alcohol or opiates? I caught a triple felony charge because of my involvement with cannabis. I've blacked out drunk many times and am very lucky to have never killed a family while drunk driving. ...sometimes if I drink to much coffee I get slightly nervous.

Maybe I could rephrase my question, why do you feel like you have to get intoxicated every day? It obviously isn't making you happy because if it was you wouldn't be posting here.
 
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