I couldn't imagine telling anyone about my addiction. I told someone about it a few months ago but it was while I was already clean and I maintain that I have stayed clean since. The one person I have told about it recently I no longer speak to as of that night actually, about an hour after I told him. And he was one of my closest friends, the closest of them in some ways (although I really can't claim that I have one "best" friend). He'd been a little cunty lately and my attitude after getting hooked again has been less than friendly. We were arguing about some stupid shit and he used it against me as an insult like a huge dis calling me out as apiece of shit and that was that. But that made me realize that if I ever tell anyone they're just gonna think that I'm the biggest piece of shit in the world so I can't ever tell them.
That takes balls man. Why'd you do it, just because you really feel that it's a big enough issue that you needed to say something about it, or were you kind of forced into admitting it?
It definitely sucks when people find out about your addiction, especially when it's to heroin. When I first got kicked out of my house it was over some stupid shit about me not going to see a new psychiatrist, then when I stopped home to get a few things I noticed my mom had gone through all of my stuff and found my syringes, a ziploc bag with a ton of glassine stamp baggies, some other used stamp bags, cottons in shot glasses (I was prepping my shots in shot glasses) and other paraphernalia that they probably had no clue what it really was.
I couldn't face them after that, so that's why I didn't even try going home for a few months. When I had failed the drug test that my parents gave me a few weeks before that they started bugging saying how they were going to have to hide all the valuables now, but at least my brother told them they didn't need to worry about that stuff (he knew I had been on oxy for years and never stole from the family so he told them to chill) and that there wasn't much they could do about me.
After a few months it was time to face it, although I never went into detail with them. My mom asked me if I was on suboxone now and when I told her I wasn't she asked how I stopped and I told her my habit wasn't that bad and I just stopped on my own. Now that they see I'm working all the time they can't say much.
Now they make jokes about it, which is their way of dealing with a druggie son/brother. On Easter there were a bunch of quick jokes about me selling heroin, shooting up, doctor shopping, etc... Like I mentioned growing weed and said my mom should let me grow weed so we wouldn't need to buy it. Then my brother said I would probably grow it to sell it, and I said I wouldn't to which he replied "oh yea, you would only sell hard drugs like heroin." There was another one where I said that I walked to a particular supermarket all the time when I was homeless, and they said "why, because there was a bunch of heroin there?" to which I replied "I was living in 'Town X,' the heroin was a lot cheaper there so I wasn't walking to the other town for it." I think the last joke was when they mentioned that the guy who played the wheelchair doctor in Naked Gun died, and when I asked what his name was they said "oh, you can't get pills from him now."
It was all lighthearted, but still pretty weird for them to talk that openly about me doing dope. It is kinda liberating to not have to hide it anymore, but I can't slip up since they think I'm clean now, or probably just know I cut back a lot since they see I have money now and spend it on regular stuff now.
